Hello Murder, Glad to see you have 5 pages worth of support, i didnt read them all I am so hangover from New Year`s party, but by the way happy new year to you. So, sorry for giving pointers without looking farther than your initial post but, if you feel bad about yourself for being in a rut, I can suggest this book called Feeling Good by Dr. Burns, I had a minor depression 2-3 years ago and this book helped a lot in my case. I also had anti-depressants and psychotherapy wich went pretty well (the therapy I mean), if it didnt work out for you maybe try for another one ? It all depends on your connection with the therapist and everyone is different as to how they dispense their insight and help. Like someone else said, when I feel crap I do a list of all the good things I have in life, or the past good things that I have had. You can also make a list of all the things you can do better than most people. Also, I've learned to not try to ignore my sad feelings, they wont go away until you've lived them fully. Myself when I am sad I play sad slice your wrist songs on the piano, then my roommate will usually come in and be like "Dude you want me to hang myself" and I'll be "Yeah, **** you too !". This is just to explain what I mean about living your feelings. Also hmm, are you getting enough rest, healthy eating and all that ? I go for walks or jogging when I am filled with crap ideas and it helps. Lastly about your job, find something else or try to do a short program that will open up new opportunities for you ! Having a job that is not fulfilling is the worst thing ever. Are you into creative arts ? That could be something good to undertake, music, drawing, painting, whatever.