[Fruriourl]

i also frequently get fed up and bogged down with the day-to-day grind, the chem-trails, the cell-phone headaches, feeling like i have to make money, being confronted with people who are sleepwalking through their aggressive lives, commercials, people who don't understand, and the painful memories of a time when i and others like me (we) were all together dancing and holding hands, basking in the glow of the full knowledge that we are all one, knowing it, feeling it, living it effortlessly. it's painful to remember that sometimes because of how different this life is.

so what i do is remember to breathe. there. i just did it again. i work at a raw-food vegan restaurant in san francisco, so i generally interact with gentle and interesting people who are thoughtful and caring towards others, but occasionally i am still confronted by the ignorance of modern society. (it still pops up in all of us sometimes) when that happens, i bring my attention to my breath, and try to remember that by staying in present moment awareness of peace and infinite bliss i then make that more available for this person freaking out in front of me, and in turn, all others who find themselves in the same situation. this helps immensely.

i try always to remember that it's not what i'm doing that matters so much, it's not what i'm doing that really makes a difference in the world, but how i do it. i like my job, and most of the people i interact with, and the city i live in (though yes i prefer a natural setting), and i work on letting that love shine through constantly.

and, i work at building community. gathering together those who want to live in love all of the time and helping each other to do that more effectively. i have a group that meets weekly at my house to practice shamanic journeying. we gather and journey to a drum beat, go into trance, and look for answers to life's pertinent questions. this feeds my soul, and helps others feel like they can get connected to creator in a direct way. i know it is my mission to help others in this way, to help others see that they have the power to awaken consciously, and i'm doing it.

i think it's really important to find something you're passionate about, to do it, and to share it. we all need help, and you sharing your passion will help.

thank you!
i'm pretty new to sharing on discussion forums, so excuse my post if it rants or does not correctly address the topic.
peace.

[PZXjoe]

hey foosnik,

that is the question i've been asking myself my entire life. and for most of my life i thought i had it figured out. i was an actor and a comedian for about 15 years. i recently left that world because too many directors and producers only wanted to have me take my clothes off and i got very tired of dealing with those types of individuals. (downfall of being a woman in the industry)

i still love comedy but the industry is so backwards now. it used to be you could show up and wait to play a gig at any of the big comedy houses. but now just like everything its all about money and how much you promise to bring the club. i just couldn't do it anymore ... it made me very tired.

so i guess since breaking away from what i always said i was going to be has led me to a search to find my place again. i've been taking classes in different types of art like sculpting and improv etc. but nothing has stuck yet. for a while i've been resonating on food. but have been reluctant to finally say yes thats it! i am a good home cook and it brings me joy to create in the kitchen so ... i finally said screw it. monday i start classes at the french culinary institute and i hope this will be the beginning of another great creative journey.

i'll keep you posted.

thank you all so much for your kind words!!

[Unrersvar]

music.
lots and lots of music is good to help the days pass more pleasantly.

[traithJah]

hey foosnik,

that is the question i've been asking myself my entire life. and for most of my life i thought i had it figured out. i was an actor and a comedian for about 15 years. i recently left that world because too many directors and producers only wanted to have me take my clothes off and i got very tired of dealing with those types of individuals. (downfall of being a woman in the industry)

i still love comedy but the industry is so backwards now. it used to be you could show up and wait to play a gig at any of the big comedy houses. but now just like everything its all about money and how much you promise to bring the club. i just couldn't do it anymore ... it made me very tired.

so i guess since breaking away from what i always said i was going to be has led me to a search to find my place again. i've been taking classes in different types of art like sculpting and improv etc. but nothing has stuck yet. for a while i've been resonating on food. but have been reluctant to finally say yes thats it! i am a good home cook and it brings me joy to create in the kitchen so ... i finally said screw it. monday i start classes at the french culinary institute and i hope this will be the beginning of another great creative journey.

i'll keep you posted.

thank you all so much for your kind words!!

