[iqxdvjgmat]

one of the biggest triggers of an emotional response of revulsion for me has been an egotistical remark—and i’ve been getting triggered a lot lately. it bothers me so much because all along i’ve been seeing that the outer world is only reflecting back to me the “inner me.”
when i write, part of me is aware of that ego of mine sitting on her pedestal of superiority. i’ve tried everything possible to get her under control—every means of destruction i could possibly imagine—but she keeps coming back to life after faking being dead for awhile. i’ve even tried to just ignore her and pretend she’s not there—but she tags along, nonetheless.
it’s embarrassing and irritating—i don’t like that i’m trying to be the center of attention. this old ego of mine has been a big stumbler in my lightworker efforts—she’s always competing and comparing herself with everyone around her, cutting them down in order to make herself feel better about herself. sure, she’s gotten sly about it, not coming out and voicing it or putting it in words—but she’s present and thinking those thoughts, feeling those feelings no matter how much i try to monitor it all out.
yesterday, i finally made the connection between all the wars i see going on in the world around me, and the war i’ve been engaged in with my ego. i’ve been perceiving my ego as a negative and dark aspect of myself that should be killed off completely—humans are accustomed to killing off that which scares us. obviously, that’s not solving the issue.
i’ve discovered that the path to evolving past duality is not choosing one polar aspect over the other (judging) and then “killing” the latter off. the idea is to integrate the two polar opposites together, let them both be, and meld together balancing themselves off—do the dance—because without the two contrasts being in existence together, there is no experiencing of either.
my ego has been that part of me helping me to experience that unique aspect that is only me—my self. without it, i would blend in with my surroundings, be undistinguishable from another. and that’s not what this is about. ego was a set-up tool for the 3-d experience. it actually protected me and kept me alive in the early stages of the game of life as a human because, early on, i didn’t believe myself to be anything but a lowly sinner that some god/creator outside of me placed on earth in order to fix and refine.
the reason i’ve been so triggered emotionally by “blown up egos” is because i’ve judged it as being “the wrong way to be.” all my ego has been wanting is for me to acknowledge her—quit trying to squeeze the lifeblood out of her—and instead sit and observe the multitude of gifts she’s brought me because of her existence. she gets ornery only because i’m so ornery with her.
long ago, a very cherished part within me reminded me, “apologize not, for your own or another’s existence—for it’s out of love we all come, and it’s unto love we all return.” i see now that applies to all those “others inside of me”—my beloved ego, for one. the war is over…

writing helps me see my "within" more clearly. thanks, everyone, for this safe space...

penny

[makemoneyonli]

or....
"it's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see"

henry david thoreau

it all is from the same source. the murderer, the saint, the shack, the mansion. which one you pay attention to is the only question. the more beauty you see in you, the more you will see around you.
keep stretching!
kimberly

[yespkorg]

penny:

your post reminds me of how i feel when i am in resistance to something. and the ego is a mighty thing to try to resist. bad ego! imagine where would we be without the ego?

when i am in resistance, the push that i receive through emotional or physical pain is pretty strong, sometimes very "in my face". when it gets like that, my attention is definitely there, ready to discover what that energy is all about. i used to get so p.o.'d at all the challenges/catalysts until i discovered (for me) that it was just spirit getting my attention to let me know that i was a bit off track for where i wanted to be or what i wanted to accomplish. then with a little introspective time and meditation, i could laugh it all off, say hello to that which i resisted and get on with life. it types out much faster than it occurs - obviously - but i am still amazed and grateful that i no longer have to suffer, run to doctors, go into depression, etc for weeks or months at a time. ah, this is so much easier!!!

we are truly blessed!

shelly

[makemoneyonli]

or.....
"it's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

henry david thoreau

you are doing wonderfully, and remember to go easy on yourself there. when you start to see more beauty within, it "suddenly" appears all around you.
hmmmm amazing how that works!

kimberly in calgary

[Gofthooxdix]

when we are at war with our self, there are no winners.

