[flnastyax]

Assalamualaikum,
I hope this reaches everyone in the best of health. I guess this is kind of a strange question to ask when introducing oneself. This piece is long, so please forgive me and bear with it please.

It's strange: for about 8 years, I've been meaning to tell this girl I grew up with how I felt, and unfortunately, did not as I was completely ignorant on what is technically halal and haram in terms of approaching someone for their hand in marriage and I never wanted to go in any "grey" territory. I know the basics, such as the no touching rule, no meeting alone rule, etc.... At the time, I had no job and I was going through school and wanted to be in a position where I could provide for her. About a year ago, I cried to Allah for sincere help as I was out of a job. I asked Allah to please provide me a job if she was the one I was supposed to be with and by Allah, I got an interview the next day at one of the world's biggest companies (They are within the top 20 tech companies... I don't want to give away too much ), AND I got the job within a matter of 2 weeks over MIT graduates! It was strange... I was/am currently giving more zakat and sadaqa than I ever have given in my life and that is not to show off, its just like I felt/feel that it is a sign from Allah to approach her for the intent of getting married and I really want to be with this person not only in this life, but in the akhirah as her husband. She inspired a lot of the sisters to wear hijab and stand for what is right and is a great inspiration to me. So, I talked to her Wali (her brother). He explained to me a situation that she went through where she did marry someone but the guy basically abandoned her. In the end, he gave me the okay to talk to her and he asked her on my behalf. She said no initially because our families are so close and unfortunately at the time, my sister and someone else we grew up with got a divorce. I tried to reassure her that could never happen since that situation was all bad from the get go as there was physical and mental abuse on behalf of the husband in that relationship and that she knows I'm not that type of guy. I've been making dua after every salat, even offering nafl salat and dua in the last 3rd of the nights. Once again, Im not saying this to show off or nothing: I just want to reiterate this is the person I really wish to be with. Fast forward a year later.... I'm still here and stuck in the same position. Unfortunately, the job I was at could not let me live a family life in reality (I was working almost 60-75 hours a week) and my work ended in January, but catch this, I make the exact same dua I made last year, and this time, I got a permanent job instead of a contract job and at an even better company. It's been a whole week since I started working here, but I am unsure as to how to procede. I can remain patient, but I also know others are approching the sister (I know this because some people just started mentioning her name and saying "Yeah, I'm going to try to holler at her... blah blah blah"... and it sucks, because these guys go to clubs and hang around girls A LOT, and can talk their way into girls hearts because lets face it, every Muslimah no matter who it is, if they see someone who will pose as a good Muslim and has the smooth talking AND good looks down, thats an easy yes for them). That is not to say I can't smooth talk but I CHOOSE not to for the sake of Allah. Unfortunately, I asked her 3 times total, and she said no on all three attempts. I could not find any hadith or anything that say I cannot ask her again, but I don't want to piss her off to a point where should would never speak to me as I have a feeling that she feels uncomfortable around me. I've made up my decision that if I can't get married to her, I won't get married honestly because I will always harbor those feelings I have and the amount of good deeds I've done during this last year, I can almost guarantee some people would not be able to do in a lifetime, and that is not to show off, but just to reiterate the type of effect this person has on me and it is for that reason that I want to marry her. I will continue to make dua that Allah unite our hearts as one InshAllah and take us both to Jannat-ul-Firdoz amongst the Prophets. I honestly need help from the brothers and sisters to try to find out what I can and should do Islamically to try to make this happen. Obviously, in the end, matters lie in the hands of Allah, but even knowing that, we have to believe in our dua and do EVERYTHING with what Allah has given us, so I'm not going to stop unless either one of 3 things happens:

1. She gets married to someone else and at that point I would have to give up.
2. We get married to each other (Best case scenario)
3. On a more morbid side, I die before I get the chance to marry her, in that case, may Allah marry us to each other in Jannat-Ul-Firdoz InshAllah.

That's pretty much it. I need advice, and this is the condensed version of the story. Nothing haram in the long version, it's just you guys would probably get tired of reading. Heck, you might even be tired from reading this version. But if anyone can advice me, may Allah reward you with Jannat-Ul-Firdoz. I am thinking of just going straight to her parents and talking with them directly to let them know of my intentions and that I am serious. BUT I also know that some Muslim girls do not like that. SOOOO, I need as much input from everyone as I can get InshAllah.

