[leflyCode]

hello all, my love and light goes out to each and every one of you. i've been a member here for quite some time now, and love reading david's posts, the discussions, and other readings mentioned here. i've read through 3 of the 5 books of the law of one, but i've been having trouble finishing because i have been very, very depressed. every day that passes seems so tough for me, and here is the reason why:

i recently lost my sister unexpectedly on april 6th, 2009. she took her husband to meet his ride to work around 6am that morning, and when her and her two children arrived back home, they all went down for a nap before my nephew had to go to school at 8am. i received a call from him around 9am saying he could not wake mommy. her heart gave out from what we understand.

she was a beautiful person, probably the best i had ever known. sure we got into fights here and there when we were kids, but as we grew, we found a connection like no other. in the midst of our parents separating, relatives passing, and learning the ways of the world in many other painful subjects, we held each other and kept ourselves strong through our love. when she passed, i lost more than just a sister, i lost my best friend... my twin soul. i'm welling up with tears as i'm typing this.

i just want to hear some thoughts on how she is now... i know this world is an illusion, but its so difficult to not wonder where she might be, did she suffer or was she scared, and will we be reunited? i'm very strong in spirit, i love the world and everything in it, but losing her has challenged me with something i thought i would never have to face until we were much older. i'm helping care for her two children, trenton (10) and natalie (5). they keep me from teetering into the abyss of severe depression, but there is not a minute that passes that i don't think about her and wish that she was still with me. it tears me apart throughout each day.

i've worked so hard on trying to keep myself together, but the grief slips its grasp around me and i crumble. my entire family is very much going through the same things i am, because she was so loved and she loved all of us unconditionally. we all talk to try and comfort one another, but she was such an integral part of the family, just as we each are... so the longing for that "oneness" of having the whole family together, really drags us down sometimes. we were a small unit to begin with, but very strong in our love, and maybe that's why one leaving us makes us feel it so much.

now, don't get me wrong, we still know love and we still have good moments, but i just need guidance for the dark days. i will never stop being a loving and caring person, and neither will any one of my family, but we need something to calm our fears and though i have found plenty in david's words, other's words along these lines, and the teachings of the law of one, i would like to hear what everyone else has to say here.

thank you for being an extension of my small family. love to you all.

brandon

[Kolovorotkes]

brandon, i'm so sorry to hear of your loss. i cant relate, because nothing of that tradgedy has ever happened to me in this life. i cant imagine the pain of such a loss tho.

on a brighter side, remember that this board and it's people are here. i find it such a addition to my day to know that even tho i dont know anyone from this board, they are alway here, always helpful and always spreading their love and their light. i am so intrigued by how positive, yet how different everyone here, is. each one of them brings something different and awesome to the table.

i know you have the strength, because you are giving your love to the children, they need you so much right now...and the gift you are giving them is of most beneficiary to them.

it's okay to take a break for a while from you path, and re-connect and re ground...the books will be there for you when you are ready for them...they are amazing, and you will finish them when you can...but right now the universe, you sister and the creator probably want you to focus on you, your family, and your current changes right now, and by focusing on them you are strengthening your personal light, and experience.

if you sister was such an amazing girl, she is watching over you from a safe and happy place!!

many blessings to you.

[crazuMovies]

hi brandon,

thank you for sharing your story. i am sending you and your family my love and light to hopefully help ease your burden in some small way. i am a little older than you i'm sure, and have had more opportunity to deal with death of loved ones through the years.

i cannot say that missing your sister will get any easier, but it will get... more familiar. it is easy to say that she is not separated from you, because indeed we are all one, but this does little to fill the very real void that you feel right now. recall that this void is just an illusion that you've created in this 3d existence.

consider for a moment too, that this is perhaps one of the objectives that you came to earth with at the beginning of this incarnation. from that perspective, it is much easier to embrace the situation and find the love in it. for there really is love in those moments of feeling loss and remembering a wonderful soul. also, do not avoid the pain you feel due to her passing. avoiding it will cause it to filter down into some dark recess of your soul and fester there. rather, i say you should embrace the pain and celebrate the joy that was the bright light you knew as your sister. in addition to easing your burden, this will also ease her transition and the healing that she is going through as part of leaving this incarnation.

