Death
 

Hi

I would be interested in any replies, whether from practising Buddhists or others.

If anyone could point me to any relevant Buddhist teachings or texts that might be useful. I would also be very grateful.

I have recently witnessed the death of my mother. This profound experience certainly brings you to the very limits of what we call 'this world'!

I don't have any answers whatever to the great indigestible facts of life, like death. How can a person be here, and then gone? Is that like one of your Zen koans? Can death be an opportunity? Can we use all the energy and the massive conundrum of death to empower us to do something?

Death seems like a great dose of reality, destroying everything. What can we do about that?

How can one pass from rage and confusion in one moment to stillness and clarity in the next? The answer is the same, and the core of the Buddhist soteriology.

"Death: Friend or Foe?" 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Sorry to hear about your mother. My Mum died last year, and I'm still not really over it.

Hi Neil,

I'm sorry to hear about your mother, mine died a few years ago.

Death is just a very natural occurance which happens to all living beings on planet Earth through causes and conditions at some time or another, so we accept that it will happen.

This is Ajahn Jayasaro of the Theravada Thai Forest tradition. (Two and a half minutes)

"Why are beings so often surprised when death comes ?"

Yeah, death is a really messed up thing, but it is a part of life and will happen to everyone, sorry about your mother... My father, mother, brother, 2 sisters, and uncle died in a fire... I don't really know, first is shock, then crying, then realizing that it happens, not always to the extreme, but whatever.



.

What we can do is detach from all impermanent things because one day they will come to pass. Detachment is a metal process. Physically parting with something does not necessarily remove psychological attachment. In short, detachment is not aversion.

I am sorry for your loss. Hope she had a good, full life!

Death is indeed empowering. It teaches you to live life to the fullest.

One thing it does for you that you probably have noticed is putting the most important things into focus. When somebody close passes away it is natural to put away your job, hobbies and unimportant things and focus on those that share your grief, that are important to you and what is best for them.

If ever I have a problem deciding something I ask myself what if this is the last decision you make in life? What would I choose. Then those choices that bring most happiness to my family stand out and are easy to pick.

It also teaches us to savour every second of life as if it was the last. To be awake in life. Buddhism teaches that those that are awake in the moment "will never die" as opposed to those that are not "are already in this life as if dead". This is very important in Budo too where the decision between life and death is decided by ones ability to tune attention to the situation in the correct manner and not to lose that focus even for a fraction of a second.

That is a lesson that is valid in every aspect of life. To tune your attention to the important stuff so that at the end of your life you can say that your life was full of live moments and not of dead ones.

At least that is my goal in life.

Kindly
Victor

Very good video. So much clarity and wisdom in just a few words.

Thank you for those replies, very much appreciated.

It is a very sad and painful time but also I think an opportunity for something good to come out of it perhaps, ultimately. It does indeed bring home what is important. So much of what people call 'life' and 'the world' is of little worth.

Thank you for posting that video, its unadorned simplicity says so much. I like the way he uses the example of the cloud. I think there is so much that you can learn just by looking at natural phenomena, like the sky, or water, in their ceaseless movement and transformation, in the way that something like a waterfall has its own pattern, or form, and yet, from moment to moment it is never the same thing, with never the same water or exact shape.

The way we tend to perceive the world, it is like we think we could get hold of our favourite waterfall, for example, and transplant it to our back garden. We misunderstand that a waterfall is a mere pattern embedded among a multitude of patterns, and can never be grasped.

Good Evening Mardale,

This topic of death is what actually led me to discovering Buddhism. No one can imagine the despair or suffering you are experiencing and I know its hard but you must realize everything is impermanent. This world, the rocks, the ocean, everything you consider life will be change and eventually die. You need to know this and not see this as a negative thing. Which is hard in our culture today because there are so many materialistic things that make us feel as if we're immortal, as if we will never lose. The best way I have come to accept and embrace this as not a negative part of life is thinking of it like this: Yesterday was yesterday and Today is today. When its today, things are different, in a sense yesterday has died, it has changed form and became something else. TOnce you realize impermanence, youre suffering will end and you will feel at peace and liberated. Please understand that I am trying to help and truly wish the best for you. Continue practicing, meditating and learning and you will grow.

My computer messed up for I was not done. I wish you the absolute best and know that you will find strength to persevere. Thank you for letting me write and I would love to talk to you about any problems that may arise.
Truly
Erica

My condolenses for your loss. But accept that we must all face the end of this life. Be happy that you were there when she passed, as a cop, and paramedic i have witnessed so many that didn't have the comfort of being with loved ones. Be happy, you helped her pass.

Much has been written about the grieving process but what I would like to add is this process of grieving for a departed love one applies to Buddhists too - they are not immune simply because they practice meditation or mindfulness and have studied the four noble truths, etc. But it can be very beneficial for the practicing Buddhist to observe his or her feelings, thoughts, emotions and states of mind as he or she goes through the grieving process rather than get too attached or caught up in it. In doing this we can see what the differences between attachment and love are and how things are impermanent and not subject to our control - we can take the death of a loved one as something which will help us let go ourselves.

When someone close to us dies it is normal for us to also consider our own death and what that means. In doing this we can feel closer to our loved one and we can imagine someone grieving for us when the time comes.

There is a wonderful story about a Zen monk watching and smelling an incense stick burning by the body of his recently deceased mother - by just by silently witnessing the incense stick burn and his own grief, he came to realize the nature of his own mind and became enlightened.