[Redys]

i suspect that there will be much criticism for sticking one's neck out as david does. i so admire and appreciate and support him . it dangerous when people say they support you and then stab your back.. it goes beyond the personal to pricinciples. we will always know who is focusing on personaility and who is getting the ideas by watching who gets the principle and who does not.

ideas are more important than personalities and there is certainly an incredible amount of ideas coming through david. ideas that are supported and have the backing of research. it is unfortuante that the emotions can color my understanding.( pun on ray work theory) . i am grateful that there is this medium the computer to learn and be involved by the internet. i don't have to live near david to learn his ideas,listen and participate. what an incredible opportunity to meet others and grow together. great we have you tube and the net ! a friend of mine has critters that have scratched her screen window and left a hole. she is finely tuned to her creatures all around her home. i believe they were telling her something important . i believe they were telling her that the screen or net would receive a hole, damage and that it would affect allot of us. so i will pray that the hole is not too lasting. and that it can be repaired. crictisim can be like making holes in the screen.

[Vedun*]

there will always be those opposed to anything, i think the key is to stand firm with that which resonates to the inner self as truth. then to embody this truth and become it despite any outer circumstances. for myself the teachings of ra, edgar cayce, and david wilcock, all resonate with this truth. i have no doubt david is who he claims to be, and is one of the few really enlightened masters ive come across.

it is also spoken that the adept is one who moves away more and more from the thoughts, opinions, and constraints of other selves. so i believe finding such disbelief, and or disdain in others opinions is often a sign we are actually on the right path. (as long as one balances such faith and will with a humble and open mind.)

there is a saying this makes me think of in the tao teh ching:

"the best students, learning of the tao, set to work earnestly to practice the way.

mediocre students now cherish it, now let it go.

the worst students mock at it. were it not thus mocked, it would be unworthy to be tao."

[Bbjhjxfy]

no matter what, you will always doubt something that is happening outside yourself. until you get an intimate understanding of it, it doesn't become real.

all truth is subjective. davids truth isn't your truth because you haven't experienced what david has. that doesn't make it any less real or true, it just means that your truth is different than his right now. that doesn't mean you have to believe what he says either. perhaps you doubt because your path isn't involved in being here on these forums. perhaps it means you being told your meant to be someplace else.

proof is experience. when people say you need to appreciate things in order to attract more of it.. i really didn't get it. i didn't get it until one day i sat down, meditated quietly for a while and found that i could feel how the feelings of appreciation seemed to be a drawing force. i felt that, it became my truth. until that point it was only knowledge.

even i doubt the validity of what david says and what he does, but simply because i don't have the empirical proof of experience. however his knowledge has a lot of practical application in my spiritual development so here i am.

[Longwow]

i was watching some of the videos of david wilcock on youtube and some people left some interesting comments. not to be quoted, but some people do not believe he is the reincarnation of edgar cayce. on top of that they believe his theory of 2012 is one of the many which is very true. i guess some people don't believe in this cosmic conciousness that is argubaly suppose to happen. that left me wondering why i believe in it so much? maybe because it resonated with me or maybe i am vulnerable because of the difficulty in life. which would make me believe anything that made me more spiritual. i wish more proof was available or i could experience something that would make me believe full proof, but nothing is full proof maybe that is a part of the experience. i guess sooner or later we will find out, i'll be very honest, i can't wait

hi. understanding

i wrote out a convoluted treatise only to lose it. guess it was meant to be.i got carried away. but i still get ticked when such happens...my wonderful prose... oh! the humanity! (... as the shocked radio broadcaster exclaimed repeatably when the hindenburg exploded and crashed )

you are right. there is no such thing as absolute proof. that would go against the law of confusion -- which is designed to protect free will. neither ra nor david claim to be infallible.

and then there is this problem: "a man convinced against his will is of that same opinion still."

hang in there...remember the old songlet, "don't worry, be happy" if you can't manage that, well, be patient, be content. take long nature walks. hug a tree. kick a...whoops! make that, "caress a noxious weed"

billybob the butterball guy.

