[PhillipHer]

No Madam The Indian attitude, when the divorce is in USA.

Dear Prasad,

Should the Indians also develop the 'Happily divorced' attitude?

[Beerinkol]

I fully agree with Raji Ram's views. It is true that boys both in India
and abroad get infatuated on seeing good looking girls. Gradually
they tend to become avaricious and by the time the infatuation peters out
they force the poor girls to earn more and to give a baby. This is the current
trend prevalent in brahmin community . That does not mean that the girls
are less ambitious and more submissive. In many cases the girls dictate
terms to the boys before marriage which are outrageous. In sum and substance
most of the boys and girls nowadays do not want conjugal bliss; they are more for wherewithal to lead a comfortable life.

PC RAMABADRAN

[brraverishhh]

A marriage is a business transaction. Always has, always will be. Both parties have to bring something to the table to be able to negotiate successfully.

[Lt_Apple]

I think many couples lived together in earlier generations just because divorce was considered as a stigma!

Whether it was Madurai Atchi or Chidhambaram Atchi, people DID have more tolerance.

[MannoFr]

A marriage is a business transaction. Always has, always will be. Both parties have to bring something to the table to be able to negotiate successfully.

hi
it was business deal....like supply and demand theory....there is famous sloka abt marriage.....

kanyaa varayate roopam....mata vittam....pita srutham.....bandhavah kula micchanthi....misthannam ithare janaaha...

meanings....girl expect handsome Mr .Right.....mother wealth.....father fame.....relatives abt family back ground....others

nice feast....these are general in marriages in olden days....now purely supply and demand....new economic theory....

[Beerinkol]

The foreign mAppiLLais are also equally money minded like most of the local mAppiLLais!

This reminds me of the quote: "Everybody is of same religion when it comes to money"

[NeroASERCH]

A marriage is a business transaction. Always has, always will be. Both parties have to bring something to the table to be able to negotiate successfully.

I am not sure whether this is indeed the situation. With my little experience, I am not able to appreciate it. But it does sound sad to me to say marriage is a business transaction - at least not for the marrying couples, I would imagine.

[doctorzlo]

I am not sure whether this is indeed the situation. With my little experience, I am not able to appreciate it. But it does sound sad to me to say marriage is a business transaction - at least not for the marrying couples, I would imagine.

Our very existence itself is a Karmic Transaction..do we need to say more for marriage?

[Lt_Apple]

'மனைவி அமைவதெல்லாம் இறைவன் கொடுத்த வரம்!', என்றார்களே!

என்றால்........ வரம் கொடுக்காமலே கணவன் அமைவான் என்று அர்த்தமா?

இல்லை, வரம் கொடுத்தாலும் கணவன் அமையமாட்டான் என்று அர்த்தமா?

இல்லை எந்தக் கணவன் வந்தாலும், நல்ல பெண் சமாளிப்பாள் என்று அர்த்தமா?

???

[Beerinkol]

The mind of a brahmin groom is that if he is capable of managing a woman will pull the family chariot. A brahmin boy, I mean a Brahmin and not talking about Vaisya Brahmin or Vanniya Brahmin.

[Fegasderty]

The mind of a brahmin groom is that if he is capable of managing a woman will pull the family chariot. A brahmin boy, I mean a Brahmin and not talking about Vaisya Brahmin or Vanniya Brahmin.

What is a Vaishya and Vanniya Brahmin?

I am getting confused here.

[Fegasderty]

Dear Prasad,

Should the Indians also develop the 'Happily divorced' attitude?

I am no position to suggest an Indian attitude. In this case I wish parents of the girl accept the reality and prepare to fight or walk away. It is decision time, and they have to choose the path. The girl is too young and conflicted at this time. My suggestion would be to hire a lawyer and go for a no-contest divorce. Then the girl is free to go back to India.
It is too soon to be in happily divorce situation.

[brraverishhh]

Dear Mr.Prasad,

From the point of view of the girls father's he wants to amicably go for a settlement, and not fight the case. I tried to put myself in his place and think... The situation here in India is totally different visavis the marriage & divorce. Though the divorce rates are very high every body think it will not happen in their house!!( this is like, in Mahabaratha yudhistra answers a Yaksha's question , that though every body knows abt death and see that daily, still think they will live for ever")..

I have seen in many threads members commenting they do not know their neighbours, no relatives, friends, no frequent visits to any body place etc. Here the situation is different, every relation of yours is watching what happens in your family!! if you are rich and have married off your daughter with great pomp & show, nothing more is needed for the jealous ones.Those who feel happy abt ur misfortune outnumber the cared ones... This divorce will put the family to great shame and the stream of relatives with hung face coming & going, each one giving different advices etc etc.. & that is real torture. So i personally dont find any mistake in him asking for some other solution other than divorce..I really pity the gentlemen friend of yours.

