[rasiasertew]

My question is--if being compassionate and not causing additional suffering to someone is right, at what point does my own personal suffering in the situation matter? I have read that if something does not bring you joy or peace, to let it go.

Recently I had a major falling out with a very dear friend and I am having trouble knowing if I did the right thing in my actions. For 6 years now I have listened to her for hours and hours (often neglecting my family's own needs) in an effort to counsel her. She has been in constant crisis since I met her and always has an excuse as to why she won't seek help or let go of a negative situation. She has alienated herself from friends and family and has lost 3 husbands, countless boyfriends and friends because of her behavior. She is a chaos addict in my opinion and is admittedly schizophrenic and narcissistic. It was a one-sided friendship as she never asked me about my life or what was going on with me. We only talked about her. If she did ask me about myself, it was only in reference to her issues--not out of general care or concern for me. I listened patiently and compassionately for several years but it caused great stress every time I talked to her. She would keep me on the phone for hours at a time even if I told her I had to go.

I felt as though she was using me as a free counselor. My friend would ask my opinion and advice on things, only to do the exact opposite of what I suggested. Then later, she would call and ask me why things were going to bad--wanting me to help her "analyze" the situation. I never felt I could tell her the honest truth because she would get defensive and lash out at me.

Example--I told her not to date a man because he was a homeless methamphetamine addict. She then travelled across the country with him and married him in a handfasting ceremony. During that year she called me all the time to ask why he was abusing her and disappearing for days on end. I wanted to say "I told you not to do that" but I never did.

I suggested mantras and a mala, but she said that was not for her. I gave her the mantras and offered to make her a mala. She refused. Then later she paid a spiritual healer to suggest the same thing and suddenly it was helping her.

A few days ago we were having the usual go-round and I told her the truth (to let go of the abusive husband), which she didn't want to hear. She immediately attacked my devotion to my own husband and child (a cheap shot meant to hurt me) which instantly forced 6 years of pent up frustration to come flooding out. I didn't say anything intentionally to hurt her, but I told her everything that had been on my mind and I never could say before. It was as if another power took over and I could not stop it. I was absolutely done with her and the chaos she spreads. She accused me of beating her up and we haven't spoken since. I have blocked her from contacting me by phone or email for fear of what she will say just to hurt me.

Did I do the right thing? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks and Namaste!