[yWleIJm4]

well it's not really weird...

it's being desperate. You can't have what you're looking for so you try to find substitutes which, in the end doesn't help anything, because unless you're lucky, they're not what you're looking for either...

I cannot really help you as I'm strugling myself with similar things, but it's a phase and it'll pass. Tough times never last, tough people do.