[Ikhqgvas]

Bismillah Al-Rehman Al-Raheem

Assalam-Alaikum Brother Haarisa:

I am really touched by your story, and I am very happy to hear that you have been inspired to do many good deeds and other relevant aspects such as nafl salat. Please pray to Allah that you continue on that same path, as even one second looking away from the Path can result in losing sight of what is really important.

As far as the Sister is concerned, there might be many reasons why she might have rejected your proposal, and close family ties in terms of friendship might be one of them (as you still suspect), as also you yourself said that she had been previously married and abandoned by her previous husband and might fear another situation where if things did not work out between the two of you that your respective families might suffer for the problems in the marriage.

That being said, I think your best approach should be this: Write her a letter and tell her the same things you told us, about why you admire her for the sake of Allah, how she inspires you to be a better person and Muslim, and how you believe both of you as a team can make a good marriage between the two of you for the sake of Allah. Also, please tell her to tell you in response if she absolutely feels that therein lies no possibility in her heart for your proposal being accepted, confessing to her that you wanted to make a final try to see if she might change her mind and tell her you will respect her wishes regardless of what she decides but urge her to take some time to think rather than give you a response immediately. Also, urge her to pray Istikhara if she hasn't already done so. Please have the letter be read by her Wali to see that the content is judged appropriate and halal before having the Wali give the letter to her.

Also, I love the idea that Brother MartialArtsUK gave: for you to also read Istikhara to see if she is indeed the right person for you. You see, your heart gives you an answer, but I think it is time for you to find out if Allah also gives the same answer.

However, I also want to emphasize that her no does not mean that you cannot be a good Muslim without her for inspiration, as I am sure that Allah will never disappoint His servant and might have desired for you another mate who will inspire you in the same way. And you must also be prepared for that possibility (and thank Allah under all conditions, no matter how your wish turns out), for though you might believe she is the one who inspired you, the truth is that Allah made her a means of inspiration and Allah is the one who wanted your heart to be so inspired. So, please do not make resolutions like you will never marry if you do not marry her, as that I am sure you will through this type of thinking pave a very difficult road ahead for yourself and unnecessarily. Surely, Allah has not willed for any of His slaves to make life difficult for themselves in such a manner.

Moreover, please be happy and confident, as both are attractors in themselves. Allah has blessed you with two great jobs in such a period. So, please be content as Allah has given you much, and even if Allah denies you your wish in this, Allah has given you much for you can give thanks.

Alhamdullilah. Thank you for sharing your story.

Best wishes to you. I hope everything works out for you as Allah deems best.

[attractiveweb]

I interpret those dreams as attaining taqwa, tawfiq and best of the spiritual ranks. And perhaps your own sister will mediate between you and her. So don't give up on this girl as of yet, instead, concentrate on your worship to purify it from everyone else' existence. In other words, try to consider doing all those good deeds without anyone in your mind - including that girl. The reason is that, sometimes "feelings" towards opposite gender forces your Nafs into good direction where you might feel as if your faith had been increased.

My friend Abdullah made istikharah for a girl he was much interested in. She was an extraordinary beautiful girl, albeit a non-veiling feminist one. The dream came out to be, a green snake. He understood that although she would physically satisfy him, but overall she wasn't the one worth marrying to as per her character. Lately he got married to a girl having both: inner and outer beauty.

May Allah make it easy and grant you the best one. Amin.

[attractiveweb]

By the way, the advice given by our esteemed noble sis Anybody is an excellent one. And following is the practical one I think you should go for:

That being said, I think your best approach should be this: Write her a letter and tell her the same things you told us, about why you admire her for the sake of Allah, how she inspires you to be a better person and Muslim, and how you believe both of you as a team can make a good marriage between the two of you for the sake of Allah. Also, please tell her to tell you in response if she absolutely feels that therein lies no possibility in her heart for your proposal being accepted, confessing to her that you wanted to make a final try to see if she might change her mind and tell her you will respect her wishes regardless of what she decides but urge her to take some time to think rather than give you a response immediately. Also, urge her to pray Istikhara if she hasn't already done so. Please have the letter be read by her Wali to see that the content is judged appropriate and halal before having the Wali give the letter to her.

