[lorrieholdridge]

are you a wanderer kathy? when i first came across the descriptions of wanderers (some call "starseeds"), i was very surprised as it did sound like me indeed.

sometimes i feel i don't have much to learn, but rather remember.
very often, i will start to read something inspiring and find i don't need to finish it as the rest comes flooding into my own mind spontaneously; all kinds of thoughts, ideas and revelations.

if i do nothing, i stagnate, yet if i begin to do a little, the door seems to unlock to so much hidden, inner wisdom.

i have always been a highly sensitive person, however, and for this reason i have made myself a loner for many years.

if i am to emerge into the world to play more of a part, i do have so much to achieve and overcome. many issues, as my living conditions have brought upon me through the years this terrible depression i suffer from that holds me back greatly. i have met two other people i sense could definitely be wanderers, and they have had depression to. actually, i may know a few more than this. yes, i think i indeed know several people when i think about it, who have or are going through similar experiences.

i just worry that by being depressed and by allowing negative thoughts to conquer, i may hold myself back with bad karma from progressing into the higher dimensions some day where i really long to be.

i just get so claustraphobic sometimes with 4 walls around me and living alone. wouldn't it be great to just sleep under the stars or in a teepee as part of a wise native community?

i have actually met someone very special recently who i seem to have a very deep and powerful connection with, even though i've not known him long. i will need to find out if he's "the one". he may possibly be. it's difficult to say right now because i've been through so much, however, something very strange and powerful seems to be happening. i wish i could get some advice on this. i will try meditating on it and praying.
however, the odds are all against us being physically together and it will have to be a long-distance relationship for quite some time, maybe a long time.

time.....oh time. (sigh).

still, i would much rather have a deep connection with someone special over a long distance than someone here who i don't.

in a way, i am very lucky.


love & light.

[lorrieholdridge]

hmmm....this is interesting!

i have just been listening to the radio interview on youtube and this is very relevant:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgpcvhcsb6a

i have some spirulina in my cupboard! better start taking it more

and what he is explaining is exactly what i'm going through.

wow.

[lorrieholdridge]

thank you for the good advice, iamsaidi.

i find that one of my problems is trying to figure out whether there truly is any purpose in this strange, cruel world in which we live.

i find myself stuck in a state of inertia, without any motivation to do anything because i'm not sure whether there is any point or not.

i yearn to go home, to return to my creator, to be immersed in safe, blissful love and light.

i learned some time ago that we cannot change people unless they want to change.

now i'm learning more about the "waves".

and it would seem that life does have meaning.

i want to find out more.

i need to stop running away, hiding myself away from everything in life.

if the truth will set us free, then maybe i can stop repeating these patterns for once and for all.

[pavilionnotebook]

i would be interested in knowing for sure whether i am a 'wanderer' - could anyone help me find more info about this subject please?

hi kstar

www.llresearch.org calls itself a "home for wanderers" and on that site there is a link entitled "if you feel you are a wanderer". check out carla's channeling of q'uo on a separate link while you're there as well, it's great stuff. you can also get all the law of one books there for free and there is a wanderers handbook.

as far as this amazing site goes, i think you'll probably find there are a lot of wanderers here.

all the best to you and welcome .

love kris

[lorrieholdridge]

julie was a lonely girl
she said she was born that way
she always felt that way
she left home at age sixteen
got a job what you're supposed to do
that's what you've got to do
she fell in love and settled down
in a council place there on the edge of town
she'd feel alone in a crowded room
cry when she heard a happy tune
it would be nice to holiday
till they took her job away
they just took her life away
and doing nothing isn't fun
when you've nothing from witch to run
nowhere left to run
she'd visit the social every day
every time be turned away
every time be turned away
a hundred stairs to her new room
over glass and blackened spoons
children grow old so soon
past the kids who gather there
pain masked by narcotic stares
but no one really cares
her dreams were cut up and bled dry
a million voices in her cry
julie waits, her world is her windows
and julie hates, just what she doesn't know
and julie hates, she hates the world below
but julie loves,
she loves too much to know

[lorrieholdridge]

my fear is that the feeling of wholeness and oneness is not something which can be experienced in this particular realm.

tell me if this isn't true.

