[pepBarihepe]

Asaalam Aleykum ,
Hope everybody is fine i was just wondering why men marry in secret and how do they maintain fairness with the secrecy involved .Any body with thoughts

[RuttyUttepe]

Bismillahi
Walaikum salam
Mostly it is out of cowardice.
They go abroad and get married without notifying their parents.
Then they will come here for holidays when parents will look for marriage. They wont open their mouths even then but get married. They will then visit this wife when he comes to visit his family once a year or more like even four years as I knew some case. After years when wife visits him abroad, she will find her with wife and kids there and she is left in trauma. The problem is neither the wife is prepared to polygamy and the end result is deception which breaks the family and brings more distress. Allahu alam. Let Allah SWT guide the muslims.

[Klissineopar]

Asaalam Aleykum ,
Hope everybody is fine i was just wondering why men marry in secret and how do they maintain fairness with the secrecy involved .Any body with thoughts

salaam
i think there cud be a number of reasons for this practice
first ,to generalize would not be fair as every individual has different challengers.
secondly, some possible reasons are
a)society is not ready to accept this practice
b)family ppl are not willing to accept it
c)country laws may prohibit this leading to arrest
d)guest workers and 'illegal foreigners' in foreign countries may take second wives purely to safeguard their imaan and islam so they don't fall prey to adultry
e)a wife who refuses to agree or acknowledge this sunnah may also lead to these 'so called' secret marriages.
after all said and done its sad that some individuals abuse this sunnah to satisfy their base desires thereby bringing stigma to this sunnah.
shukran

[rasiasertew]

Asaalam Aleykum ,
Hope everybody is fine i was just wondering why men marry in secret and how do they maintain fairness with the secrecy involved .Any body with thoughts

Because they follow their desires and do abuse the concept of marriage in islam. They neither maintain fairness, because in the first place they don't visit the wives same amount of times.

I have heard of abusers who have married and after 20 days divorced. I don't see any differance with this and the shia's muta.

[pepBarihepe]

Asallam Alkum ,
I think its just cowardice for a man to marry in secret and not give equal rights ,like i know of a woman who marred as a second wife ,he has no tyme for her and her kids he only visits when they r not threre to satify hes personall need and thn hes off .hes only available when hes needs arise ,moneywise she barely gets help this is total unjustness to the wife

[pepBarihepe]

Bismillah
It is possible but extremely difficult if you are not financially well off. The concept of polygomy is being frowned upon due to miss use by some section. For this reason, scholar always says to speak to first wife and in addition unless one is able to provide seperate facilities and being fair, it is not advisable to have a second wife.
In france or in italy, there are mistresses and rarely have long term security. Atleast in polygomy in theory at least provides a legitimacy and finaicial rights. This taboo of second wife has to be done away with and only people found to be suitable should consider marrying. Perhaps a consultatitive process is what is needed.
Allahualam

Asallam Alekum ,
Thats true a man has to be financially well off to support hes new wife without causing mayhem to the exisiting family .but u find men going off to marry secretly hve kids ,thy dnt even look after ,i mean wheres the enjoyment in this kind of relationship ,there could be no social life or mentall life nor stability in the family

[wowwieholmes]

is it allowed in islam to marry secretly without letting know his first wife?

[dgdhgjjgj]

As a person who has had first hand contact with many such cases at the darul iftaa, I would say the major reason people marry secretly are :

"The first wife is not groomed enough islamically to accept a polygynous marriage.
While many women will boldly say
I rather have talaq from him than allow him to marry a 2nd.
Other would say I rather have him do zinaa then have a saukan in my house!!! (subhanallah I do face palm every time I hear such responses..knowing we are an ummah whose aslaf most if not ALL had polygynous relations)
Many are not willing to accept that he doesnt need their permission.

The minority cases are such that the man is simply a leech who wants to exploit the scenario.

[Tyncneiff]

I am not even married to one yet (currently engaged - arranged marriage) and already in a situation where I feel I would have to marry another....
Lets hope Wifey 1 allows it .. any ideas how to approach this? i think once i get married (few months) i will have to plant the seed and see the response.

[Ternneowns]

As a person who has had first hand contact with many such cases at the darul iftaa, I would say the major reason people marry secretly are :

"The first wife is not groomed enough islamically to accept a polygynous marriage.
While many women will boldly say
I rather have talaq from him than allow him to marry a 2nd.
Other would say I rather have him do zinaa then have a saukan in my house!!! (subhanallah I do face palm every time I hear such responses..knowing we are an ummah whose aslaf most if not ALL had polygynous relations)
Many are not willing to accept that he doesnt need their permission.

The minority cases are such that the man is simply a leech who wants to exploit the scenario.

Shaykh, could you please clarify what the conditions are regarding marrying more than one woman? I always thought/assumed that the permission of the first wife was needed, but you have indicated above that this is not necessary.

Also in such a case where the husband marries a second time without the first wife's permission does the she (first wife) have recourse to a divorce on that basis?

[gennickhif]

I am not even married to one yet (currently engaged - arranged marriage) and already in a situation where I feel I would have to marry another....
Lets hope Wifey 1 allows it .. any ideas how to approach this? i think once i get married (few months) i will have to plant the seed and see the response.

hahaha youre just engaged and already thinking of 2nd?

[gennickhif]

Asaalam Aleykum ,
Hope everybody is fine i was just wondering why men marry in secret and how do they maintain fairness with the secrecy involved .Any body with thoughts

You mean secret 2nd wives? I know of big shuyookh who even have to resort to it because the first wife just wont tolerate it. So they keep it quiet for a few years and then reveal it. Only very close friends and very close students might know of it, immediate family wont even know, its usually because first wife will give hell.