[art_fan_12]

Assalamualaikum,
I've made up my decision that if I can't get married to her, I won't get married honestly because I will always harbor those feelings I have and the amount of good deeds I've done during this last year, I can almost guarantee some people would not be able to do in a lifetime, and that is not to show off, but just to reiterate the type of effect this person has on me and it is for that reason that I want to marry her. I will continue to make dua that Allah unite our hearts as one InshAllah and take us both to Jannat-ul-Firdoz amongst the Prophets. I honestly need help from the brothers and sisters to try to find out what I can and should do Islamically to try to make this happen. Obviously, in the end, matters lie in the hands of Allah, but even knowing that, we have to believe in our dua and do EVERYTHING with what Allah has given us, so I'm not going to stop unless either one of 3 things happens:

1. She gets married to someone else and at that point I would have to give up.
2. We get married to each other (Best case scenario)
3. On a more morbid side, I die before I get the chance to marry her, in that case, may Allah marry us to each other in Jannat-Ul-Firdoz InshAllah.

Would just like to say you should not make dua for anything specific as in ( make dua to marry this specific sister) but instead we should always make dua to Allah asking for Khair (goodness) in all of our affairs.With that Allah will grant us what He knows is best for us..

We may desire something or someone which or who we may think is best for us but in reality it isn't and that thing or person may in the future turn out to be the opposite of what we want/expected ....place your trust in Allah swt and ask Allah swt for Aafiyah and to grant you the best of this duniyaa/Aakirah.

If it's the will of Allah for you to marry this sister nothing and no one can prevent it and if it's not His will nothing and no one can't make it happen.

If something is meant to go elsewhere,it will never come your way,but if it is yours by destiny,from you it cannot flee.

May Allah grant you what is best and bless you with a pious wife who is good for you inshaAllah... aameen

[FYvWldC0]

Assalamualaikum,
I hope this reaches everyone in the best of health. I guess this is kind of a strange question to ask when introducing oneself. This piece is long, so please forgive me and bear with it please.

It's strange: for about 8 years, I've been meaning to tell this girl I grew up with how I felt, and unfortunately, did not as I was completely ignorant on what is technically halal and haram in terms of approaching someone for their hand in marriage and I never wanted to go in any "grey" territory. I know the basics, such as the no touching rule, no meeting alone rule, etc.... At the time, I had no job and I was going through school and wanted to be in a position where I could provide for her. About a year ago, I cried to Allah for sincere help as I was out of a job. I asked Allah to please provide me a job if she was the one I was supposed to be with and by Allah, I got an interview the next day at one of the world's biggest companies (They are within the top 20 tech companies... I don't want to give away too much ), AND I got the job within a matter of 2 weeks over MIT graduates! It was strange... I was/am currently giving more zakat and sadaqa than I ever have given in my life and that is not to show off, its just like I felt/feel that it is a sign from Allah to approach her for the intent of getting married and I really want to be with this person not only in this life, but in the akhirah as her husband. She inspired a lot of the sisters to wear hijab and stand for what is right and is a great inspiration to me. So, I talked to her Wali (her brother). He explained to me a situation that she went through where she did marry someone but the guy basically abandoned her. In the end, he gave me the okay to talk to her and he asked her on my behalf. She said no initially because our families are so close and unfortunately at the time, my sister and someone else we grew up with got a divorce. I tried to reassure her that could never happen since that situation was all bad from the get go as there was physical and mental abuse on behalf of the husband in that relationship and that she knows I'm not that type of guy. I've been making dua after every salat, even offering nafl salat and dua in the last 3rd of the nights. Once again, Im not saying this to show off or nothing: I just want to reiterate this is the person I really wish to be with. Fast forward a year later.... I'm still here and stuck in the same position. Unfortunately, the job I was at could not let me live a family life in reality (I was working almost 60-75 hours a week) and my work ended in January, but catch this, I make the exact same dua I made last year, and this time, I got a permanent job instead of a contract job and at an even better company. It's been a whole week since I started working here, but I am unsure as to how to procede. I can remain patient, but I also know others are approching the sister (I know this because some people just started mentioning her name and saying "Yeah, I'm going to try to holler at her... blah blah blah"... and it sucks, because these guys go to clubs and hang around girls A LOT, and can talk their way into girls hearts because lets face it, every Muslimah no matter who it is, if they see someone who will pose as a good Muslim and has the smooth talking AND good looks down, thats an easy yes for them). That is not to say I can't smooth talk but I CHOOSE not to for the sake of Allah. Unfortunately, I asked her 3 times total, and she said no on all three attempts. I could not find any hadith or anything that say I cannot ask her again, but I don't want to piss her off to a point where should would never speak to me as I have a feeling that she feels uncomfortable around me. I've made up my decision that if I can't get married to her, I won't get married honestly because I will always harbor those feelings I have and the amount of good deeds I've done during this last year, I can almost guarantee some people would not be able to do in a lifetime, and that is not to show off, but just to reiterate the type of effect this person has on me and it is for that reason that I want to marry her. I will continue to make dua that Allah unite our hearts as one InshAllah and take us both to Jannat-ul-Firdoz amongst the Prophets. I honestly need help from the brothers and sisters to try to find out what I can and should do Islamically to try to make this happen. Obviously, in the end, matters lie in the hands of Allah, but even knowing that, we have to believe in our dua and do EVERYTHING with what Allah has given us, so I'm not going to stop unless either one of 3 things happens:

