[Filmania]

Hello Roadrunner dear,

We all go through hard and very hard moments in our life. But what is important is that I feel you are rising the right questions and when this happens the answere is right there...

I guess my thing is, why do I put so much of my own happiness in this person's lap?

I feel you are awakening to the issue about Happiness. The source of happiness is in the way your mind understand things. Happiness, Joy, Bliss, Sukkha can not depend on "outside" conditions but in a stillness state of your mind.

On the other hand we have to understand that things, friends, fellows, affairs are of impermanent nature... they come and go depending on conditions and causes of those conditions... People and their affairs one day are and the other are not with us. Also friendship is under impermanence law. Some friends are gone and some new will come...

Also most of the time loosing something, a friend for example, threatens our ego... because of attachments, because he or she make me feel well, because, because, because...

I also have a tendency to think negative thoughts.

Negative (and positive) thoughts are also impermanent... meditation helps to understand this nature of mind. Let the negative thoughts flow away... they, by nature, tend to flow and disappear if we do not get attached to them.

Why do I do this and how do I stop it?

Rise the quality of your meditation... keep doing meditation... meditation should be focused in breathing... and just watch your thoughts... they are impermanent... do not attach to them...

I practice zazen... zazen is the backbone of Soto Zen practice... for us is very important to do zazen... it changes the quality of your mind and then of your whole life... Read the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Noble Path thoroughly and with deep commitment...

Here is some advice about zazen...

http://mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php