[corsar-caribean]

my fear is that the feeling of wholeness and oneness is not something which can be experienced in this particular realm.
tell me if this isn't true.

why would you fear this?

[lorrieholdridge]

because i've never felt those things in this realm.

but i think i know now what it is i need to learn.
i know what obstacles i need to come.
the difficult thing is trying to overcome it.

i need to learn how to reach out to and connect with others in this life, and be strong enough inside not to let any negativity make me feel insecure.

[huedaanydrax]

i think this has been a very useful and supportive post for all who visit here, and that these feelings are likely much more common than one might suspect.

the perspective that i've developed over the years that feels comfortable to me after reading and meditating on a number of viewpoints from different teachers (including most recently the law of one) is that nearly every experience, thought, or feeling that i've encountered, regardless of its origin, that suggests separation from source is only an illusion. valuable for its opportunity as a learning experience, but still an illusion.

for me, this includes moments of lack of self worth and questioning of my own purpose; comparison to the accomplishments and worth of others; feelings of being punished or of separation from others, from life, from success, from source/god/the higher self; the idea that my own happiness must somehow be put on hold because of the different or special nature of my life this time around (teacher, care-giver, son, husband, incompetent boob, "star-born", liberal, "different", more sensitive, or just plain old martyr, etc.)

if i really want to wallow in it, i will tell myself that i'm special in a way that excuses my upset and sensitivity to this harsh period in the history of this planet and this civilization. but, when i step back, i realize that that's just another way to create separation from source. in the first place, by deciding that others, while rightfully on a different path, are somehow less aware or less worthy, so that this rough existence is okay for them, but not for me. secondly, by longing for an existence that i feel to be true in more refined realms and feeling as though i'm on some nightmare vacation from hell, or doing my time as a noble spirit warrior to help these "slow" beginners. this fosters a false sense of separation, from god and nearly everyone else on this planet, that is unhelpful to me and places my happiness outside of my control, at some undefined point in the future. a future that is in the hands of god, fate, karma or whatever or whoever i've decided is running the show this week, but certainly never by me!

while i think it's important to examine the circumstances we have chosen to create (or accept) for this particular life, i'm not comfortable with the idea that, at any given time or in any particular life, we are ever further away from god/source/higher self than at any other time. i think there are an infinite number of ways in which to challenge ourselves, or "put the blinders on" to exercise our ability to connect with source and begin to express and direct it. i think that is one of the incredibly beautiful aspects of this whole game, how it all fits so well, how it serves us in any capacity we ask, how it let's us create the most perfect process of self-discovery imagineable.

if we had to be spoon-fed wisdom about our connection to source, our purpose in this existence and told who, when, where and what to see and know about our connection with everything else around us, how valuable would that be, compared to making each and every one of those realizations on our own, painful and costly as that might be?

life is an unbelievable gift. i'm learning to be more and more grateful for every moment of pain i've experienced ( and caused), every moment of disbelief that has led me astray, every gentle nudge from my higher self in the right direction, every connection i've ever felt with anyone and anything, as well as the pain of confrontation with those beings who refuse their connection and try desperately and forcefully to get you to agree.

i agree with other writers in this post, there really can be no mistakes in how our lives unfold. if it all leads ultimately to source, how can anything we choose to experience be considered a mistake? as wayne dyer likes to ask, "where is god not?" or, to paraphrase part of conversations with god, nothing is really right or wrong, good or bad, but if you are really trying to become who you say you are, then there may be better choices and easier paths to take.

this website draws many bright, kindred spirits, from what i can tell, and there is obviously much love offered up here, as we share our learnings with each other. my own path is really all up to me, but the connection offered here through the words of others is more testimony to me, as i hope it is to you, of the truth of our connection to source.

ameliejolie, i think you are perfect where you are, doing exactly what you need to do, to become who you came here to be! it really is all good. as i read back over this, i'm reminded that i write this as much or more for myself. thanks for indulging me.