i wish that i could offer you a pill for the pain, but alas, there is none. what i can offer is confirmation of your underlying conviction that all really is well, and that you will see your sister again soon. for even if you live another 100 years in this incarnation, it is but a blink of the cosmic eye. and finally recall that it is the distillation of all of our experiences that we ultimately bring back to the one infinite creator at the point when we re-merge with him beyond the 7th density. this experience may not be one of your favorites, but will be savored just as much as all the others at that time.

love and light

3d sunset

[ricochettty]

with my current perspective, if one of my close friends or family members would 'die', i honestly would not be sad. suffering is caused by misunderstanding. they are not lost. only the physical body perishes. the entity no longer experiences any 3rd dimensional grief or suffering and is back to having a fuller awareness and understanding. it's really a blessing/relief. to live on here is what's difficult. if you two really had a profound connection, then it's likely she has even perhaps been trying to communicate with you somehow. noticed anything unusual like that? subtle hints, help, or thanks for taking care of her kids. i also truly believe that there's a divine plan we cannot escape and everything happens for a reason. yes there are different probabilities, but this to me, is in the context of parallel universes & infinite possibilities. ultimately everything happens in every way possible somehow. your sister's perceived early/tragic death was just one option of her infinite lifetimes. maybe when you retire from this incarnation you will meet her again and discuss why it happened that way and what lessons to be learned were planned in advance. to me, 'death' is very misunderstood. it's not to be feared or grieved over. it should even be a celebration. your sis wouldn't want you to be depressed.

[sjdflghd]

thanks blacksunshine, i do believe that she's out there watching over us - i don't think she wouldn't have it any other way.

the pain is certainly tough to bear, especially since she was only 32 years old and we lost her so unexpectedly. the kids were always a huge focus of mine, so i will definitely keep them safe and share everything i know and do with them. they are amazing to me, very much like their loving mother.

thanks too for letting me feel "ok" with taking some time off... hopefully i can get back into the swing of things and be able to share that with the kids as well. this community is so brilliant with all of its members, and i think that's why i felt the need to post... to hear everyone's support and love, in the time that i feel like i'm faltering the most.

[vqIo7X2U]

oh brandon, my heart goes out to you! god, for those left behind, there is such a sense of loss, and life can seem so cruel - especially for the young ones!

if it's of any comfort, the kids may easily adjust faster than the adults, although they suffer the most at the outset, as i'm sure you know. what's important, as i'm also sure you know all too well, is to remain strong enough to ensure those kids are loved well and true. the more they perceive an as minimalized interruption of love and true caring in their lives as is possible, the less the trauma will carry over into the rest of their lives. whatever divine plan is being carried out, this has to be the focus, and my strength to you, my friend.

your sister, now back to larger and more 'real' life may well be involved in an overview of her recent life, with the goal of accepting all of its circumstance, coming to accept the way in which all regretful and otherwise seeming chapters have nothing but a positive effect in the development of her soul and those whom she touches in life.

sure, she's concerned with the sense of loss of those left behind here in the grand stageplay, so consider that nothing has really been lost, and you just love on those little babies, man, and know that your sister's heart beats strongly, literally! it never really stopped.

no one is in a better position to know that she is okay than she is. in some cultures, they feel a sense of duty to mourn and 'beat the breast' out of respect for those passed. this only serves to knit the brow of those who are moving into a new phase of existence.

i know you're sad, and shocked by the loss of your friend here in time's slow and lonely passage, and this is okay. your sister feels with you every step of the way.

next time you cry, offer her your tears, along with your permission for her to move on if you can. tell her (and your message will carry well) that her kids are coping and are loved and cared for. as she moves on, she will also always be able to sense and hear you and her loved ones, 'time/space' is funny that way. she will be with you every time you are with her, forever. god bless my brother.

[UHlVExs7]

i recently lost my sister unexpectedly on april 6th, 2009. she took her husband to meet his ride to work around 6am that morning, and when her and her two children arrived back home, they all went down for a nap before my nephew had to go to school at 8am. i received a call from him around 9am saying he could not wake mommy. her heart gave out from what we understand. . . .

. . . i just want to hear some thoughts on how she is now... i know this world is an illusion, but its so difficult to not wonder where she might be, did she suffer or was she scared, and will we be reunited? i'm very strong in spirit, i love the world and everything in it, but losing her has challenged me with something i thought i would never have to face until we were much older. i'm helping care for her two children, trenton (10) and natalie (5). they keep me from teetering into the abyss of severe depression, but there is not a minute that passes that i don't think about her and wish that she was still with me. it tears me apart throughout each day. . . .

. . . thank you for being an extension of my small family. love to you all.

brandon

hello brandon. i really appreciate your post today; it's an incredible synchronicity for me personally to read the account of your dear sister's passing, and thus i am compelled to reply.

there are things that i "know" and things that i know . . . for example, i no longer live in fear as i did when deep in fear-based christology. so there is part of me that rejoices when someone returns to the interlife -- for that is where we "go" i believe.

however, i also feel tremendous sadness such as you describe. i myself am currently dealing with significant third-density losses; there are moments where i find the tears welling up, and there are days when i ask myself, why did i choose this path??!!! i get intermediate -- inter - mediate -- answers, meaning that they lead me along further, but there is always another bend in the road ahead.

yet at the deepest level i do have faith that it is ultimately for the highest good, despite whatever temporal perspective might cloud my vision.

then i recall something david once said: you are the way you are right now because this is the way you can learn the most.

i attended david's ny convergence. the first night of the conference, he talked about this very subject: what happens after we die. he called upon the research of a man named dr. michael newton. (i did my best to take good notes, but as i recently wrote to david and his mom, marta, it was like trying to take a drink from a firehose! )

david told us that most souls do not become ghosts. immediately after death, we become aware of a tube of light, like gossamer. our minds work differently after death; we no longer have the third-density emotions of jealousy, anger, and so on. we go through a tunnel, reach a point of light, and see people we care about who have already left third density. we are then blasted with compassionate energy, which serves to wash away all negativity and pain.

eventually we become aware of our spirit guide. this is the one who was with us throughout our third density incarnation, but whose presence we might have been ignorant of, depending upon our spiritual maturity. we have counsel with our guide, go through a life review, and eventually decide what our next incarnation will be.

edgar cayce talks about incarnating on other planets, that we might eventually reincarnate on earth and bring with us lessons learned on those other planets.

so, to answer your questions: if she felt any pain, it was but momentary, i believe. perhaps she might have been scared for a moment, also. i'm a mom, and the first thing i would think of is, i can't leave my children. but the work of edgar cayce and others tells us that we actually choose our lives, and perhaps your sister chose this path for some higher good that has yet to be revealed. will you be reunited? absolutely! we move in soul groups, as i understand it, and you will definitely see your dear sister again. you can count on it!

the ny event was an amazing conference. the discussion about what happens after death and another metaphysical discussion really cohered our group. david talked about the god reflex, which is our projection of god onto our parents and other loved ones. so when we lose a loved one, it's that pain of feeling cut off from god. the god reflex is part of our distortion here . . . it brings us closer and it also tears us apart.

i hope my words are helpful to you and your family. i know that everyone must come to an understanding and a "knowing" from within, and i hope that as you study, meditate, pray, and just plain live your life every day, you will find that peace that transcends our third-density understanding.

[Joircarm]

thank you all so very, very much... it is a blessing to know that you are all out there to shed some light when someone like me is wandering about in darkness. sometimes the illusion shakes a person so much that they can miss the true point of it all.

nancy, what you shared from the ny convergence is extremely helpful, i will have to read more about the research you mentioned. and yes, from a mother's perspective, i'm sure her first thought when she was departing were those two little angels... they will certainly be filled with all of the love and light i can offer. i had shared with my sister everything that i learned, and will most definitely continue that sharing with my nephew and niece.

thanks again, and many blessings to you all.

love and light,
brandon

[janeemljr]

hi brandon. i pm'd you a couple of links that you might find helpful.

[HornyMolly]

hi there, brandon "crymzyn".

nancya summed up pretty much what i wanted to say and she provided you with links that will allow you to get an amazing possible insight of what other life lies beyond the seemingly third density physical death.

basically your sister "recalled" her life plan for this previous incarnation, amist all the confusion resulting from sudden third density physical death. she quite possibly remembered also all the lifetimes you spent together, and much more.
she surely knows the feeling of grief she left behind, and i am quite sure that she at some point tried quite hard (and still tries) to let you all know that she is alright.

what is needed is to understand the process of this ilusion, what its purpose is, and what lessions are to be learned from that grief and depressing feeling.

perhaps in a previous lifetime you were nurtured in an exagerated manner, and never really felt the sense of loss you are experiencing now, thus choosing this experience in this lifetime. the only person that can trully know that, is yourself.

be aware that all of this was planned even before you two were born into this physical encarnation.

quoting nancya: "you are the way you are right now because this is the way you can learn the most."
i would rather say: it is the way you chose to learn for this encarnation.

remember, that every person you see, every soul you encounter, human or otherwise, is living what he chose to be the best method of learning or experiencing. all the mosquitos that were feeding upon your blood in the warm summer (and got swatted). all the plants that grow near you and in your sister's home. all the birds flying about. all the stray dogs in the streets. they all knew beforehand what could and was going to unfold.
remember that all life's purpose is to experience. to experience in all sorts of different ways imaginable.

from my personal experience, many of these concepts were very hard to grasp, to accept and to understand. but in time, as i began to shift my mental conceptual models and atune more to this model, i began to realize and understand perfectly why i chose some members of my family to be my family.
(i only found out about dw by chance due to my father! - greatest blessing in my life so far)


bearing all this in mind, i would like to point out that, according to my view, it is very important to educate infants about this kind of knowledge.
specially the one that is younger (natalie).
younger infants still retain to some degree the ability to recieve communications from departed loved ones.
most of the times, they are still sensitive to other plains of existence (or consciousness vibration), specially the "astral plain".

maybe if you ask her, "mommy" has appeared or even talked to her even after she had passed.
i would be surprised if that wasn't the case.
as for trenton, i am not so sure... it depends on how his growing up and what his own life plan is. maybe she talked to him in dreams?

it is important to let them know that "mommy" is not gone.
she is just in a different place and using different... "clothes", so to speak.
and to see these clothes, one needs to use a special type of glasses.
those glasses are inside each one of us, but many of us forget how to use them.
don't let the kids forget how to use them. teach them, through meditation, stillness of the mind, and explanation of these concepts.
they will understand better than we ever did.
(i have a 7 year old cousin that... simply put, hears my thoughts coming out of my mouth, even if i don't speak at all)


very important too: understand that the conscious logical "ego" mind, the one we use to logically acertain situations in this physical existence was designed to deal specifically with this physical existence. alone it is not readly capable of understanding stuff beyond the physical existence (afterlife, astral plains, multiple existences, past present and future ilusions already existing all at the same time, etc).
only with the help of the "heart", the intuition, the feelings can one comprehend these concepts (since all this is kind of new to me, every day i kind of struggle to be able to feel these notions)

try to understand that this happening was premeditaded (emphasys added on the apparent suddenness of her departure) for sensations and feelings to be experienced.
try also to understand that it is necessary for you to accept and integrate this experience in your life so that
a) you continue to experience life and do not stay stuck in the same depression all the time,
b) she can completely proceed with her "afterlife issues" knowing that you will be ok,
and c) you avoid physical ailments resulting from clinging strongly to her spirit and not letting her go - this can have undesired effects on her, resulting in her having to send you signals to let go - in dr. allan hamilton's experience this resulted in extreme back pain.
(but since you two were very close, i doubt that c) can happen.)


