[kSmica]

Yes I agree, but it depends on her situation...if she has local support from family or if she has somewhere to go for help.


We have only heard one side of the story and we do not know exactly what the people being talked about are like.

i am being honest in sayin evrything. i have not exxagerated anything here and people talked about are like awesome. my mother in law is a person who said to me that if islam allowed, i would have married my sons to my daughters instead of bringing you outsiders to my home.
my husband would have been a not bad person if he never listened to the false wishes of his mother. he clearly said to me that when he was marrying me, his mother told him neither to divorce the ex wife nor to bring her back ever to punish her for the rest of her life and (now in order to punish me) she is telling him to bring her back giving him the logics of islam that one can marry 4 wives, and if he divorced that girl, his whole family would laugh at them and that was the only family left in whole town that they were remain friends with, and in that case, they will be out of their town forever. so my husband says, he is helpless, but i believe that he is just supporting his mother but in the end of the day he will be punished, because it will be written in his books, nt in his mother's account.

[mpzoFeJs]

oh very sad ..........................

[Xlkl9SFd]

You should contact and be in touch with sisters on the site. There would be sisters living close to where you live. And if needed a community gathering can be ordered and help you required can be obtained.

[AnthonyKing]

Marriage related issues can be tough for a woman. I really wish Allah SWT shows you the way and relieve you from the difficult situation. Normally in such a situation, our judgement will not be be good particularly when emotions take over us. I dont think it is wise to take the words of your husband. He is doing zulm clearly and the mother is not a excuse. Kindly seek the help of knowledgable pious elder person. Keep seeking help of Allah SWT through salatul istikhara and keep reciting Allahumma Khirli Wakhtarli. O Allah (SWT) grant me a choice and choose for me. Allahu alam

[zithromaxlinks]

I will not post any more because I feel, most of people do not like my reasoning so now I will conclude myself.

For this sister, there are two solutions.

1 - Patience
2 - Divorce

Patience is the key to every success, Allah (swt) praises it so much.

Divorce is something disliked by Allah (swt) but anyway allowed.

According to the following verse, Allah (swt) says, repel evil with good and your enemy might become your dearest friend but only very lucky and fortunate people can achieve this rank.

Reference:

And the good and the evil are not equal; repel with that which is the fairest, and the one between whom and thee is enmity shall be as if he were a bosom friend.

But none is given it except those who are patient, and none is given it except one having big fortune.

Quran 41:34-35

Salams to a degree patience is the first option but that would refer to small marriage matters not one as big as this. Clearly this is an abusive relationship. Not all abuse is physical. It comes in many shapes and forms.
Allah wishes us not to be ill treated.

Hadiths says that men should treat women kindly.

In this situation I recommend divore this is no life for a sister to live. Would you want this for your own family? No one would.

[TimoDassss]

@ sister muslimah2-

You mention you are living in South Africa. I recommend you visit an Ulama body near you or at least call them so that they may assist you.

Here is the Jamiat Ulama KZN - http://jamiat.org.za/

Jamiatul Ulama Transvaal- http://www.islamsa.org.za/

[b3JOkwXL]

Salams to a degree patience is the first option but that would refer to small marriage matters not one as big as this. Clearly this is an abusive relationship. Not all abuse is physical. It comes in many shapes and forms.
Allah wishes us not to be ill treated.

Hadiths says that men should treat women kindly.

In this situation I recommend divore this is no life for a sister to live. Would you want this for your own family? No one would.

Walikum Salam,

I will not comment on Sister's issue, may Allah (swt) help her get out of her problems. Ameen.

You logic is good too but I will defend myself as that

No one wishes to be ill-treated. But when some calamity comes from Allah (swt), then we should show patience.

For example, Joseph (as) did not want to be ill-treated, he was innocent, he did nothing wrong to King's wife and King's wife accused him of having evil intentions and Joseph (as) told King that it was his wife having such intentions and one person also witnessed that Joseph (as) is innocent and King's wife is actually evil but even they they jailed Joseph (as) and he had to live inside jail for many years.