dw

[dyestymum]

if i really want to wallow in it, i will tell myself that i'm special in a way that excuses my upset and sensitivity to this harsh period in the history of this planet and this civilization. but, when i step back, i realize that that's just another way to create separation from source. in the first place, by deciding that others, while rightfully on a different path, are somehow less aware or less worthy, so that this rough existence is okay for them, but not for me. i was the type of kid who would always be late for school on a rainy day, because i was compelled to pick up all the earthworms on the sidewalk and throw them back into the grass for fear of them getting mashed.

i had a friend who i admired and respected a great deal, and one day while hiking through the bush he picked up a bullfrog, tossed it into the air and smashed it with a baseball bat. my hot tears of shock and hurt did not go unnoticed by him, and i sensed thereafter that he took my reaction as a wimpy weakness, while i took his action for callous indifference to life. i felt somewhat separate from him after that.

as a young man, newly married and beginning to raise a family, i went through a period of despair over the state of the world and the appalling suffering of man and nature. i was aware that people around me went about their lives seemingly unaffected by these things, concerned, it seemed, only with their own small orbit of influence.

i felt it my duty to dwell upon these things and worry about them, and sank into a dark pit of misery. reading edgar cayce really helped me out, concepts of karma and reincarnation served to make the suffering, death and enviromental degradation seem a little less absolute or permanent.

lately have come concepts of the law of one and ideas of equal and opposite polarity of the service to others path and the service to self path.
still trying to reconcile such terrible suffering in the world to myself, i gained a bigger picture of the evolutionary purpose of this world, and all that goes on here.

all separation from source is an illusion. all suffering is a result of this illusary separation.

does it follow, then, that all suffering is an illusion? from one frame of reference, perhaps. but i don't think i could look a starving child in the eye and tell him that. suffering is real enough that the 'brothers and sisters of sorrow' (or wanderers and others of those who are moved by the calls of those suffering on earth) come to offer their help.

i have come to see a little more clearly the divine purpose of 3d existence, of how suffering is seemingly an unavoidable although impermanent part of growth here. and i can see how suffering can be said to be part of the plan of the creator.

but i can discern a potential pitfall here, as mentioned in the quote above. one may come to look at the entire pageant as only that - an illusary production that one may be tempted to feel detached from, saying, "none of this suffering is real, everyone brings their own suffering upon themselves, it's their own fault, it's only temporary for their own becoming, a result of their own refusal to rise above the human miasma - it's god's will."

i have become aware of my own tendency to try to detach in such a way, perhaps in an attempt to ameliorate my own lifelong sense of pain which results from experiencing the pain of others...seeking justification for insulating myself from the suffering in the world.

i have a son involved with gang related activities, a very angry, troubled young man who can be very difficult to be around. he has refused utterly to accept any form of authority in his life from the start.

he was severely beaten in the head with a baseball bat last month, and is lucky to be alive. i am aware that he is in my life for a reason, he is like a polar opposite to me. i feel i have learned more about unconditional love, dedication to service and acceptance of the other self just in time in his case, and offer him something beyond words to describe; but involving total acceptance of his chosen path. i sense also that he has helped catalyze me into the realization of oneness; and, in this case, the total necessity of total acceptance of (other) self.

***

i must remind myself that regardless of whether i am a wanderer or not (i can't say for sure, and maybe it's not all that important) i am here in the trenches with everyone else. while i'm here, i am here. i am an intrinsic member of the human body; not special, apart nor elite or separate in any sense. i can accept the suffering in the world and see it's part in the divine cosmos, but i do remain extremely sensitive and empathetically compassionate to suffering.

and only thus may compassion be a tool for doing my little part to lighten the load of those who haved moved into my circles of experience/service.

to have been blessed to have come into some understanding of the mechanics of the cycles of becoming, comes with the responsibility of actively intervening in the everyday issues of life here, of doing my best to aid wherever my aid is accepted. there is no shortage of conditions involving those around me where i may be of service.