so sad. yes i fear you are right. new york has changed as if the whole city has sold out. i have noticed it too. i came hear for that raw, artistic, rebellious type of energy that defined the village. but all of that seems to have gone down, ironically, right along with the crime rate. cbgb's is gone. the village is full of bridal shops and stuff like that. my friend, who grew up in the lower east side, likes to joke around saying that ny is like disney land now. it's all colorful, with big flashing advertisements, and a million police officers everywhere. he says it just doesn't have the same character that it used too.

but maybe it is the whole country that is going this route. not just ny. i still think the people here are some of the funniest, insane, interesting, and sharp people i have met anywhere in the country. you are probably the same way being a comedian and all. and just about every culture in the world is represented here. i love that.

i know what you mean about yearning for nature. sometimes when i am watching a movie and i see one of those beautiful panoramic scenes of the countryside, i feel like a person who is trying to quit smoking who has to watch someone smoking a cigarette. like, "oooooo... i want that so bad." lol but for me, at the moment, it is a solid trade off to be around these nutty, loud people. i won't be here forever i don't think. and it sounds like you may be ready for a change.

i do hope you find your passion at the french culinary institute! i think to be doing and living your passion is the key. who knows maybe we will see you on the show "top chef" one day! :d

please do keep us posted!

[MaickiP]

hey just wanted to say that i'm feeling overall a lot better now so i guess it really was just a temporary phase like i thought. probably shoulda just kept my mouth shut i suppose but oh well that's life. i recently found an awesome hiking spot nearby (like someone else mentioned earlier) and that's definitely a good balancing 'reset'. also, i really noticed that without forgiveness of others, the mind just spirals further and further down, like it becomes an attitude of negative expectations, furthering the cycle of frustration/stress.

[DebtDetox]

hey just wanted to say that i'm feeling overall a lot better now so i guess it really was just a temporary phase like i thought. probably shoulda just kept my mouth shut i suppose but oh well that's life. i recently found an awesome hiking spot nearby (like someone else mentioned earlier) and that's definitely a good balancing 'reset'. also, i really noticed that without forgiveness of others, the mind just spirals further and further down, like it becomes an attitude of negative expectations, furthering the cycle of frustration/stress.

being accepting of the 'highs and lows' of life is part of forgiving yourself and everyone around you. certainly, if you detect a pattern of continual negativity towards you from someone, your best option would be to avoid that person. not feel anger or frustration about them, but avoid them, to benefit both of you. some people don't blend well together. you know who you sync with -the energies you feel when you're together are amazing- you know who you clash with. sometimes, it's better not to waste precious energies trying to force something that wasn't meant to be. so it may not be about forgiveness at all, there may never have been a need to forgive, it may just be time to part ways. i'm glad you're feeling better, btw.

[traithJah]

one more thing i would like to add.

sometimes finding the passion can be the hard part. i spent some time of my life in a state of greyness that was not much fun. i didn't really have any dreams or any idea of what i wanted to do with my life. i wasn't one of those kids who was born with an idea of who i wanted to be when i grew up. there wasn't anything that really made me want to write home to mom about aside from dinner, music and girls. but even that started to wane eventually. i knew when i was losing my appetite for music that something was very wrong here.

so i asked for it. i asked for passion, dreams and intensity. i asked for a dream and an intense passion to cultivate it and create it in my life. and it came. i now feel an intense passion and appetite for many different things.

and this feeling makes me feel that life is beautiful and worth every little second.

hope that helps. it helped me.

[blogforlovxr]

hi everyone!

this is my second post on the forum. right now i'm in a difficult period. my wife had a postpartum with an episode of psychosis. she was admitted to a hospital last tuesday, by force, after being a week with her family and myself. we tried everything to make her better, but it wasn't working. she's now on an anti-psychotic and anti-depressant (zoloft). she's doing much better, but she's still in the hospital and will be released hopefully tomorrow, at least that's what the nurse told me.

now, what does that have to do with this website and david. answer: nothing. i think david's information has been wonderful in making me deal with the daily stress of real life and give me a purpose and direction. i just hope its all true and that's its not some bs that will be turn out to be nothing more than hype. for a while when i was in the right state of mind, i was afraid of nothing. i was totally at peace with myself, the people around me and the world. the only thing that made me worry was 2012 not happening as david is suggesting or something horrible/worse being the outcome. i'm following the information david is releasing, but right now i'm feeling pretty down.