• understanding = what was my motive? analysis...
• acceptance = yes, that's me...
• integration = it's all about balance. ego with wisdom could be of service to all...
• forgiveness = “that which is not needed falls away” (page 170 of the law of one, book one)

what is ascension?
by david wilcock 9/26/03

“we have stated that an entity on the positive path must experience all things desired, and yet this alone is not sufficient. for once these experiences are sought after, they must then be understood, accepted, integrated and forgiven. only when this is accomplished is the entity then capable to distill the love and light that can be found inside ones’ experiences.”

thanks for your timely post…peace to you all…steve

[Emunsesoxmete]

you all make me laugh inside just now reading this. "beautiful!", i think to myself, beautiful that there are you out there that have such an incredible ability to care that you share your deepest feelings! its really very inspiring and touching. and i think alot of what ego is about, whether under egoed or over egoed, is about acceptance of self with love. ya know, just like all that loving acceptance and understanding we probably find ourselves giving to others daily, we need to be able to give it to ourselves. and that will of course allow us to truly love others more.

acceptance is love, and ya, accepting our own selve's little ego quirk-ee-dee-dooz can be a bit uncomfortable at times, to say the least, yikes! and like penny said, it has helped us survive through a very scary world growing up, a masquerade that has been a friend when fear and hurt has confused us blind. and these steps of re-finding ourselves is no easy gain as well. i also think alot of our ego problems have been influenced also by all the confused energies around us, just through absorbing stuff that isn't even related to us personally. we pick up other's ego problems and fears just by being in the atmosphere. we all hit off each other.

and yeah, i agree shelley, definately types out faster than it occurs, but i guess the good part is that by just working on it all little by little, steady as she goes, the pieces come together. thank god intention is at least half the battle.., and reading your guy's words shows your intentions are so sincere and honest, that the rest is inevitably beautiful and growing!

this all reminds me of a couple weeks back while driving down the road and suddenly catching wind to my run away thoughts and ego. i was like, "what!!?, wait a minute, what the heck is going on here!?" :d i just stopped and took a good look at the situation, and then to my surprise, i just started laughing my blank off. it was like i just broke down and let it out, literally laughing at myself from the disbelief, irony and ridiculousness of it all.., it was just too funny. i thought, omg, if my little head is capable of soo much innerworkings and goings on at the same time i am aware and trying to become my true self, i either need a shift right here and now, or just pack me up and put me away. i was of course joking light heartedly with myself, but serious as heck at the same time. the difference was, i wouldn't let it go into the negative. i took a deep breath, got a something 11 on the clock, and had a good laugh at myself, but with myself. a whole heck of alot has been easier since.

ya, and like kimberly said, or thoreau, i should say, to see that beauty and the gift of love juxtasuposed inside it all is what does matter.

thanks for sharing your stories, fellow humans out there, i enjoyed that alot.

peace and light,
michelle

[topbonusescod]

here's my $0.02 - this has been written by maynard james keenan, the singer of tool among other things:

"to swing on a spiral of our divinity and still be a human"

kinda says it all

[Gofthooxdix]

i've been thinking about this and here is a small, but important edit to my post...

• understanding = what was my motive? analysis...
• acceptance = yes, that's me...
• integration = it's all about balance. ego, balanced with love and wisdom, could be of service to all...
• forgiveness = “that which is not needed falls away” (page 170 of the law of one, book one)

[pageup85]

...it bothers me so much because all along i’ve been seeing that the outer world is only reflecting back to me the “inner me.”
... these bothersome opportunities can be great times for introspecting, to stretch oneself to see reflections within others. the discomfort can seem like a yogic stretch which in one direction can be a stress, or in another offer the opportunity to soften in ways that allow greater degrees of acceptance - as if an opportunity to integrate something that may have been fragmented.

at some point people can actually seek out those who help make them feel uncomfortable, for such opportunities to observe their own triggers in effort to reprogram them. to be with the stretch one can become flexible. in this way there can seem a sense of gratitude which may accelerate the process.

the trade off seems a sense of ego may be pummelled into a sort of submission, into a sort of selfless humility. it may be that the new found flexibility gained allows one to act faster and be less susceptible to injury, it may allow one to do things they may not be able to do otherwise because there's simply less there (within) getting in the way of what's important.