1. She gets married to someone else and at that point I would have to give up.
2. We get married to each other (Best case scenario)
3. On a more morbid side, I die before I get the chance to marry her, in that case, may Allah marry us to each other in Jannat-Ul-Firdoz InshAllah.

That's pretty much it. I need advice, and this is the condensed version of the story. Nothing haram in the long version, it's just you guys would probably get tired of reading. Heck, you might even be tired from reading this version. But if anyone can advice me, may Allah reward you with Jannat-Ul-Firdoz. I am thinking of just going straight to her parents and talking with them directly to let them know of my intentions and that I am serious. BUT I also know that some Muslim girls do not like that. SOOOO, I need as much input from everyone as I can get InshAllah.

First and foremost tell me the girls name, because it seems that whenever you use her name and make dua its readily accepted. JK

Next remember the phenomenon of life - whatever you chase after runs further away from you. Whatever you run away from, runs after you. You understand?

Listen here bro, before we catch the bird we have to make a plan. You are right now just running around town like a chicken with its head cut off, this is going against you. First formulate a plan, line up the means, and then approach it. The girl has a very bad experience in marriage - so this is already going against you. She is very scared and hesitant, possibly she has lost trust on men altogether. You will have to always keep this in mind. You have 3 strikes against you, so you will have to tread very carefully. My advice is not to talk to her at all anymore. Approach the brother, tell him what has transpired if he doesnt already know. Tell him your sincere intentions and why you want to marry her. If you can get your parents on board then this is more appreciated. Then the two of you approach the parents together. Explain everything and see if they are interested. Let her family talk to her about the proposal, not you. Her family will have a greater influence on her than you.

Next, after setting up the means you will have to leave the result in the hands of Allah swt having hope in His being but also keeping in mind that Allah swt has every right to not make this proposal happen - in either case, if it works out or not, you will have to be pleased with Allah swt.

Finally, remember, shes not the only girl in the world. The Earth of Allah swt is vast, very vast, and there are many many good sisters out there with great personalities, religious minded, amazing manners and character, and very beautiful also. So if it doesnt work by chance, who cares? Remember the saying, "Tu nahin to aur koi sahih" - if not you then someone else.

[awagsFare]

"It could be that you dislike something, when it is good for you;
and it could be that you like something when it is bad for you.
Allah knows, and you do not know."
(Quran: Al Baqarah)

Bro, being infatuated with someone other than Allah and his rasool(saw) is dangerous. It will be innocent initially but once it becomes an obsession it will tamper with your Ikhlas. You will start doing Ibadah to gain it. You can try but do not be obsessed like 'I wont marry if I dont get her.' May Allah grant you your wish. Ameen.