my wife's episode was triggered partially to the 2012 information she saw on other videos and material she got from a friend of hers (nothing to do with divinecosmos) but like i said, it was one of the many thing that made her loose her mind, partially at least. postpartum, lack of sleep, she stopped eating properly, etc, and she ended up in the hospital and is now on meds. i'm taking care of my older dauther (2 year old) and my younger daughter is with her mother.

everything seems to be going "better" but at the same time as i go from hospital to my home, as i drive my car and see the world around me, i cannot stop and marvel at the beauty of nature whenever i see it, but when i look at the people i feel sad. everyone's in their little "bubble". its had to imagine that the world will be changeing so drastically in the next few years given how things are. its like 99% of the people are not even aware of what's gonna happen, nor do they feel it, or maybe i'm not noticing it.

i need some support from anyone that wants to help out to give me some spititual guidance. i'm still hoping and leaning to the possibility that the world will be a better place in a few years, but at the same time i'm thinking of closing that possibility and just get back in my "bubble". so if anyone feels like talking, send me a pm. i felt like making a new post, but i was a bit hesitant since i just joined the community.

[traithJah]

hi everyone!

this is my second post on the forum. right now i'm in a difficult period. my wife had a postpartum with an episode of psychosis. she was admitted to a hospital last tuesday, by force, after being a week with her family and myself. we tried everything to make her better, but it wasn't working. she's now on an anti-psychotic and anti-depressant (zoloft). she's doing much better, but she's still in the hospital and will be released hopefully tomorrow, at least that's what the nurse told me.

now, what does that have to do with this website and david. answer: nothing. i think david's information has been wonderful in making me deal with the daily stress of real life and give me a purpose and direction. i just hope its all true and that's its not some bs that will be turn out to be nothing more than hype. for a while when i was in the right state of mind, i was afraid of nothing. i was totally at peace with myself, the people around me and the world. the only thing that made me worry was 2012 not happening as david is suggesting or something horrible/worse being the outcome. i'm following the information david is releasing, but right now i'm feeling pretty down.

my wife's episode was triggered partially to the 2012 information she saw on other videos and material she got from a friend of hers (nothing to do with divinecosmos) but like i said, it was one of the many thing that made her loose her mind, partially at least. postpartum, lack of sleep, she stopped eating properly, etc, and she ended up in the hospital and is now on meds. i'm taking care of my older dauther (2 year old) and my younger daughter is with her mother.

everything seems to be going "better" but at the same time as i go from hospital to my home, as i drive my car and see the world around me, i cannot stop and marvel at the beauty of nature whenever i see it, but when i look at the people i feel sad. everyone's in their little "bubble". its had to imagine that the world will be changeing so drastically in the next few years given how things are. its like 99% of the people are not even aware of what's gonna happen, nor do they feel it, or maybe i'm not noticing it.

i need some support from anyone that wants to help out to give me some spititual guidance. i'm still hoping and leaning to the possibility that the world will be a better place in a few years, but at the same time i'm thinking of closing that possibility and just get back in my "bubble". so if anyone feels like talking, send me a pm. i felt like making a new post, but i was a bit hesitant since i just joined the community.

oh man. hearing your story brings me back to my own. hang in there bro.

right up above your post is my own about finding your passion. i failed to express how my passion came about. it came from feeling like i am being squeezed into a shoe box 10 sizes to small. and the fruit that i bore from the experience is an intense passion for the peace, love and beauty that i took for granite before hand.

i know it is a big pill to swallow. but don't give up man. fight.

it is so hard to hear people say to look for the beauty in everything. but in hindsight, after my own horrible experiences, i see that this is the truth.

anyway, i am here for you man. i understand how hard it can be.

