I just came across this, this morning, reminded me of this thread, so I'll just post it InshAllah. This page is from 'A Sufi Study of Hadith' by Ml. Ashraf Ali Thanawi, published by Turath Publishing, translated by Shaykh Yusuf Talal DeLorenzo

photo(1).jpg

Can someone help with me some with serious advice about the downfall of my worship
 

Salam everyone

In the past 2 months, I've been dealing with a crisis with my faith and it's beginning to weigh down and hurt me mentally. To begin, I suffer from severe waswasa (aka OCD) and have ADHD (or possibly another learning disability).

So up till about when Ramadan started, I prayed all my salat loud. Every single word. Then I came across the information that this is wrong and requires Sajdah-e-Sawh, so I started to change things around. I fixed all the apparent issues with my salat to make it as near perfect as possible. I even realized that I was making grave errors with my salat when it came to alif and ain, sad and sin, etc.

I have fixed that up now and in the process I have become extremely depressed. I dread salat time and I feel my life has been taken over by this. Constant repeats, striving to get every word correct. I'm becoming better at it, yet each salat now takes 20-30 minutes sometimes (and like 15 minutes for Wudhu), because I have still have a learning issue that confuses me and whatnot.

I'm experiencing pretty bad depression, the one that makes you cry (every morning before Fajr, I start crying) for absolutely no reason at all. In order to finish my salat properly and with any sanity left, I have cut out most off all the sunnah acts and left it to only wajib and fard acts in the past few days, yet it still takes very long to finish my salat and one error, and I have to repeat (so bad that I had to go to two seperate Eid salat, because I thought I screwed up the first one. My entire Eid felt super depressing)

I don't know what to do. I'm getting thoughts in my head about some of my friends who are Huffaz, who take things so lightly. Miss salat here and there and whatnot. I feel even more depressed that the rest of the Islamic world either lives in ignorance, has mastery over salat to the point it doesn't affect their lives, or just doesn't care, yet I fear Allah and try my best, but the little things that invalidate salat really kill it for me.

Right now, I'm sitting here thinking about my salat from today and like 2 other days. I've just realized that in the process of trying to correct the words, especially haa and ha, that I might be too loud during my prayers still. I whisper but it's loud whisper. Enough that I'm sure if anybody was in the room with me, they'd hear it (though no one hears it right now because I do it on the second floor) and it's to emphasize the differences between different letters, like to emphasize ain and my whisper becomes pretty loud. Or the Haa, like "ar RAHH maniRAHHIM"

Now I don't know if my salat is invalid and that I have to redo the past few days because of it being too loud. I feel that will really kill me because I'm just too broken down mentally when it comes to salat. It's extremely exhausting at that point, even physically to my throat and knees as Tashahuud alone takes like 10 minutes sometimes. I don't if I should just ignore this and hope Allah forgives me and accept my salat anyway, or go redo them.

I don't know what to do anymore. I hope someone has good words and links. I'm just thinking, why acts in worship itself are so OCD in nature (allah forgive me). So precise, so much detail, so many ways someone can go wrong. The more knowledge I gain, the crazier and more psychotic I'm becoming. Like I can't relax to gain any khushoo. Even medicine doesn't work, unless I plan to get addicted to a benzo.

Thanks brothers and sisters for sitting through this long wall, I apologize if this offended anyone. I just need help from other Muslims, as, my own Muslim friends are not all that knowledgeable.

May Allah help you, it is obvious from reading this "wall" that there is some deep sincerity. I am also a Hafiz, and sometimes being Hafiz doesn;t mean one is better in their faith than anyone else. They say practice makes perfect, but you must not get too overworked and then stop. Dont get too worked up on the tajweed.. like they say.. Rome wasnt built in a day and Salaah cannot be perfected nor one's tajweed in a matter of days. it takes time. You are making a great effort, it makes me feel sad that I cannot do the same. May Allah give me your quality of Istiqamaat i.e Steadfastness.http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...s/icon_cry.gif
Moreover I also think you must just simply listen to Qur'aan more.. it may help you improve your recitation... or find a teacher.