putting this into a computer gamer's perspective:
this is all just a big game, where players (souls) connect using one of the many characters that is being generated at any given time (people being born). one of the rules of the game is that each character (person) can only exist once and for a limited amount of time. but a player can have multiple characters. another rule is that characters do not know who their player is. but that is possible, and many times, in this huge role-playing-game, some players choose the quest, so to speak, of their character knowing who is the player that is controlling them! (astral travelers, total kundalini activation, etc)

in this view, your sister which is a character, had her lifetime expire, so "her player" (her soul) just "disconnected" from this great massive multiplayer server!
quite a feeling of loss, from your character's perspective, but it was something that the players had already agreed upon.
also remember that she can reconnect to the server at any given time, although using a different character.

when characters engage deep meditation, channeling, astral travel, etc, they come into contact with their possible players, and therefore the players of other characters as well.

i hope this will ease things up a bit, and also helps you and motivates you to further obtain mind stillness and relaxation, in the knowing that all will be well, that "we never left home, we are with our father", and that in this relaxation you will be able to contact her and possibly, let her tell some experiences from the other side!
(this latter point might not be possible, because life is also like a big graduate evaluation, and getting knowledge from the other side, might be considered cheating! --- therefore some knowledge will never be reveiled until we know how to pass the evaluation for ourselves!)

love and light to all, specially to you and your beloved, brandon, in the knowing and feeling of how connected we all are in this big mind of the one infinite creator!

- andre

note to moderator: this post turned out to be huge... if it needs to be trimmed, please let me know! thank you.

[Meowmeowz]

i'm glad that nancy mentioned dr. michael newton . . and even more glad that david mentioned him. i'm a hypnotherapist, and he was one of my teachers. people who have studied with him practice [trade name] sessions.

the sessions begin with meeting and talking. the first session is past life recall . . . and the the [trade name] session can take hours, expect to spend the day there.

it may be difficult to allow yourself to trance deeply if you are holding too tightly to grief . . . so give yourself time . . . breathe and allow.

google michael, find his institute on the web, and find an [trade name-please pm charles for method and link] hypnotist in your area. (they are redesigning the site and changing the name .. but it's there.)

michael also wrote books on his case studies, interesting, but not necessary to read. everyones experience is unique.

[moderator: we need to be careful about unknowingly advertising for a particular person and product ]

many blessings

[xADMlNx]

hi brandon,
no loss is greater then that of a loving soul. your sister sounds like a beautiful soul, and she knows how much you miss her.

i have worked in palliative care, and from my own personal experience, no matter how hard a person fought to live, when they knew their time was coming, there would be a peace that would surround them, as they would be visiting the other side, meeting up with the ones they have lost, and then they would tell me about their adventures there, happy and content that they are heading back home again. some would actually get a little angry if they came around and found themselves back in the hospice bed.

i tell you this so that you may know that your sister did not go alone, that she was welcomed with open arms, and much, much love.

i went into palliative care because of this. i've known since i have been a small child that death is just a transition to another plane. and that everything we do here, really does count in the bigger picture.

what your sister would wish of you, is to love and cherish your life, and to help nourish her children to the best of your capabilities. you will have many stories to share with her, when it is your time to cross.

love & peace

[dushappeaps]

hi brandon,

a few years ago i read robert monroe's 3 books and for me a door was opened on the subject of phyiscal death. since then i have lost my father and my ex-wife and having the knowledge of those 3 books within me has made living or surviving those family members a lot easier. imho if the planet was infused with the monroe material tonight the world would be a different place tomorrow. we have control of only one thing while on this planet and "it" is right between our/your ears. only you can change your thinking. fair well my brother. namaste...joe

[heinz_1966]

hi brandon,

so sorry to hear of your sisters passing - i am sending lots of loving healing thoughts to you from here in the uk. you should get them by the time i finish this as i have visualised them reaching you right now

my heart goes out to you and i am sure that with all the lovely replies the wonderful people of this forum have given you, you are almost certainly in a better emotional place now, than when you started this thread.