[Qeiafib]

billybobbusterballs, i have grown to look forward to your somewhat irreverent posts!

i am soon to meet my girlfriend's (of three years) champion christian fundamentalist father who is reputed to be a fearful,towering presense in his wide, wide circles, and who may be making it his mission to save his only daughter from her boyfriend's heathenistic, irreverent influence! (he, apparently knowing me by reputation only, this alone puts me at a disadvantage!)

your presense would be that which i can only say would be that most desirable, having sussed up your journey so far to the far shores of guilt-free spiritual living!

as the canadian dollar is now measuring $1.01 to yours, i'll contribute my entire commision for last week (twenty-one dollars and fifty-one cents...canadian!) to your airfare, if you can get here by tomorrow nite to lend me moral support, and i'll buy the root beer.

if you somehow can't make it, keep me in your thoughts (and feelings) anyways.

shivering in my timbers, mark

[Longwow]

billybobbusterballs, i have grown to look forward to your somewhat irreverent posts!

i am soon to meet my girlfriend's (of three years) champion christian fundamentalist father who is reputed to be a fearful,towering presense in his wide, wide circles, and who may be making it his mission to save his only daughter from her boyfriend's heathenistic, irreverent influence! (he, apparently knowing me by reputation only, this alone puts me at a disadvantage!)

your presence would be that which i can only say would be that most desirable, having sussed up your journey so far to the far shores of guilt-free spiritual living!

as the canadian dollar is now measuring $1.01 to yours, i'll contribute my entire commision for last week (twenty-one dollars and fifty-one cents...canadian!) to your airfare, if you can get here by tomorrow nite to lend me moral support, and i'll buy the root beer.

if you somehow can't make it, keep me in your thoughts (and feelings) anyways.

shivering in my timbers, mark

hi, mark

thanks ol' buddy. hey, i don't mind being somewhat irreverent as long as i'm not irrelevant!

about your coming meeting with this four-square fundemantalist ... run, do not walk to the nearest escape hatch! i'm scared to be with you even in thought! (is this girl worth dying for?)

i'm afraid it is a situation of, "abandon hope all ye who enter here".

but maybe i'm imagining the worst case scenario.

no. it will be horrible.

what can you say? being the pro-active father of his precious daughter he will certainly probe your religious convictions.

perhaps your best bet is to beat him to the draw and ask him about his religious convictions --after all, he is the expert -- keep reminding yourself, and tell him, that you are interested and open to learning the truth. all you know is that somehow jesus died to save all or many or some or only the elect. he will have a strong doctrinal opinion on one or the other of the above options. that will give you some clues on treading through the mine field.

this formidable pillar of the faith might just come right out and demand to know if you believe jesus is god. it could be all over right then and there if you fail to hem and haw with just the right reverance. tell him that this is a very profound question and that the idea of the trinity confuses you (hell, it took the church several hundred years to pound out and fashion the doctrine of the trinity -- you have good reason to be confused!) he might soften a bit and explain how a single egg has a shell, the white, along with the yellow yolk stuff...or perhaps he might use the idea of water, steam and ice, etc. nod your head and tell him, "yes, that makes sense."

keep in mind that the accounts of jesus are rather schizoid... there is the galalian jesus, who loved everyone --especially children, and then on the other hand we find the rather scary, jerusalem jesus -- who is coming back as the lion of judah to wrack vengeance on disbelievers and bad-doers. your girl friend's father will lean to one view or the other... in your special interaction pray that he favors the gentle jesus! (if he is carrying a bible like a six-gun on his hip, all bets are off!)

