[MannoFr]

FOR WOMEN:
1) Take an oath not to marry any person who demands dowry.
2) Be brave when you face situations of adverse effects. Fully believe that you are in noway inferior to men. Don’t be a coward and a victim of torture.
3) If they harass u beyond any particular limit, GET A DIVORCE. Committing Suicide is NOT the solution. Life does NOT become futile, for one worthless human being or a family.
4) Divorcees can earn a good living, thro any decent job. If u don’t have children, spend the money for good cause. Do social service. If u succeed in meeting any man, who can live up to ur expectation, marry him.
5) The society does not look down upon divorcees anymore. If u accidentally happen to hear any wounding words, DONT CARE A PENNY FOR IT. It is better than tolerating wounding words against ur parents by some unworthy in-laws.
6) Sit and talk with your parents. Explain them ur desires. Do not be forced into any marriage.
7) Sit and talk with your future in-laws and fiancé as to yours expectations. Do not just pose before them, for their acceptance of your appearance alone. You are much more than just your physical appearance. Ask them their demands, dreams, aims, expectations. This would surely lead to happy marriage from both sides.
8) Be a part of planning your marriage. Know the reasons, causes, and sources of expenses. Do not be ignorant of your parents’ hardships. If they spend on any unwanted item, which is either not demanded upon or is unnecessary, then, CUT THOSE EXPENSES.
9) Ladies should understand and think about this problem as a curse to womanhood. Forget that u are a groom’s mother or sister or relative. YOU ARE A WOMAN. Rules don’t change because you accidentally happen to be groom’s relatives. IT IS A SHAME, TO FIND THAT THE PRESSURE ON DOWRY, AND DEATH DUE TO DOWRY, IS PRIMARILY BECAUSE OF WOMEN WHO STAND ON THE OTHER SIDE AND DEMAND THE SAME. 1. very good oath! but as i already mentioned, what if the guy only refrains from asking cos he knows that your parents would give sth or if they don't give now, they are rich, so they will give gifts later and in the end, the wealth will come to the girl?
2. i second that girls should be courageous and shouldn't feel that they are in any way inferior to men! i feel compelled now to quote from only of my favourite poems:

Oh my beautiful sari
I love you much to tell you free
You enlighten the feminism in me
For which I should thank you much
For I am a woman first
The birth I consider the best.

3, 4 and 5. yes, divorce IS an option! just cos divorce should be avoided as an out for silly problems doesn't mean it is not the option when faced with torture.
6 and 7. yes, talking openly abt stuff can solve so many things!
8. yup, don't let ur parents spend more than they can and even if they can afford it, extravagant expenditure should be avoided. think abt what other more useful stuff you could spend that money on!!! it's ok to have a moderately grand wedding. i mean, after all, it's a celebration. but don't overdo it!
9. yes, ladies! stand up for your fellow ladies!

[HedgeYourBets]

FOR FUTURE PROSPECTIVE BRIDE GROOMS:
1)Nowadays the trend is to settle thro ur hard-earned money, not ur parents, not ur in-laws.
2)Buy necessary items for basic living, even before u invite ur life partner to share ur life. That’s the best gift u can give her, rather than roses and cards on valentine's day.
3)If she is also an earning member, sit with ur fiancée, plan out the necessary items, and share the cost equally.
4)Talk to ur parents, and make them agree, to share the marriage cost equally! (food, choultry and other extravaganzas)
5) If possible try to settle for simple marriage, and a small party afterwards.
6) Do not allow your life to be ruled, by third parties comments or demands as to your fiancée’s status, looks or her economic background. They are people who sadistically comment and contribute NOTHING towards your welfare during the times of distress. (I hear by mean 3rd parties, and NOT bride groom's parents)

We should all think, lead way and be an example for better tomorrows, and happy marriages just wanted to mention that the guy should discuss finances with his bride even if she doesn't earn.

and as i already said, a grand wedding is ok as long as it's well within your means, cos a wedding is a celebration. just don't overdo it!

[HedgeYourBets]

hey, isn't there anyone in this forum who cares abt this?

[Big A]

I am of the opinion that girls and ladies are living in a world of myth. Did anyone descend upon the earth and tell each girl individually that they are weak?

