[Klavalala]

hatelife, I know some of the posts might seem a bit hard, but don't mind. The brothers are just trying to help you. It's good advice, and I hope you will continue visiting the forum until you overcome this particular trial, and beyond.

I am telling you from personal experience, you aren't the only one going through this kind of situation right now. If you could visit the Brother's section, you would see that there are many who are struggling. And it's hard, when you see the people around getting good jobs and being successful otherwise, even though they may be less "deserving". I know people who were complete slackers throughout school and/or not practicing Muslims, who ended up getting high-paying jobs, while hardworking, pious brothers struggle.

It is all a test from Allah. Be patient, and make sure you're fulfilling all your duties to Allah. Put your trust in Him and He will come through for you in ways you never expected. For encouragement, read about the struggles of the Prophet and the sahaba in this dunya.

Please, don't even think about suicide. If you succeed, it will be extremely painful and then Allah will punish you, and if you fail, you could be maimed for life. It's not worth it. Know that this life will end soon anyway. Even if you live to 100, you probably won't live much longer than that. Then if you've been patient through your trials, you'll have no more pain or worries. Look forward to that meeting with Allah. Strive for the akhirah, because that's the one place where your efforts will be guaranteed to yield results. You are making an honest effort, so don't blame yourself for things that are beyond your control.