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**invasuant** · 09-03-2012, 11:21 PM

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here.

For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills

I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway.

The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them!

Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too.

Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed.

Wa alaikumussalaam wa rahmatullaah my dearest sis,
The advice already given will inshaAllaah be very helpful. May Allaah make it eaasy for u. Recite ta'awwudh often.. I once heard that we only become angry upon ppl whom we believe to be better than. (a result of pride/takabbur- one of the most evils existing)
Also, there r many virtues for surppressing anger.. it may be hard, but inshaAllaah with constant sincere striving and seeking help by Allaah ta'ala, itll be made easier.
We shd think of our beloved Nabi (sallAllaahu alaihi wa sallam), He never got upset for His own personal needs/reasons. It was all overlooked and the best of character was displayed even to enemies.

here are some more additional points I found
Approved by Mufti Ebrahim Desai

ANGER
Anger is natural to man. There is no man without the instinct of anger. Allah has placed this quality in man for some reason. It is given to man for the purpose of protecting himself, his possessions, his family and his relatives. If he is bereft of the quality of anger then he will never be angry and never defend himself when attacked by an enemy or an animal. So, man is allowed to show anger to protect himself and, the Shariah has not placed any restriction on that. However, what is required s that man keeps it under control, which if he does so, he will save himself from many difficulties. Conversely, if man does not control his anger he is prone to commit innumerable sins. It is anger that gives rise to arrogance; it gives root to jealousy; an angry man bears malice and is also hostile. Hence, man needs to learn how to use this innate tool of anger for his advantage and protect himself from its abuse and nasty consequences.

A FEW ANTIDOTES

Hereunder follow a few prescriptions and antidotes to ‘diffuse’ one in the rage of anger. May Allah Ta’ala grant us the Divine ability to implement these when we are placed in such situations, Āmin.

A) RECITE TA’WWUZ - When faced with a situation of anger and excitement, the first thing one should do is act on the directive that Allah Ta’ala has given in the Qurān:

وَإِمَّا يَنْزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ

“(O Rasulullah) If a provocation from Shaytan provokes you, then seek refuge in Allah.”

(Surah Fussilat – S.41, V.36)

That is, recite,

أَعُوْذُ باِللهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيْمْ

“I seek refuge in Allah from the dejected devil.”

The devil has provoked you, but you have sought the refuge of Allah, so Allah will preserve you from its evil consequences.

B) SIT DOWN OR LIE DOWN – The next thing to be done when angry is to follow the advice of Rasulullah r. It is an unusual but psychological procedure. Rasulullah u advised,

“If you feel the rage of anger in you then, if you are standing, sit down. If the feeling persists in that posture, then lie down.” (Abu Dāwud, Vol.2, Pg.316, Maktabah Ramāniyyah)

C) THINK OF THE POWER OF ALLAH – Yet another method to counter anger is to say to oneself,

“Suppose Allah was to be angry at me in the same way I am angry at this man, then what will become of me?”

We are told in a hadith that Rasulullah r came across Abu Bakr t scolding his slave. He was blaming him harshly. According to a version, Rasilullah r said,

“Remember, Allah has more power and authority over you than you have over him. You use your authority to hurt him but Allah has more authority over you.”

D) GET ALLAH’S HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT THE MOST – It is recorded in one of the previous Divine books that Allah Ta’ala has mentioned regarding an angry person,

“Remember me in the time of your anger and I (Allah) will consider you at time when I am in full fury.”

(Ihyā Ulumiddīn Vol.2, Pg.219; Dāru Misr Littibā’ah)

E) KEEP SILENT – Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās t has reported Rasulullah r to have said,

“When you become angry, remain silent.”

(Ihyā Ulumiddīn Vol.2, Pg.219; Dāru Misr Littibā’ah)

By remaining silent, calm and sedate, one will be in complete control of one’s mind and senses thus allowing one to act in correct measure.

F) REMEMBER THESE PHRASES – Next time, before getting angry or while one is in a fit of anger, one may well consider the following wise sayings-

“Anger Is A Very Valuable Thing So Don’t Lose It!”

“For Every Minute You Are Angry, You Lose 60 Seconds Of Happiness!”

May Allah Ta’ālā protect us from the snares of Shaytan and nafs, and may He allow us to attain His Divine pleasure through our anger, Āmīn.