This might help:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DJY_MFLflM&feature=plcp

You are just suffering from these khataraat, just do the makharij of the letters thats all youre responsible for.

Thank you brother with the insightful post. I have been suffering from tajweed and general recitation problems for several years. I just cannot perform salat well. No matter what. I have listened to quran, I also went to Quranic school for many years and have even done very well with reciting it.. that is outside of salat. Call it performance anxiety if one must. It's draining me out and I don't know what to do. I can listen to something a hundred times, yet still mess it up during salat. My brain doesn't process things correctly from listening to something and then repeating it in salat because I blank out. Heck college was extremely hard because of this problem with attention and processing and I had to take my exams alone.

I'm not sure what to do with repeating these salat where I was a loud whispering? Should I ignore it? It's really killing me inside.

What does Khataraat mean? And the issue I'm having trouble is with the Makhraij itself, during salat.

I dunno myself. lol.. Did you listen to the vid?

Yes and it was amazing. Had me crying half way through. I understand that this is a test, like my problem... but going and 3-4 years now and I've only seen moderate improvement in things, no matter how hard I try. I do think like "since I got OCD, I've been really obsessed about Islam" so the more I obsess, the more I've been learning, but I feel underneath, I'm obsessing over obligations and less on making Allah happy.

IDK what I'm saying... I feel really defective and feel like I need to submit myself into a mental hospital place for a week or something.

Anyway thanks man, that video did lift up my spirit a little bit. Hope I can get some more input from others. Fajr just took like 40 minutes... and I'm already dreading about even waking up today because of Zhur and Asr.

http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/salam.gif brother...!

Once some suhabah http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/anhum.gif asked prophet http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...ilies/pbuh.gif that sometimes they get waswasa about certain things . prophet http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...ilies/pbuh.gif replied that this is imaan.............

so waswasa is sign of imaan...people without imaan dont get waswasa,,,,only mumin(believers) get waswasa...!


if possible give some time with jamaat like 3 days....it will benefit you insha allah...!

sanflone.. where do you live? If you live close by you could give me a shout..

You don't want to go into a mental hospital brother. They aren't usually particularly nice places.

Go see your doctor and tell him about your OCD and low self esteem issue, you may benefit from medication.

Pray the prayers normally and stop messing about and making things complicated for yourself.

Allah doesn't impose a burden on anyone greater than they can bear - so don't you do that to yourself.

Go talk to an Imam or a wise Muslim about your situation so they can advise you what to do.

Brother, may Allah ease your situation. Amen.

You must understand a few things:

1) No one is perfect save Allah alone. Our worship, prayers, recitation etc, will all be always deficient in one way or another. Even if we were able to perfect everything, which it self is an impossibility, it would still fall short of what Allah is truly deserving of. This is not just us, but also the sahaba, and there is a hadith, that even the Prophet (saw) will not get into paradise based on his actions but only through the divine mercy. This tells us that while striving for perfection is important, its attainment is impossible, and even if it were possible you'll still rely on the mercy of Allah to accept it and to grant us Paradise. Our worship is of no benefit to Allah, it neither increases nor decreases his kingdom nor his majesty. and Perfection in every sense in every way is reserved for him alone. Even if you perfected your salat, who was it that gave you the ability, will power, knowledge and blessing to be able to do that? Allah of course! He who gave you your very limbs and mind to perfect salaat, so the debt to Allah is not absolved by perfect salat, it only grows. Ultimately we are needy to him in every way. If he blesses us with perfect or excellent salat it is only through his mercy that he has granted us that, if he had not granted it we could not achieve anything like it on our own.

2) Perfection of faith lies in the middle of two things, hope and fear. Fear that our deeds are not accepted, fear of his punishment, fear of the reckoning, and then in hope. Hope that our deeds are accepted, hope in his reward, hope on an easy reckoning. If you are too much into fear then you are in the present state you find yourself in, essentially in despair. If one relies on hope too much they become careless in their actions, and gain false hope in Allah that he will forgive all despite our blatant efforts to sin. You must bring your faith into this equilibrium. Read about the mercy of Allah, his qualities of mercy upon his creation, his forgiving etc.

