[doctorzlo]

post#15
dear zebra !
i am senior citizen and posted my views also . my children never invite us to take care of their children .they extend their invitation only to share their love . even when we say that we are of no use in their day to day activities,they get annoyed & say the main aim is to make opportunity for us to have pleasant stay with grand children .they make full insurance cover for our stay and plan the itinerary in accordance with our consent . even if they never mind out the expenditure ,it is our mind setup to calculate everything in conversion of £ or $
the problem will be during transition from one generation to second generation.
guruvayurappan

I commend your observations. Our children invite us primarily to enable us to enjoy the company of the grandchildren.

A slight dissonance in your post, when you say: “….they make full insurance cover for our stay and plan the itinerary in accordance with our consent . even if they never mind out the expenditure , it is our mind setup to calculate everything in conversion of £ or $ the problem will be during transition from one generation to second generation.”

It would seem to suggest that such a mind setup is somehow faulty or offensive.

While the first part of the quote is the ‘leit motif’, it is a bit off the mark to say “our mind setup to calculate everything in ….$” .

In fact this mind setup is not far from that of any average middle-class senior American citizen who prefers not to subject his children with the financial burden of senior care. Paying for insurance coverage for even healthy seniors (without pre-existing medical conditions) these days is a staggeringly huge expense ( around $400 to $500 per person) , even if they have a green card. They probably have to complete 5 years of resident status, after which government-sponsored Medicare may kick in if they also satisfy age criterion. The sponsored seniors have to be extraordinarily lucky to find some gainful employment, in which case the employer may pay for insurance coverage.These days, parents of NRIs may also have to worry about the stability of their wards’ job situation abroad, so the best recommendation would probably be “don’t burn your bridges”.

[Peptobismol]

hi
im a senior citizen too....infact im a american citizen now...i have my house in chennai...my children are here in USA...i visit india

every year without fail.....now i feel that i can live happily in USA without any complaining here...but its impossible for me in india...

in america system works....in india money(BRIBE/corruption ) works....as common middle class is happy here.....we are living here

for our family/children in USA....in india we have to live for neighbors/relatives....its just mental happiness...

[MannoFr]

One man's meat may be another man's poison. What's sauce for the goose may not be sauce for the gander

[Ifroham4]

Agreed with the views. With regards to speaking up about the plight of the elderly expats (or migrants), one way of doing this is clearly letting the children know that a favor is being done by baby sitting. I feel most (not all) children (sons, daughters, d-i-l) take the baby sitting duty for granted. They need to be educated that things can't be taken for granted. It is not ok for them to return home to demand privacy, with no duty on their part. Whatever happened to filial piety?

Part of the blame for this situation also lies with elderly parents who readily oblige without clarifying or raising the downsides.

[tgs]

No.24 Mr Sunil K: filial piety!!! oh is it there? I wonder. let us take microscope to find out. present day world is something different than the presentday parents' world. I assert and live, to some extent, happily

[MannoFr]

In some cases there is a (un)healthy fight between the boys and girls parents on who should go. Of course the other side, especially when the wards live in countries like newzeland, australia, canada, europe. Even the internet and connectivity has not alleviated the long hours of boredom and inactivity. What some parents resent most that they are taken for granted, and plans are made when boys'/ girls' parents will visit for how long. I am sure solutions will be found in due course.

Part of the blame for this situation also lies with elderly parents who readily oblige without clarifying or raising the downsides.

[MannoFr]

Recently an elderly neighbour went to meet his daughter in New Jersey...As both his daughter & son in law would be out for work I asked him how did he spend his time..

Surprised to know that he is picked up daily at 6AM to a nearby elderly care center, where he is made to do some excercises & spends time chatting with the elders, read news paper, watch TV , have his grub and return in the afternoon..I asked him the charge for this facility...He said to my astonishment that it was free...So I wondered that it should be paradise for the elderly...

I do understand healthcare costs are huge...There is a close friend of mine who is a green card holder and resides in SFO...He had brought his mother to States almost 20 years back...She gets an old age pension which is significant...She was cheerful, happy, visits India atleast once in 2 years..I understood the benefit of getting the green card especially for the elderly

[Lillie_Steins]

Recently an elderly neighbour went to meet his daughter in New Jersey...As both his daughter & son in law would be out for work I asked him how did he spend his time..