[TaxSheemaSter]

not sure if this belongs in another thread or not...

im curious as to how everyone is dealing with the day to day hem and haw of a 3d life? since i've become more aware i've been exceptionally tired at my job and the daily tasks we all have to go through. it just feels so pointless to me. really? this is my life?

i've always felt my entire life i was supposed to be doing something bigger and more important. but can never seem to figure out what that thing is... but yet i feel so trapped now. we all need money to live and so we have to work. how does everyone cope? i find myself craving nature and the woods more and more and going from concrete building to concrete building just seems so wrong and futile.

i really try to carry joy and love with me...but you know its tiring. especially with the bombardment of negativity. it really is a test sometimes.

curious to know how others cope??

hi noel,

i cope with music and comedy. i watch jon stewart and colbert on a fairly regular basis, and i stay in the loop by listening to max kaiser (as funny as he is knowledgeable) and ... of course ... rachel maddow (she's awesome--i love her)!!

my music tastes are more indie-alternative: franz ferdinand, bowie, weezer, and so on. those groups/people/programs put a :d on my face, and it's basically a life-saver. wanderers are here to raise the vibration of ... well ... everything, but who raises or picks up the wanderers (?) ... in my case it's the people i mentioned above plus david w., and the odd richard hogie interview on coast.

[PZXjoe]

hi everyone!

this is my second post on the forum. right now i'm in a difficult period. my wife had a postpartum with an episode of psychosis. she's now on an anti-psychotic and anti-depressant
now, what does that have to do with this website and david. answer: nothing. i think david's information has been wonderful in making me deal with the daily stress of real life and give me a purpose and direction. i just hope its all true and that's its not some bs that will be turn out to be nothing more than hype. for a while when i was in the right state of mind, i was afraid of nothing. i was totally at peace with myself, the people around me and the world. the only thing that made me worry was 2012 not happening as david is suggesting or something horrible/worse being the outcome. i'm following the information david is releasing, but right now i'm feeling pretty down.

everything seems to be going "better" but at the same time as i go from hospital to my home, as i drive my car and see the world around me, i cannot stop and marvel at the beauty of nature whenever i see it, but when i look at the people i feel sad.
i need some support from anyone that wants to help out to give me some spititual guidance. .

hi insecteye,

i can totally relate to what you are experiencing. my entire life my mother has been a paranoid schitzophrenic. there are times when she is fine and other times when she has her episodes it can be quit draining. for a long time i was angry that this is what i had to deal with. i felt it was totally unfair that i had such hardships to deal with while my friends all seemed to have these "leave it to beaver" families. i really had to do some soul searching as to why things were this way for me.

i have come to understand that my mother is a life lesson. she is my lesson in patience and compassion. i think david's teachings really do apply to our situations. we really are so connected to everyone else. and mental illness usually has such a stigma attached to it because the masses don't understand it. i have spent many years with people who are mentally ill. i find them fascinating, loving and intelligent people that need us to support and love them. it is so important for us to extend love, compassion and healing peace to our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, wives, husbands and friends who are hurting.

believe me it would be very easy for me to get into that cycle of "why me" and i have entertained it for far too long in the past. the only thing that does is bring me crashing down into this terrible depressive state. mental illness is a challenge. i won't lie to you about that. there are days when i am totally frustrated with her. in those moments i have to breathe and remember you cannot argue with illness no matter how hard you try. you can only be supportive and most of all try to keep your sense of humor. laughter is an incredible healer. i have stories that people just cannot believe but its all truth and honestly very very funny. i had a choice. i could cry and be depressed about my situation or laugh and find the lesson in all of it.

one thing that has helped me immensely is meditaion. it has allowed me to find peace within myself especially on those challenging days i have with my mothers illness. so i think that there is some invisable thread that has brought you here to the dc world. there are things we all can do to help us in our struggles. this place is full of people who only want us all to find harmony within ourselves. it is so normal to feel how you are feeling. its understandable. especially because this challenge is so new to you. the information on 2012 is abundant on the net and unfortunately there are tons of people who love to entertain all the negatives. it is not fruitful for any of us to dwell in that space. what ever will happen will happen. just remember that your feelings are natural and normal and are also in no means permanent.

you always have support here.

