[tramadolwithall]

As salamu alaykum
Let´s say that a person has married a woman and both live in a muslim-majority country, and everything seemed fine until she found out that the man liked to wear sunnah clothing, and his 'western' clotihng were very loose fitting. She absolutely hates these kind of clothes and demand her husband to give away all of his sunnah and baggy clothes, and only wear more tight-fitting, fashionable ones, like the ones the normal folk in the street wears and that he must fit in the local society. The husband refuses to follow his wife´s wishes and they fight, and every other day the matters comes up again because she still can´t agree with her husband´s style. The husband tries to reach and agreement that he would ocasionaly wears 'fashonable' clothing to please her but ocasionaly would still wear his sunnah clothes, but the wife does not agree and keep insisting for him to follow her wishes.
What would be a good advice in this situation?
Jazakallah

Please direct such queries to reputable Muftis. People here are showing Salafis tendencies by answering what they feel is right. Deen is not child's play. If you don't have acces to local Muftis, then Please direct your query to askimam.org or darulfiqh.com

An interesting incident of Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal was narrated by Haji Shakeel Ahmed DB. The respected Imam consulted with 70 of teachers to start giving fatwas. After receiving consent from them only did he start issuing fatwas.

If the non ulema members would really like to help the brother then kindly forward his query to a reputed mufti and post the correct ruling here

[PefeFoesk]

People will give you a million advise and leave you confused. YOu might end up with really silly advise over a forum like 'divorce her' which I am not surprised has already been conveyed.

I guess you're not that well acquanited with the two who gave the brother the ''divorce her '' advice. They are not the brightest crayons in the box, plus they are given to harshness almost all of the time ; so not really surprising.

[Rategbee]

There was a thread a couple of months back. about a sister who's husband didn't want her wearing niqaab,


ALMOST EVERYONE including the MODS agreed she should take it off to please her husband and MAINTAIN the peace.

what? this statement is so schocking... i would agree if laymen had made this statement but from Mods. i need quran/hadith quotes to refute this statement.

[blankostaroe]

Walaykum salam,

Make her a nice cup of masala Chai, sit down and tell her
''darling - pleasing society and seeking honor from them is not the way of success. Pleasing each other is better and my pleasure is in pleasing God. So please me by being pleased with my pleasant sunnah clothes''.
Everything will be 'pleaseful' then.

Bro, jokes aside and to be honest. These things you cant be advised over the forum. Such things you should be able to sort out amongst yourself without seeking religious expertise. When a wife becomes disobedient and transgresses then the matter becomes serious and could warrant religious advise. Otherwise if your wife wants you well-groomed and feels sunnah clothes dont make you look as good as she wants you then I mean you can always sit and discuss with her and resolve differences. People will give you a million advise and leave you confused. YOu might end up with really silly advise over a forum like 'divorce her' which I am not surprised has already been conveyed.

i dont know if you are married or not, but it seems that you do not understand the situation here in context of the deen, rights of the husband over the wife, and dominance of the husband over the wife.

the problem is not just about the clothing. in my opinion the problem is more about the lack of respect and lack of submission that the wife has towards the husband.

if the wife gently requested he husband to not wear the sunnah, then the husband would be advised to act in the same way and explain to the wife why he does not want to reject the sunnah. but in this situation the wife is DEMANDING that the husband takes off the sunnah, and she is creating trouble in the family because the husband is refusing to take off the sunnah.

if the husband gives in to the wife over this, then later she will bring up another issue until the husband again gives in. then after that there will be more and more issues, and each time the husband will need to give in. and the wife will be dominant over the husband and the husband will be like a woman in his own home. this situation will not lead to an ideal islamic environment within his home. this will also affect the childrens tarbiyya.

the husband has done nothing wrong with wearing the sunnah. mashallah he has carried out such and act that we will only realise its true value in the next world. he should keep with the sunnah regardless of what others want him to do. we do not follow the whim of others, but we follow Allah and His Rasool . inshallah he will be rewarded for his steadfastness.

the wife is committing zulm on her husband by demanding that he takes off the sunnah. she is trying to gain dominance over him by dictating to him how he can dress and not dress. she has no right to do this, and in doing so is bringing the anger of Allah on herself. she needs to stop this immediately and understand her role as a muslim wife.

if the wife carries on like this on this issue and other issues then it would be better that they divorce, and then the husband can find a wife who is more deen inclined and more compatible with him. it is not wise to leave this until they have children and complicate matters even further.

[blankostaroe]

what? this statement is so schocking... i would agree if laymen had made this statement but from Mods. i need quran/hadith quotes to refute this statement.

why dont you ask to see these statements first. i would also like to see them.

