[swissloveone]

As Christians, we are to be examples to others and to allow our actions to reveal Christ in us. I have some non-Christin friends that I care deeply about. They are great guys, and every few months I hang out with them. I don't feel they are leading me away from my faith. However, when I do spend time with them, often the conversation can be quite vulgar and sinful (i.e. sexual jokes), and I feel awkward at those moments. I don't want to come across as prideful or self-righteous. Yet, I also don't want to participate in those conversations. I also want to be a witness to them and not avoid them completely (after all, they need Christ too). Any thoughts or suggestions on how to deal with this situation, or what you have done in similar cases? Thanks.

[sobre]

There is nothing wrong with boundaries. Make your friends aware of them and remind them of them when they are crossed. You can do this gently and then more stringently. Everything from "come on guys, change the subject." to " I need to leave". If they dont' understand or even try to accomodate you, then what kind of friends are they?

Jesus' parable of the cutting off the hand and plucking out your eye was in direct relation to cutting of friendships and family that became a hinderance to our salvation. And yes, continual exposure to vulgar and sinful conversations are a hinderance.

I have a notepad I always carry with me when I am in my office. I take notes and make reference to it around the office. When I hear someone cussing or being "stupid" I will smack them on the arm or pop them on the head with it and say "cut it out". It is not done done out of anger and they know I am not being physical with them. AND at the same time, they have become over time sensitive to me being around and curb their speech to accomodate me. Not always, or else they get smacked, but by and large, our office chatter has been cleaned up tremendously.

Paul

[anaisdannyxys]

Do you want to witness to them or be buddies with them. These things are not necessarily compatible.

If your "friends" were to take out a knife and start poking you with it, pricking the skin or inflicting a small cut each time, but when you complained they said that it was really nothing, not a big deal, why do you have to get so worked up by something so small, and then as if to prove how insignificant it is began pricking and cutting themselves and each other - would you agree with them and stick around or would you get out of there. When you expose yourself willingly to this kind of sin, then you wound your soul with a thousand little pricks and cuts each time.

You state in your profile that you are protestant and in my experience, there is a huge emphasis in protestant Churches about "witnessing". In Orthodoxy the emphasis is instead in working out your own salvation (as in the saying of St Seraphim, (rough paraphrase)"Acquire the Holy Spirit and thousands around you will be saved" ). Your first responsibility before God is not to witness to others, but rather to work out your own salvation. "Witnessing" is not something you do with your words but with your life. So if you hang out with the boys and don't object and set limits around sinful actions, then how will they see the difference in your life? Why do they think they need this "salvation" that you offer since it doesn't really mean that you live any differently than they. If you want to witness, then make it show in your life. Perhaps they will stop including you in their little bull sessions and stop calling you to meet them for a beer and Monday night football. But when there is trouble or difficulty or a simply a desire for something different in life, they will know who to call. Save yourself first, let God save the others (and trust Him to use you in that process as He sees fit, not in the way that you think it ought to be).

Fr David

[dodsCooggipsehome]

Well try and tell your friends not to make such jokes, politely and quietly. For example I know a lady here and where she works she tells her colleagues not to use God's name as a swear word or misuse His name and they kindly accepted it.

[Ijkavylo]

When I hear someone cussing or being "stupid" I will smack them on the arm or pop them on the head with it and say "cut it out".

Is it allowed to glorify violence on this forum?

Golly. A lot has changed since I was last here. Did we get different mods or something?

"pop them in the head"?! Good riddance!

[Investblogger]

No, it's Good grief; not good riddance unless you want me to go away. :0

Hey, the world has gotten a lot more tolerant these last few centuries, why shouldn't monachos?

[29clepayJainync]

No, no... I insist. It's definitely "good riddance"!

LOL just kidding. You can stay. I'll let ya.

[invasuant]

Just came across this which I hope you find useful:

“It is essential in these days to be able to protect ourselves from the influence of those with whom we come in contact. Otherwise we risk losing both faith and prayer. Let the whole world dismiss us as unworthy of attention, trust or respect – it will not matter provided that the Lord accepts us. And vice versa: it will profit us nothing if the whole world thinks well of us and sings our praises, if the Lord declines to abide with us.” - Elder Sophrony Sakharov of Essex