[brraverishhh]

Topic started by Shakthi (@ modem60.bayrac2.eureka.lk) on Thu Mar 28 11:12:26 .


Hello people,

The following is just a discussion and possible solutions of eradicating DOWRY SYSTEM.

I was surprised and stunned, when I was informed that THE DOWRY IS NOT ONLY PREVELANT IN INDIA, but is deep rooted far down in east too. However, in INDIA, it’s misused and forced upon.

The topic has been spoken time and again in different forms, and by different people. If by reading such articles and threads, there happens to be a change in any single human being, I would consider my aim of posting this thread is fulfilled. Thank you!

A Request. Please do not post ideas on religion, caste, creed, politics or any hatred inviting messeges which is irrelevant to this thread.

Signed,
Shakthi

From age unknown, the union of two souls, in a divine relationship, called marriage, is been practiced as a TRADE.

The minute a female child is born, the enthusiasm for the parents is lost. The female is considered as a liability to be paid off, and a male child is an asset to reap benefit.

DOWRY was primarily a farewell gift, given out of love. These days its outrageous to see, this dowry is more SNATCHED from the bride's parents who shed their blood and sweat to marry their daughter.

Dowry is prevalent in all sectors of society. The reasons for offering dowry may vary.

LOWER AND MIDDLE CLASS PEOPLE:

1. Give it out of Compulsion.
2. To get (buy?) a groom in better status than
that of theirs.
3. Gossips of having unmarried girl at home is
torturing.
4. Fear of 3rd parties unnecessary comments and
comparisons (uncles aunts neighbours)

UPPER MIDDLE CLASS AND HIGH CLASS PEOPLE:

1. Offer dowry willingly to SHOW OFF THEIR
STATUS.
2. False prestige. (ESP among upper middle class)
3. Find unique, creative and new ways to spend
money in name of dowry. (Decorative attires,
cakes, wedding arrangements, kitchen
utilities, tickets for honeymoon, etc are some
which may come under this category)

So long as its done willingly its acceptable, but these upper middle class and higher class people should realize, that they are indirectly responsible for dowry. The usage and practice of any system determine the demand for the same in an increasing way.

The dowry problem wears a serious face, when its been forced upon or coerced. The results of this horrid side may vary from bad to worse.

1. Divorce
2. Torture
3. Suicide
4. Murder

In case of love marriages, one has to agree dowry does not play primary role in marriage. But later date, any hatred thrown upon daughter in law has ulterior motive of lack of dowry. If the love of the couple towards each other is genuine, the problem just dies down.

Its presence and intensity is more felt in case of arranged marriages.

The talk in case of arranged marriage starts with "The current market rate my boy has is....$$$ cause he is a doctor, Engg, A.C.A, or Sofware Analyst..."

Lets work as a team to abolish dowry! The solution lies in our hands. How can we as individual contribute to the destruction of dowry? The answer is to analyze our role in this society and how we play our role.

FOR MEN:

1) Are u happy to be looked upon like items sold in market? Did u realise u are priced and traded as per the cost determined, by the society for ur social background and education?

2) Please feel ASHAMED TO BE BRANDED AS PRODUCTS SOLD, to be bought by affordable girls and their parents.

3) You are inviting a partner to share ur life and love. She is equal to you in everyway. Neither have u done a sacrifice by marrying her nor has she, so where is the question of money involved? Love her for her
character, not for her money.

4) The aspirations and aims, should be achieved by one's own hard efforts. The pride of touching ur dreams, with your own dedication is unique. TRY FOR IT.

5) Woman fulfills your needs as regards food, laundry, house-maintenance, sex, bear your children, guard the house, earn for you. All those people who ask dowry, with ur clever mathematical skill, if u calculate monetarily, U OWE A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT TO YOUR WIFE.

6) In olden days, there used to be Contests in various forms, to test the skills of men in the fields of intelligence, strength, character and appeal. Guess you fall into the lucky era where YOU assess the girl in multiple aspects.

FOR WOMEN:

1) Take an oath not to marry any person who demands dowry.

2) Be brave when you face situations of adverse effects. Fully believe that you are in noway inferior to men. Don’t be a coward and a victim of torture.