3) Scholars say that even after we do a good act we make istigfar, then they say we should make istigfar for our istigfar. because even our istigfar is lacking. you see we are poor slaves knocking on the door of the Most Generous One. We have nothing to offer that would be of need to Allah, that is simply our state. Regardless of how good or bad your salat is, make 3 istigfars that are sunnah after salat. and then hope in divine mercy. They say if you have begged for forgiveness it is incorrect to continue to ask for forgiveness for the same occurrence of the sin, as though you believe your istigfar was not accepted, but he is Oft-Forgiving and Most Merciful. What the scholars say is only to make us realize our own neediness to him and our absolute deficiency in every good we do.

I pray that reflection on these points grants you relief. Amen.

Nice post. May Allah give us the ability to put what was said into practice.

As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

(285. The Messenger believes in what has been sent down to him from his Lord, and (so do) the believers. Each one believes in Allah, His Angels, His Books, and His Messengers. (They say,) "We make no distinction between one another of His Messengers ـ and they say, "We hear, and we obey. (We seek) Your forgiveness, our Lord, and to You is the return (of all).'') (286. Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. "Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us (Jews and Christians); our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Mawla (Patron, Supporter and Protector) and give us victory over the disbelieving people.'') (From Surat-ul-Baqarah)


I don't know but I am going to take a guess and say that you were not always like this. I could be wrong but I think there was a point in your life when you weren't like this. So how did you get to this point? Well one factor is that you are obviously a perfectionist which in itself is not a bad thing since perfection is something which should strive for. Obviously what you are undergoing is not healthy though. You got to this extreme point by making this repetition-thing a habit. A lot of things people do is just habit. There are good habits and bad ones. Habits develop overtime, they don't just appear out of nowhere.

Now you need to make it a habit not to repeat anything. Just say it once. That's it. No double, triple or quadruple takes. You need to make this a compulsory habit. Although I am not a scholar, I think that at this point it would be haram for you to re-re-repeat what you say in prayer. You also need to learn to live with imperfection and you must fully accept it. You should learn how to pray care-free. I know this probably sounds very scary or even impossible for you to imagine but that's what you should do. If you make mistakes, accept them and ask Allah for forgiveness.

Another good option is to pray in congregation. You can't re-repeat words in congregation because you have to follow the Imam and inshaa Allah his prayer will cover yours. Just don't get obsessive about the Imam's prayer.

I don't know what to do anymore. I hope someone has good words and links. I'm just thinking, why acts in worship itself are so OCD in nature (allah forgive me). So precise, so much detail, so many ways someone can go wrong. The more knowledge I gain, the crazier and more psychotic I'm becoming. Like I can't relax to gain any khushoo. Even medicine doesn't work, unless I plan to get addicted to a benzo.

Thanks brothers and sisters for sitting through this long wall, I apologize if this offended anyone. I just need help from other Muslims, as, my own Muslim friends are not all that knowledgeable.[/QUOTE]

Wa alaikum assalam. I hope you are well brother. I used to have the same problem. Try realising that these waswasas are not from you but from shaithaan, who wants us to go to hell with him. I told a brother at the local masjid the same problem. He advisedme to read "Aoodhu bil laa hissa mee il alleemi minash shaitaan ir ajeem. This means " I seek protection with Allah the All Hearer, the All Knower, from the accursed shaithaan. Read this before wudhu and salah, inshallah you will be ok. Please don't think there is anything wrong with you, maybe shaithaan is trying that little bit harder on you. Rely on Allah inshallah He will help you repel Shaithaan, who doesn't want ease for you in worshipping Allah. Alhamdhullillah I don't get the waswasa now. Wasalam

Read more Darood, seriously read more. Also start giving charity/sadkah

In regards to waswasa remember not to think about them or ever bring them to your lips.