[Fsfkkkjz]

hey insecteye.

hang in there. postpartums are tough and put a dampener on something that should be a happy time. fortunately they're also transient. don't be sad for your wife, she needs a little downtime after all that happened. it was an impact on her system and likely in some way connected to previously existing karmic ties to trouble. the fact that it comes up is an opportunity to clean it out. in my opinion, spoil her.

don't fight with her, she's got a strong dose of "beauty's privilege" right now. and i know from personal experience that if someone is getting difficult. our fuses get smaller. so if you're like me, swallow it and remember that your actions now have the very real ability to bind her to you forever in love. if you act from love. it's only not fair if you aren't given the opportunity for something very special in return.

you want spiritual guidance. yet you already see beauty. the only thing i can suggest is why restrict the beauty to the nature you see? the people around you will be all right. we are only an expression of nature. and even when things don't seem fair, they are what they are. and preferable over should be's and make belief. fairy tales and should be's are written by human writers. human lives are written by multidimensional entities of vast power and intelligence. (that's the all of us!)

and congratulations young father. i envy you. my wife is resistant to pregnancy, in the way that she runs away or throws stuff at me if i bring it up. you're up against a bunch of unfair diaper change turns. since your beloved gets the beauties privilege. you're it... for what it's worth, we're here cheering you on. (behind smell proof monitors.)

but really if you feel you need to lighten your load i'm sure we're here for you. do let us know how it works out.

[freflellalafe]

my wife had a postpartum with an episode of psychosis.

i understand the difficulty - my best friend deals with depression that she has to be on anti-depressants, and her husband is as well. its not easy for them, and its not easy for those of us who care for them, is it? when we dont know whats going on, we dont know how to combat it - and so ive found that the more you know, the more empowered you are to do something. but even then, its to an extent - because by us gaining knowledge only further serves to help those we love - but they are the ones that ultimately have to gain the knowledge in order to become better. when we dont know we can do something about it, thats when hopelessness and despair sets in.

we live in a society where so many things we struggle with are not natural at all, things that had never been known to mankind until this past few decades. ive read that things like add, cancer, diabetes, and depression, are all man-made... and being that these things had not existed prior to suddenly having drugs and processed food, that would folloow. if our body is starving for the proper nutrients - parts of it will begin to 'malfunction', like chemical imbalance that can cause depression. jim carreys son had add, and they practically cured it by merely changing his diet to organic foods instead of processed. because your wifes diet had gotten worse it attributed to what happened. change her diet? sometimes its hard when you work all the time, and if shes not feeling well, our diets get impacted, we go for the fast and easy. but there are others to help. perhaps you know a friend who cooks all the time? maybe pay them to pre-prepare food on a weekly basis?

http://divinecosmos.com/index.php?op...=306&itemid=70
now, as i explain in the science of peace, we have the proof of how intensely our own thoughtforms affect the planet. we get stuck in this insane loop of fear, and become addicted to the morphine response that kicks in when we move through a big surge of panic. this is actually leading to the creation of those very same thoughtforms that insure that we will continue to have earth changes, war, terrorism and economic problems.

i just read that blog the other day - talk about synchronicity as it applies here. im sure you have tried to show your wife dw's materials - perhaps due to the morphine response she was not open to hearing it? shell come to the information in time, but just let it be there and available. for example, print out an article from davids to read and just happen to leave it on the counter... who knows maybe shed pick it up when no ones looking. as you say the negative brought this upon her, only the positive can bring her out of it.

everything seems to be going "better" but... we cant assume they arent going through it. the transition will be private in 3d, for the most part, its going on inside their head. we cant compare anothers journey to our own because each path is as unique as a fingerprint - no two will ever be alike in their journey. since we have no basis to compare them to anything, how can we assume where they are at in their lives? many many people do so in silence because they have no one to turn to.

