[SHpuntik]

Hi everyone! I've been reading your posts for about a month now, and have been encouraged and inspired by you all. I started induction on June 23, and it has been slow going; I've lost 9 pounds. My OH and BF started at the same time, and the weight has seemed to melt off of them, which was extremely frustrating until I found this site and read about all the different experiences people have had. So thank you all!!

My story: My family immigrated to the US from South America when I was 11. Until then, I was an average sized kid; very active, on a swim team, etc. The one body issue I remember from back then was that I started puberty early and was embarrassed to be "developing" before my peers. The women on both sides of my family have a tendency towards being "hippy", and I inherited that, while my sister is long and lean, a model-type... go figure! So, in the midst of these new body issues I was experiencing, we moved to Northern VA, and were confronted with a new culture. I think my self-esteem issues started then, when I started seeing myself as "fat". Most of the girls I was in Middle School with were slim and, in my opinion the epitome of how yo were supposed to look. I know how silly it sounds now, but that affected me a lot. I just wanted to blend in and didn't want to be noticed or singled out, which also meant not expressing anger or frustration, just holding it in.

My mother went back to work, and our diet changed from mostly whole foods to more convenience items. My parents were under a great deal of stress, and my mother began to "stress eat", gaining a lot of weight in the process. I have always been very close to her, and joined in. When I was 14, we went to Weight Watchers and were successful. I never got back into exercise, but managed to stay around 130 (I'm 5'5") for most of HS. My mom yo-yoed for years, trying every new diet that came along, and I did them with her for support, with little effect. We always went back to eating our comfort foods... chocolate, ice cream, etc.

Like Clutterbunny, I embarked on a 9 yr relationship in college which was quite unhealthy and gained tons of weight, up to 186. Ironically, I was "dieting" the entire time because he was quite disgusted with how I looked. But he also played all kinds of little head games, trying to "help" me lose weight which made me feel even worse, and I'd eat a bag of chips, pint of ice cream, etc. in one sitting to sort of soothe all of these feelings. I finally left him, moved to CA for about a year, and once free of that emotional roller coaster, lost 25 pounds and kept it off for 5 years. I am still susceptible to reaching out for those comforting foods when angry and stressed out, but I am trying to teach myself to express my feelings, to find alternate strategies for de-stressing, and to realize that having something to say and "standing out" is not a bad thing.

Wow.. such a long post! Thanks for reading... I am very happy to be here!

Toni