there is not really that much more i can add to the wonderful replies you have already received but to confirm my own belief that you will see each other again. your sister is watching over you all now. in a world where far too many people do not understand the concept of taking any kind of responsibility for themselves and others, i applaud your dedication in your commitment to having an active interest in the childrens future upbringing and care.

i do not think for a moment that your sister suffered to any extent, if at all. the thing is as others have said on this site, we all choose this life prior to incarnating here and with that we all choose how we go even if it makes little sense to our families who get left behind. thank goodness your lovely sister went the way she did - not with a long drawn out illness. of course much better she did not go at all.

having lost a few friends to aids, i know the devastating impact for those left behind. i have to say that since my awakening, i see and feel the bigger picture. i am not saying if anyone close to me did pass, i would not be devasted, i am saying now i know the truth i would face it from a different angle. we will all meet up again and i think the change coming is going to be sooner rather than later. for now, take comfort in this.

re your comment about trenton and natalie keeping you from teetering into the abyss of severe depression, keep taking strength from them and allow them to stop you going down that route. trust me, i have been down that road and have experienced the deepest darkest depressive states that anyone can imagine. you do not want to go there! i spent years getting back to normality and thank goodness i have managed to bounce back. dont even go there!! stay strong for the children and allow yourself to grieve too. it is ok to cry, it is ok to shout and it is ok to get angry. let it out - dont keep it in and get depressed.

i am no expert on anything apart from spending 42 years in the university of life. we all need kind words of support and encouragement at times. i hope you get as many as you and your family need to get you through this, oh and come out smiling, knowing you were so very fortunate to have been blessed with such a super sister.

finally, do your best to bring the children up in the way their mum would be proud - remember you will have to answer to her when you all meet again .

may god bless you all,

with love and light,

matt

[PZXjoe]

now, don't get me wrong, we still know love and we still have good moments, but i just need guidance for the dark days. i will never stop being a loving and caring person, and neither will any one of my family, but we need something to calm our fears and though i have found plenty in david's words, other's words along these lines, and the teachings of the law of one, i would like to hear what everyone else has to say here.

thank you for being an extension of my small family. love to you all.

brandon[/quote]

hello brandon and everybody else,

this thread is almost an incredible one to me, so thank you everyone participating.

first of all, brandon, i feel very deeply with you and my sympathy flows out to you.
the day you posted first, i received a letter telling me a former friend, call it ex-partner, though i don't love the feeling tones of 'ex', has died in june after one and a half years in a waking coma. his girl-friend let me know of this. although we hadn't been in touch for almost two years, so that i didn't know of the coma, it shook me very deeply to hear about his passing, he was only 48y old. the day before i received the letter some coincidences made me go back in time to 1994 when we met. so i dwelled on that and suddenly felt that 'the line' to him had broken down. as we had stayed in touch over the years by phone and found that we were on remarkably similar 'soul-trips' in this life still, i got the impulse to call him soonest....but then, next day i received that letter. it was a total shock to me, and the next days , when i came home from work and had time to feel my feelings, tears dwelled up incessantly. in this life i never lost a friend so far and with my parent's passing 16 and 12 years ago it was slightly different, although i love them deeply, they were the best friends in my life, i knew it was
time for them to pass on when they did. i didn't cry a lot then. with this friend of mine who was carrying the same first name as my brother does, it felt all the more strange as he was harming many people by words by borrowing money and never giving it back, not working as he would always find people to finance his life, getting into trouble with the police etc. so i wondered where the tears came from..:.it is just feeling like a part of me has gone, too and 'before' the time, as if my brother had died too early....my 'real' brother in this life is carrying a lot of health issues in this life and is living in france with his family so that we don't see each other often, but we stay in contact by phone every other month or so.
now: nancy in her post mentioned dr. newton....i had been at the ny convergence, too and later contacted nancy via this forum in search of his name as i wasn't fast enough at the conference to write it down. david had mentioned something he read in his book that made me think of my brother (who's first name, remember, was and is the same as my passed friend's one..) nancy and i couldn't figure out his name, though! and now, here in these posts it comes out like a jack-in-the-box......and this in a thread where you, brandon, share your deep love with your sis.......and this may now help me help my brother with sth. david mentioned about this book.....
so, thank you so much for sharing everybody out there!