Conclusion

Try your best to save yourself from any misfortune or calamity, but if misfortune or calamity comes, then show patience and trust in Allah (swt).

My own life experience

I have been mistreated by many people, I started taking revenge and whenever I took revenge from people, I found, either I have revenged less than they deserve or I have revenged more then they deserve, so I started feeling uncomfortable, I thought, instead of taking revenge, I should leave my matters to Allah (swt). If someone has mistreated me actually, then Allah (swt) will take my revenge and compensate me and if I just have a feeling that I have been mistreated and actually not, then I will be safe from having a sin of taking unjust revenge.

Even, when I take revenge, I find my problems increased more than theirs.

But when I adopted this approach of not taking revenge from others for being mistreated, I found, Allah (swt) blessed me with lot of blessings which I could never get by myself. And I found those people who have mistreated me fell in their own pits which they dug for me.

So that's why, I say, Allah (swt) is the best Al-Muntaqim (Avenger)

[freeringsf]

I agree with you about calamity but this is not mere calamity. It's an abusive relationship. Yes her first option would be patients but She can apply patients in her new life. Allah does not say sit and endure suffering. Having patients and sitting around waiting for things to change and maybe improve is not the same thing. I think this sister has already shown a great deal of patients. She can escape her suffering and still have patients. Divorcing him will not sacrifice her patients. After the divorce she can apply patients in seeking a new spouse who will love her abd treat her right. Allah gave women the right to khula for a reason. Allah wishes no harm on us. She has been patient and suffered enough it's time to end her suffering and seek a new life. Her husband clearly has no respect, no decency and no love for her. Im sorry but she deserves better it's a cry for help we should help her get out and end her pain. It's for the best.

[Dastyh]

If a person is sitting inside his house and it catches fire, he needs to get up and put it out and/or leave, not sit there with patience and burn to death. Getting a divorce is not "taking revenge"; it's merely putting herself out of harm's way.

[SNUfR8uI]

I agree with you about calamity but this is not mere calamity. It's an abusive relationship. Yes her first option would be patients but She can apply patients in her new life. Allah does not say sit and endure suffering. Having patients and sitting around waiting for things to change and maybe improve is not the same thing. I think this sister has already shown a great deal of patients. She can escape her suffering and still have patients. Divorcing him will not sacrifice her patients. After the divorce she can apply patients in seeking a new spouse who will love her abd treat her right. Allah gave women the right to khula for a reason. Allah wishes no harm on us. She has been patient and suffered enough it's time to end her suffering and seek a new life. Her husband clearly has no respect, no decency and no love for her. Im sorry but she deserves better it's a cry for help we should help her get out and end her pain. It's for the best.

Yes, patience is everywhere. Whether, she divorces or not, patience will still be there.

[Feflyinvelf]

If a person is sitting inside his house and it catches fire, he needs to get up and put it out and/or leave, not sit there with patience and burn to death. Getting a divorce is not "taking revenge"; it's merely putting herself out of harm's way.

Well, your example is good. To me divorce is not a good solution because divorce itself looks fire to me. Anyway, I think, we should leave it to a person, if the person feels so miserable then no matter what we preach to him/her, he/she will certainly go for divorce.

When we say, divorce is good, then we are actually adding fuel to fire.

[xFZ3k8Mw]

Yes, patience is everywhere. Whether, she divorces or not, patience will still be there.

Thank you for backing me up appriciate it.

[Doctorpills]

This is good, I always get people in my life telling me I am being too soft and I should be more harsh with others if I just let them say and do what they like to me then I will lose out etc...and I am glad I do not listen to them.

Walikum Salam,

I will not comment on Sister's issue, may Allah (swt) help her get out of her problems. Ameen.

You logic is good too but I will defend myself as that

No one wishes to be ill-treated. But when some calamity comes from Allah (swt), then we should show patience.

