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**zueqhbyhp** · 09-03-2012, 11:21 PM

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here.

For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills

I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway.

The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them!

Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too.

Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed.

I sympathize with you because i also have to deal with an anger problem. they key is to sit and stay silent whenever you are angry. make dhikr, read audhubillah, remeber shaytaan knows you very well he will always insinuate you to get angry.

when your standing and something ticks you off sit down, when you're sitting and something ticks you off lie down.

the key is do NOT OPEN YOUR MOUTH and say anything that you will come to regret. remember that when you have nothing good to say then you shouldn't be saying anything just zip it.

the only time when anger is justified is when the shariah is violated in some way. not because someone hit you playfully, or you missed the bus etc.

also I highly reccomend listening to these lectures even if you disregard everything i've written have a listen to these lectures and maybe take notes while you and try implement the lessons the shaykh imparts.

1. http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/...medy_anger.mp3

2. http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/...ling_anger.mp3

also have a listen to the lectures this scholar (Shaykh Hussain Abdul Sattar) gives. on this website

http://www.sacredlearning.org/general-talks

i think the "picking the positive" lecture should help.

on another note recently Shaykh Musleh Khan was in my city and he talked about the importance of just holding our tongue and not saying anything when we're angry until we cool off a bit and have a chance to actually think about our situation. if this simple advice was taken so many divorces could be avoided.

09-03-2012, 11:21 PM	#8
zueqhbyhp Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 453 Senior Member	Asalaamu Alaikum I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here. For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway. The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them! Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too. Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed. I sympathize with you because i also have to deal with an anger problem. they key is to sit and stay silent whenever you are angry. make dhikr, read audhubillah, remeber shaytaan knows you very well he will always insinuate you to get angry. when your standing and something ticks you off sit down, when you're sitting and something ticks you off lie down. the key is do NOT OPEN YOUR MOUTH and say anything that you will come to regret. remember that when you have nothing good to say then you shouldn't be saying anything just zip it. the only time when anger is justified is when the shariah is violated in some way. not because someone hit you playfully, or you missed the bus etc. also I highly reccomend listening to these lectures even if you disregard everything i've written have a listen to these lectures and maybe take notes while you and try implement the lessons the shaykh imparts. 1. http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/...medy_anger.mp3 2. http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/...ling_anger.mp3 also have a listen to the lectures this scholar (Shaykh Hussain Abdul Sattar) gives. on this website http://www.sacredlearning.org/general-talks i think the "picking the positive" lecture should help. on another note recently Shaykh Musleh Khan was in my city and he talked about the importance of just holding our tongue and not saying anything when we're angry until we cool off a bit and have a chance to actually think about our situation. if this simple advice was taken so many divorces could be avoided.
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