[ENGINESSQ]

welcome larissa
discovering all this information can be a bit mind-blowing at first, but also wonderfully exciting!

to answer your questions... a thread is basically a topic on the forum, so this topic titled 'wanderers reunited' is a thread. you'll see your replies appear below your own text. smilies - to be honest, i can't really figure them out except by typing them out

one of my dearest friends moved to south korea a couple of months ago to teach english.

glad you've joined us, i'm sure you'll find this forum a friendly and fascinating place.
lorna

[eskimosik]

wow for some reason i was really nervous about checking the forum to see if my post had infact been posted! deep breath.... dear foosnik, i also really appreciate all you are saying and everyone in this thread. it is a huge relief to read everyones words, so much of it resonates, do we all feel the same ? yet find our own expression and release, i believe we do! this brings me great comfort. i am just this moment coming out of another 'wave' coughing and spluttering but still breathing! my dad also commited suicide this christmas night, early hours of boxing day. he had been an alcoholic all of my life time, was very caught up in his extremelly distorted, fragmented mental self. never really began to deal with his emotions. our relationship did improve over the last few years and for this i am so gratefull. but only to a certain limit, and i found i would drink with him when ever we where together. he took an overdose. had a massve heart attack. he was an intelligent, beautiful, sensitive, caring man, who never found his inner peace and healing. was he selfish to take his own life? very good question and one of the many which floats around inside me. my deepest feeling is he had run out of choices. he didn't know what else to do, and no one could assist him as he was to lost in his fragments. when i look back on his life its no wonder. i think my dad was very sensitive, picked up on others energy but had no frame work to assess, integrate, heal, let go etc. without any frame work his inner life must of been hell (he told me many,many times) then on top of this he drank heavily, thus after so many years his body could no longer take it. i beleive he knew he would do more good without his physical body which only teathered him to his unrelenting pain. this all happened just a few months ago. since boxing day i returned to my family 'home' and i to have been drinking every day. untill this most powerful sprinq equinox, full moon, new year mayan and astrological. i am now (yet again) detoxing, mediating, breathing exercises, bringing myself back to myself. its still early days but from experience i have a feeling another new level of love and understanding is taking shape. my first 'escape' lasted 12 years, the last 5 years i have bouced back and forth. yet within that i have learnt that my body is my temple, and thankfully very good at regeneration!! we are all one, our experiences are our landscapes, mine has new mountains to climb, my journey is always, return to love, love thyself, accept all parts of my being, o yes that includes the shadows that dance. if i embrace all of myself then i love all of myself which in turn generates a feeling of love and acceptance for all those in my life and every experience i have. its so challenging, and the path of awakening into infinite awareness is not for the faint hearted, it is a path for all awakening hearts. be gentle, trust yourself and learn to swim !!!!
peace within.......

[addyta.org]

thanks, butterfriends, for the info and the welcome. *i've read everyone's response on this topic and find much to relate to.* been watching some more dw and reading, one very striking thing is as i watch him, i feel a strong familiarity, and a sense of comfort and security.* also read the quiz about the wanderers and definitely related.* i have come across the info for years that i am a volunteer here to help, could never understand why i would want to put myself into this position.* when i was 21 i finally couldn't take anymore and decided on yet another suicide attempt.* had a sportscar and decided to drive it on highway 1 around big sur in the fog on the curving road - put my foot down, was going 80 mph, let go of the steering wheel and waited to crash.* something grabbed hold of the steering wheel and expertly drove that car around the curves until i slowed down and decided maybe i wasn't meant to die just yet.read that part of dw's story where* he said something grabbed him and guided the pencil around on his automatic writing attempt, where he got the message ec etc.* what is this something that grabs hold and propels.have recently started being told to channel the higher self, whatever that means.* then heard dw talk about the future self coming back to give guidance to the present self to help with development.* that makes sense, strangely enough.* have lots to work on, am excited and no longer suicidal.* love you all and* your stories.larissa

[exsmoker]

: if i am a wanderer and i believe the rough figures were that 1 in 80 people could be? considering all the people we know and interact with in life, is it possible? even likely that those who we connect with most, can express ourselves freely with, our closest friends, who share some of the classic qualities of wanderers, a handful out of thousands upon thousands of possibilities of people we've came in contact with throughout life, are indeed wanderers too? it seems logical to me but the idea of 3, 4, 5 unwitting wanderers sitting in the same room seems weird. just wondering if anyone else has felt this way or has found out that some of the people they are closest too are actually of the same ilk as they are. also, how do you bring it up with the logical vulcan breed of wanderer? should you even try since they are so skeptical? any thoughts, advice, would be appreciated, godspeed.

dear psatullo,
when i cam to davids website, i was aware of being a wanderer, what i didn't know that my origin was angelic. i found this out, after reading one of davids articles, readings. it didn't make me happy, in the contrary.
the interesting part is, david suggested that most wanderer are of angelic origin, yet i have not come across any other wanderer, that is of angelic origin, on this board.
i must say, i don't spend much of my time here, and if i mainly read up on material that interests me. most of my time i spend on a message board where there a many angelics and guardian (elementals, or those from the fae energy).
in my understanding, just because someone is a wanderer, does not mean, s/he wants to interact with an other wanderer.
i don't belief, it is their purpose to congregate. they almost all are here to do a job, and not all are pretty. speaking for myself, if someone would ask me, i would tell them, otherwise i would not bring it up.
when i write, i usually ask my divine self if, what i write, is appropriate to post.
having a strong connection with the soul, self, will help in all uncertainties.

regards detlef
rah nam

[irresseni]

wow for some reason i was really nervous about checking the forum to see if my post had infact been posted! deep breath.... dear foosnik, i also really appreciate all you are saying and everyone in this thread. it is a huge relief to read everyones words, so much of it resonates, do we all feel the same ? yet find our own expression and release, i believe we do! this brings me great comfort. i am just this moment coming out of another 'wave' coughing and spluttering but still breathing! my dad also commited suicide this christmas night, early hours of boxing day. he had been an alcoholic all of my life time, was very caught up in his extremelly distorted, fragmented mental self. never really began to deal with his emotions. our relationship did improve over the last few years and for this i am so gratefull. but only to a certain limit, and i found i would drink with him when ever we where together. he took an overdose. had a massve heart attack. he was an intelligent, beautiful, sensitive, caring man, who never found his inner peace and healing. was he selfish to take his own life? very good question and one of the many which floats around inside me. my deepest feeling is he had run out of choices. he didn't know what else to do, and no one could assist him as he was to lost in his fragments. when i look back on his life its no wonder. i think my dad was very sensitive, picked up on others energy but had no frame work to assess, integrate, heal, let go etc. without any frame work his inner life must of been hell (he told me many,many times) then on top of this he drank heavily, thus after so many years his body could no longer take it. i beleive he knew he would do more good without his physical body which only teathered him to his unrelenting pain. this all happened just a few months ago. since boxing day i returned to my family 'home' and i to have been drinking every day. untill this most powerful sprinq equinox, full moon, new year mayan and astrological. i am now (yet again) detoxing, mediating, breathing exercises, bringing myself back to myself. its still early days but from experience i have a feeling another new level of love and understanding is taking shape. my first 'escape' lasted 12 years, the last 5 years i have bouced back and forth. yet within that i have learnt that my body is my temple, and thankfully very good at regeneration!! we are all one, our experiences are our landscapes, mine has new mountains to climb, my journey is always, return to love, love thyself, accept all parts of my being, o yes that includes the shadows that dance. if i embrace all of myself then i love all of myself which in turn generates a feeling of love and acceptance for all those in my life and every experience i have. its so challenging, and the path of awakening into infinite awareness is not for the faint hearted, it is a path for all awakening hearts. be gentle, trust yourself and learn to swim !!!!
peace within.......

holy crap. thank you so much for writing that. i needed that. i too, am detoxing again!! christ! no more of this! and beautifully said.

i am so sorry about your father. damn! this is so hard. i think he should have communicated with you. and that is where he was selfish. but i feel, with my own father, i have to respect his choices, and let him go. but it just seems so damn hard to do it. i am tired of feeling isolated and alone. and i don't want to be selfish. we need to communicate with each other. i am so afraid to bring my sadness and pain to the light because i am afraid to be shot down in vulnerability. this has to change or all the sensitive people such as you, and me, and our fathers will keep dieing.

i think you are a very wise and sensitive person.

i send you love and respect. don't give up.

when i look back on his life its no wonder. i think my dad was very sensitive, picked up on others energy but had no frame work to assess, integrate, heal, let go etc. without any frame work his inner life must of been hell (he told me many,many times) then on top of this he drank heavily, thus after so many years his body could no longer take it. i beleive he knew he would do more good without his physical body which only teathered him to his unrelenting pain. it is time to build this framework. for our survival.

[irresseni]

#1 communication: it is not fair to the people around you, the people who love and support you to not, at the very least, to communicate and let people know what is going on, before it is too late. this is what builds the framework for a healthy life.

it is not fair to not, at the very least, to try and speak with your loved ones. if you speak your heart and they do not accept you then there is a serious problem. it is not good for any human being to open up and then be rejected.

#2 don't judge: i think that when you judge people then people retreat inside of themselves and torture themselves because they begin to feel like a horrible person. we all must allow each other to be free. you might not agree with it, but if you are truly on the path of healing then it has to be done. hence, forgiveness.

#3 forgiveness: dw has spoke a lot about this subject and i think we all know why this is so important. if you look at the other person, as yourself, then you cannot judge him/her because they are you. we all have problems and fears.

but i think there is another step further before you can truly heal yourself:

#4 release: i forgave my father for him drowning in his problems. but i never released the anger, saddness, and the void, that was created. this is my final lesson and the one i am struggling with so hard. i don't know how to do it. the anger is still raging inside of me so bad it is nearly ripping me to pieces.

can someone please give me some advice on how to release this?

i am aware that no one can save u,s for us. we have to save ourselves. but i still need some advice.

[addyta.org]

to detlef, that's a really interesting point about not necessarily wanting to connect with other wanderers. me, i want to connect so i can feel like i'm not crazy or the only one or abandoned etc. maybe meeting another wanderer face to face would not be that great, specially since i'm pretty antisocial myself, but being able to talk like this on a forum seems like a great idea.
actually, i'm not so antisocial as extremely painfully sensitive, and all the "spiritual knowledge" i have hasn't helped, as i pull into my shell at the slightest perceived threat. what a way to live. sitting here alone in my room typing conversations, alone but not alone, i like that.
what is my mission? well, it's an unfolding, moment to moment. in spite of prophesies and the like, noone can really predict what will happen, because of that thing called free will. i used to notice that the best psychics were always 50/50 they were never completely accurate.
there is nowhere to go, nothing to do except collect experience. used to have that hanging on my wall until i sold my house, got rid of all possessions, and started travelling. travelling is my way of being in the moment, because you never know whats going to happen next, and things can never get boring. i don't understand what the people around me are saying, i'm in korea now, but i've got my laptop, and wow, everybody speaks english when i go online. not knowing the language i also tune in to other aspects, and read people in other ways. it's fascinating.

[irresseni]

larissa: there is nowhere to go, nothing to do except collect experience. used to have that hanging on my wall until i sold my house, got rid of all possessions, and started travelling. travelling is my way of being in the moment, because you never know whats going to happen next, and things can never get boring. i don't understand what the people around me are saying, i'm in korea now, but i've got my laptop, and wow, everybody speaks english when i go online. not knowing the language i also tune in to other aspects, and read people in other ways. it's fascinating.
today 06:16 am but is this traveling escape, or is it searching, or both? i too have traveled. i have not been in any one city or county for more than a couple years at a time.

i know what it is like to be somewhere that no one speaks your language. when you want so bad to speak to someone but you are not able to express it.

i empathize and understand.

[rJohutozsfds]

i think this wanderer concept is a really neat idea, insofar as it helps you to understand yourselves and your environment. however i do think it's possible to over-identify with the concept. remember that what you came here to do is much more important than where you came from.

ever since i was old enough to think, i've known that i am not a native here, but does that make me a wanderer? i don't know, does it really matter? to me it does not, i've never been too much into labels; they tend to box you in. as i always say, i believe in possibilities.

[Sarah Armstrong]

super-good point!

tonight i experienced "the dark night of the soul", but today many friends turned up to walk my dog, bring
medicine and invitings...i feel as a rather split personality, never fitting in, reading stuff on this forum that just would make my friends just shake their heads, and all the same i can't just quit. i think this might be some initiation, having felt the total alienation and bottomless pit, and then rise again like the phoenix. i'm on the path of spirituality and i can't go back either wheter i'm a wanderer or not.

liliane

[mr.supervideogoodfd]

greetings all, wonderful to share and heal and release. no matter what you are, no matter what your station, no matter where you came from, we can all agree on one thing. we are all here, on this earth, in this moment. we all have the choice of free will. to me that is the most treasured aspect of this existence. i understand all the pain of being here. i live it everyday, just like you all do. what has helped me to no ends lately, is to remember i chose this! i fought tooth and nail to be here, to expierence all the catylist in order to grow in my understanding of love. i appreciate all the honest sharring on this forum. we are all individuals, all in different places of spiritual growth. we are all equal in our potential in the eyes of our creator. we are all the creator. we forget this sometimes. distractions abound in this illusion. our increased sensitivity is a blessing and a curse at times. the balance lies within. we slowly learn to forgive ourselves, and trust ourselves, and love ourselves. that makes it possible to remain an open, clear, loving reflection. we try to give this back to the world and those in it. what they choose to do with this is thier choice, for they have free will also. i have just spent 3 days releasing pain, reliving past, accepting myself. my migraines were incapacitating. i woke up three nights in a row in pools of sweat and urine. i was frightened and hurt beyond my ability to comprehend. and i would not change one second of it. for in our pain are our understandings of love strenghened. you are all very special and vital to this place. i am humbled to share in the labor of love you all perform each day. i am honored. i am blessed. thank you all!

[irresseni]

super-good point!

tonight i experienced "the dark night of the soul", but today many friends turned up to walk my dog, bring
medicine and invitings...i feel as a rather split personality, never fitting in, reading stuff on this forum that just would make my friends just shake their heads, and all the same i can't just quit. i think this might be some initiation, having felt the total alienation and bottomless pit, and then rise again like the phoenix. i'm on the path of spirituality and i can't go back either wheter i'm a wanderer or not.

liliane

amen.

thanks for taking a step forward. i appreciate it.

[eskimosik]

communication, indeed. i find that even if you speak the same language deep communication only occurs when you have similar understandings, concepts, inner thoughts. i try to communicate with my family, yet it is as if i speak a different language, or funnily enough i am from a different planet!! so i take a deep breath, release and come to terms with the fact that my family and many others i meet, the level of our communication only goes so far, and generally quite superficial. it used to drive me crazy and still does to a point...more lessons in forgiveness of others thus myself.
thank you for your love and respect. thank you to everyone who reads these words. very good lessons. always integrating.
do we die? yes ok our physical body may pass away, yet is that the i that creates me? i feel not, my dad has moved to another vibration as has all people whos bodies pass away. i may not be able to see him or hear him with my finite senses but when i look and feel into my heart he is there.
releasing anger? thats a big one, with many layers. i'm still working on it, as my liver tells me!! what is there really to be angry about? if everything is a reflection of my own inner being then the anger is mine, if the anger is mine i ask myself the question, where does it steam from, what are its roots? i discover does it matter? its an emotion thus energy which needs to flow through me, which always brings me back to more acceptance more love and yes, yet again rise like the phoenix. i find it quite challenging flying into america, so i generally always fly to phoenix!! as this makes me smile and i love arizona!!
i do travel alot, i live most of the year in my campervan. wanderers reunite!! most awakening people i've had the pleasure meeting also like to travel. soul food. yes it does generate living in the moment, each day is a new day. escaping? searching? all of the above and more!! i am here to experience the vastness that is our lives. for myself i feel new enviroments generates new energy. i am on a new adventure soon, leaving this new moon, just a little adventure yet it is already creating new energy....
peace within

[f6HLLFcw]

communication, indeed. i find that even if you speak the same language deep communication only occurs when you have similar understandings, concepts, inner thoughts. i try to communicate with my family, yet it is as if i speak a different language, or funnily enough i am from a different planet!! so i take a deep breath, release and come to terms with the fact that my family and many others i meet, the level of our communication only goes so far, and generally quite superficial. it used to drive me crazy and still does to a point...more lessons in forgiveness of others thus myself.
thank you for your love and respect. thank you to everyone who reads these words. very good lessons. always integrating.
do we die? yes ok our physical body may pass away, yet is that the i that creates me? i feel not, my dad has moved to another vibration as has all people whos bodies pass away. i may not be able to see him or hear him with my finite senses but when i look and feel into my heart he is there.
releasing anger? thats a big one, with many layers. i'm still working on it, as my liver tells me!! what is there really to be angry about? if everything is a reflection of my own inner being then the anger is mine, if the anger is mine i ask myself the question, where does it steam from, what are its roots? i discover does it matter? its an emotion thus energy which needs to flow through me, which always brings me back to more acceptance more love and yes, yet again rise like the phoenix. i find it quite challenging flying into america, so i generally always fly to phoenix!! as this makes me smile and i love arizona!!
i do travel alot, i live most of the year in my campervan. wanderers reunite!! most awakening people i've had the pleasure meeting also like to travel. soul food. yes it does generate living in the moment, each day is a new day. escaping? searching? all of the above and more!! i am here to experience the vastness that is our lives. for myself i feel new enviroments generates new energy. i am on a new adventure soon, leaving this new moon, just a little adventure yet it is already creating new energy....
peace within

more love and yes, yet again rise like the phoenix. i find it quite challenging flying into america, so i generally always fly to phoenix!! as this makes me smile and i love arizona!! you have really made me smile with that.

i was thinking that my father was responsible to talk with me, and communicate. but maybe i am being to harsh.

but look, i don't think the anger is mine, and mine alone. i go out everyday and i feel what it is to be among other people, well, maybe you are right. maybe the anger is mine and mine alone.

but i go out everyday and i feel this sort of brutality. people will walk all over you if you let them.

peace to you too. thanks for your posts.