i'm still hoping and leaning to the possibility that the world will be a better place in a few years, but at the same time i'm thinking of closing that possibility and just get back in my "bubble". the bubble is not a bad place to be. its not an issue of black or white here. we must have balance in all things. enjoy your bubble at the same time as being enlightened. heck, i do. for example i love my nintendo ds i got for christmas - and i love playing the games, and focus on getting as many as i can. thats highly materialistic is it not? but it provides me enjoyment, it makes me happy, and happiness is something to strive for. it makes me happy because i want it, not because everyone else has it. find balance, without it, theres no chance of success on either level. we create our own realities. there is a movie being made that talks about how we are growing in our consciousness, most of us dont see it but they put it together so we could see its out there. its called the shift, the trailer is on youtube...when we feel alone or very limited in our numbers, we lose hope. however just by seeing this trailer, and seeing that we are not alone, or the minority - its really really really a beautiful feeling, it brings hope back.

much love, you will pull through, and she will to.
"the trials set before us, and its hard to understand, the mechanics of this world we tread, the potential in our hands. perspectives change across the board as the last among us knows. for commitment to a greater good strength grows, from splintered faith."

[blogforlovxr]

thanks for the support guys, i really appreciate your kind words. things are getting better, it was one of those days i guess. i'm rarely down or feeling depressed, by nature i'm a happy person and it takes a lot to make me close up or be angry, but that day it just felt ****ty. my wife sounds like her old self on the phone, and i just hope she'll be released before the hospitals start filling up with people that have that new strain of swine flu ok, lets think positive here!!

aqcheryl, we're eating better than before. no junk food, almost no processed food (we do open cans of tomatoes or beans sometimes), we've pretty much removed meat from our diet completely, but we do eat it if its on the menu at people's houses tho we don't cook it and eat it anymore. no, we're not vegetarians, we just don't wanna eat meat as a dialy staple.

meditating is something we want to do but its hard. we got a two year old and a four month old so we're busy pretty much all the time, but definitely i'm going to look into it, my work offers all kinds of programs and i think ill take a look at it when i go back (on parental leave right now).

again, much thanks for the kind words ali quadir, noel and aqcheryl. foosnik, i sent you a pm with some question

[freflellalafe]

when i was first responding it was long, so i was trying to shorten it, and i think when i went back i accidentally removed the part about the food - i had said 'if youre not already', but i dont see it in my original post so it must have gotten lost in edit.

its not easy to apply it, when you know it. we here are trying to implement the best we can as well. right now our scenario we can only do tv dinners most of the time, but ive been focusing on making them in the toaster oven instead of microwave. not only is there a difference in the quality, but i do feel a little more energy gained from the food as opposed to microwave. also have been trying to get as many days where we have home cooked, but its not easy when peeps are tired from the whole work week in general lol

i dont have children, but even if i did, everyones child(ren) have different schedules than anothers, but if they are asleep when you go to bed, even if its just going to bed 15 minutes earlier if you can, try the meditating then. in its simplicity all you are doing is shutting down your mind. it does get hard to not fall asleep lol but i found the more you try it the more and more time you get before falling asleep... and also if you do fall asleep, the meditation will continue even as you are asleep. thats happened a few times here

[freflellalafe]

from davids blog im reading...
http://divinecosmos.com/index.php?op...=313&itemid=70

making the grade to 'fourth density' in 2011-2013

furthermore, these lives become more and more interesting as you travel into the future and advance through the basic grades. right now, earth is moving into the next grade.

[this grade, or level, is called "fourth-density" in the law of one series, a phrase that was coined years before other channelers borrowed the same lingo without crediting the original source.]

whether you 'get it' or not, this event is coming… and an ever-increasing body of evidence supports statements in the law of one series that 2011-2013 is the turning point for when this literal reality shift will take place. it is said to be a worldwide hyperdimensional event most people could never even begin to imagine, since it is so far outside the 'box' of what they already know is 'real'.

all you have to do, in order to qualify for life on earth in 4d, is love people. consistently. that's it.

if you want to get technical, and split hairs, then you need to be just slightly above 50 percent more interested in serving and helping others (love) than in manipulating and deceiving them for your own gain (control).

fourth-density love, fifth-density wisdom


even after you make it to 4d, (and everybody eventually does,) you're still not fully enlightened… just farther along on the path. 4d is typically a realm of unconditional love, but that love is not 'informed' by wisdom. many people on earth fall into this trap, believing themselves to be very loving towards everyone… but never realizing that they have stopped loving themselves in the process.
he goes more into detail in the densities but i had to share this when i saw this.