brandon, back to you, i want to share a story which is very private in a way but feels right to be told here:
when i was a kid of about 6y my family, which had and has tight love-bonds as you may deduct from the above written, was travelling from germay to spain for a summer holiday. somewhere on the road in france suddenly my mother turned around to us kids cajoling in the back-seats and asking us to be very quiet for a moment. this was very unusual in a way, but we silenced down not thinking too much about it...after a while which may have been 30 min or so she said that it was ok and we were allowed to go on in our childish ways.. three days later, having arived in spain by now, a telegram was brought, telling us that my mother's father had died. and you guess it: the same day the same time when she asked us to be silent.
later on she told us that she had had the most remarkable experience in her life: looking out of the car's window he suddenly appeared to her 'over the fields' and told her of his passing, that she was right in her assumption that life would go on after death, that he was well and just wanted to say good-bye for the moment being, they would meet again for sure.
she told us that he hadn't been ill, before leaving our home town she had asked the doctor in the old-people's home where he was living whether it was okay to go on holidays with us...
she said that the appearance of her father's out there had been more realistic and energetic than any meeting with him in 'real' life....
well, this was in the 60's and her search for answers began then...there weren't yet as many books out there and one of the first she could get hold of was r.moody's 'life after death' in the late 60's, i guess....
so this search of her's influenced my later teenage years a lot and then my search began....i learned a lot by reading the seth books when i was hardly 20 (she had found them...) and my reality was never the same as everyone else's was, so it seemed......my intellectual and spiritual hunger was taken care of by these books but in me was this deep longing to experience sth. similar to that which my mother had and other people were doing as i read in all those books along my way. to know and not only to believe.....
my search after very long years...brought me into contact with a young indian teacher in 2003 with whom i'm still studying today. on my first trip to his ashram after doing 6 months of hard meditation and sadhanas brought me to the goal of my deepest heart's longings: i had my first contact! meeting with a light-being!

so, brandon this has gotten a rather long answer, and i don't know if it is of any help to you, but i do hope so!
life is going on, but still, just feel your feelings, they are life!
although i've had all those tremendous experiences (i just told the most important ones), still with this loss of my soul brother who was a rackal in his way , i went into tears and it feels alright, though i know we are not really seperated as we never were in this reality, though we cut the 'normal relationship' off and didn't meet these last 8ys or so...
i feel deeply with you, and once again, thanks for sharing!

patracia
p.s. feel free to pm me if you may want to know the indian's name

[Gozmand]

it is so nice to be surrounded by such brilliant lights! thank you everyone that has replied and sent me pms, i feel so much better with the knowledge you gave me, and reminded me of. hopefully others will be able to run across this thread when they need it! i know i will visit it often and share with my family and friends that were also so close to my sister. this has been such a tremendous help, thanks again!

[dserbokim]

hi brandon, there isn't really that much i can add to the words of encouragement that others have given you in this thread but i can imagine what you've been going through. my heart goes out to you. i think with our level of understanding in this 3rd density reality it is always difficult coming to terms with the departure of loved ones, particularly when it's completely unexpected as with your sister.

i recently lost an uncle in ireland, although it wasn't really unexpected as he had been ill with cancer for some time. he had fought with all his strength to stay on earth for as long as he possibly could, despite being severely restricted by his illness, perhaps motivated by the thought that his wife would be lost without him and therefore he needed to stick around. his sickness worsened and one day in may most of his family who lived in the village came over to the house to visit him, not imagining it would be the last time they saw him alive. with almost the entire family there he finally gave in and died. it was as if the gathering had reassured him that there would be enough loving support for his wife from the family and that it was finally ok to move on with his journey. his life plan had seemingly been fulfilled.