[mudozvonf]

Please direct such queries to reputable Muftis. People here are showing Salafis tendencies by answering what they feel is right. Deen is not child's play. If you don't have acces to local Muftis, then Please direct your query to askimam.org or darulfiqh.com

An interesting incident of Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal was narrated by Haji Shakeel Ahmed DB. The respected Imam consulted with 70 of teachers to start giving fatwas. After receiving consent from them only did he start issuing fatwas.

If the non ulema members would really like to help the brother then kindly forward his query to a reputed mufti and post the correct ruling here

Divorce isn't a matter of fatwa though. The bro isn't asking us what breaks wudu, he is asking what a man in this particular situation should do and we the laymen can advise him on this issue as long as we don't break the boundaries of the sharia. Not to say that a Mufti shouldn't be consulted but still, this isn't something where there is a 'ruling' to be found

[blankostaroe]

Divorce isn't a matter of fatwa though. The bro isn't asking us what breaks wudu, he is asking what a man in this particular situation should do and we the laymen can advise him on this issue as long as we don't break the boundaries of the sharia. Not to say that a Mufti shouldn't be consulted but still, this isn't something where there is a 'ruling' to be found

exactly!

in fact, an experienced mature married man would be more suitable to answer this question than a young unmarried mufti/alim.

[mudozvonf]

why dont you ask to see these statements first. i would also like to see them.

I think I saw that thread but can't remember which one it was. I think Idil is also exaggerating slightly on the matter and if I remember correctly, the mod posted a fatwa by Mufti Ibn Adam explaining the obligation of niqaab but how it can be removed to a hardship that doesn't have to be life or death type hardship. Or something like that, my memory is very poor nowadays...

I would however disagree with such an approach if the couple in question is unmarried and are both born Muslims. I would go easier on converts (being new to the faith and having to get rid of cultural baggage and the kufr that had been drilled into their brains) and I also wouldn't advise a couple with kids to divorce (easily) since I understand how there could be problems with custody, maintenance, etc. But if a couple had no kids, such as in this case, I can only advise for divorce because you do NOT want a spouse who aids shaytaan instead of the sunnah and you do NOT want children with such a person. Divorce is way too taboo in our cultures. I'm not saying its the answer to everything but it IS a legitimate answer to many problems, such as this one

Just my personal opinion

[blankostaroe]

I think I saw that thread but can't remember which one it was. I think Idil is also exaggerating slightly on the matter and if I remember correctly, the mod posted a fatwa by Mufti Ibn Adam explaining the obligation of niqaab but how it can be removed to a hardship that doesn't have to be life or death type hardship. Or something like that, my memory is very poor nowadays...

ah niqaab! i failed to spot that because of haste.

yes, there is leeway regarding niqaab. not with hijaab though obviously, but some ulama are a bit relaxed with niqaab in some situations.

[ENCOSEARRALIA]

For all those advocating divorce should read the following fatwa;

http://www.islam.tc/cgi-bin/askimam/...=5264&act=view

Question
Assalam-alaikum, Mufti Sahab, My husband and I performed Hajj this year, and after we returned, I began to wear full niqaab. This has been a real test for me socially as very few women actually observe this in the States. Furthermore, my husband seems to have taken it the hardest. Since I began wearing it our relationship has become rather strained. He feels that I am being too orthodox, since some scholars advocate that a woman's face may remain uncovered when observing hijaab. He has become withdrawn and is exhibiting signs of depression (feeling lethargic and sleepy all the time, not eating properly). He has not forbidden me to wear it, but his depression is scaring me. I want to do this for the sake of Allah SWT. Please advise me. JazakAllah-Khair and may Allah reward you for this wonderful service.

Answer
Your zeal to wear the Niqaab is commendable. Ideally, your husband should
also encourage you to do so as your beauty is exclusively for him - not for
all and sundry.

If he does not understand that, and that is the cause of a strained
relationship between both of you, then removing the Niqaab will be lesser of
the two evils - exposing the face Vs marital dispute. You will be excused.
The sin of exposing your face will be upon your husband. We suggest you
discuss the issue with him and probably engage him to discuss the matter
with us as well. He may need to be encouraged.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

The matter should be put forward to a mufti, and all background knowledge of the situation should be presented to him

[Ettiominiw]

If a spouse insists that you do not do a sunnah (note sunnah and not fardh) act whatever that is, then to keep the peace you probably shouldn't do that particular act, but increase your observance of other sunnahs to make up for it (there are many forgotten sunnahs too that you can revive). So if your wife is insisting you don't wear sunnah clothing, to keep the peace don't wear it, but start praying all sunnahs and acting on all the other sunnahs of the Prophet SAW, such as giving sadaqah, treating orphans with kindness, opening your house to guests, praying tahajjud regularly, doing istighfar regularly etc etc.