in case you get tempted to be carried away and attempt to discuss your point of view, keep in mind these warning points:

according to the holy scriptures prophets must be 100% accurate...if not then they are revealed as false prophets and deserve immediate death. in the book of acts a city obeyed admonitions against occult practices by having a "book" burning of forbidden material amounting to some 50 talents or so of silver. (50 talents? pieces? my memory ain't all that good) so, for goodness sake don't mention cayce, david, etc., or especially your vast, personal, unburned library you would invite him to read.

well, mark, maybe this formidable personage will recognize your spiritual goodness shining forth and will be tempered! i hope she is worth it! and, hey! does she have a hidden agenda to come out of the faith closet and "save" you once the two of you are safely hitched?? keep in mind that she may still be "daddy's girl"

best, billybob, my prayers go wit ya.

[Redys]

the true reality of evangelical christianity is that they do not live and let live.the obcession to control another by faith means is very rampant and often disguised.
yes tell the truth. we do have religious freedom"! yes, be silent. yes avoid the deal and if this is meant to be the one " convert ". there will never be peace in a divided house. there is a time for every thing under the sun, even overbearing fathers who protect thier little girsl and wan t nothing but he best. after all she will have chilfren ad he wants a relationship with them a life time of joy , sharing and happines. can you committ to that? i t is anothers joy, beyond the moment of one life time and invovling many others grand children and families.

[Longwow]

[quote=ewhaz;24008]

[OWDavid]

now, mark, you must promise that you will tell us all about how it comes out ... inquiring minds need to know!

i was just thinking the same thing.

my loving concern to you, your girl, and her well-meaning father!

amen.

mark,

judging from the sensibleness and good humor of your posts, i'm sure you're going to be fine and i don't think you really need any advice, though you have gotten some good stuff.

even though you don't need it, your post got me thinking about things i try to remember when in a a difficult situation, or even before it when thinking about what might happen. for what it's worth, here are some ideas:

• picture light rising from the earth up my spine, through each energy center and out my crown back to the creator.

• envision light flowing from my heart to the heart of the one i'm going to be dealing with or am dealing with and back again.

• use a switchword like "together", "divine order", or any other personally meaningful phrase. for some reason, i often find myself repeating the benediction that the minister used at the church my family attended when i was a child: "go in peace, remember the poor, and love one another."

basically, i try to use any trick i can to stay grounded and open in green and blue ray even if the other person is trying to take the conversation in what seems to be an unhelpful direction.

also, just pausing before speaking can be very helpful.

good luck!

oops -- just re-read your post. your meeting was last night. hope it went well!

[poRmawayncmop]

so they still haven't met and i don't think i'm ready. here's why.

i recently called my father to ask him about the "unpardonable sin" after reading a post on the forum. i knew he would know exactly the book, chapter and verse. he gave me three quotes immediately, which i researched further on the internet. he, of course, wanted to know why i was interested and i told him mark and i were discussing it.

that was a couple of weeks ago. generally speaking, we talk once every three months by phone. (that, in itself, took many, many years, since he told me when i was 17 that he wished i would die so that i might still have a chance of getting into heaven).

he called me two days ago (the day mark posted) and started questioning me about my "boyfriend". (truth be told, i'm not even sure he knows his name). he asked me why we were discussing the unpardonable sin. he asked me what church mark was affiliated with (none); what religion he was (his own); had he read the bible. yes, i proudly answered, i'm sure he's read the bible. he said he'd like to talk to him!

i somewhat relunctantly said well, why don't you come over for dinner and meet him and you can talk. (i have run this crazy idea past mark on prior occassions and i knew he was up for the challenge, but was i). my dad said i lived too far away (about a 40 minute drive) and that he would be happy to speak with mark on the phone. so obviously his sole purpose of speaking to mark was to preach his narrow-minded, uncompromising point of view and not to meet the wonderful person that he is, or for that matter, see his daughter, and his granddaughters.

billybobbutterbabe - you had it right. he "carries a bible like a six gun on his hip". even after 50 years in canada his german accent sounds like he never left (which further intimidates me for some reason) and he has always been able to invoke fear in me - more so than the god i was supposed to be fearing.