3) If they harass u beyond any particular limit, GET A DIVORCE. Committing Suicide is NOT the solution. Life does NOT become futile, for one worthless human being or a family.

4) Divorcees can earn a good living, thro any decent job. If u don’t have children, spend the money for good cause. Do social service. If u succeed in meeting any man, who can live up to ur expectation, marry him.

5) The society does not look down upon divorcees anymore. If u accidentally happen to hear any wounding words, DONT CARE A PENNY FOR IT. It is better than tolerating wounding words against ur parents by some unworthy in-laws.

6) Sit and talk with your parents. Explain them ur desires. Do not be forced into any marriage.

7) Sit and talk with your future in-laws and fiancé as to yours expectations. Do not just pose before them, for their acceptance of your appearance alone. You are much more than just your physical appearance. Ask them their demands, dreams, aims, expectations. This would surely lead to happy marriage from both sides.

8) Be a part of planning your marriage. Know the reasons, causes, and sources of expenses. Do not be ignorant of your parents’ hardships. If they spend on any unwanted item, which is either not demanded upon or is unnecessary, then, CUT THOSE EXPENSES.

9) Ladies should understand and think about this problem as a curse to womanhood. Forget that u are a groom’s mother or sister or relative. YOU ARE A WOMAN. Rules don’t change because you accidentally happen to be groom’s relatives. IT IS A SHAME, TO FIND THAT THE PRESSURE ON DOWRY, AND DEATH DUE TO DOWRY, IS PRIMARILY BECAUSE OF WOMEN WHO STAND ON THE OTHER SIDE AND DEMAND THE SAME.

FOR BRIDE'S PARENTS:

1) Parents should stop feeling burdened or sad to
have an unmarried daughter at home. The purpose of female birth is NOT ONLY marriage and re-production.

2) The parents of the bride should take primary action in abolishing dowry. Do not accept to give dowry beyond ur monetary capacity. ( Still better, SAY NO TO DOWRY)

3) Sending the unmarried daughter or divorcee for higher studies or a good job, would increase her confidence and your happiness.

4) When the bride faces inhuman tortures in her in-laws place, DO NOT SEND HER BACK, at the cost of her life. Re-marriage is not at all a weird idea to consider.

FOR FUTURE PROSPECTIVE BRIDE GROOMS:

1)Nowadays the trend is to settle thro ur hard-earned money, not ur parents, not ur in-laws.

2)Buy necessary items for basic living, even before u invite ur life partner to share ur life. That’s the best gift u can give her, rather than roses and cards on valentine's day.

3)If she is also an earning member, sit with ur fiancée, plan out the necessary items, and share the cost equally.

4)Talk to ur parents, and make them agree, to share the marriage cost equally! (food, choultry and other extravaganzas)

5) If possible try to settle for simple marriage, and a small party afterwards.

6) Do not allow your life to be ruled, by third parties comments or demands as to your fiancée’s status, looks or her economic background. They are people who sadistically comment and contribute NOTHING towards your welfare during the times of distress. (I hear by mean 3rd parties, and NOT bride groom's parents)

We should all think, lead way and be an example for better tomorrows, and happy marriages

[Paul Bunyan]

Another is that, the man that refuses, might have something wrong with him physically. That's the kind of people that keep dowry alive!!

[Raj_Copi_Jin]

i was actually shocked when hearing relatives give such an abhorrent excuse to why guys refuse dowries...supposedly if family of groom's refuse dowry...(especially those who work/study abroad) it is only because the guy has a woman there, or has messed around and so the family is willing to accept anyone (desperate) enough to marry their son....how sick is that?

Shakti's post is very good except of course for :If possible try to settle for simple marriage, and a small party afterwards. NO WAY! :P

[softy54534]

As long as parents of the bride dont understand that my agreeing to pay dowry you are only bringing danger to your own daughter there is no way dowry is going to go.

In todays world all value money over self respect. Greed is what is making educated, modern, well to do people ask for dowry.

Educated and employeed women are also forced to pay dowry. Until and unless parents stop to see their girl child as a burden there will continue to be dowry and girl child killing.

[Slonopotam845]

To eradicate dowry, first educate girls and let them stand on their own feet and don't let the boy's side decide all the terms and conditions in marriage. Painful though for the boys and their parents, but simple and sure-to-succeed solution for the centuries old decayed Indian society.

