[moohassinny]

For me, it was a combo of emotional, physical and mental pain. On October 5, 2001, things came to a head for me and I had to make some changes regarding a hardcore cocaine habit. My bf att and I were doing awful and things just got really bad and I ended up overdosing. Hospital, stomach pumped, get better, etc. Once I'm released from the hospital, it's time for my mandatory 72 hour observation in a drug treatment center / mental institution as I was considered a risk by the state. Hell then ensued.

My nerves started to feel pain again. The inside of my nose felt like it had been scrubbed raw with steel wool. My face felt like I'd gotten the crap beaten out of me - my sinuses were virtually swollen shut. For me, cocaine was how you would imagine a vampire would feel when it's time to feed and he needs blood. I NEEDED it. I CRAVED it. I couldn't function without it. And I couldn't have it. My head went nuts. I was screaming at people and punching walls - the mental anguish was pure hell. And because of the od, my bf left. He wanted no part of anyone who's going to overdose - he'd been on me for the drugs for a little while. My heart was shattered. We're now best friends but I digress.

My family didn't want anything to do with me. My mother had taken my clothes and left me my purse only in the hospital. She wouldn't answer the phone or talk to me for weeks. I had never been so alone in my life. It was then that I was the most crazy I've ever been. I'll never get back to that point again ever. And yes I did touch coke after all that, like a dumbass. But I haven't touched it since 2002 w00t holluh.