sometimes the compassionate desire to serve coupled with the ability to see other 'i' as 'i' and having unconditional love and acceptance of the other selves' paths provides a channel for 'divine intervention' into the lives of others. this aid doesn't come from me or you, though you or me can indeed act as a conduit for blessing through our own humble loving attempts at service. when one calls for help from above, it may be that it is you who is the 'angel' that is sent.

granted there are times in our lives when we may need to withdraw a little from the world to regroup our energies or re-sharpen our focus on love/light. but the lifeguard, ever vigilant, must be able to jump right in when the need arises.

perhaps it is true that the greatest service of a lightworker is to channel light/love energy into the light body of the earth-sphere at large. it would seem from the workings of ra that an awakening wanderer naturally fulfills this function by virtue of his higher density heritage. one nevertheless considers that the tiniest bit of the creation/creator is as valuable as the creator/creation itself, and as such is worthy of the entirety of the compassionate, loving and wholly focused attention of that which is the all in one.


who of us could do any less? who is any less?:d

[Kotyara]

thank you, yebdox and markm, for awesome posts.

...so much food for thought here.

with much love and light,
nancy

[pharmablogger]

i must say that this discussion has really hit home with me.

i regularly feel torn between all that is going on "out there" and what my role in it is. i regularly share my findings about tinfoil stuff with friends via email and my facebook account in hopes that i can somehow wake others up to "reality". then i have this other part of me that craves it's own attention and demands spiritual fulfillment through buying countless books, seminars...etc. it plays into the materialist side that wants all this stuff in order to feel better.

at times i have longed to bring it all into one package "for the greatest good of all" and wonder what exactly this package would be like.

i guess for now i continue to read, learn and love as best i can.

[FoetAgerhot46]

i 've seen more posts about these kinda issues here than in any other forum i've participated in.
anyway, being lonely. i think i can actually say, "what do you know about being lonely"? i've had no real friends or family for 20 years. i've been single and celibate (no dating or socializing, none) for 25.
i don't miss it for the most part. it mostly seems to lead to trouble.
and personal mission/path/calling/purpose? alas, the fact is many folks are pretty ordinary - limited (and lost).
they're basically stuck in a world with smart, rich beautiful people.

it's a matter of being under your rock, and feeling ok about it.

ideas.

of course a major issue here is whether you've got your basic needs covered.
a roof, food, a job etc. more specifically, if you will have these in the years to follow.
some folks live their entire lives in survival mode.

i feel for folks who don't have hobbies and the like. if you can't be alone on a saturday night. well, to me, this is like a drug addiction.

[MwhwF6bp]

hello,

boy it has been a while since i've been here. i suppose by my 'finding' this post here is one of the major reasons 'why' i am here.

i certainly feel much of what is being mentioned here even though; i am observing some changes in my reality, especially as of late.

for me; it is feeling like i am at the tip of the spiritual arrow as i call it and i sometimes wonder what to do and what is my role.

i pretty much keep to myself even though; i am finding myself more inclined to venture out of the nest more and more. yet; to venture out certainly means for me not to venture out into the "status quo" of the reality that i once participated in yet; to find that certain aspect of the parts of me that i am when i am in solititude.

namaste,
tim

[pipitous]

