[DavidQD]

I just now meditated for the first time in probably around a year. I didn't know exactly how I was supposed to meditate, so I looked up how to meditate as a Buddhist on google.

I found a neat article that was a how to about beginning meditation. I took the information from the article and when I breathed in I counted to 1. With every in breath I would count. I counted from 1 to 10 for every set of breaths. Once I got to breath number 10 I would start over. I didn't do it close to perfectly though. Sometimes I messed up and counted wrong or counted over 10. I took deep breaths in and out.

I have some back pain when I sit and that made it harder to relax. I kept moving around a bit every now and then during the 10 minutes that I meditated. I was trying to just focus on the breathing.

I don't know a lot about Buddhism and meditation yet. Any advice about meditating would be greatly appreciated.

At first I hated the feelings I was having with my eyes closed and I was feeling uncomfortable. I hated the meditation at first but started to like it more and more as the minutes went on. Is it common to hate breathing meditation at first? After I felt so much better. I opened my eyes and felt like I had taken some anti anxiety medicine. I feel more alert. It is a really nice feeling. Now I love the breathing meditation because of the affect it has had on my awareness and mood.

Also, I live with my parents even though i'm an adult. I can't drive, because I can't afford car insurance. I don't have a job. I can get my dad to take me places on his days off. He is off two days a week.

My parents are both devout Christians and would probably be very uncomfortable taking me to a meditation and or Buddhist meeting. My mom doesn't even know that i'm learning Buddhism. My parents wouldn't understand, so I am not tatlking to them about it. It makes it hard though because not only would they not be happy for me most likely I live in a small town. There is not much opportunity to meet Buddhist people. There was one group I spoke with about a year ago when I was interested in Buddhism before. However, this group from what I heard seemed to believe in an immortal soul that is reincarnated and I couldn't believe that. I don't get how you can have an immortal soul and still be impermanent. If i'm wrong please correct me. I honestly mean that. If there really is a Buddhist teaching of a soul then i'm open minded about it. I hope to get some advice on that if anyone would like to tell me about it. I would really appreciate it.

I am going to try to read if not today then tomorrow about Buddhism. I want to find the book by Ajahn Sumedho, "The Way It Is"

I have also listened to and read along with the "What is Buddhism" thread. I took Aloka-D's advice.

I hope everyone is doing well.