[traithJah]

hi insecteye,

i can totally relate to what you are experiencing. my entire life my mother has been a paranoid schitzophrenic. there are times when she is fine and other times when she has her episodes it can be quit draining. for a long time i was angry that this is what i had to deal with. i felt it was totally unfair that i had such hardships to deal with while my friends all seemed to have these "leave it to beaver" families. i really had to do some soul searching as to why things were this way for me.

i have come to understand that my mother is a life lesson. she is my lesson in patience and compassion. i think david's teachings really do apply to our situations. we really are so connected to everyone else. and mental illness usually has such a stigma attached to it because the masses don't understand it. i have spent many years with people who are mentally ill. i find them fascinating, loving and intelligent people that need us to support and love them. it is so important for us to extend love, compassion and healing peace to our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, wives, husbands and friends who are hurting.

believe me it would be very easy for me to get into that cycle of "why me" and i have entertained it for far too long in the past. the only thing that does is bring me crashing down into this terrible depressive state. mental illness is a challenge. i won't lie to you about that. there are days when i am totally frustrated with her. in those moments i have to breathe and remember you cannot argue with illness no matter how hard you try. you can only be supportive and most of all try to keep your sense of humor. laughter is an incredible healer. i have stories that people just cannot believe but its all truth and honestly very very funny. i had a choice. i could cry and be depressed about my situation or laugh and find the lesson in all of it.

one thing that has helped me immensely is meditaion. it has allowed me to find peace within myself especially on those challenging days i have with my mothers illness. so i think that there is some invisable thread that has brought you here to the dc world. there are things we all can do to help us in our struggles. this place is full of people who only want us all to find harmony within ourselves. it is so normal to feel how you are feeling. its understandable. especially because this challenge is so new to you. the information on 2012 is abundant on the net and unfortunately there are tons of people who love to entertain all the negatives. it is not fruitful for any of us to dwell in that space. what ever will happen will happen. just remember that your feelings are natural and normal and are also in no means permanent.

you always have support here.

me too! me too!

i spent so long being so pissed! i was so mad that i was such a screw up and it was all my dad's fault! if you weren't such a damn nightmare, dad, i wouldn't be such a freak! i could function in society like a normal person if it weren't for you dad!

but then i started to realize that i didn't want to be normal. and once i gained some control over myself i even began to appreciate the fact that i had such an upside down life for so long.

i mean i probably wouldn't even be here right now talking with you beautiful people if i had a "leave it to beaver" life. i would just be another average "sheeple".

but i am not! i am one loony dude but i am definitely unique and original.

and i owe it all to you, dad.

peace!
foo

[PZXjoe]

yes, it is quite a struggle for me on some days. a test in patience to be sure. i get most annoyed though because she doesn't really try at all and in turn that sparks my anger and frustration. i have really tried to get a handle on it, but some days its so overwhelming. i don't know about your dad but my i have been having the exact same conversation with my mother for basically 20 years. i can't do it anymore. its exhausting me.

glad to know someone else has some of the same experiences. growing up i was the only one i knew that had this problem. i think that added to the feeling of "not belonging anywhere". i definitly feel and from a young age that my "family" is not really my family. there is definitly a lot of hurt going on between the members and i just don't get it. it really makes me sad to see them treating each other this way. the family has been breaking down for years, from a large cohesive unit to small fractured groups. its sad most of them profess to be very heavy church goers yet the actions they put forth are the exact opposite of what they say the lessons of the church are. it's almost laughable. you think if they spent that much time reading and listening to the teachings of jesus... that maybe ... just maybe...it would've sunk in a little bit more.