[attractiveweb]

Dear brother haarisa

I can feel your pain in my heart and want to offer you a deal. I will make sincere Dua for you for your success, and you make sincere Dua for me (so that Allah accepts my Duas and gives me true piety and tawfiq). Then, once again you go to ask her hand in marriage with your family (mum & dad). If it is her heart that's distant from you, Allah can soften it. If she has someone else in her agenda that she thinks to go for in marriage, and if that's best for her and you, then Allah can remove all these feelings from your heart and provide you with even better - virgin wife.

Count you in?

[flnastyax]

Assalamualaikum,

If you can make that dua, that would definitely be lovely. Even though I made that dua before, its strange: Allah simply increased that love in my heart for her. Its strange, I cry in my duas so much that I honestly don't care how long it takes as long as it happens InshAllah. Please do make dua for me as I am definitely making dua for you brother right after I type this and after salat as well akhi as that is just love you know? JazakAllahkhair! Appreciate the love and support and you are in my duas (and not just in the saying, although is Verdana your real name or is that your user name? InshAllah, either way, I am referring to you as Verdana right now in my duas until I can get your real name. PM me if you feel comfortable so that I can make dua for you by your real name InshAllah).

[flnastyax]

Do you want dua for anything in particular about your deen InshAllah?

[flnastyax]

Dear brother haarisa

I can feel your pain in my heart and want to offer you a deal. I will make sincere Dua for you for your success, and you make sincere Dua for me (so that Allah accepts my Duas and gives me true piety and tawfiq). Then, once again you go to ask her hand in marriage with your family (mum & dad). If it is her heart that's distant from you, Allah can soften it. If she has someone else in her agenda that she thinks to go for in marriage, and if that's best for her and you, then Allah can remove all these feelings from your heart and provide you with even better - virgin wife.

Count you in?

Walaikumassalam,
Yessir. Check out the replies above as I am not sure if you get them or not, but if you don't then I was just asking is Verdana your real name brother?

[attractiveweb]

Yes. Here is my info.

Once you read it please let me know so that I can delete it.

[flnastyax]

Got it down brother.

[hubua990]

walaykum asalaam

erm sorry to say but it sounds like shes just not into you, she said no 3times!

It is best to try and forget her and move on inshaAllah, make dua to Allah to remove her from your heart, it may not seem like it at the moment but you will get over it

InshaAllah Allah will grant you something better

[flnastyax]

Sister Aram:

It's kind of hard to do that:

1. I grew up with this sister.

2. When it came time to actually protect her and a couple of sisters because they were being harassed, she didn't call anyone else, but she called her brother to ask for my help in this matter.

3. I honestly cannot let go for the sole reason that to do so would be the same thing as letting go of the one thing that Allah has used as a source of inspiration for me to strive hard on the deen. That is not to say I will become a kafir, A uzu bIllah. But that would be like me saying that everything I have done is in vain as we will not be together in Jannat-Ul-Firdoz as that is the case (According to hadith, you will be with your wife in Jannat Ul Firdoz if I am not mistaken) with RasulAllah (S.A.W.).

4. Our families are indeed close, possibly best of family friends.

People always say Allah will grant something better. That is an obvious answer in the sense that only perfection lies with Allah. So therefore, until I've exhausted every option, I'm not giving up in trying or in my duas. Simple as that. If there was something that Allah used to inspire you to do some good in this world (whatever it may be, whether that's helping the homeless, passing knowledge on to the youngsters, etc.), you're going to try to do everything you can to keep whatever that inspiration is in your life. Simple as that. For me, this is dealing with how much my Iman has increased over the passed few years seeing this sister inspire others and for me, I need that very inspiration in my life. Like I said, I don't care how long it takes. All I can ask from you sister is that you please make dua for me sincerely in the same manner that the brother Verdana is. I will definitely be making dua for Allah to increase you in your Namaat, Aamaal, Taqwah, Tawfiq and forgiveness from Allah for all of us sincerely by name or username. whatever the case is.

[hubua990]

i get what your saying but really our ibadah and amaal should not be based around another person, we should do good solely and sincerely for Allah. To think everything you have done will be in vain if you lose her is stepping on dangerous grounds, Allah does not owe any of us anything, He does not need our ibaadah, if we choose to obey Him and do good deeds we do it for ourselves. Allah will not let our good deeds go unrewarded inshaAllah

Allah warns of us such thinking:
"And among men is he who serves Allah (standing) on the verge, so that if good befalls him he is satisfied therewith, but if a trial afflict him he turns back headlong; he loses this world as well as the hereafter; that is a manifest loss." (Surah Al-Hajj)

The reason why i would advise you to try and move on is because it sounds like you are basing your whole life around this girl and it seems that she does not feel the same for you. We often think something is good for us but Allah knows better what is good for us so i pray that Allah grants you that which is good for you in this world and the hereafter, Ameen

p.s forgive me if i sound harsh

[CAxrrAYN]

If she is not interested in you, then you're just going to be forcing your way into an unhappy marriage if you keep trying. She's said no three times, maybe that is your hint to pursue someone else. She may think you are a good person, and your families may get along but that does not necessarily mean that she'd like to be your wife. Stay family friends... its a good thing that she is an inspriational muslim.