[KojlinMakolvin]

You mean secret 2nd wives? I know of big shuyookh who even have to resort to it because the first wife just wont tolerate it. So they keep it quiet for a few years and then reveal it. Only very close friends and very close students might know of it, immediate family wont even know, its usually because first wife will give hell.

Asalam alykum WrWb,

Ok after this post, I need serious answers.

1. As the other brother asked, is it allowed in islam to marry a 2nd wife in "secret"?
2. What exactly are the conditions of marrying a 2nd wife?

All I know and have learnt from elders is that, when you marry and if you wife does turn up to be among those who give trouble, then know that its because of you past sins ! Hence do tauba.. And maintain sabr as women are like bones of the ribs (bent naturally), any slight pressure will break them.

The 2 concepts are colliding, so i am requesting for the elders to shed some light.

JazakAllah khair
Wa alykum asalam.

[mincbiori]

Allah Ta'aala didn't put any conditions on WHY a man should marry more than one.

Allah Ta'aala put the condition that the man should be fair IF he marries more than one.

There's nothing wrong with a man marrying more than one, and like Shaykh Fusus said, there are some who marry in secret because the first wife will cause hell. There are some cases where the woman even tells the husband she would rather him commit zina then marry another one! This is how taboo and with hiqaarat is seen this sunnah of Rasulullah and the sahaaba

[KojlinMakolvin]

JazakAllah khair sister. Thankyou for the answer.

My question was, how is marrying in "secret from your first wife" justified by islam?

Thankyou Shaykh fusus for the correction

[gennickhif]

I think we all need a refresher class on rights.

[gennickhif]

JazakAllah khair sister. Thankyou for the answer.

My question was, how is marrying in "secret" justified by islam?

Meaning secret from first wife.

[mincbiori]

JazakAllah khair sister. Thankyou for the answer.

My question was, how is marrying in "secret" justified by islam?

that would be because the husband doesnt really need the first wife's permission. It is better so that in future he doesnt get into a problem. However, like I mentioned many of them would get into trouble whether it is done secretly or not.

[Pynctyncroast]

As Salamu Alaykum

It is sad when we treat our fellow wives as if they are robots. If people strictly just go by what is contained in the fiqh works without using wisdom and rahma then they are doomed to failure. They rather follow the letter of the law rather than looking at the spirit of the law. Fiqh manuals are not instructions on optimal marriage but rather they are the bare minimum that one must do to make a marriage valid, and in most cases, issues that must be rectified if it goes before the Qadi.

If one looks at the marriage contracts of pre-modern times, women enjoyed full right to stipulate in their contracts clauses of divorce if their husband takes on another wife. There is in fact a book on the topic.

If one truly has taqwa and loves and respects his wife, he would take into account his wife's feelings before taking on another wife.

If he treats his wife simply as a "thing" then they would not even consult her and marry another one in secret.

I dont think the issue is about whether or not one is following a sunnah or not. It is not wajib or fard or even Sunnah mu'akada to marry more than one wife. It is simply mubah or permissible. These have strict conditions that are rarely met in contemporary times.

If one is living on welfare with one's first wife, you are in no condition to marry another.

What I see is not men attempting to follow the sunnah of the prophet salla llahu alayhi wa sallam, they want to get a second wife for nafsi reasons not in terms of taqwa.

The norm is for one to have only one wife unless one has the material wealth and taqwa to be able to take on more than that. We might have people who are wealthy, but we rarely see people of taqwa being able to take on such matters.

To make an important note, I am a man and I am married. Many of my teachers have recommended against people taking on another wife because people rarely meet the conditions to treat their wives justly and equally.

[hieklyintinee]

As Salamu Alaykum

It is sad when we treat our fellow wives as if they are robots. If people strictly just go by what is contained in the fiqh works without using wisdom and rahma then they are doomed to failure. They rather follow the letter of the law rather than looking at the spirit of the law. Fiqh manuals are not instructions on optimal marriage but rather they are the bare minimum that one must do to make a marriage valid, and in most cases, issues that must be rectified if it goes before the Qadi.

If one looks at the marriage contracts of pre-modern times, women enjoyed full right to stipulate in their contracts clauses of divorce if their husband takes on another wife. There is in fact a book on the topic.

If one truly has taqwa and loves and respects his wife, he would take into account his wife's feelings before taking on another wife.

If he treats his wife simply as a "thing" then they would not even consult her and marry another one in secret.

I dont think the issue is about whether or not one is following a sunnah or not. It is not wajib or fard or even Sunnah mu'akada to marry more than one wife. It is simply mubah or permissible. These have strict conditions that are rarely met in contemporary times.

If one is living on welfare with one's first wife, you are in no condition to marry another.

What I see is not men attempting to follow the sunnah of the prophet salla llahu alayhi wa sallam, they want to get a second wife for nafsi reasons not in terms of taqwa.

The norm is for one to have only one wife unless one has the material wealth and taqwa to be able to take on more than that. We might have people who are wealthy, but we rarely see people of taqwa being able to take on such matters.

To make an important note, I am a man and I am married. Many of my teachers have recommended against people taking on another wife because people rarely meet the conditions to treat their wives justly and equally.

Great post bro... This is one the same lines as to what Shaykh Faraz Rabbani said(if my memory serves me right) that you don't take the fiqh manuals as your guides for a good marriage.
wasalaam