May Allah make it easy for you my brother

http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/salam.gif

Not sure if this has been posted in this thread already but anyone suffering from wasawis needs to read this asap and read it over and over!

http://yunuspatel.co.za/books-whisperingsofshaitaan.php

http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/jazak.gif

http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/salam.gif

The links do not work for me..

http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/salam.gif

Brother ...Allah is there wherever you are to help you, to shower his mercy upon you, to guide you...!

Allah has made an organ in the body of human being called 'heart' which is the controller of whole body, if heart contains imaan (conviction that whatever happens , happens by the will of Allah), love of allah, fear of allah, desire for jannah(paradise), fear of jahannam(hell), love of prophet http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...ilies/pbuh.gif, respect of allah and his rasool http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...ilies/pbuh.gif, faith on Allah, etc ...if these qualities are within the heart of a human surely his whole body and his mind will implement islam into his whole life and his life will be full of peace and calm....on the other hand if heart contains love of world, hasad(envy), keena (hatred for muslims), riya (showing off ones aamals to others), etc his whole body and his mind will not put deen into his life rather the life would be worse than the life of animals and one wouldnt have any bit of peace, one will be full of tension...!

So what to do to get good qualities and abstain oneself from bad qualities so as to achieve peace in this world and jannah in hereafter...well one should make effort of deen , in other words spent time with tabligh like 3 days or 40 days or 4 months or as much you can....insha allah it will remove all waswasaas and tension and insha allah imaan will increase and it would be easy to implement deen into our lives, our worship will become full of charm, our salaat will be powerfull and taaluq (connection) with Allah Azza Wa Jal would be established hopefully insha allah...!


Very easy brother, u can do it, spent time with tabligh at least 3 days and see the change in yourself internally and externally, physically, mentally and spiritually...!

http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/jazak.gif

Request for duas...!

Assalamualikum wr wb sanflone

i myself suffered simialrly from excessive wasasa and it effected my prayers, wudhu etc, and i'd say i'm about 95% cured now AlHamdulillah, so i'll tell you how i managed to deal with it and inshAllah that would help:

i learnt that being certain that all fardh wudhu areas are wet is not a neccessity; as long as one thinks that they are probably wet, then thats all thats needed, so we can ignore constant doubts from shaytan that this bit and that bit may still be dry etc,; the same goes for gusl as well; it is based on probability and not certainty

also what helps me with wudhu is, when i feel that the shaytan might give me a bit of a hard time... when it comes to the feets, i just fill up a bowl/bucket; enough for my feets to be all wet upto the ankles, so with one dip each with the feets, i can be sure there all wetted properly!

what helps me too when i take a bath is, take a dip in the bath water, i.e, submerge my back part of body and then front part, so once all the parts of my body ahs been submerged, i can be sure that no parts are left dry; a kick in the shaytans stomach! http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...s/icon_lol.gif

when it comes to prayer, the recitation does not have to be precise or that one's salaah will be invalidated; infact common mistakes such as saying the swadh like the seen etc are accepeted, so as long as you've tried your best, dont worry about it too much as it is Allah the most mercifull who is to accept our salaah; obviously we should try to make the recitation proper, but common mistakes should not be considered as a nullifying factor for the salaah; read a fatwa saying just that in sunnipath.com; thus now i am able to, at least most of the time, read my salaah in one go without having to break it time and time again

regarding other types of wasasa that comes through, we should ignore all of that to the best of our abilty and just get on with our worship for as long as we dont dwell on the wasasa or let it spoil our getting on with the worship, the wasasa cannot harm us; i have read from a great Alim [mufti taqi usmani [ra]] that shaytan even will try to put in bad thoughts directed at Allah [swt], but that the way to deal with it is to ignore it and not let it bother us, for it is only natural for the shaytan to try and distract us from worship, thus whatever the wasasa, the way forward is to ignore it

hope this helps
salaam

ps: i also identified that it was bad sinfull habits i had that basically did not make the wasasa abate, thus AlHamdulillah working on getting rid of the bad habits helped too; now i can concentrate much more and do wudhu and salaah almost totally normally just like anyone else rather than get distracted by wasasa and forget wether i washed this bit and that and how many rakaahs i prayed etc.