[jyhugikuhih]

IMG height=460 src="http:www.digitaldreamdoor.comimages_gabiscuit s.gif" width=342 vspace=4 border=1 005c5c 005c5c face=Verdana 3300ccgirl came skipping home from school one day.BRBR"Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"BRBR"Very good," said her mother.BRBR"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.BRBR"Yes, It's because your blonde."BRBRThe next day the girl came skipping home from school.BRBR"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See?BRA,B,C,D,E,F,G!"BRBR"Very good," said her mother.BRBR"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"BRBR"Yes, It's because your blonde."BRBRThe next day the girl came skipping home from school.BRBR"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" BRBRShe lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.BRBR"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.BRBR"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"BRBR"No Honey, Its because you're 24."

[jyhugikuhih]

One day there were three astronauts a blonde, unnete, and a redhead eating out at Sonic.

The unette said, "Hey you guys we were the first people in outer space we should be proud of that," and they said, "Yeah, yeah we are.”

Then they start to eat again when the redhead says "Hey you guys we were the first ones on the moon we should be proud of that too." They said, "Yeah, yeah we are."

The blonde starts thinking and about one hour later she says, "You guys, you know how we were the first one in outer space and the first ones on the moon?" They said, "Yeah, so?"

"So," the blonde said, "We should be the first ones on the sun too."

The redhead says, "You crazy idiot, if we got within a 100 mile radius of the sun we would burn up and die."

The blonde replies, "You are the crazy idiot, we wouldn't go during the day. We would go at night."

[jyhugikuhih]

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked. "How much for these shoes?" she asked the store manager.

"$200", he replied.

"That's too expensive! Can't you ing the price down?"

The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blond persisted.

Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" he yelled.

"Fine I will," the blonde replied.

After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.

When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.

Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my god! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"

[jyhugikuhih]

A blonde walked into a store to buy curtains.

She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those curtains in pink, the size of my computer screen.

The salesman said, "Computers don't need curtains."

The blonde said, "Hellooo, I have windows!"

-------------------------------------

[jyhugikuhih]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in
her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman
police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the woman's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively
more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square
and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked
at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.

The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

[jyhugikuhih]

A unette walked into a barber shop wearing headphones. The barber said "I can't cut your hair if you're wearing headphones."

The unette replied "I have to wear them!" And then stormed out.

This happened twice more until the barber finally just jerked off the headphones. Then he remembered his lucky scissors were in the other room. When he came back in the unette was dead.

He picked up the headphones to hear what was playing, he heard "Breathe in, eathe out, eathe in, eathe out, eathe in, eathe out...."

[jyhugikuhih]

Blonde Logic


A blonde and her unette friend were talking, when the blonde
said, "I hate all the blonde jokes people tell."

"Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out
there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

They went outside and hailed a taxi driver.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said the
unette.

The taxi drove them to Nickel Street. When they finally got out, the
unette looked at the blonde and said, "See! That guy was really
stupid."

"No kidding," replied the blonde. "There was a pay phone just around
the corner. You could have called instead."

[jyhugikuhih]

The Blond Year in Review

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

Feuary - Ordered new drapes for her computer because it had windows.

March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months because the box said "2-4 years."

April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water wouldn't fit into the little packet.

June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - After losing in a east stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.

August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

September - When asked what the capital of California was, she answered "C."


October - Hates M &Ms because they are so hard to peel. Threw away half because they were misprinted W&W.

November - Baked a turkey for four days because the instructions said one hour per pound and she weighed 120.

December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.

[jyhugikuhih]

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...
she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me !

[jyhugikuhih]

Little Leroy




Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself ans the way he acts.

She siad, "Well Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead."

After his temper tantrum, his mother sent him to his room.He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.


Dear Jesus,

I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bike.

Your Friend, Leroy


Now Leroy figured that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (at). So, he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.


Dear Jesus,

I've been an OK boy this year and want a new bicycle.

Yours Truely,Leroy


Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again.


Dear Jesus,

I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a new bicycle?

Leroy


Well Leroy looked deep down in his heart, whioch by the way was what his mother really wanted, and he decided to crumple up the letter and throw it in the trash can as he went running outside.He wandered aimlessly about; deperssed because of the way he treated his parents, really considering his actions. He finally found himself in a Catholic Church. Leroy went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do.

Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues.All of a sudden, he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter:

Jesus,

I've oken most of the Ten Commandments; shot spit wads in school, tore up my sister's Barbie doll and lots more. I'm desperate! I've got your mama and if you ever wanna see her again, give me a bike!

You know who

[jyhugikuhih]

Subject: FW: I blame the teachers!
>

> >The following questions and genuine answers that were collated from
> >last year's GCSE exams.
> >
> >Geography
> >
> >Q: Name the four seasons.
> >
> >A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
>
> >Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
> >
> >A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
>pollutants
> >like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
> >
> >Q: How is dew formed?
> >
> >A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
> >
> >Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
> >
> >A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
> >tends
>to
> >flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
> >nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
> >

> >Sociology
>
> >Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
> >
> >A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
> >
> >Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
> >
> >A: Very important. S*x can only happen when a male gets an election.
> >
>Q: What are steroids?
> >
> >A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
> >
> >Biology
> >
> >Q: What happens to your body as you age?
> >
> >A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
> >
> >Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
> >
> >A: Premature death.
> >
> >Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
> >
> >A. Keep it in the cow. [He got an A!]
> >
> >Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen.)
> >
> >A: The body is consisted into three parts - the ainium, the borax
> >and
>the
> >abdominal cavity. The anium contains the ain, the borax contains
> >the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five
> >bowels
> >
> >A, E, I, O & U
> >
> >Q: What is the Fibula?
> >
> >A: A small lie.
> >
> >Q: What does "varicose" mean?
> >
> >A: Nearby.
> >
> >Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
> >
> >A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
> >
> >Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
> >
> >A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
> >
> >Q: What is a seizure?
> >
> >A: A Roman emperor.
> >
> >Q: What is a terminal illness?
>
> >A: When you are sick at the airport.
>
> >Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
> >
> >A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like
> >umellas.
> >
>English
> >
> >Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
> >meaning.
> >
> >A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
> >
> >Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
> >
> >A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
>
> >Technology
>
> >Q: What is a turbine?
> >
> >A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

[jyhugikuhih]

FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THAT THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.

THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED "DAD".

WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER WITH EMBLING HANDS:

DEAR DAD,

IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS.

I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU. I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER, AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A AILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES, AND ADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA GETS BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!

DON'T WORRY DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT, SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON,

JOHN

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS UE. I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD WHICH IS IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER.

I LOVE YOU!

CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME.

[Argurnenoni]

It'll take me hours to get through al these...i like what im reading though and at times it reminds me of the discussions we had on those jokes when they were posted...I remember those and thats funny lol

[Sensbachtal]

oh I love this one...What a little cute at lol

FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THAT THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.

THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED "DAD".

WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER WITH EMBLING HANDS:

DEAR DAD,

IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS.

I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU. I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER, AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A AILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES, AND ADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA GETS BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!

DON'T WORRY DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT, SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON,

JOHN

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS UE. I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD WHICH IS IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER.

I LOVE YOU!

CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME.

[Argurnenoni]

A husband and wife walked up to view the body of his mother-in-law at the funeral.

As he began to weep, his wife slapped him and said: ?Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway!?

The husband replied, ?I know, I thought I saw her move!!?

[derty]

lol..good one...