Surprised to know that he is picked up daily at 6AM to a nearby elderly care center, where he is made to do some excercises & spends time chatting with the elders, read news paper, watch TV , have his grub and return in the afternoon..I asked him the charge for this facility...He said to my astonishment that it was free...So I wondered that it should be paradise for the elderly...

I do understand healthcare costs are huge...There is a close friend of mine who is a green card holder and resides in SFO...He had brought his mother to States almost 20 years back...She gets an old age pension which is significant...She was cheerful, happy, visits India atleast once in 2 years..I understood the benefit of getting the green card especially for the elderly

Yes even in my town there is a Jewish Community Center. They do not discriminate and any senior can join. They do come even 30 miles to pick up and return the senior person. They have beautiful facility, you could also volunteer there. On Tuesday they also have a shuttle service to the the shopping mall, there is a movie day etc. My father in law enjoyed their service. But for that you have to be social, and enjoy company. Please read my post#7 above.

Getting social security benefits, and Medicaid has changed in last 10 years. Now you must have paid into the service to receive any benefits. (the US economy is not what it used to be). I think now you have to be a citizen, Green card is pre-citizen state.

[LottiFurmann]

I commend your observations. Our children invite us primarily to enable us to enjoy the company of the grandchildren.

A slight dissonance in your post, when you say: “….they make full insurance cover for our stay and plan the itinerary in accordance with our consent . even if they never mind out the expenditure , it is our mind setup to calculate everything in conversion of £ or $ the problem will be during transition from one generation to second generation.”

It would seem to suggest that such a mind setup is somehow faulty or offensive.

While the first part of the quote is the ‘leit motif’, it is a bit off the mark to say “our mind setup to calculate everything in ….$” .

In fact this mind setup is not far from that of any average middle-class senior American citizen who prefers not to subject his children with the financial burden of senior care. Paying for insurance coverage for even healthy seniors (without pre-existing medical conditions) these days is a staggeringly huge expense ( around $400 to $500 per person) , even if they have a green card. They probably have to complete 5 years of resident status, after which government-sponsored Medicare may kick in if they also satisfy age criterion. The sponsored seniors have to be extraordinarily lucky to find some gainful employment, in which case the employer may pay for insurance coverage.These days, parents of NRIs may also have to worry about the stability of their wards’ job situation abroad, so the best recommendation would probably be “don’t burn your bridges”.

dear naina_marbus !
as you said that
this mind setup is not far from that of any average middle-class senior American citizen who prefers not to subject his children with the financial burden of senior care.
is absolutely true and our wards are also requesting us to wipe of that mind setup .we are also trying to over come that to some extend.my wards are now UK citizen & we are not eligible for any employment (my wards are not for that scenerio is different) .as said by the members ,we are having property(acquired by wards) at home in India.you live the present peacefully & leave the rest to almighty. natapathu ellam,natakavendiyathu ellam nantrakkave natakkum
guruvayurappan

[brraverishhh]

There is lot of good advice for both (the children and Seniors in this thread). I think everyone thinking of migrating or visiting should read and make up their own mind.
There are positives and negatives to the move away from home. To an extent the distance of the move is immaterial, but distance and language adds more complications.

[brraverishhh]

........I understood the benefit of getting the green card especially for the elderly

These days, I understand that the rules have changed, that a senior who just got a green card has to wait 5 years before becoming eligible for healthcare.

[Slonopotam845]

No.31 I am afraid your understanding is wrong. I got GC in Jan 2009; thereafter immeiately I applied and obtained Social Security with which I applied and obtained Healthcare(medi-cal in California),say,within 3/4 months. In fact, one of my friends got GC and applied and obtained medi-cal this year itself. Better you please check. If you are senior citizen ( 65 and above), things go faster. True some facilities are reduced but obtaining healthcare does not that much time.

[softy54534]

after all it depends upon how you conduct yourself. as I mentioned somewhere in this forum, I conduct Laughter Club from Monday to Friday for one hour, maintain list of members(as on it is 300), conduct Potluck every 2/3 months, play housie in the city I live. Theses activities not only keep me busy but also other Indian senior citizens. Also, there is Senior Citizen Centre where a group of our people go there every second and fourth tuesdays every month and enjoy lunch for $1.00.

