[compiit]

I've been thinking a lot recently about two experiences from my childhood. The first was an extremely vivid daydream. I basically never blinked, I just stared out the window of the school bus and found myself underground like I had thought would be cool. In a house underground with a family. When one woman asked me after awhile if I would go fix the hole in the ground because the light was shining in too much, I climbed up this mud hole and there was a rock. I wanted to move it but the second I got too high the light shined on me and I was wooshed back to the schoolbus. It seemed like no time had passed.

The second is probably much more interesting. I was with my family in an antique store and wandered off on my own to a smaller section with really old items. I was looking around and then noticed a porcelain infant in a wooden crib. The eyes were what amazed me, I couldn't stop looking at them. They were piercing. Well, I looked at them for a few moments and suddenly felt a dizziness or rush. I remember that I heard a sharp piercing noise like a high pitched guitar string. I think I remember someone walking down these stairs and turning on a light. Then walking upstairs. I was in a baby crib and I was a baby. I just remember the feeling, my parents scared me. They looked strange to me. Like aliens. haha. I was crying because the lights bothered me and my parents had left it on. I remember staring up at a spinning thing, I forget what they're called. It was completely real. The parents were different people I think than my parents now, but I'm not sure. My dad would walk into the room, and he would flick the light off and on probably trying to figure out why I was crying. It was a small room. I may have been a boy but I may have been a girl. I wasn't thinking, like no words were in my head. Just feelings, sights, sounds, textures....scents. colors. It was just very cool and odd. So this is the oddest part, how my trance ended. I remember a sharp buzzing sound, like vibrations filling everything and a jolt. Suddenly someone ran downstairs and turned the light off. I opened my eyes, or reality returned. I remember it was like I had woken from a not so dream. I was amazed. I couldn't stop looking at the doll though, even afterwards. I was too amazed to think about getting the doll, it was probably too expensive anyways.

I'm trying to connect the dots. why do all my visions, projections, have this theme about light? What is light? What is the mind?

Even when I had daydreams that I pretended were past lives, there were themes revolving around illusion and light. I made a story up about how I was a young girl who liked to play all day in a greenhouse with flower pots. One day my mom got angry and broke my flower pots because she said that you can't grow flowers out of dust and no seed. She threw one and the broken window reflected sunshine into the pots, suddenly there was a sunflower in the pot. Then she was amazed. It's a strange thing to have as a fantasy. or the idea I "came from" a dreamworld. I called my dreamworld "imagination-land".