my fear at the present time (and i know i should not fear anything) is that if my dad questions mark and mark answers honestly (like i know he will) my dad will have his entire congregation praying for my salvation (if he doesn't already).

i believe in the power of prayer and meditation, especially when done in a group. david told of a group of 7000 people who meditated in israel for world peace, and terrorism etc. was reduced at that time by something like 73%. that's mind boggling.

so, i'm afraid of what my dad can do to me through group prayer.

i know that i have awakened. i truly believe in the law of one - that all is one. i am on my second read of the loo study guide. i love reading q'uo. i love this forum. it has been very helpful to me. i know mark and many of you say to ask your higher self for guidance and to look within yourself for the answers - and i do. i just feel that at the present moment i am blocked from being able to progress and grow.

i have made some progress in trying to meditate but then negative thoughts creep in and i can't focus. it bothers me immensely that i feel blocked. i don't understand why. it's very frustrating. i have read all kinds of stuff on how to meditate and how to unblock your chakra's etc., but i guess i just need to keep trying and perhaps lose the fear that my father is capable of impeding my progress.

i guess my point is that i don't need anything working against me - like my father. maybe if i knew that there were some positive thoughts and energy coming my way from the forum members it would help.

just writing all this has helped.

so be sure inquiring minds that when i am ready for my father and mark to meet, i will let him tell the tale and i'm sure it will be a good one. he really has no idea what he is in for!

kris

[Longwow]

so they still haven't met and i don't think i'm ready. here's why.

[snip]

my fear at the present time (and i know i should not fear anything) is that if my dad questions mark and mark answers honestly (like i know he will) my dad will have his entire congregation praying for my salvation (if he doesn't already).

i believe in the power of prayer and meditation, especially when done in a group. david told of a group of 7000 people who meditated in israel for world peace, and terrorism etc. was reduced at that time by something like 73%. that's mind boggling.

so, i'm afraid of what my dad can do to me through group prayer.

i know that i have awakened. i truly believe in the law of one - that all is one. i am on my second read of the loo study guide. i love reading q'uo. i love this forum. it has been very helpful to me. i know mark and many of you say to ask your higher self for guidance and to look within yourself for the answers - and i do. i just feel that at the present moment i am blocked from being able to progress and grow.

i have made some progress in trying to meditate but then negative thoughts creep in and i can't focus. it bothers me immensely that i feel blocked. i don't understand why. it's very frustrating. i have read all kinds of stuff on how to meditate and how to unblock your chakra's etc., but i guess i just need to keep trying and perhaps lose the fear that my father is capable of impeding my progress.

i guess my point is that i don't need anything working against me - like my father. maybe if i knew that there were some positive thoughts and energy coming my way from the forum members it would help.

just writing all this has helped.

so be sure inquiring minds that when i am ready for my father and mark to meet, i will let him tell the tale and i'm sure it will be a good one. he really has no idea what he is in for!

kris

hi, kris.

thanks so much for the update ... your predicament has been much on my mind.

here is my take on it. a telephone conversation just won't do! it has to be face to face -- (with a rather largish table in between!)

a person such as your father is at his exhalted "best" in dealing with other sects who, as he most likely does, "believe" in the literal truth of the holy scriptures.

since mark is not such a "bible believer" your father can't use his carefully honed, irresistible scriptural interpretations against mark's shaky, inferior dogma -- you see, there would then be no common ground of agreement concerning the bible to support a meaningful theological argument ... in this special case your dad's six-shooter bible turns out to be loaded with nothing but noisy blanks. the only alternative he has is to fall back on secular logic to then build a case supporting the bible.

kris, please don't be spooked by thoughts of prayers directed for your "salvation" thank him and his congregation for the spiritual help. assume that this fothcoming energy will be heartfelt and meant to help you to, well, "come into the knowledge of the truth". such prayer is not of the type that can "brainwash" you against your convictions --use the good aspects of the energy boost for the good!