[SerycegeBunny]

Assalamualaikum Warehmatullahi Wabarakaatuhu

To be honest, I was in a similar situation days ago. But mine was far worse than yours. My relationship was haraam. Anyways, I started doing good deeds. Being good with people, praying, etc. I would keep asking Imaam's, why would Allah not accept a person's supplications, almost every other day. I kept telling them that I do good deeds so that Allah blesses me with her. That is, I was trying to make Him happy so that He answers my supplications. Its not a stubborn request. Its like how a slave tries to makes his Master happy. More happy. And more happy. So much so that the Master asks him to wish for anything. I did in the same way. I was also told that sometimes, there is a mark set to get something. Like - your good deed and supplications needs to reach a certain limit (which only Allah knows) for them to be granted. This was told to me by many Imaams and a Mufti. And I kept doing good deeds to make my Master happy so that He would answer my supplication.

I was told that I would be given something better if not that. I used to reply back saying 'Does not my Lord have the power to do anything. After all, He has power over everything'. So much so that I became a part-time marriage counselor on forums (although I am a software engineer). I would answer to couples who fight or think about divorce, with an Islamic solution. This because I liked to see couples happy together, I liked to unite people so that my Lord would unite me with her, I wanted to make my Master happy so that He grants me my wish. I even kept telling the Imaams that I am not asking for something just worldly. I am asking for a person to be with me in this world and in the Hereafter. So why will my Lord deny it. Then I was told that such is a servant. In Islam, we are asked to submit our self completely to our Creator. Then it struck me that this was a serious test indeed. This is what we actually came in this world for.

Although what other's have posted above is much better than my answer, because you really need to let it go a bit, I personally could not do it. But I do not want you to be in a similar situation like mine. I came across this thread because I was searching for threads relating to marriage and how other people are happy in their lives. I will pray for you, because I know how you feel and I want you to be with her. I really do. I will pray to Allah that He makes her for you and you alone. (As long as it is in the best interests of both you. Sorry, although this is not a good advice at all, but I can't wait for you both to be together with each other Islamically). Do remember me in your dua's as well.

Thank you

[flnastyax]

JazakAllahkhair brother gilkanestone as well as anyone else for the support. I had a few more dreams to be honest and I wrote the letter. I think I know what I need to do. I just pray Allah gives me the courage to do it InshAllah.

[hubua990]

bother Haarisa, please read this link http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...5640&CATE=3600 regarding dreams and istikhara

[GoodLover]

Wanted to share this: the 'ishq majazi (metaphoric love) that more closely resembles 'ishq haqiqi (true love - for Allah alone) is the most dangerous.

must listen - was delivered last Thurs 12th May

[reervieltnope]

As salamu alaikum,

you need to do the following tings asap:

- pray istikhaara.
and stop worrying about dreams. sister below has shared a link on what dua istikhara literally means and u must read it. I will give you a gist: istikhara is done on two things. 1. ur 50-50 on something, 2.u want to do something. YET u dont know what is good for you. so you dissolve your wishes in Allah's will and pray istikhaara.
after you have prayed istikhara, then what?u clearly belong to option 2, as u know what you want. but by praying istikhaara you ask Allah (SWT) to place you on the path that is best for you. that path may either lead you to the girl or away from her. So stop worrying about dreams. Once you pray istikhaara, the wheels get into motion and you start treading the path that is best for you. So its important to pray to Allah with ikhlaas so He remains pleased with you and guides you to what is best for you.
You may ask when do i know which path was chosen for me?
a. you get married to her
b. she gets married to someone else.
thats literal derivation taken from the dua-e-istikhaara.
dont worry about difficulties. be patient.

- stop thinking about the girl.let go. and aim your prayers at attaining Allah's love and Jannat.
i may sound harsh but you may be crossing the limit. Whatever kind of love exceeds love for Allah (SWT) is definitely dangerous. if she is meant to be with you she will be yours. but making Allah (SWT) angry by focusing your prayers on her and on getting her wont get you anywhere. Imagine making your boss angry then asking for promotion
Istikhaara prayer basically asks you not to choose sides. and remain neutral and hope for the best. yes, you do work towards what you want, but with a detachment.thats important.

