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These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball
and hit it with the shadow.
~ Sam Snead

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one
over a swimming pool.
~ George Brett

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a
tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.
~ Jim Murray

The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart
never has to play the bad lie.
~ Mickey Mantle

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not
good at them
~ Kevin Costner

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers
for par..
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on
the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a
sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of
the tree.
~ Brian Weis

Swing hard in case you hit it.
~ Dan Marino

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt.
The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you
can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny

There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two
different games, one played in the air, and the other on the
ground.
~ Ben Hogan

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the
time, you're the best
~ Jack Nicklaus

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's
almost a law.
~ H G Wells

I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my
prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's
recreation. If you work at it, it's golf..
~ Bob Hope

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the
wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives.
Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
~ Lee Trevino

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes,
they'd come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino