[gugqgbyzlp]

i am a bit worried right now, i am experiencing un-attached subconcious aggresive impulses and fear. thing is is that i am a completely tame person, been meditating for quite a few years now and this just isnt me.

it comes in waves, like my subconcious is pushing up bubbles of pure concentrated fear, which feels dark, aggressive, and empty and makes my heart heavy and i get shakey and very sick, like i want to throw up.

i want to get rid of it, but it seems impossible, it effects my head, hands, and feet, my hands and feet feel like they just want to smash something. i fear mostly that its transforming me into something i don't want to be, morphing my mind and emotions.

theres only a few things i can imagine that it could be.

1.) suppressed emotional trauma from my childhood (i have alot of past abuse and trauma). but its never seemed to effect me, in fact it never bothers me like ever.

2.) might be silly but i did a ouijii board once or twice, but it was along time ago.

3.) years ago i was watching a derek acorah show, and i said something that basically challenged spirits and ghosts, because i didnt believe in them, i basically said if they exists "bring it on" sort of thing. that night is when this whole thing started.

but i havnt had it for years, meditation seemed to have cured it, but it seems to have come back for no reason whatsoever.


4.) maybe i am pushing my meditation too far, i have a habit of pushing it a bit when it comes to trying to accomplish certain things during meditation.

if anyone can offer any all knowing wisdom i would be greatly appreciative, and going to the doctors or psychiatrist doesnt work as i have already done that, they scanned my head, asked the questions, and gave me a diagnosis of perfectly healthy. well im sorry but this isnt normal, its terrifying for me.

thanks a bunch! )

jeremy

[Alex Photographer]

there's something called the charlotte king effect. here's a link to her web site http://www.viser.net/~charking/core.shtml

she pioneered biological earthquake prediction. she claims that some people have biologic reactions to upcoming earthquake and/or volcanic activity. if nothing else, it's an interesting possiblity.

i hope you find peace in the support that we offer.

[iqxdvjgmat]

jeremy--i, too, have been having many of my dark aspects surfacing--most of them were parts of me that i booted out because i'd decided that was "no way to be." but, the truth is that i created them, and even though i tried to deny and stifle them, they persisted; and, ironically, through them i have been gaining a wisdom about myself unlike any gift imagineable. they are as important as my light aspects--i needed both, not just one.

i realize that as much as i desire to think of "negatives" like illuminati, etc. as beings outside of me--they are in fact, showing up outside of me only because they are within me first. these dark aspects played some awful parts for me purely out of love, and those were some painful parts done out of terror and blindness (me--the little human part feeling powerless and like a puppet on a string, never knowing what she was going to slam into next)--they/i need me to acknowledge their sacrifice--the cross they/i bore all for me.

simply, it's time for me to quit hating certain parts of myself. it's time for unconditional love and infinite compassion--i've been comforting, hugging and supporting myself all day long. i realized creator little human was the one creating all the pain and havoc in my world but i wasn't fully aware that i was doing so to such an extent--i've had glimpses, but i wasn't able to take full responsibility for it until recently. it takes a great deal of exercise in self-compassion in order to allow myself to "go there."

little human penny is feeling pretty awful and humbled by the enormity of what she's done--but the other more multi-dimensional aspects are helping me to see it's all just illusion, and that no one, nothing is hurt when it all is said and done. this human experience was set up so that no one would really be harmed.

jeremy, i think we're approaching a tremendous leap and change in our consciousness--this is why all our self-created demons are raging to the surface. when i take ownership for their being it brings them back inside me and they lose their power to affect me. all the emotions are part of the process--so, trust yourself and allow the emotions and observe (the gift is always in there)--

thanks so much for sharing this. donald's post on "healing within to heal without" has been a tremendously helpful reminder to me, as well. i've had a tendency to be pretty hard on little human me--and she was just blindfolded and searching...but i'm proud of her because she did it--she kept going and went places that were difficult to even contemplate going. i have a feeling you, jeremy, and many others here are finding a similar thing. it takes a great deal of faith and courage to walk the human experience...

much love and appreciation,
penny

[usacomm]

hi jblouir, i am sorry to hear about the trouble you are having. if i were in your shoes i would try hypnosis. i have read about people having unexplained anxieties, fears and phobias that they have found resolution for in their past lives. with your background in meditation it would probably be very easy for a good hypnotherapist to put you in a deep enough trance for you to find the root of the problem. all meditation is is a highly focused state of meditation in which you can bypass your conscious ego and communicate directly with your higher self. if you pm me i could give you a couple really good books on this subject. good luck, you will find your way.

[pageup85]

occasionally i'll feel "different" for no apparent reason, then i'll do a transit chart and find things like compounded transits occuring: where many natal planet positions seem to be conjunct to objects of significance that day. when the moon crosses my ascendant for example, i may often come to a point of tears for no apparent rational reason. i don't dwell on the other types of aspects too much because well, i'm just not that sensitive. another thing about this practice seems that i wait for the astrology to cue me, not the other way around. i think that the conjunctions run the loudests of the differing types of aspects, which makes it easier to find the synchronicities.

[Stovegeothnon]

penny mentioned what i was going to say - with energies rising to a higher vibration right now, the painful part is that we are all having to work through all the last issues we still have lingering on, whether they were buried or not. i am finding this in my relationships, as if things suddenly need to be cleared up. it has been a bit painful and messy but positive in the end. does this sound like a possible explanation for you?

[gugqgbyzlp]

thank you all for your replies, after reading about the ho'oponopono in healing within to heal 'without' it has turned my attention to parts of me i never considered.

i am now working on raising the love i have for myself, when i begin to consider myself and generate compassion for my own being the emotional forces i have been experiencing begin to nullify and dissapear. it brought out feelings of pain, and i think its because i just have been too hard on myself like i said before, i have always had a very low opinion of myself, i just never realised it fully till now.

to p-bass:
thanks for that, i never knew that was possible. ) although it seems my problem has been solved, i will read about it for curiousity purposes.

to foosnik:
i have always though about doing hypnosis, but i don't think ill be needing it afterall ), thanks though.

to penny l and linsybyster:
i believe that is probably the case, i have changed alot in the past 7 years, and every year gets a bit better, i guess maybe this has been holding back for so long till the time was right to tackle it.

thanks again, i am at work at the moment though so i need to keep my replies simple. ) talk to you later!

jeremy