being at one time a vigorous defender of the faith i'm naturally curious about your father's denomination. please inquire about his organization. (even if one claims to be non-denominational they still fall into a particular descriptive grouping) you might ask him if he is a calvinist or an arminian. that should get a reaction!

since all that would be getting away from the law of one you could drop me a private message at my personal info spot.

concerning the loo. the concept that all would be resolved by the one creator hit me right in the sweet spot. the idea of no-hope-hell and eternal damnation for even trivialities applied to the vast majority of the human race -- past present and future -- essentially makes classical christianity a virtual documant of horror, not hope.

i guess the whole idea of the three of you ever getting along smoothly in this incarnation is rather slim. arranging a confrontation is controversial... but, except for the fact that i was once confronted, i'd still be in much the same mind-set as your father... heck, we could be going out together picketing atheist conventions. (yeah, i did that ... even including a "newage conference )


my best wishes --which amount to a prayer -- to you and mark, etc.

bill gieskieng aka billybobtheologia

ps

contemplate this: meditations seldom run smoothly -- maybe they aren't supposed to?

[Redys]

i spoke to two men about the divinecosmos,com site and the videos. i am so impressed with the videos . both men were interested. one spoke spanish from colombia. pablo and i want him to stay in toronto and then dr. mcdermitt was interested in the theory of planetary warming. i am so excited about these ideas and that others can listen to the ideas and see david talk . he is amazing to watch as a teacher. i am thrilled to see him on line and the cast audinces that can be reached this way . far better than tv and also that david can say what he needs to say. there is more to come i am sure and we must support this effort as i think the " convergence movie will have a greater impact on the internet; perhaps creating a phenomenon unheard of in the spread of ideas to all countries, cultures and languages. it is of gobal porportions the task and as such it needs that much more support from those small gifts that made all the great tv evangelsit succeed. step up mi hermanos y hermanas. mes amis, we need you all to advance the prep work. even if we pray for the messenger that will be "good enough" ( forgive the teacher in me even though i am retired i still love an audience)

[Redys]

i feared my fahter . he was arrogant, confident and a formidable military man ( a coronel). i want to say a real mean foe! in truth i had created the monster and fed that monster in my mind and heart. it was my way of not having to love and accpet him or myself for who we are father and son
( mirrors!) to me in that past mode he was a terrifying dictator who i allowed to intimidate me. i never spoke my mind or told him the truth! boy did i create my work for my self. he called me a" jack ass in the last two weeks " because i carry burdens that are not my own" he is correct even if a jack ass is derrogatory. i am the son of a jack ass.
i see how sticky an dicky is the space that you find your self with such a formidable german father . he sounds horrifying, i am sure he is as stubborn as a "jack ass" . i would agree with the wisdom of staying clear away from some one who can cast such a paul over your life . you are powerless over him and his ideas. feed him love ( at a distance, he sounds toxic in person). live and let live get on with your life. focus on as best as you can on your well being .i seem stuck on that one area too!! i have been depressed for 27 years becasue i hung unto self hatred , judging myself as not being good enough! and anger agasinst my father and myself )
easy to say "get over it" but much more difficult to do. i suffer from alcoholism and the disease was so toxic at home destroying our family life and any hope for a happy future for either my sisters and myself. we all became fundamentalist christian . go fiquer!all of us are extremist! even in my attempt to keep an open mind i am walking a fine tight rope . so live and let live ... hum . my dad's few words of personal wisdom ( pearls) i cherish. he says" keep your nose out of trouble" best advice going! " and to overcome those blocks just think about it . how improtnat is it ? give it all the " time you need" you set the agenda no forcing of solutions . the minute we set a solution in motion we are forcing and then we facing the consequences what ever they may be usually disasters.thsank you fo ryour candor and honesty. i too had an overbearing zealous motherin law to be that believed i had to force my salvation message on every stranger i met! it was my christian duty to be a soul winner! try living that in a catholic high school as the art , chaplain teacher?1yah it was a challenge i came under scrutiny often.