[addyta.org]

[quote=foosnik;30010]but is this traveling escape, or is it searching, or both? i too have traveled. i have not been in any one city or county for more than a couple years at a time.
yes, i think of my travelling as one of my addictions, to distract me from "the work" . so, like every addiction, i find it doesn't satisfy me, then i'm back to ok, gotta do it - then the next distraction comes along.
thanks for your words foosnik, i need the feedback. i've been feeling the dread malaise again, and listening to dw has given me new hope, again, i need that too. can't do this alone, and as everybody knows, nobody else can do it for me either.

[irresseni]

[quote=larissa;30116]

but is this traveling escape, or is it searching, or both? i too have traveled. i have not been in any one city or county for more than a couple years at a time.
yes, i think of my travelling as one of my addictions, to distract me from "the work" . so, like every addiction, i find it doesn't satisfy me, then i'm back to ok, gotta do it - then the next distraction comes along.
thanks for your words foosnik, i need the feedback. i've been feeling the dread malaise again, and listening to dw has given me new hope, again, i need that too. can't do this alone, and as everybody knows, nobody else can do it for me either.

lord have mercy!!!!!!!! this is the duality that is ripping me in half!! nobody can do it for us, but then we turn around and say that we need each other to live! which one is it? do we need each other or not!?!

it is the same as saying that i am not allowed to be angry with my father because i must have co-created it somehow.

i am owning up to mine but i cannot continue to do damage conrol!!!!!

i think that we all need to own up to all of this! it is not fair to us to say that we must do this all by ourselves. in the one hand you cannot be blindly lead, but in the other hand you need your loved ones to survive.

it is about each and every one of us becoming our own powerhouse while still loving each other, and looking after each other at the same time.

anyway, the bottom line is that while we cannot ask another person to do it for us, we still need to love each other, and take care of each other in the process.

should i need other people or not?? i guess the answer is a resounding yes!!!!

i love you all.

[Sarah Armstrong]

hello!

must comment on my own post beginning with "tonight", it should be "last night!", but as everything happen simultaneously iwhat the xxxx

lil

[addyta.org]

when i was with the sufis years ago i learned about spiritual paradox. i didn't know exactly what they meant back then, but have been being educated ever since. you know, two sides to the coin? why does it have to be a probelm? everyone has their own truth, and then within that,the truth can change from moment to moment. there is no one truth. the only ultimate truth is when we all join up as one at the end, and we're a long way from that. in the meantime, the experience continues.

resistance causes pain, and "what you resist persists". i know that from experience. letting go is the only way to go. you go downstream, and stop trying to paddle upstream, expending energy and getting nowhere. i'm ok with something being one way now, and the next minute completely changing into something else. why should it stay the same? nothing does anyway. everything is always true at the same time, and then, paradoxically, its all an illusion anyway. foosnik, i hear you, for me, i need to let go.

[exsmoker]

[quote=larissa;29992]to detlef, that's a really interesting point about not necessarily wanting to connect with other wanderers. me, i want to connect so i can feel like i'm not crazy or the only one or abandoned etc. maybe meeting another wanderer face to face would not be that great, specially since i'm pretty antisocial myself, but being able to talk like this on a forum seems like a great idea.
actually, i'm not so antisocial as extremely painfully sensitive, and all the "spiritual knowledge" i have hasn't helped, as i pull into my shell at the slightest perceived threat. what a way to live. sitting here alone in my room typing conversations, alone but not alone, i like that.
what is my mission? quote]
dear larissa,
to you and all others that are here in service, it might be time to realize, we are not alone here, for every one down here there is a team of entities working around them.
the first time i realized how they can help, when i was at a family gathering in a large restaurant that had some performances. i had the feeling i had to get out of there, can not stand it in there any longer. instead of going outside, i said, friends i need some help with this energy please.
within 5 minutes i felt great.
i feel, communicating with those around you or with your divine self is important. they might not tell you everything or all the details, usually as much we are ready for.
very often i get those one-word answers, like: you are a transformer.
then i have to go and try to figure our what was meant by that. i might get some mental images that lead me closer, or some thoughts that i can have confirmed.

we are not in this alone, there is help out there, help we can access.

regards detlef