[WenPyclenoWex]

hi Eli

i am sorry to read you are feeling suffering &, of course, I deeply wish that your mind is free from feeling suffering

the opposite of low self-esteem is feeling love for oneself & having enthusiasm for things

you certainly inspired us all, a few days ago, when telling us your story about meditating in the park, with the young boy

myself, i am an old man. when i was 15 years old, teenage depression was not common, in fact, to our knowledge, it did not exist

but, when i was 15 years old, we were mostly oblivious to life; we just ran around, played sport, went to the beach, and did not worry about school; most, if not all of us, had mother & father at home; we came home, and food & everything else was there for us

today, i read teenage depression is common. for my own research, i found this site, which seemed to validate some of my assumptions

my personal assumption is youth of today, such as yourself, receive a lot more messages that challenge one's personal & natural self-image. further, possibly, there may be much more competitiveness & comparativeness at school; socially, academically & even sexually. possibly, families are less stable &/or divided

at least from a Buddhist perspective, 'comparing mind' is something very dangerous, because it alientates us from ourselves & diminishes our innate love & respect of ourselves

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i am not sure how easy it is for a 15 year old to relate to Buddhism. but you obviously are naturally drawn to Buddhism and you are obviously a more searching & sensitive person than i was when i was 15 years old

but, regarding the matter of self-esteem, in Buddhism, having loving-kindness, i.e., a non-judgemental attitude towards oneself & others; having awareness of non-harming; having awareness of one's own good qualities & providing benefit to the world are important contributors to self-esteem

it terms of providing benefit to the world, Buddha taught we can give at least three gifts to the world: (1) material gifts & helpful acts; (2) the gift of safety (non-harming); & (3) the gift of Dhamma

as i already mentioned, in Buddhism, self-esteem in generated by:

1. reflecting on our good qualities. however, to do this, we must have an appreciation of what is truely good & wholesome. Buddha explained extensively about what attitudes of mind are truely good & wholesome

2. being aware we are not harming others or ourselves; that we are an object of safety in the world. often, the things we may use as a basis of comparison have some harmful aspect. it is important for us to investigate (if comparing mind is occuring) the value of the things we may be using as a basis of comparison

3. find a way or place to do some good deeds for others

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when i was 15 years old, i had no interest in religion. but as you are interested in Buddhism, i personally only have the capacity to share Buddhism with you as though you are an adult

Buddha is an image & reality of loving-kindness, of peace & the best life can offer us. Buddha taught the gift of Dhamma is the best of all gifts

life itself, the world, human society, is not always something pleasant. today, there are more & more pressures on people, including on youth. this is why we say Dhamma is the best life can offer us. it is not something 'flashy' but it is reliable; it is a refuge

if we trust in the Buddha & his teachings, this can bring us confidence & joy. but to do this, we often have to let go of the standards of the world. we also have to reflect deeply on the virtues of Buddha; to know in our heart his goodness, peace & care

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i suppose the above posting is what came from my heart & mind, to respond to your post

i would like you to not have negative views about yourself; to have a mind of non-judging; and to feel naturally well-being within you

when you cared about the child in the park, i would like you to feel the same sense of care towards your own life

try to breath; and feel the peace & strength of the breath

if you have friend, like your girlfriend, try to generate some caring thoughts towards her; and even tell her you care for her friendship

with metta

element

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