In the animal kingdom the female of the species is deadlier than the male.

1.The female praying mantis is known for its peculiar habit of biting off the male's head during mating.

2. A group of elephants is always led by a single old matriarch. Its the females who protect the young ones from other rogue male elephants.

3. A female taruntula which is unreceptive to mating may even eat the male which approaches her.

I think these points are sufficient to drive home my point that girls/ women are not weaker than men .

[LottiFurmann]

cool! add the black widow spider to that list!

[Lt_Apple]

why does there seem to be no interest in this thread? i can't believe that's cos dowry is extinct! and i can't believe that's cos the hubbers don't wish to eradicate it!

[Lt_Apple]

http://www.indiatogether.org/2006/mar/ksh-marriage.htm
gives a recent report.

[9mm_fan]

thanks for the link!

[S.T.D.]

i think girls should refuse to marry to anyone who ask dowry, if every girl in india does so, men in inida will have no options then, they just have to marry without dowry!

[doctorzlo]

Cool post This should be printed and distributed in every street or posted over cinema posters, all over TN.

[radikal]

kosu, Adaikalam,

A woman going for job sure makes her Independent . But the sad plight is that even if she goes for a job, the money earned therefrom is saved for her dowry so that it relieves her father's burden to spend for her.

Financial freedom does NOT relieve women fully. We all know many women earn their living, and is in worst plight than the non-earning women. They have to do dual work of home and job front. What women need is not ONLY FINANCIAL freedom. The freedom in true sense, would include freedom from certain norms and values which ties and binds only women.

A man unmarried at 35, or divorced, or a widower, is not subject to criticism or debates.The same is NOT true for women. Hence, whether a woman is financially dependant or independant, she is forced or made to say YES to marriage, pay dowry for it against her will, for the want of equally educated man like herself.

Siddarth,

"Whether a woman works or not is irrelevant. It should be her choice. Dowry system is inherently evil and the best solution would be something like in shariat law, amputation or emasculation."

[Lt_Apple]

Until there are people who give dowry there will be people who take dowry. Womens parents should stop giving dowry. If woman faces dowry harassments divorce and remarriage is only way to get rid of harassments.
Dowry tradition is mostly seen in middle class and rich families. Poor people do not give much or any preference to dowry.

[Beerinkol]

Sandeep,
That's a good point. But atleast in the cities, the thought that female children are burduns is fading away.

[tgs]

In todays world all value money over self respect. Greed is what is making educated, modern, well to do people ask for dowry.

Well educated and well earned people only ask more dowry. An unemployed person demands less dowry. Doctor or engineer demands more dowry. In my caste there is no tradition of dowry. One doctor who belong to my caste married christian woman for dowry. After marriage he harassed her too much for dowry.

[PhillipHer]

he means not me. someone else. If a rich person gets dowry, then he belongs to the poor category according to me. I think this dowry problem is related to money and nothing else.

[Lillie_Steins]

I quite agree with Kosu. It's the financial freedom that would make a woman a real freedom. A woman doesn't have to say "marry me to take care of me", which is like begging a man to take care of her like a little girl. So the women should use their education and earn their living and be like men - equal. In this case she can say I'm equal to a man, why asky for dowry.

[brraverishhh]

Well, Did u accept dowry?

Just Kidding.
I was reffering to anyone who accepts dowry.

[Paul Bunyan]

Financialy rich, but morally poor. He's agreeing to be sold to a girl by his parents. In other words he's agreeing to be a prostitute!

lol.....tat's true of course! Btw, is it of ne use tat dowry is actually illegal in India now?? I doubt it
Actually in addition to this, therez now a sort of 'counter-dowry' happening in arranged marriages today, where the girls' parents (& in many cases the girls themselves!) insist on only guys w/ US-based jobs or high-sal/income ones.....so in these cases its the girl who is agreeing to be sold by her parents for money. In other words she is agreeing to be a u-know-wat

[TorryJens]

Financialy rich, but morally poor. He's agreeing to be sold to a girl by his parents. In other words he's agreeing to be a prostitute!

[Drugmachine]

THe solution to eradicate dowry is to make every woman get a job and go for work earn independent living.