09-03-2012, 11:21 PM	#27
invasuant Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 642 Senior Member	Asalaamu Alaikum I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here. For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway. The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them! Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too. Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed. Wa alaikumussalaam wa rahmatullaah my dearest sis, The advice already given will inshaAllaah be very helpful. May Allaah make it eaasy for u. Recite ta'awwudh often.. I once heard that we only become angry upon ppl whom we believe to be better than. (a result of pride/takabbur- one of the most evils existing) Also, there r many virtues for surppressing anger.. it may be hard, but inshaAllaah with constant sincere striving and seeking help by Allaah ta'ala, itll be made easier. We shd think of our beloved Nabi (sallAllaahu alaihi wa sallam), He never got upset for His own personal needs/reasons. It was all overlooked and the best of character was displayed even to enemies. here are some more additional points I found Approved by Mufti Ebrahim Desai ANGER Anger is natural to man. There is no man without the instinct of anger. Allah has placed this quality in man for some reason. It is given to man for the purpose of protecting himself, his possessions, his family and his relatives. If he is bereft of the quality of anger then he will never be angry and never defend himself when attacked by an enemy or an animal. So, man is allowed to show anger to protect himself and, the Shariah has not placed any restriction on that. However, what is required s that man keeps it under control, which if he does so, he will save himself from many difficulties. Conversely, if man does not control his anger he is prone to commit innumerable sins. It is anger that gives rise to arrogance; it gives root to jealousy; an angry man bears malice and is also hostile. Hence, man needs to learn how to use this innate tool of anger for his advantage and protect himself from its abuse and nasty consequences. A FEW ANTIDOTES Hereunder follow a few prescriptions and antidotes to ‘diffuse’ one in the rage of anger. May Allah Ta’ala grant us the Divine ability to implement these when we are placed in such situations, Āmin. A) RECITE TA’WWUZ - When faced with a situation of anger and excitement, the first thing one should do is act on the directive that Allah Ta’ala has given in the Qurān: وَإِمَّا يَنْزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ “(O Rasulullah) If a provocation from Shaytan provokes you, then seek refuge in Allah.” (Surah Fussilat – S.41, V.36) That is, recite, أَعُوْذُ باِللهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيْمْ “I seek refuge in Allah from the dejected devil.” The devil has provoked you, but you have sought the refuge of Allah, so Allah will preserve you from its evil consequences. B) SIT DOWN OR LIE DOWN – The next thing to be done when angry is to follow the advice of Rasulullah r. It is an unusual but psychological procedure. Rasulullah u advised, “If you feel the rage of anger in you then, if you are standing, sit down. If the feeling persists in that posture, then lie down.” (Abu Dāwud, Vol.2, Pg.316, Maktabah Ramāniyyah) C) THINK OF THE POWER OF ALLAH – Yet another method to counter anger is to say to oneself, “Suppose Allah was to be angry at me in the same way I am angry at this man, then what will become of me?” We are told in a hadith that Rasulullah r came across Abu Bakr t scolding his slave. He was blaming him harshly. According to a version, Rasilullah r said, “Remember, Allah has more power and authority over you than you have over him. You use your authority to hurt him but Allah has more authority over you.” D) GET ALLAH’S HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT THE MOST – It is recorded in one of the previous Divine books that Allah Ta’ala has mentioned regarding an angry person, “Remember me in the time of your anger and I (Allah) will consider you at time when I am in full fury.” (Ihyā Ulumiddīn Vol.2, Pg.219; Dāru Misr Littibā’ah) E) KEEP SILENT – Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās t has reported Rasulullah r to have said, “When you become angry, remain silent.” (Ihyā Ulumiddīn Vol.2, Pg.219; Dāru Misr Littibā’ah) By remaining silent, calm and sedate, one will be in complete control of one’s mind and senses thus allowing one to act in correct measure. F) REMEMBER THESE PHRASES – Next time, before getting angry or while one is in a fit of anger, one may well consider the following wise sayings- “Anger Is A Very Valuable Thing So Don’t Lose It!” “For Every Minute You Are Angry, You Lose 60 Seconds Of Happiness!” May Allah Ta’ālā protect us from the snares of Shaytan and nafs, and may He allow us to attain His Divine pleasure through our anger, Āmīn.
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