[traithJah]

yes, it is quite a struggle for me on some days. a test in patience to be sure. i get most annoyed though because she doesn't really try at all and in turn that sparks my anger and frustration. i have really tried to get a handle on it, but some days its so overwhelming. i don't know about your dad but my i have been having the exact same conversation with my mother for basically 20 years. i can't do it anymore. its exhausting me.

glad to know someone else has some of the same experiences. growing up i was the only one i knew that had this problem. i think that added to the feeling of "not belonging anywhere". i definitely feel and from a young age that my "family" is not really my family. there is definitely a lot of hurt going on between the members and i just don't get it. it really makes me sad to see them treating each other this way. the family has been breaking down for years, from a large cohesive unit to small fractured groups. its sad most of them profess to be very heavy church goers yet the actions they put forth are the exact opposite of what they say the lessons of the church are. it's almost laughable. you think if they spent that much time reading and listening to the teachings of jesus... that maybe ... just maybe...it would've sunk in a little bit more.

hey noel! one weird coinkydink to share. a young kid just started at my work and his name is noel too. i have never met a noel before and now i know two in a matter of a week or so. he is a remarkable kid in that he is so centered and positive for his age. whatever his parents did with this kid they were right on the money. in ny there is so much temptation everywhere that it takes quite a strong person to be able to stay square and not give in to all the craziness going on all around you. but this kid is like the eye of the hurricane.

i have a lot of experience with mental illness as well. our family doesn't really have cancer or anything like that but we seem to have a lot of crazy folk. my father's mother (my grandmother) was extremely intelligent and could have made some big contributions to the scientific community. she did make some significant contributions but i can't remember what they were now. but back then women were not really allowed to do these things. that was a man's responsibility. so all this intense mental energy she had, with no outlet, drove her batty. my grandfather couldn't deal with his wife, and he traveled a lot for his job so he was away from his own home nearly entirely. my dad got really screwed up from growing up in that house and was eventually diagnosed a sociopath.

my grandmother on my mom's side was severely abused growing up and it turned her nearly to ice. she did not share or show love to my mom at all. my grandmother was such a hurt little girl and she put up this extremely tough outer shell out of fear of letting the flood of emotions pour out. my grandmother proved herself to be the same kind of lesson for my mother as your mother was to you. a lesson of patience and compassion even in the face of someone who says mean things and hurts you. i can't say enough wonderful things about my mom because now, in the golden years of her life, she has fully conquered the circumstances she was born into. but it was not easy. oh no it was not. but i am so proud to be her son. she is amazing. my grandmother never was able to open up and she died with a closed heart. but my mom has found peace. she is ok now.

both my grandfathers were very elusive men. they were both very successful in their careers. people threw my one grandfather a huge retirement party in which thousands of people attended. but he was such an introvert and he shared nothing with his two sons and the same goes for my other grandfather. and my father did the same to the four of us. he was never violent but he just never could figure out how to take care of himself. and it seemed everywhere he went he sucked the life out of people.
and i, like you, have watched my family fall apart. there is a ten year gap between me and my three siblings and they just can't seem to get along. i just don't see why it is so hard to accept people's differences. yeah so they don't live like you do but who cares? just enjoy your life and let them enjoy theirs'.

i lived with a paranoid schizophrenic for a year as well. i had nowhere to go and i had to live there for about a year. that was a very hard period of my life. i would come home sometimes and he would be in the closet with all the lights off in the house and all the blinds pulled shut. he was constantly accusing me of bugging the phones and trying to plant drugs in the house to get him sent to jail. he would kick me out of the house and lock me out in the middle of the night sometimes. but you just can't argue with someone who has this kind of look in their eyes:



i seem to have inherited this same intense mental energy that runs in my family and it can be hard to handle sometimes. anxiety attacks. i have experienced some psychosis from lack of sleep. i have heard stuff and seen stuff. crazy stuff. but now i am getting control over this and hopefully i can use this to create some creative strokes of genius one day. i have realized i need an outlet for this and i am working on getting myself one now.

meditation does help and every time i do it i feel so much better. but it is so hard for me to do it and i still don't do it often enough. but i am doing it with increasing frequency.

anyway i just wanted to share that with you. i am getting much better and i have so much compassion and empathy for other people suffering with these kind of mental/emotional dis-eases. i hope and wish the best for you. i am sending loving energy your way!