it seems to me that your sister also felt that it was an appropriate time to end her incarnation, as her life mission was possibly fulfilled and she would have been aware that you and other close relations would be able to provide enough loving support for her children who have been left behind. it is important to know that all is well, despite the grief that you and the children are feeling at the moment. right now it is hard for us to understand why souls move on when they do. in fact very little in 3rd density is easy, it was never really meant to be easy. we are not meant to understand everything while we're here. before we came here though we made plans for this lifetime, and i imagine that your sister's departure was in the plan and that you would have been aware of it. many of us on these forums would have volunteered to come here before our current incarnations knowing the struggles we would have to face in our quest to serve others. what i would say is that i don't think your sister suffered at all and i think you will be reunited. i know it's very easy to say there is no separation and that it's all an illusion, but right now it seems very real to you i know. rather than suffering, i imagine your sister felt elation after leaving the harships of a 3rd density existence behind and returning to spirit. now she is no longer in a 3d body, she knows that all is well. i'm sure if you could meet her now you would be astonished by the love and beauty she would radiate.

what i would say is that you are doing the children a wonderful service in supporting them after the loss of their mother. through her loss you have had the opportunity to offer a tremendous service to the children and by helping to care for them you have grown spiritually. keep going brandon, it seems to me that you're coping brilliantly!

[Kiariitf]

hey brandon -

i lost my sister in 2004. she was 27 years old and died in much the same way: she went to bed one night and just never woke up. we all knew she had epilepsy but no one had really told us about sudep (you can google it if you don't know).

the first year was the toughest, especially when i would see something that she would like, go to pick it up for her, and suddenly remember that she wasn't around to receive it anymore. that she was no longer a part of my present - the story had finished, her book was closed, and she was now firmly a part of my past.

the worst thing is getting over that little voice in the back of your mind that keeps telling you that you're some kind of insensitive jerk if you just accept that she's gone and move on with your life. you can. and eventually i told that voice to take a long walk off of a short pier and i did just that. but my guilt at doing so kept me from doing it for quite a while. now i'm ok. i talk to her in my dreams, she talks to me and introduces me to her new friends sometimes. sometimes she's just there and it's like it was before. but i've managed to be happy with that and move my focus onto the other people - the living ones - who need my attention more than my overactive conscience.

i'll see her again, i'm sure. now i want to make sure that i have good stories to tell her when i do.

abrazos,
john

[RealCHEAPsoftDOWNLOAD]

my grandma passed away recently, and in the days after i have had a few rather intense dreams about her. this has brought a question to my mind. you know those stories you hear, usually among those who have had near-death experiences, about being greeted on the other side by deceased friends, relatives, and pets? it is safe to assume that in most cases they will appear to you the way you remember them. in my dreams i saw my grandmother as her elderly self, since that is the relationship i had with her.

well, here's the problem. i'll do my best to clarify. let's say that you grew up with somebody since childhood, a friend or relative, and knew them all the way until their old age and death. let's also say you were really close to this person, so that you'd see each other in the afterlife. so your friend or relative passes on before you do, and when it's your time to go, you see the person on the other side - or see them briefly in the case of a near death experience.

if you have known this person your whole life, you obviously don't have a set image of what they are supposed to look like. you have known them through all of their life phases. so the question is, what will they look like to you? their young self? their old self? their middle-aged self? will they project themselves to you as all of them, like some kind of flashback experience? how the heck would this even work?

similarly, what if you were greeted on the other side by michael jackson? would you see his former african american self or his later white self? would you see both or a combination of that and other aspects of who he was? i wonder how the universe works this sort of thing out. any ideas?

[b7RKli4l]

brandon,

i'm so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. the healing that comes with time is real so take heart that things will get better. i lost my father 20+ years ago when i was 15 and as time has passed over the years i have healed. something else you might consider would be to see a spirit channeler. i sat with one about a year ago and my father came through to me. it was an amazing experience and wonderful to connect with him again. i think it would have helped me tremendously had i seen a spirit channeler years earlier. if you were to reconnect with your sister in this way it may be of great comfort.

hoping you find peace,

kaia