ameliejolie,

i hear ya! i am blessed to have jame, but when work has him gone alot, it is hard at times. the lonely part. being a stay at home mom, and then friends and family who think you've fallen off your rocker (which doesn't bother me anymore-they have the free will to think whatever they choose; i'll just keep loving them the best way i can ) makes it a tad lonely too. especially when one loves to chit chat!
i just cancelled my space, cuz i was getting too many negative things, otherwise i would've added you in a heartbeat! i am in live journal. in a community that was part of our journey in getting here, and we're so happy to be here. everyone of you is about compassionate caring love! and i can't help but love you all from the bottom of my heart!
i know when we look at our children, we think, wow, little kindred spirits that have been here before (still learning). and then trying to teach them and still not take their free will away. at moments when they are whining etc., i have come up with telling them that they have choices. i'll tell them a positive choice, and then a negative. they always choose the positive! phew! perhaps you have advice on this too! and i'm learning more and more to stop and enjoy all the moments our children give us when it comes to laughter or smiles! the other day, i was in the music store looking for pride and prejudice soundtrack when over the loudspeakers came this old 90's dance hit, and brandon-6 started to do this breakdance in the middle of the store. he never wants to dance with us girls, and he'll only do the waltz with me for two minutes. so i was shocked to see him dancing like that. i was told to stop and just watch and enjoy every moment of it!
definitely food helps too. organic/natural if you can! and as much of it alive! efa's are good brain food too, just watch out for a good product. i could direct you to mercola.com to order some if you want good quality and without mercury and such! his newsletters teach you alot too about health!
definitely the sun (sunning with your eyes closed), and anything from creation! right now, i can't wait till winter passes by, cuz i'm wanting so bad to start digging and planting in the ground! so everytime i go grocery shopping, i'm coming home with plants. jame just shakes his head when i come home!
and exercise! i found a good yoga video for stress relief. even though you don't get a good detox by sweating, you do get the stretching that releases stress from your muscles! and it touches on breathing and focusing!
and i find music helps huge!
and then there is always our infinite creator through prayer!
i still have much to learn on meditating, and everything else. i'm overwhelmed at this very moment! where do you start!?
as far as being a wanderer, my only clues come from my puppy! yea. it sounds strange. but by reading her body language, and knowing her reactions to things, the only clues i have were some huge transportation, and white. i know she was looking at something and scared, but i couldn't see it. she kept stopping and looking back. so who knows. i just heard david talking about his friends dream, and how an old man wore white, and then it was like something poked me and said that's what it was. so who knows for sure. life is full of surprises lately.
blessings of love and joy to you and all,
bon

[CAxrrAYN]

from amelie jolie "sometimes i think if i could just close my eyes and wake up to find myself as a member of a peaceful, spiritual native community living in harmony with nature, then i would feel like i truly belong, and all my problems would be solved."

you can be that person that starts to live in harmony with nature, if you have any yardspace, put out a birdfeeder, plant some flowers, or whatever! it may seem small, but at least you know you are giving back to the earth rather than taking, go out and enjoy what beauty you have around you, even if there are no mountains or any real scenery, hey i live in illinois surrounded by nothing but corn! but if you look you can find those untouched jewels

on davids blog he has something about the 12 step process edgar cayce talked about, that was a good start for me. keep your head up and try and be patient with yourself, thats my biggest obstacle. interpreting your dreams might help too!

from mark m "i was the type of kid who would always be late for school on a rainy day, because i was compelled to pick up all the earthworms on the sidewalk and throw them back into the grass for fear of them getting mashed."
amen brother, i just have to say i know exactly how you feel, and it feels great to admit it. ive never known anyone like this except my twin bro. i even try to avoid driving at night if i can on summer nights, ive found you will hit less bugs before 8 pm and after 11pm, in the midwest at least, i know, i am crazy.

many blessings, everyone!

[lorrieholdridge]

thank you, everyone, for your wonderful replies.


yeah, mark- i hear you about the worms.

once, as a little girl, i rescued a bee. seemed to have trouble flying so i provided food and shelter until he felt better, and he did get better. bees have such adorable faces if anyone has ever noticed. quite human like in a way.
i read somewhere here that bees were once known as the "tears of ra".

perhaps it is true that the greatest service of a lightworker is to channel light/love energy into the light body of the earth-sphere at large. it would seem from the workings of ra that an awakening wanderer naturally fulfills this function by virtue of his higher density heritage. one nevertheless considers that the tiniest bit of the creation/creator is as valuable as the creator/creation itself, and as such is worthy of the entirety of the compassionate, loving and wholly focused attention of that which is the all in one. sounds good to me.

i have often felt, when walking alone amongst the trees, that i needed to do something, to find a way, to give healing energy to our beautiful planet earth.

i wish i could find and meet up with others who feel exactly the same way.

not being able to drive is quite restrictive.
i have considered taking driving lessons (which are overly expensive here), but i can't help but think i'm probably not suited to it. i'm the sort of person constantly living in a "world of my own". (i've never needed drugs. we can get "high" naturally).