[flnastyax]

Assalamualaikum,
The obvious thing is that we all do things for Allah. That is without question. I don't know, maybe its my heart which is corrupt. I really don't know at times..... I really have never done this many good deeds at once ever in my lifetime. And I honestly hope that Allah rewards both she and I for every action that I do in the sense that had Allah not placed such an inspiration in my life, I may have not been able to help the people that were in need at the time within the past year, or rather, Allah would have used someone else. Only Allah knows best. Honestly though, if you sisters don't mind me asking, if a brother that you knew did approach you're Wali (brother, father, what have you) in this manner, would you give him the chance of day to at least see the kind of person he is? Or rather, what would it take for a brother be given a chance to see if that person is really right for you. If you don't feel comfortable answering, I'll understand.

Assalamualaikum,
Haaris

[CAxrrAYN]

Personally, if someone approached my father (if he approached my brother, I would without doubt say no) with regards to my marriage, I would only consider it if I knew the person before hand and they were asking my father out of respect.

In your situation, she knows you (i'm assuming, since you're family friends). So if she's said no three times, its a no. If you think you're still the perfect person for her than show her through actions that you're compatible. What about you do you think that she dislikes (is it something that can be changed ex. habits? or something that is more embedded in you ex. your personality)?

[hubua990]

walaykum asalaam

erm i think you may be from America? I sense that the Muslims in America and Britain are a little different, im pretty sure most of the british Muslimahs would take a proposal more seriously if it goes through their wali rather than approaching her directly...wallahu alam

[flnastyax]

Assalamualaikum,

Honestly, she said I have a great personality and it has nothing to do with that. That's what she told me one time directly. I should have followed it up with something asking about what it was about me she could not picture herself with and that I would not take offense to it, they say whats in the past is in the past, but it sucks right now.

[flnastyax]

Assalamualaikum Sister Aram:
I think that's the route I'm going to take InshAllah. May Allah reward you. I know it might be clutch or whatever, but I think after I talk with an Imam from here in the US, I'm going to see if that would probably be the best route InshAllah for me to go InshAllah.

[flnastyax]

walaykum asalaam

erm i think you may be from America? I sense that the Muslims in America and Britain are a little different, im pretty sure most of the british Muslimahs would take a proposal more seriously if it goes through their wali rather than approaching her directly...wallahu alam

JazakAllahkhair, I think I needed to hear this.

[flnastyax]

JazakAllahkhair to both of you sisters:
I'm taking your advice right now and Im going to try to make the best of it with the help of Allah SWT.

[qCGfQR9T]

asalamullakum

may i ask have you tried salatul istikhara?

[flnastyax]

Assalamualaikum Brother Martial Artist:

Yes, I did the Salat ul Istikhara several times. It's kind of crazy.... I've been seeing some things in the dreams which show some good signs for this which is kind of crazy. I've only shared these dreams with one of my really close friends and he said that I should put my faith in Allah and to remain patient. I'll give you 1 dream that I had out of the many dreams that I had: in one dream that I had just this past January, I had a dream where these brothers were randomly arguing about something (thats the bad part... obviously fighting is never good). However, it was strange, in the next second, I saw my sister on the left side, along with the sister I wish to marry on the right talking to each other. The next thing I see is a Moon and a Sun with the moon on the right hand side with a large ocean and a sun on my left.

To start off, the next day, I actually talked to the brother and he said he was (unfortunately) in an argument with his brother over some personal matters. To have something like that happen just out of coincidence is crazy (or at least to me, the feeling was a little scary).

Also, according to some stuff from Ibn Sirin (who I was told was a very spiritual being that was trusted for various dream interpretations, but then again, he was not a prophet/messenger or anything like that, so his knowledge is not always concrete) said the Moon in a dream represents your potential spouse and the ocean is supposed to represent your progeny. Mind you these were all different things. In another dream, the sister was helping me climb over a wall and in another, she opened a door in the mosque that lead to the Wudu area, and over there, I made Wudu. There were MANY more dreams. These could all be dreams of the Nafs, but only Allah knows how/why something that specific could be coincidental. Only Allah knows best.