[Qeiafib]

[quote=billybobbutterball;24052] arranging a confrontation is controversial... but, except for the fact that i was once confronted, i'd still be in much the same mind-set as your father...

thank you for your good wishes, bill.

i don't have to say that this is a very delicate issue.

this is a personal issue, but one that will resonate with the experiences of many.

i sense, kris, that there is a climactic moment of self-realization afoot for you, here, in regards to the issues surrounding your childhood experiences with your father.

if and when the three of us ever meet for dinner, i certainly won't be looking for a confrontation of any sort, as this would be in exception to the law of free will, in that your father's path is his rightful path, and represents his own chosen course of becoming. i certainly would not wish for the theology to go beyond deviled eggs, angel-food cake, and 'heavenly hash' ice cream.

there can never be a showdown between christian fundamentalism and the law of one, as the law of one is about unconditional acceptance of the paths of all.

in such a meeting, i would hope to only ground myself in and transmit unconditional love, acceptance and freedom from spiritually-based fear. (thanks for your advice, tw) who knows, maybe some of this will rub off on him!

please, also know that your father's intentions are good, and even if he were to pray with all the 7000 in israel to affect you in any way whatsoever, it would be impossible for this to happen against your will! his/their intent would have to be filtered through the matrix of your own higher self, allowing through only a pure-love energy stripped down of anything that was not in line with your own personal acceptance. you are so totally the boss of you!

kris, spiritual progress can be blocked only by the contents of your own 'shadow self', which contains all your perceived un-resolved dark and negative thoughts, emotions, guilt issues, fears, desires and trespasses done by you and against you.

much like someone who transcribes an interview, for example, and returns again and again to edit and correct the typos, and smooth out the distortions as much as one can, you can search through your life for issues to revisit with love, acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude.

be aware, also, that you can come to recognize when your higher self will provide you with opportunities to revisit these issues, because it always will!

many christians and others are burdened by fear. fear of damnation, for example, can stall one's progress for eons.

take for example, the concept of the 'unpardonable', or 'original sin'. this could represent for many a mis-apprehension of the 'original wound', wherein all of us can trace our shadow issues ultimately to our perceived separation from 'god' and our resultant sense of abandonment. (search 'david's blog' for more on the 'original wound')


i don't believe there is any such thing as the original sin.

i believe we are all free to live according to our own free will, and that the creator has infinite patience to allow us as much time as necessary to get where we're going. from this it follows that one needn't have any fear at all of having done the wrong things in life, as there's no such thing as having done the wrong things in life!

all is experiencing, becoming, forgiving and learning to love all living beings as one's own self. there are opportunities for growth in every experience; indeed, that is why there is such a thing as experience!

-mark

[vSzsgifP]

i was watching some of the videos of david wilcock on youtube and some people left some interesting comments. not to be quoted, but some people do not believe he is the reincarnation of edgar cayce. on top of that they believe his theory of 2012 is one of the many which is very true. i guess some people don't believe in this cosmic conciousness that is argubaly suppose to happen. that left me wondering why i believe in it so much? maybe because it resonated with me or maybe i am vulnerable because of the difficulty in life. which would make me believe anything that made me more spiritual. i wish more proof was available or i could experience something that would make me believe full proof, but nothing is full proof maybe that is a part of the experience. i guess sooner or later we will find out, i'll be very honest, i can't wait

[usaguedriedax]

i brought this thread back up after a long hiatus because i happened to come across it and thought it so interesting how our fathers can affect us so much.

my father just didn't care and wasn't around much, before or after my parents divorced when i was sixteen. i spent the next twenty-five years trying to get him to just give me a hug and say he loved me without wanting me to do what he wanted or thought i should be doing. it wasn't until he died that i was able to analyze it and see him for who he really was, and then i understood he was just a scared kid who was brought up by another father who ignored him too (i loved my grandfather but apparently there was trouble between those two that affected what my dad did in his life). he just didn't know how to love, so shut himself off from the possibility.