For example, Joseph (as) did not want to be ill-treated, he was innocent, he did nothing wrong to King's wife and King's wife accused him of having evil intentions and Joseph (as) told King that it was his wife having such intentions and one person also witnessed that Joseph (as) is innocent and King's wife is actually evil but even they they jailed Joseph (as) and he had to live inside jail for many years.

Conclusion

Try your best to save yourself from any misfortune or calamity, but if misfortune or calamity comes, then show patience and trust in Allah (swt).

My own life experience

I have been mistreated by many people, I started taking revenge and whenever I took revenge from people, I found, either I have revenged less than they deserve or I have revenged more then they deserve, so I started feeling uncomfortable, I thought, instead of taking revenge, I should leave my matters to Allah (swt). If someone has mistreated me actually, then Allah (swt) will take my revenge and compensate me and if I just have a feeling that I have been mistreated and actually not, then I will be safe from having a sin of taking unjust revenge.

Even, when I take revenge, I find my problems increased more than theirs.

But when I adopted this approach of not taking revenge from others for being mistreated, I found, Allah (swt) blessed me with lot of blessings which I could never get by myself. And I found those people who have mistreated me fell in their own pits which they dug for me.

So that's why, I say, Allah (swt) is the best Al-Muntaqim (Avenger)

[Nppracph]

Walikum Salam,

I will not comment on Sister's issue, may Allah (swt) help her get out of her problems. Ameen.

You logic is good too but I will defend myself as that

No one wishes to be ill-treated. But when some calamity comes from Allah (swt), then we should show patience.

For example, Joseph (as) did not want to be ill-treated, he was innocent, he did nothing wrong to King's wife and King's wife accused him of having evil intentions and Joseph (as) told King that it was his wife having such intentions and one person also witnessed that Joseph (as) is innocent and King's wife is actually evil but even they they jailed Joseph (as) and he had to live inside jail for many years.

Conclusion

Try your best to save yourself from any misfortune or calamity, but if misfortune or calamity comes, then show patience and trust in Allah (swt).

My own life experience

I have been mistreated by many people, I started taking revenge and whenever I took revenge from people, I found, either I have revenged less than they deserve or I have revenged more then they deserve, so I started feeling uncomfortable, I thought, instead of taking revenge, I should leave my matters to Allah (swt). If someone has mistreated me actually, then Allah (swt) will take my revenge and compensate me and if I just have a feeling that I have been mistreated and actually not, then I will be safe from having a sin of taking unjust revenge.

Even, when I take revenge, I find my problems increased more than theirs.

But when I adopted this approach of not taking revenge from others for being mistreated, I found, Allah (swt) blessed me with lot of blessings which I could never get by myself. And I found those people who have mistreated me fell in their own pits which they dug for me.

So that's why, I say, Allah (swt) is the best Al-Muntaqim (Avenger)

Dear brother, taking divorce is not taking revenge. In a womens case it's not even talaq it's khula. Allah has allowed a women to seek Khula in cases like this where a husband is abusing his wife. She in no way is seeking revenge, she is worried about her safety, she is clearly in a horrid situation and is merely seeking s mean to be treatec kindly with respecf. Clearly this is a desperate situation and it's one that requires drastic measures. Allah requires patients yes, and she has shown sabarain. Allah also says do not bring destruction by your own hand in this situation waiting around could cause her more harm than good. If a couple were having a dispute over minor things such a work, kids or housing then patients is a must. However if an individual see's no means of recogcilation then talaq/khula is a last resort. It's clear this sister has tried and been patient. For her own sake she must leave. Anything could get worse if she stays. Leopards don't change there spots, her husband is not going to change I doubt. She has been through enough I really want to help her. If I could Id take her to my house and advice her further etc

[Immusaatmonna]

She obviously needs help, not online help, but help from people around her, people who know her situation, and her options. Has she got somewhere to go after a divorce? Does she have financial and moral support? All these things need to be known before someone can advise her on what to do.