- try to love Allah (SWT) and do what He is pleased with. Remember He made us humans and jinns to worhip Him and nothing else. You make one step towards Him, He comes running towards you. subhan Allah!

- be grateful that Allah (SWT) guided you to the right path through her. The way to be grateful is to say thanks through your tongue, heart and actions. What you lack i think is thanking Allah(SWT) by your actions that HE placed her in your life.
How you can do that?
This is by praying, at every possible moment that Allah(SWT) give her the best in this life and the Hereafter and give you the same, either through your marrying her or her marrying someone else. When you love someone, you cant be selfish. If you are, then you dont love them. simple. have you ever thought of the possibility that she might not be happy as your wife, and that she might be happier with someone else?if thats the case would you want her to be with you or with the one she can be truly happy with? This is the toughest thing you might have to go through but you need to really make this dua for her that she ends up with someone she can truly be happy with. either you or someone else.
So of you are really grateful to Allah (SWT) that He placed her in your life you will do the above.

- ask Allah (SWT) for a righteous wife who would make a successful marriage with you through which your families can attain Salvation. Isnt this better than asking something specific?

- Ask Allah (SWT) to remove the love of the world from your heart and place His love instead. Trust me even if we get all we want from this world there will remain an empty space that is filled with sadness because that place is not filled with love for Allah (SWT). trust me on this feeling. its the worst there is. you get the whole world and you feel ok now im happy...*pause*...wait, something is missing.
You dont want to go through that.

Just remember that after you do istikhaara with sincere intentions of being guided to the path which is best for you, then you do get guided to that path. However it may not be the path you wanted. But you have to remember that Istikhaara prayer has one more beauty that I didnt mention. That whichever path Allah (SWT) chooses for you He makes you happy with it!

So you have to choose. Do i want this girl or do i want to be happy?Happiness can be either with or without her, but there's no guarantee that being with her will make you happy.Think about it.

Its best to trust Allah (SWT) with such a huge decision.

- lastly.
remember this world is a test and is temporary. you attach to it too much then you lose. You attach yourself to Hereafter you win. its simple. thing is to pray to Allah (SWT) to help you let go of this world. the next best thing is to remember death often. You wake up in the morning, dont expect to be alive by evening. and at evening dont expect to be alive by morning. Direct quote from Sahih Bukhari. once you remember this no worry in this world will bother you, nothing will make you sad.


May Allah guide you and me.Allah knows best.

(p.s if you want references from Quran and Hadith regarding what I have said i will be happy to provide. i was just too lazy to put them there...)

[reervieltnope]

Shaytaan will most definitely try and stop you from attaining closeness to Allah(SWT). He will use this girl and her memories and thoughts in your heads to misguide you.so i feel its my duty to let you know of things you must not do under any circumstances.
thot id help u remember by writing it as a letter to you from shaytaan and your nafs.DONT MIND please.

"Dear 'friend',

we recently got to know you were having misgivings about your future path. dont worry. we are here to guide you and help you. we have compiled a list of things you must do so you can get what you want.