[NeroASERCH]

Dear Mr.Prasad,

From the point of view of the girls father's he wants to amicably go for a settlement, and not fight the case. I tried to put myself in his place and think... The situation here in India is totally different visavis the marriage & divorce. Though the divorce rates are very high every body think it will not happen in their house!!( this is like, in Mahabaratha yudhistra answers a Yaksha's question , that though every body knows abt death and see that daily, still think they will live for ever")..

I have seen in many threads members commenting they do not know their neighbours, no relatives, friends, no frequent visits to any body place etc. Here the situation is different, every relation of yours is watching what happens in your family!! if you are rich and have married off your daughter with great pomp & show, nothing more is needed for the jealous ones.Those who feel happy abt ur misfortune outnumber the cared ones... This divorce will put the family to great shame and the stream of relatives with hung face coming & going, each one giving different advices etc etc.. & that is real torture. So i personally dont find any mistake in him asking for some other solution other than divorce..I really pity the gentlemen friend of yours.

You have hit the nail on the head. The social pressure is forcing the father to act in a different way, than the best interest of the girl. Yes I sympathize with him, but I want him to accept the reality, and quickly.

[doctorzlo]

Vaisya Brahmin is a Brahmin who is doing business in millions like TATA/ AMBANI
Vanniya Brahmin is Ruler the IAS/IPS/ Top officers in Government where they get easy money and where the bride can command like a queen.

What is a Vaishya and Vanniya Brahmin?

I am getting confused here.

[Lt_Apple]

Just now I met an astrologer who stays near the house of the bride along with the bride's horoscope and my son's horoscope who refereed the horoscope of a boy and a girl. He painfully pointed out that the horoscope he brought are very well coincide but he replies that the the horoscope doesn't match and putting the blame on him. "He is in touch with me for the last 10 months, but not satisfied with the profile of the boy. Now the girl whenever see me, blames me that I am not a good astrologer. Her mother too getting away from me. When I repeatedly told them that it is the male member of their family, who creates the scene doesn't believe me.All the curses of them both groom's side and bride's side follows me. Now I plan to give up this job!"

[Lillie_Steins]

A marriage is a business transaction. Always has, always will be. Both parties have to bring something to the table to be able to negotiate successfully.

Mr.Biswa, in today's world, what to be considered worth to bring to the table to be able to negotiate successfully seem to be more challenging and probably confusing and shocking!!!

What may be found/considered as successful negotiation may turn out to be the most wrong, foolish and meaningless negotiation after marriage, sooner or later.

Talking big and making big promises and acceptances to make each other happy and close the deal successfully in order to get married, expecting great benefits in return from each other has turned many upside down.

Today many are the boys and girls who don't have inclination towards understanding other as a same human as self, understanding the attitude and characteristics of the other, understanding and accepting the life together in harmony etc..etc. They neither have the patience nor the tolerance to live together with what ever they could achieve and lose together. All they want is a perfect Trial Balance. "What have I gained from you and What have you gained from me as husband and wife?" at each and every stage of life together has become the norm.

When the trial balance turns out to be negative, there comes Divorce handy!!!! There can be many IFs and Buts, many accusations, many justifying demands/needs from the spouse from one's rational mind and so called true heart etc.etc that easily prompts them to opt for Divorce.

Ironically, many fail to realize as when Divorce is most warranted!!!

[LottiFurmann]

How is that girl now?Ask that girl to come India, and see the girls here.That guy CANNOT leave the girl like that.She should fight for her right.We don't want them to separate or divorce. In case it happens she must ask compensation.Ask the girl be strong and be possitive. Nobody can spoil her life.And always we says GOD IS THERE. Of course hes there.She should approch some lawyer there.

[MannoFr]

If a man does not want a marriage anymore why should a girl suffer and stay especially when they do not have kids.

Just give him a slap on his face and walk out.Take just what is legally due and walk off.
Do not take more than what is due cos that would form a Karmic Debt and you will have to see the SOB again in some other life.

It's high time people had some self respect and not try to hold on to something worthless and live in hell for the rest of their lives.

Tell the girl..kick that guy and come back and marry someone else.

[9mm_fan]

How is that girl now?Ask that girl to come India, and see the girls here.That guy CANNOT leave the girl like that.She should fight for her right.We don't want them to separate or divorce. In case it happens she must ask compensation.Ask the girl be strong and be possitive. Nobody can spoil her life.And always we says GOD IS THERE. Of course hes there.She should approch some lawyer there.

I agree with you.
The problems are finances.
It costs a minimum of $300.00/hour for a lawyer (win or loose). It will cost $1000.00/month for apartment. It will cost another $1000.00/month for incidentals. She is not earning, does not have a car. A 2nd hand car will cost $5000.00, and maintenance would be another $300/month. The community can not support her.
What does it achieve.
He has no assets, there is no child involved, he does not love the girl.
It is practical to walk away, and chalk it as a bad dream.