[lorrieholdridge]

estopatitiana,
you can be that person that starts to live in harmony with nature, if you have any yardspace, put out a birdfeeder, plant some flowers, or whatever! it may seem small, but at least you know you are giving back to the earth rather than taking, go out and enjoy what beauty you have around you, even if there are no mountains or any real scenery, hey i live in illinois surrounded by nothing but corn! but if you look you can find those untouched jewels by the way, sorry i don't always have the time to reply to each person individually, but i feel, that basically, we are all united in a common goal.

enlightenment and world healing.

[lorrieholdridge]

i think this has been a very useful and supportive post for all who visit here, and that these feelings are likely much more common than one might suspect.

the perspective that i've developed over the years that feels comfortable to me after reading and meditating on a number of viewpoints from different teachers (including most recently the law of one) is that nearly every experience, thought, or feeling that i've encountered, regardless of its origin, that suggests separation from source is only an illusion. valuable for its opportunity as a learning experience, but still an illusion.

for me, this includes moments of lack of self worth and questioning of my own purpose; comparison to the accomplishments and worth of others; feelings of being punished or of separation from others, from life, from success, from source/god/the higher self; the idea that my own happiness must somehow be put on hold because of the different or special nature of my life this time around (teacher, care-giver, son, husband, incompetent boob, "star-born", liberal, "different", more sensitive, or just plain old martyr, etc.)

if i really want to wallow in it, i will tell myself that i'm special in a way that excuses my upset and sensitivity to this harsh period in the history of this planet and this civilization. but, when i step back, i realize that that's just another way to create separation from source. in the first place, by deciding that others, while rightfully on a different path, are somehow less aware or less worthy, so that this rough existence is okay for them, but not for me. secondly, by longing for an existence that i feel to be true in more refined realms and feeling as though i'm on some nightmare vacation from hell, or doing my time as a noble spirit warrior to help these "slow" beginners. this fosters a false sense of separation, from god and nearly everyone else on this planet, that is unhelpful to me and places my happiness outside of my control, at some undefined point in the future. a future that is in the hands of god, fate, karma or whatever or whoever i've decided is running the show this week, but certainly never by me!

while i think it's important to examine the circumstances we have chosen to create (or accept) for this particular life, i'm not comfortable with the idea that, at any given time or in any particular life, we are ever further away from god/source/higher self than at any other time. i think there are an infinite number of ways in which to challenge ourselves, or "put the blinders on" to exercise our ability to connect with source and begin to express and direct it. i think that is one of the incredibly beautiful aspects of this whole game, how it all fits so well, how it serves us in any capacity we ask, how it let's us create the most perfect process of self-discovery imagineable.

if we had to be spoon-fed wisdom about our connection to source, our purpose in this existence and told who, when, where and what to see and know about our connection with everything else around us, how valuable would that be, compared to making each and every one of those realizations on our own, painful and costly as that might be?

life is an unbelievable gift. i'm learning to be more and more grateful for every moment of pain i've experienced ( and caused), every moment of disbelief that has led me astray, every gentle nudge from my higher self in the right direction, every connection i've ever felt with anyone and anything, as well as the pain of confrontation with those beings who refuse their connection and try desperately and forcefully to get you to agree.

i agree with other writers in this post, there really can be no mistakes in how our lives unfold. if it all leads ultimately to source, how can anything we choose to experience be considered a mistake? as wayne dyer likes to ask, "where is god not?" or, to paraphrase part of conversations with god, nothing is really right or wrong, good or bad, but if you are really trying to become who you say you are, then there may be better choices and easier paths to take.

this website draws many bright, kindred spirits, from what i can tell, and there is obviously much love offered up here, as we share our learnings with each other. my own path is really all up to me, but the connection offered here through the words of others is more testimony to me, as i hope it is to you, of the truth of our connection to source.

ameliejolie, i think you are perfect where you are, doing exactly what you need to do, to become who you came here to be! it really is all good. as i read back over this, i'm reminded that i write this as much or more for myself. thanks for indulging me.

dw

yebdox, excellent post, thanks for sharing.