[LottiFurmann]

True. Marraige has become more of a trading/business deal for the future. Just a man who is willing to be sold and a girl who is willing to be sold getting sold to eachother in a deranged ritual called marraige. (I might have gone a bit overboard there.)

My dad didn't accept dowry thirty years ago when he got married. So I guess men with self-respect have always been against it.

[Raj_Copi_Jin]

Whether a woman works or not is irrelevant. It should be her choice. Dowry system is inherently evil and the best solution would be something like in shariat law, amputation or emasculation.

[S.T.D.]

Only one way. Men should gain self respect, and oppose being sold to a woman like a male prostitute.

Regards.

[tgs]

I think giving or getting dowry is prevalent in entire south india. I think poor people give and take dowry. If the person is rich, why da fuck he wants dowry? If a rich person gets dowry, then he belongs to the poor category according to me

[brraverishhh]

Thirudanai parthu thirunthavittal,
thiruttai ozhikka mudiyadu..

i feel, it is more on men's part than women's. So every men who are going to get marry, should not accept dowry. I am against dowry system, defintely i am not going to get it (Thanmana thamizhan ).

Yudhajit

[Ifroham4]

I think one way to erradicate dowry is by supporting the love marriages in families. I find there's nothing like dowry in Love marriages, this sick custom is only there in Arranged Marriages...
So watch all Romatic movies and make your children watch them.. ; )

[Lt_Apple]

That was on the lighter side...
I feel the only way to eliminate "dowry" is by people not accepting Dowry in Marriages... I think this culture can be started by parents who have a Son and a Daughter together.
Since they would have the bad experience of giving back the dowry for their girl child, they should not ask for dowry for their Son. I think this would be a good way to start the eradication of this menace...
I don't think people with only Sons cannot start with this as they would never have felt this pinch.

your comments pls...

[Raj_Copi_Jin]

FOR BRIDE'S PARENTS:
1) Parents should stop feeling burdened or sad to have an unmarried daughter at home. The purpose of female birth is NOT ONLY marriage and re-production.
2) The parents of the bride should take primary action in abolishing dowry. Do not accept to give dowry beyond ur monetary capacity. {Still better, SAY NO TO DOWRY)
3) Sending the unmarried daughter or divorcee for higher studies or a good job, would increase her confidence and your happiness.
4) When the bride faces inhuman tortures in her in-laws place, DO NOT SEND HER BACK, at the cost of her life. Re-marriage is not at all a weird idea to consider. just wanted to say that it's easy to say no to a groom and his family who ask for dowry but it's harder not to give dowry even if the groom and his family don't ask for it!

and abt remarriage, i agree.

and i thought i'd just mention that i thought sneha's character in ABCD was really nice! not only her remarriage, but the way she wears a white saree while her husband is alive as a protest against dowry! but then, luckily for her, he died in an accident. in real life, it would be better to divorce and get on with your life!

[TorryJens]

Financialy rich, but morally poor. He's agreeing to be sold to a girl by his parents. In other words he's agreeing to be a prostitute!

Dowry is immoral. But majority of the people in our society do not think so. There are many cases of dowry harassments. But only few women dare to divorce and remarry. So dowry harassments are increasing in India.

[Slonopotam845]

Mandangi wrote: There are many cases of dowry harassments. But only few women dare to divorce and remarry.

The girl's parents start saving from many years before and are left dissapointed if its not enough! :evil:

[PhillipHer]

THE DOWRY IS NOT ONLY PREVELANT IN INDIA.

yeah, it's practiced by the chinese as well, as far as i know. any more examples, guys?

DOWRY was primarily a farewell gift, given out of love. These days its outrageous to see, this dowry is more SNATCHED from the bride's parents who shed their blood and sweat to marry their daughter. yes, and i also see dowry as the method used for equal wealth distribution in the past. the land is divided among the sons. and for it to be fair to the girls (and easier for her as well as jewellery is portable while land is not, since the girl leaves her home to live in her husband's house), their share of the wealth was given to them in the form of jewellery, etc when they leave the house when they get married. and it is to be noted that dowry is given to the girl when she gets married and not to the groom and the amt given depends on the wealth of the girl's family, not on the qualities of the groom. of course, after marriage, everything that belongs to the girl belongs to her husband as well. but then, that applies to the groom as well.