[Ettiominiw]

As salamu alaykum
Let´s say that a person has married a woman and both live in a muslim-majority country, and everything seemed fine until she found out that the man liked to wear sunnah clothing, and his 'western' clotihng were very loose fitting. She absolutely hates these kind of clothes and demand her husband to give away all of his sunnah and baggy clothes, and only wear more tight-fitting, fashionable ones, like the ones the normal folk in the street wears and that he must fit in the local society. The husband refuses to follow his wife´s wishes and they fight, and every other day the matters comes up again because she still can´t agree with her husband´s style. The husband tries to reach and agreement that he would ocasionaly wears 'fashonable' clothing to please her but ocasionaly would still wear his sunnah clothes, but the wife does not agree and keep insisting for him to follow her wishes.
What would be a good advice in this situation?
Jazakallah

What exactly is sunnah clothing btw? Have you got a pic?

[mudozvonf]

For all those advocating divorce should read the following fatwa;

http://www.islam.tc/cgi-bin/askimam/...=5264&act=view

Question
Assalam-alaikum, Mufti Sahab, My husband and I performed Hajj this year, and after we returned, I began to wear full niqaab. This has been a real test for me socially as very few women actually observe this in the States. Furthermore, my husband seems to have taken it the hardest. Since I began wearing it our relationship has become rather strained. He feels that I am being too orthodox, since some scholars advocate that a woman's face may remain uncovered when observing hijaab. He has become withdrawn and is exhibiting signs of depression (feeling lethargic and sleepy all the time, not eating properly). He has not forbidden me to wear it, but his depression is scaring me. I want to do this for the sake of Allah SWT. Please advise me. JazakAllah-Khair and may Allah reward you for this wonderful service.

Answer
Your zeal to wear the Niqaab is commendable. Ideally, your husband should
also encourage you to do so as your beauty is exclusively for him - not for
all and sundry.

If he does not understand that, and that is the cause of a strained
relationship between both of you, then removing the Niqaab will be lesser of
the two evils - exposing the face Vs marital dispute. You will be excused.
The sin of exposing your face will be upon your husband. We suggest you
discuss the issue with him and probably engage him to discuss the matter
with us as well. He may need to be encouraged.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

The matter should be put forward to a mufti, and all background knowledge of the situation should be presented to him

I think the Mufti weighs up whether:

1. There is more fitnah arising from the occurrence of divorce
2. Or more fitnah/hardship arising from the non occurrence of the divorce

And I think the hardship that arises from divorce is evident in some cultures (such as the asian culture where divorcees are frowned upon/slandered at will, find it difficult to get remarried and so on) but the hardship that arises from staying in certain marriages (such as abusive marriages- if a husband is abusive to his wife, he may be abusive to his children too, etc) is not always as evident. Like in the case of advising a practising Muslim to stay married to a non practising one- the problem that arises from such a scenario is that the kids will end up with a non practising parent and this is unacceptable

So everything needs to be taken into consideration, direct and indirect consequences alike. It's not always easy to advise these types of cases but my opinion on this has been made clear already in previous posts.

And the social stigma that follows divorce also needs to be removed but that itself is another topic

[ENCOSEARRALIA]

Its simple divorce should only be implemented as a last resort, after all other avenues of effort have failed and not the first.

[ticfarentibia]

As salamu alaykum
Yes, they are newly married, without kids. The dress is the core issue, but overall she wants him to fit the 'normal' society of the country they are living in (her native country), both in terms of appearence and behavior. This brother don´t know what to do, he tried to speak with her and say it´s more close to the way that the prophet dressed and that it´s an important issue to him, it´s his identity, but she insists that he should adopt her cultural identity (despiste her being a practicising muslim, she seems to be very attached to her cultural identity).

It would be a different situation if it was a 'mere' difference of opinion in which she confined her protest to a discussion or something of that nature. However, as you describe it, she is fighting and creating chaos in the home. This is who she is, and he needs to realize this. While he should make dua, and be hopeful that her attitude is rectified - he should be well prepared to spend his life with more and more of the same. Especially, especially, since the range of issues she will have problems with is so broad - 'appearance and behavior' ... Basically his entire lifestyle, day in and day out, 24 hours a day there will be things that will be in conflict with their local society and culture.

He is afraid of being harsh and hurting her feelings too.

That's great. From what you describe, he has three options:
a) Cave in, compromise on deeni principles and practices, and keep peace in the home.
b) Stick to deeni principles and practices that conflict with local culture and customs ... and deal with conflict and resentment in his own home.

Basically, if he is the type of person who will NOT weaken and abandon deeni practices and progress due to the inevitable chance of depression and lack of peace at home .. suck it up and hope she'll change. Otherwise, think hard and strong about your future, your sanity, and the type of mother you want for your kids. True, life isn't long, but it does comprise of many thousands of days and nights ...

[AntonayPina]

I did not have to endure this personally, but I think this is just another test from Allah (swt) - not all things were made to be easy, you need to be patient and eventually, I am sure that you will be able to come to an agreement. If not, you should still wear your Sunnah clothes, because what could be more suitable than Sunnah clothing!

May Allah (swt) make it easy for you.

[aliceingoogs]

Two Q&A from askimam with similar queries:

http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/19227
http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/19320

Wallaahu A'lam.

[ticfarentibia]

Two Q&A from askimam with similar queries:

http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/19227
http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/19320

Wallaahu A'lam.

These queries have some similarities, but are vastly different.

a) This brother does not have any kids with his wife. The collateral damage is minimal.
b) The brother in the fatwas you have posted is impotent, and that drastically changes the dynamic.

[aliceingoogs]

These queries have some similarities, but are vastly different.

a) This brother does not have any kids with his wife. The collateral damage is minimal.
b) The brother in the fatwas you have posted is impotent, and that drastically changes the dynamic.

You are right; every case is different.

[tramadolwithall]

exactly!

in fact, an experienced mature married man would be more suitable to answer this question than a young unmarried mufti/alim.

And an experienced mature married Mufti would be the best option. The following post by Mufti Faraz ibn Adam (darulfiqh.com) perfectly highlights what goes into the working of a Darul Iftaa

http://darulfiqh.com/my-experiences-...e-darul-iftaa/

My Experiences of Arbitration Cases in The Darul Iftaa
Posted on July 3, 2012 by Mufti Faraz Ibn Adam

The experience of sitting in front of a Muslim judge in an Islamic court is mirrored at an arbitration case in the Darul Iftaa. The nerves, mental strain and anxiety can be smelt in the atmosphere. The tension can be cut by a knife.

Before any arbitration/mediation, the documentation is prepared. Parties are at will to sign the terms and conditions of arbitration. They have the freedom of choice to submit to the Darul Iftaa. There is a strict protocol in the Darul Iftaa. The official arbitrator is mandated by both parties to administer his discretion to deliver a verdict in line with Shari’ah.

The arbitrations take place in the infamous board room. The board room has witnessed all the emotions that can be experienced by a human; laughter, tears, anger, love. The board room has embraced warring businessmen, families who have locked horns, couples who do not see eye to eye and friends breathing down at one another’s necks.

The Darul Iftaa schedules a meeting after consulting all parties involved. When the promised day arrives, the warring factions humbly enter the Darul Iftaa.

Arbitration commences with the parties acknowledging submission to the terms and conditions of arbitration. Thereafter, Hadhrat Mufti Sahib directs the hearts and minds of the claimants and defendants to the consciousness of Allah. An address is given praising the parties for submitting to the Law of Allah and His Messenger. The parties are further encouraged to amicably resolve the problem and come to a compromise.

A mediation or arbitration is not a matter of 5 minutes. Parties at times are required to come into the Darul Iftaa offices 4 to 5 times before reaching any decree. Hours upon hours are put behind each case. Hadhrat Mufti Sahib along with the students deliberate on reaching the correct Shar’i conclusion.

Governing an arbitration is not the job of everyone and anyone. Prudency is vital. Composure is an art. Connection with Allah is the key. Hadhrat Mufti Sahib has told us innumerable times that throughout arbitration cases, his heart is totally focussed on Allah. Hadhrat implores Allah Ta’ālā from the inner recesses of his heart during the entire arbitration case to amicably resolve the case. In addition, it is the practice of Hadhrat Mufti Sahib that he makes constant dua during the day and night for the parties to unite again.

Due to the highly volatile and emotional connotation to the meetings, an arbitrator must command the entire case. He cannot be overrun by any of the parties. In order to keep the composure of the case and for the proceedings to flow smoothly, Hadhrat Mufti Sahib applies some key strategies. For example, Hadhrat makes sure that when the parties are relaying their grievances, they look at and address Hadhrat Mufti Sahib and not the other party. Hadhrat does not allow the mentioning of the merits and demerits of the opposite party in a public forum. If at any time the meeting seems to be spiralling out of control, Hadhrat immediately brings a halt to whatever discussion is taking place.

At times the arbitrator requires to speak to each party separately in order to bring both parties to a common ground. Achieving a compromise (sulah) is the best solution of any disagreement.

At the end of a case, an arbitration award is prepared. This reflects the entire case in so far as the issue, terms of reference, jurisprudence and conclusions are concerned. The parties are called to attend the award. Hadhrat Mufti Sahib reads out the final decree to the parties and concludes the meeting with reminding the people of how they have pleased Allah by submitting to His Law.

The epitome of an arbitration is the final moment; Two brothers who could not see eye to eye embrace one another upon submitting to the decree of Allah.

This is just a glimpse of what takes place in an arbitration. A one page article cannot encapsulate or even mirror the reality of the experiences of an arbitration. The above can only be appreciated by witnessing an arbitration case