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Old 09-03-2012, 01:20 PM   #20
encunnibriG

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
461
Senior Member
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Asalaamu Alaikum

I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here.

For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills

I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway.

The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them!

Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too.

Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed.


Your anger is a double-edged sword and can also be a means through which you are able to gain proximity to Allah much faster than others. Please read the following reply to a brother who requested help in opposing 'extra-strong' desires:

It makes sense that the greater the Jihad of the Nafs, the greater the reward.
The pauper who donates the £5 that amounts to half his life savings is likely to be worthy of more reward than the millionaire who donates the £500 that seems like loose change to him.

Give the brother this to read:

The heart is there to be broken....

Mawlana Mufti Muhammad Shafi (RA) is said to have cited an example with regards to the heart being there to be broken.

In the old days there used to be hakims (traditional medical practitioners) who used to grind herbs and prepare medicines of different sorts. In order to do this they would have to burn gold and other metals. They produced tonics that would provide great energy. Mawlana Mufti Muhammad Shafi (RA) used to say that if you grind your desires to pieces, to powder and burn them to ashes they too will turn into tonic. You will gain strength to establish a relationship with Allah (swt) and get love for him. Your heart will become the centre of light from Allah (swt). The more you break your heart the more it will become beloved in Allah's sight.

The more you strike it, the more it will be dear to the maker. He has made it so it may be broken, that its desires be trampled upon for his sake. And when it is crushed it turns into something else.

Mufti Taqi Usmani then goes onto quote a verse of a poem recited by Dr. Abdul Hayyi (RA):

We will turn it into something else. We will convert it into what we like. So, do not suppose that you are being hit by crushing the desires of the soul. Rather, the sweet taste that it will have after the heart becomes the home of Allah's love will disclose that the taste of sins that you used to have was nothing in comparison.

Mawlana Rumi (RA) says about base desires:

The wordly desires are like fuel. Do not regard the desires in your heart as weak. They are useful. The more you burn them, the more taqwa will brighten your heart. You get the desires to do this or that-do not say that they are useless. Allah (swt) has creted them with wisdom. It is that you burn them, as you do that they grow taqwa in you. Endure hardship, but burn the desires.

The more your heart breaks the more dear it is to its Maker. Once you do it, ALLAH (swt) will grant you a sweeteness that will exceed the sweeteness of sin.
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