[PhillipHer]

Dowry is prevalent in all sectors of society. The reasons for offering dowry may vary.

LOWER AND MIDDLE CLASS PEOPLE:
1. Give it out of Compulsion.
2. To get (buy?) a groom in better status than that of theirs.
3. Gossips of having unmarried girl at home is torturing.
4. Fear of 3rd parties unnecessary comments and comparisons (uncles aunts neighbours) says sth for the guys who are willing to be bought like that, doesn't it?

UPPER MIDDLE CLASS AND HIGH CLASS PEOPLE:
1. Offer dowry willingly to SHOW OFF THEIR STATUS.
2. False prestige. (ESP among upper middle class)
3. Find unique, creative and new ways to spend money in name of dowry. (Decorative attires, cakes, wedding arrangements, kitchen utilities, tickets for honeymoon, etc are some which may come under this category) So long as its done willingly its acceptable, but these upper middle class and higher class people should realize, that they are indirectly responsible for dowry. The usage and practice of any system determine the demand for the same in an increasing way. i wouldn't totally object to this. i mean, it's a celebration and they can do it grandly if they so wish.

gifts like tickets for a honeymoon wouldn't actually seem so bad if you weren't thinking abt dowry. but the problem of dowry makes even innocent gifts seem bad.

the fact that they are indirectly responsible for dowry is not going to stop them from giving it, i'm afraid!

[MannoFr]

The dowry problem wears a serious face, when its been forced upon or coerced. The results of this horrid side may vary from bad to worse.
1. Divorce
2. Torture
3. Suicide
4. Murder yeah, that's the biggest problem, when it is been forced! but nowadays, it seems to me that this is going down. a relative of mine was talking to my mum and she was saying that if the groom's family asks for dowry, we wouldn't give our girl to them and that nowadays that is the case with most pple.

but she also said, but of course, we will give sth for our daughter when she gets married. which leads us to another problem, that is, the groom's family might behave decently and not ask for dowry, but perhaps only cos they are confident that the girl's family will do sth for her. so what does that say abt the groom and his family then?

[Fegasderty]

The talk in case of arranged marriage starts with "The current market rate my boy has is....$$$ cause he is a doctor, Engg, A.C.A, or Sofware Analyst..." oh yeah, let the marraige bazaar begin. to the highest bidder! bidding starts from $xxx!

[Lillie_Steins]

Lets work as a team to abolish dowry! The solution lies in our hands. How can we as individual contribute to the destruction of dowry? The answer is to analyze our role in this society and how we play our role.

FOR MEN:
1) Are u happy to be looked upon like items sold in market? Did u realise u are priced and traded as per the cost determined, by the society for ur social background and education?
2) Please feel ASHAMED TO BE BRANDED AS PRODUCTS SOLD, to be bought by affordable girls and their parents.
3) You are inviting a partner to share ur life and love. She is equal to you in everyway. Neither have u done a sacrifice by marrying her nor has she, so where is the question of money involved? Love her for her character, not for her money.
4) The aspirations and aims, should be achieved by one's own hard efforts. The pride of touching ur dreams, with your own dedication is unique. TRY FOR IT.
5) Woman fulfills your needs as regards food, laundry, house-maintenance, sex, bear your children, guard the house, earn for you. All those people who ask dowry, with ur clever mathematical skill, if u calculate monetarily, U OWE A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT TO YOUR WIFE.
6) In olden days, there used to be Contests in various forms, to test the skills of men in the fields of intelligence, strength, character and appeal. Guess you fall into the lucky era where YOU assess the girl in multiple aspects. agree with all the stuff. i really like the song from ABCD, barathi-yin arimugam!

anbu thanthu arivu thanthu alagana pen thanthal
athukkum keppan kooli

car-um thanthu seerum thanthu sila laksham thantha than
tharuvan thanga thaali

karupaiya nirappidathan panapaiya kekkiriye
manitha sol unakkenna peru? vekka kedu!

coat-u potta mappilaikku rate-u konjam jasthi endral
indukku peru enna? aan vibacharam! ithu abacharam!

anbu thanthu arivu thanthu alagana pen thanthal
athukkum keppan kooli