- do not listen to the person who replied below. he is trying to lead you away from this girl and doesnt want you to be happy.
- continue on your worship and dua but make sure that after every prayer, and on every opportune moment of making dua, you make dua that Allah (SWT) grant you this girl as your wife.every other dua can wait.
- keep reminding yourself that this girl was placed for a reason in your life and she was the reason for your spiritual enlightenment. so its your right to have her as your wife.
- also keep telling Allah (SWT) that if He wants you to stay on the right path He shd give you this girl. For if you dont get her you will turn away from ibaadat and that will be the end of it. ofcourse that wont be your fault at all. Doesnt months and months and sincere worship deserve a reward?
- pray istikhaara but know that you must never give up. For Allah (SWT) can make even the impossible happen. what if she gets married to someone else?who is to say things wont turn out you can marry her after that?havent you seen the movie 'when harry met sally'?...dont u remb how they eventually ended up together?you would condemn yourself to disappointment if you let go. No, you must love her with a burning passion and must never ever give up. for doing so, would mean you are ungrateful to your Lord. he made your life better with her, why would He want you to give her up?
- find a new strategy of getting her. Play cool. go to askmen.com to get tips on how to land girls. its all halal for you because your intention is to marry her right?
- never forget her. for if you forgot to think abt her how will you find motivation in yourself to pursue her?you will surely be one of the losers if you stop thinking abt her.
- Ask Allah(SWT) to grant you this girl and her only. Ask Allah to make her heart love you and you only.
- dont even contemplate the thought of her being happier with someone else.who can love her more than you?
- you are right in thinking you shldnt marry anyone if you dont get her.for you can never forget her and it would be a disservice to your wife when you cant love her the way you love this girl.
- Love of Allah(SWT) will come to you when Allah (SWT) wishes. the imprtant thing right now is to not lose focus on the task at hand and get this girl. Imagine that you two are happily married and have kids and grand kids and in your old age you will have plently of time to gain Allah (SWT)'s love. now isnt the time for this.
- ask people who have successfully gotten married to the one they wished, and seek their advice. you will notice their love for their loved one was undying. will your love be undying if you stop thinking about her?if you do so, you will not deserve her!

We sincerely hope you get her. we are trying our best to help you make the best decisions. and we have nothing to gain from this. who has better friends than that?

oh and just keep away from 'I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed shaytaan'.just a small favour we want to ask

Yours sincerely,

Shaytaan and your nafs."

[budumol]

Allahuma ini aoozubika min fitna tun nisaa.

[flnastyax]

Assalamualaikum everyone,
I have read istikhara, and I know the meaning. My heart is telling me I should do some of the suggestions that have been laid out before me. Essentially, my resolve in terms of this issue hasn't been compromised: I am still asking for the same thing (based off the hadith in regards to the etiquette of dua from hadith). I am going with the belief that my dua WILL InshAllah get answered and that I just got to be patient.

In regards to the brother trying to be "comical". I understand you are trying to be funny, but please take in the consideration of the feelings of other folks. If you can, please make dua for your brother just like I will for you and I sincerely hope that Allah gives you all that your heart desires in this world and in the next world InshAllah. Ameen. Take care and Assalamualaikum.

[reervieltnope]

Assalamualaikum everyone,
I have read istikhara, and I know the meaning. My heart is telling me I should do some of the suggestions that have been laid out before me. Essentially, my resolve in terms of this issue hasn't been compromised: I am still asking for the same thing (based off the hadith in regards to the etiquette of dua from hadith). I am going with the belief that my dua WILL InshAllah get answered and that I just got to be patient.

In regards to the brother trying to be "comical". I understand you are trying to be funny, but please take in the consideration of the feelings of other folks. If you can, please make dua for your brother just like I will for you and I sincerely hope that Allah gives you all that your heart desires in this world and in the next world InshAllah. Ameen. Take care and Assalamualaikum.

ws,
i wasnt trying to be funny. nor did i want to hurt your feelings. i just wanted to write in a way that wd help you remember all these things you have to fight against. thats all. didnt mean any disrespect to anyone.best of luck!

[hubua990]

we shouldnt make dua for a particular person when it comes to marriage, it is better to ask Allah to grant you a person who is good for you as we might think a person is good for us but they may turn out not to be, Allah knows, we do not

[SerycegeBunny]

Assalamualaikum Warehamtullahi Wabarakaatuhu

Brother Meraj Hasan, that was a very good way of getting the point across. I am posting this just to let you know that it was a creative idea. Even I did not realise how the Shaytaan and nafs worked until you wrote that letter.

That does not mean that Brother Haarisa is wrong. I agree with him. Lets just say, kind of, good idea but wrong place.

Anyways, brother Haarisa, just wanted to ask you to post updates about what is happening. Since we all, at sunniform, are into this, I would appreciate if you could let us all know how things are going on (if it is not crossing the personal boundary).

Thank you