[WGRocky]

Assalamo Alaikum,

A few years ago, I became more religious. Before that, I had a very close friend of the opposite sex (while maintaining physical distance, etc.) I decided I needed to axe this relationship for my own personal better. But, I did not break away from the friendship in the best way. Looking back on it, I was really rude and strange-acting.

I want to apologize, but I recently found out he is engaged and moving on with his life. I really have felt awful --- for years --- for handling the situation so poorly. The thing is, I know he has already forgiven me without me ever out-rightly apologizing.

I just think I would feel better if I finally outrightly apologized for my behavior but am doubting if I should --- out of respect for his new life. I do not want to cause havoc on his life, so I have restrained myself.

Can my brothers and sisters give me advice on if I am ultimately doing the right thing by refraining?

[paralelogram]

I know its tough not knowing what to do... I would say apologize in a professional manner if it is really bothering you that much. If he says he's forgiven you, than by Allah, InshAllah you are forgiven by Allah as well if you have wronged him. And if he doesn't, at least you cleared your conscious and Allah will still forgive you InshAllah. Either way you win. If you are afraid it will ruin something, make Istikhara.

[CKDIWEQ]

How long ago has it been since you spoke to this person? If it's been a few years or more, I'd say just leave it. He's probably forgotten about it already. If you feel bad, just make dua for him, and move on.

[WGRocky]

Assalamo Alaikum,

It has been almost two years since this happened, yet we still run into each other every few months. Occasionally, we well-wish one another when we see each other too.

I know men generally do not hold grudges as fiercely as women can, so that is why I have been iffey on whether it's even necessary to apologize. I guess the thing is I wanted to somehow outrightly express that he was never just some worthless person I just easily/mindlessly threw away. Perhaps he already how I feel about everything if we still exchange occasional pleasantries.

My whole thing is I really do not want to cause him doubt with his current life, fiancee, etc. I do not want to cause any harm since sometimes apologizing can get something off someone's chest but cause disaster in the other's.

[CKDIWEQ]

Well only you know exactly what transpired and how you behaved, so this is just my advice going off what you posted. As long as you made it clear that you were ending the friendship for religious reasons, I don't think he would hold any grudges. I think that if you are nice and polite when you do happen to run into him, that is sufficient to make a person understand that you don't hate him. Also, most people prefer to forget unpleasant events, so if you really were mean to him, it's better not to bring it up. He is getting married, so he's probably happy. It's better not to risk spoiling that with memories of someone mistreating him (if you were even as rude as you think you were, which you probably weren't). So basically, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

[swissloveone]

Assalamo Alaikum,

It has been almost two years since this happened, yet we still run into each other every few months. Occasionally, we well-wish one another when we see each other too.

That shows there is no bad feeling between both of you. I think that will suffice.

[WGRocky]

Assalamo Alaikum,

Brother NNoor --- I never told him why I was ending out friendship. I just walked away from it.

I think ultimately Brother Azhar123 is correct Insha Allah --- my once-friend probably holds no grudges at all and has long forgotten any ugly that has transpired.
(Brother NNoor, you also said this earlier in the thread.)

Thanks so much. Jazak Allah Khair.