father's, as david has said in his blogs, is our first experience with god. pleasing who we think is omnipotent in our little eyes is so important and we try to get that love from them that says we are ok, we are wonderful. there is no way for the grown-up to resolve with a father who ignores love and free will for dogma, a man-made item to be sure.

if your dad is still alive, all of you, stop trying to make them love you and see them for who they are. love them despite their clumsy walk thru life and treat them like a fallible human being like we all are. they are not god, they are just a part of the whole as you are, so see them as human and equal so you can love what is good about them. if your attitude changes, it may not change them, but it will sure help you chris

[duminyricky]

im not sure if this was ever posted here before, but i had found a video with buckminster fuller that was done back in 1974. some pretty good stuff (i feel). hope you all enjoy. =)

info - a one hour conversations with renowned "comprehensivist" polymath buckminter fuller at his "world game" offices in philadelphia. much time is given to asserting his "synergetic" major premise that in terms of mankinds collective technological augmented advancement through time we had reached a point - in terms of our collective capabliity to provvide "life suport" to the people of "spaceship earth" - within a correct assumption there were more "haves" than "have nots" for the first time in human history and that by utilizing "anticapatory design scince" we could beginning serious modeiling the premise we had transcended material scarcity and we had reached that "critical point" in the year 1970.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hytq_-rpauo

[Cogebrego]

hiya chris,

thanks for reigniting this post and also for sharing your story. i must commend you for your analysis and realisation of the fact "he was just a scared kid himself". a very heart warming conclusion from you with no ill feelings towards him and as the law of one states, an acceptance of everyones path.

i never really knew my dad as my mum left him when i was about 3. according to her, he was an abusive alcoholic who took great pleasure in "knocking" her into next week. oddly, i do not remember having any "conditioned" hate towards him,(although i believe mum tried hard!) but i do remember growing up with a feeling of not being complete - if that makes sense. she re-married another 3 times and i took the surname of the first 2 after her divorce from my dad. (its funny because even writing "my dad" feels weird!).

my third step father hated my with a passion and that is what caused me most of my problems in later life - throughout my twenties and thirties. back in 1997, i was very "low" (she divorced him around that time) especially as in many ways i wanted to re-connect with my biological dad. this i knew would hurt my mum (and i was not conditioned?!) so i sat down and decided to clear my thoughts and let the pen do the writing.

what came through was a sort of poem which allowed me to let it all out. from that point i felt better and decided to not strike up a relationship with my dad. i did not want to hurt mum, although sort of at the expense of my own feelings. i have not shared that poem with anyone for 12 years and i feel like posting it on this site somewhere but i do not quite know which thread to post it on.

fast forward to now and through my own spiritual journey, i have totally forgiven all those who hurt, betrayed and abandoned me. i actually thank them for the life lessons they taught me - although it took years to get there. i have spoken to my dad only about 3 times in 10 years and each time he says "i love you son". those words are enough - growing up without him was hard but his declaration of his love to me made all those crappy years worth it. i love you too dad!

with love and light to you all,

matt

[usaguedriedax]

putting this thread into a proper topic chris

[Sawyer]

ok so. i have really appreciated everyone's honesty and sharing here.

my father not only neglected me but provided me with a real bad way to go about life.

so i spent years breaking bad habits installed in me as a child.

and it was so hard.

but also i really got to understand ppl's pain. and the who's, what's, when's, and how's of it. so now i have the weapons i need to really help out around here.

so now i am proud of myself for mostly making it through it. and i aim at trying to break this illusion ppl live in just like i lived for so long.

chain reaction of light, wisdom and love.

and finally.....

i say a little prayer to my dad for teaching me these lessons.

he is forgiven.