[Finkevannon]

Dear Dad:

I have watched you from the distance for quite awhile, and now I feel that I am in the position to give you advice.

That was a good start, but you need to supply the press with a family photo.

Invite our entire extended family to one of your mansions for a reunion.

Herd together everybody for a single photograph. With so many people gathered 'round, the small bundle will hardly be noticeable.

Offer each embarrassing family member who unexpectedly appears at the reunion one hundred billion dollars to keep quiet.

Yours truly,

Your Long-Lost, Sunni-Marxist, Out-of-Wedlock Daughter-turned-Son,
Richard Cheney II