[LottiFurmann]

there is quite a bit of thrashing of young sons and daughters. However, I wish to mention here one incident which has a different story.
Parents of a colleague of my son came to USA to stay with their son who has a 6 yr old son. Both son and DIL were working; so, after school, the grandson stayed in the home with his grandparents. One day, something happened resulting scolding and slapping the grandson by the grandpa. Little later cops came, questioned the grandpa and took him to the Police Station. On seeing her husband being taken by the cops, the grandma questioned her grandson who kept quiet. worried the grandma phoned her son who along with his wife came running to home. when the couple questioned their son closely, the young one told them that as the school taught as to how handle such situation by phoning 911, he did. The couple went to the Police Station and somehow, they got the old man released and brought him to the house. The next day, the young man went to his office and told his boss he do not want to stay in a place where his own parents are comfortable and resigned. The boss explained and cajoled him but he didnt carry. Ultimately it was agreed that he will work in their Indian Office. It took almost threemonths to clear all formalities and one day they all landed in India. Once they are out of airport, the father gave quite a bit of thrash and asked his son to call police now. So, there are good persons who wish to take care of their parents.

[Slonopotam845]

I am 75 +

My wife 70-

we are here in New York from 2005.--We do Not find any discomfort.Of course we have Metro ( train) and very good Bus service--well connected to the nook and corner.Our two Children and their families take care of us well.Week-ends they take us to Hindu temple,Beach in Summer and other out-stations.To be with children and grand children is "FUN," as Americans say.I have developed friends among Jews,African-American,Irish gentlemen--my wife has developed friends among Russian--Italian ladies.It is O.K---.Senior citizens get FREE Meicare including Medicines.In Chennai when we Two were living there was a lot of problems for Water--Electricity--Gas cylinder etc.Even though I had a Maruthi car petrol was Rs 40/=per litre.--i do not know what is the price now .--Somayaji.

[PhillipHer]

I am 75 +

My wife 70-

we are here in New York from 2005.--We do Not find any discomfort.Of course we have Metro ( train) and very good Bus service--well connected to the nook and corner.Our two Children and their families take care of us well.Week-ends they take us to Hindu temple,Beach in Summer and other out-stations.To be with children and grand children is "FUN," as Americans say.I have developed friends among Jews,African-American,Irish gentlemen--my wife has developed friends among Russian--Italian ladies.It is O.K---.Senior citizens get FREE Meicare including Medicines.In Chennai when we Two were living there was a lot of problems for Water--Electricity--Gas cylinder etc.Even though I had a Maruthi car petrol was Rs 40/=per litre.--i do not know what is the price now .--Somayaji.

Thank you for providing first hand experience, and clarifying some misconceptions.

[softy54534]

No.31 I am afraid your understanding is wrong. I got GC in Jan 2009; thereafter immeiately I applied and obtained Social Security with which I applied and obtained Healthcare(medi-cal in California),say,within 3/4 months. In fact, one of my friends got GC and applied and obtained medi-cal this year itself. Better you please check. If you are senior citizen ( 65 and above), things go faster. True some facilities are reduced but obtaining healthcare does not that much time.

No 31.Yes Sudheshwar is correct.---After getting GC--within a short period SSN is given and for those 65+ Benifit card--Medicare is given within 3-4 months. It is easy to get the work done in Government Offices..Senior Citizens living without Medicare is very difficult. It will cost a "fortune" to the children.

[Ifroham4]

Soumyaji,
Is it not dependent on the state? The practice is not uniform across states.

[Peptobismol]

yes Mr Prasad, pratice is not uniform across States. I understand only California where i live has extensive benefits to the seniors; here also one by one is deleted due to budget deficit. Stockton city has filed bankruptcy. now, SC validated Obamacare; let us see what happens

[PhillipHer]

Prasad 1;-"Soumyaji,
Is it not dependent on the state? The practice is not uniform across states.""

My Last name is SOMYAJINN .My Great Grand father=> Subramanya Somayaji