Dear brother, taking divorce is not taking revenge. In a womens case it's not even talaq it's khula. Allah has allowed a women to seek Khula in cases like this where a husband is abusing his wife. She in no way is seeking revenge, she is worried about her safety, she is clearly in a horrid situation and is merely seeking s mean to be treatec kindly with respecf. Clearly this is a desperate situation and it's one that requires drastic measures. Allah requires patients yes, and she has shown sabarain. Allah also says do not bring destruction by your own hand in this situation waiting around could cause her more harm than good. If a couple were having a dispute over minor things such a work, kids or housing then patients is a must. However if an individual see's no means of recogcilation then talaq/khula is a last resort. It's clear this sister has tried and been patient. For her own sake she must leave. Anything could get worse if she stays. Leopards don't change there spots, her husband is not going to change I doubt. She has been through enough I really want to help her. If I could Id take her to my house and advice her further etc

[husartrof]

assalam olaikum every one,
i appreciate all those who have contributed in by commenting, viewing, and making dua for me.

my question to all is, "what should the husband do in light of islam", where he lied, and deceived me and made mockery of islam. how can he bring justice to me" ?

"he says, islam allows four wives, and he can afford it, whereas i married him on condition "if he had divorced his first wife about which he showed fake divorce and said yes". my logic says, "islam allows it, but any islamic law must not be MISused for one's own benefits".

and even by having two wives, will he be doing justice again by taking her abroad and leaving me behind"

[Dyerryjex]

sister, your situation is very serious and you should take it to scholars - either here (on SF) or wherever you live, wherever you feel comfortable.

@ brother Jsmith - I understand what you are suggesting brother but this is a very serious matter involving a number of women and to continue to turn the other way lets men who have forgotten the One they will answer to on the Day of Judgment, get away with injustice and oppression here. We all have a duty to our ummah to safeguard one another within the parameters of shariah. As such, not only for herself but for the safety of the other woman (and perhaps others who may be involved - like the mother-in-law, perhaps daughters or sons from either marriage, perhaps other women too...) this matter needs to be brought to the attention of Islamic scholars.

@ brother Warea - I understand what you are saying brother but getting the law involved does not always bring justice. Some attacks are within the confines of the relationship while others are outside, in retaliation or what have you.

There needs to be a balance and support from the ummah, and perhaps the best way to get at that balance is to seek the assistance of Islamic scholars or Islamic organizations/institutions that deal with such matters .

[edit: sister, you should be able to seek a solution within the parameters of Islamic shariah law and forgive (if you wish) any past injustices - whether you tell him or not. May Allah give you strength and guide you to the best solution for you both here and in the hereafter. Ameen.]

[Vkowefek]

get divorced.

have him arrested.

and beaten up too.

[jhfsdhf]

This is not a situation in which "patience" is appropriate. You need to get divorced and get out of there ASAP. I dunno if you have grounds for getting the man arrested, but you shouldn't stay with him one minute longer than you have to. You've been mistreated by both the mother and the son. That tells us there is something wrong with the family.

Where do you live? Are you legally married to the man or what?

[karaburatoreror]

You have been cheated, Allah (swt) will definitely compensate you and also greatly reward you if you will show patience and sacrifice.

Please read the story of Joseph (as) and his brothers and their father Jacob (as). How Allah (swt) rewarded Joseph (as)?

This is also a great opportunity for you to show trust in Allah (swt) as Jacob (as) and Joseph (as) showed trust in Allah (swt).

Other options are that you can get a divorce and search for another life partner, you have full right to go for this, but I am not in favor of this. I will like you reconcile your current husband and his mother and wife and leave the matter to Allah (swt), it will make Allah (swt) very happy and you will get a reward from His Majesty like Joseph (as) got.

Allah (swt) made Joseph (as) a King and all his evil brothers had to say that they were wrong doers.