[gundas]

Parenting is no child's play
Ensure that your child gets the best out of life; understand that each child is different and celebrate that difference; foster their individuality; nurture their talent; tell them it's okay to make mistakes; teach them to learn from their mistakes.
I was recently invited to give a presentation at a seminar, organised by a school in Coimbatore , about parenting in the digital age. I am not a qualified child psychologist. Neither can I claim expertise in guiding parents.
My having three children is enough to raise eyebrows. I became a parent when I was 19! That is the age most teenagers today rack their brains, studying for engineering exams, preparing for CAT or dreaming of a master's degree abroad. Whatever the age one chooses to become a parent, the fact remains that raising a child can never be taught. It is a process that one learns along the way, and the path is fraught with pain and joy in equal measure. One needs patience, perseverance and stoic acceptance.
Babies are relatively easy to look after. All they need are — to be fed on time, their diapers changed when wet, to put to sleep and to wake up at will. It is in the ‘terrible twos' that the woes of the parents start. Toddlers are ‘cute' for an outsider but a handful for the parent. They have to be potty-trained, force-fed, and baby-talked and protected from mishaps waiting to happen. They seem like angels only when they are asleep!
Teenagers are a nightmare in comparison, though. At least young kids can be admonished and yelled at when they don't behave. But teenagers can give you a hard time with their defiance, disrespect and mood swings. And then, of course, raising a daughter has its own set of challenges. We want to protect the girls from the big bad world and watch over their whereabouts; ensure that they don't fall into bad company; lecture them on late nights and the lurking dangers in pubs; fret about their clothes (or the lack of them) — and are considered old-fashioned pests who never understand them!
Add to this the stress of getting the children into a good school for which admissions are booked even when they are in the womb and tutoring them till they come to a class when we can no longer teach them math or science. Tenth and 12th have the board exams looming large like a formidable demon that has to be held by the horns. And parents go into a self-imposed exile shunning TV, friends and any social activity for a few months, vicariously living through the ordeal of their children. Then begins a mad scramble for application forms, entrance exams, professional courses, universities and admissions, of course, with capitation fees. A lot of work, let me tell you!
But a few decades ago, parenting somehow seemed a cakewalk! How else would you explain couples having five and eight or in extreme cases, 12 children? It was not uncommon to see the mother and the daughter pregnant at the same time — without their feeling embarrassed at the prospect of a child being born along with its aunt or uncle! We now shudder at the thought.
Parenting then was not taken too seriously, I think. It was a joint effort — with grandparents, aunts and uncles freely chipping in. And parents were not too sensitive or possessive about their children — it was okay to have them disciplined by a relative in the family.
I am the fifth child after four brothers and I don't remember being disciplined by either of my parents. We were all brought up by our grandmothers and an aunt who lived with us. And our mother never once defended our misbehaviour or resented the interference from her in-laws. And I think we grew up to be reasonably good individuals who understand people's idiosyncrasies and are tolerant of their quirks — exposed as we were to various such characters in our childhood.
To me, parenting means being there for your child. Do what it takes to ensure that your child gets the best out of life; understand that each child is different and celebrate that difference; never compare the child with its siblings/ cousins/friends; recognise their interests that may not always be in sync with yours; foster their individuality; nurture their talent; tell them it's okay to make mistakes; teach them to learn from their mistakes; love, adore, hug and kiss them; cook for them and clean after them; teach them the simple pleasures of life — such as going out for a walk to the beach, chatting with grandparents, sharing their thoughts , enjoying a home-made meal with everyone; and, above all, don't pretend to be their friend — they already have them — just be a good parent without trying too hard.
My eldest son was never into academics — he loathed studies and enjoyed playing outdoors, tennis, swimming and music. Ditto with my daughter — she loved theatre and dancing. My son started music lessons when he was seven years old — he holds a Master's in classical music today and is a promising veena artist. My daughter is a classical dancer who has dabbled in English theatre as an actor and in movies as assistant director. But she was never keen on music — would always dodge music lessons and ensure that the teacher was frustrated enough to give up! My last son is the only one who did the predictable — he excelled in school and is now pursuing engineering education. But he studied despite us.
We never forced any of our children to study hard or top the class. I would go to their school only twice a year for PTA meetings. Never insisted on their performance. Never compared notes with other parents, leave alone with other children. Never lost sleep over their marks. I am not sure if my attitude was good or bad — and I am certainly not suggesting that it is the ideal. But my heart swells with pride when I see the three of them so close to each other — with no comparisons or complexes, taking pride in one another's choices and looking out for one another's welfare.
Today, parenting is a challenge. Parents give more than the child needs and, on the flip-side, expect much more than the child can possibly do. I find a lot of children unable to hold a conversation with real people — unless they are on sms/chat/skype/g-talk or whatever. Most of their time is spent attending classes — tuition, dance, music, skating, even storytelling! Today's children get the best of everything — education, gadgets, clothes, gizmos, holidays, pocket money. But do they really have a childhood??

[Peapeuddedbaw]

@ saichithari,

Great article! We lacked such stuff on this forum. I look forward to more of great subjects from you.

However reading the article was not easy because:

1. Large font size - Font 24 in this case. Should be 12- 14

2. No proper paragraphing - makes reading not easier.

I am associated with the printing industry for a long time therefore could not help commenting.
I hope you would take it positively.

Rajpriya

[marketheal]

Dear Rajpriya

Most welcome to your suggestion.

Will try to ensure to send with small font size and also allign the paras.

Hope we will have more members / guests view these articles for their own benefit and start their interaction with every other member.

I am hopeful that in the not too distant future, this forum will be a main focus for Tamil people

With best regards
hari chithra

[thomaskkk]

@ saichithari,

I wish to point out that the identical article was published on the opinion page of the Hindu.
============================================
Published: February 25, 2012 23:28 IST | Updated: February 28, 2012 14:02 IST

"Parenting is no child's play"

Dharma Raman

http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/article2932763.ece?homepage=true

============================================

Please avoid committing copy right infringements when posting another author's article without siting the source that amounts to Plagiarism.

Unless you are Dharma Raman yourself.

Rajpriya

[pongeystrhjst]

noted your valuable information.
will take care in future

[yK2VgoEI]

noted your valuable information.
will take care in future

Hi Lady,

Thank you very much for taking my point in the right context and respect you for that. It is after all for your own good. It would also make people have high esteem of this forum.

Thank you once again

Rajpriya

[K0aM7urg]

Dear Rajpriya

Most welcome to your suggestion.

Will try to ensure to send with small font size and also allign the paras.

Hope we will have more members / guests view these articles for their own benefit and start their interaction with every other member.

I am hopeful that in the not too distant future, this forum will be a main focus for Tamil people

With best regards
hari chithra

======================================

@hari chithra,

So now I see the bigger picture. You are male and claiming to have become parent at 19? At that time were you a father or mother? I took your name Chitra to be woman's name. I am now more confused than before. could you please clarify the confusion?

Rajpriya

[wantedLOX]

Do I need to resend this message giving reference or link that it is of Dharma Raman
Regards

[Larisochka]

@saichithari

So long as any thing that you post is cited by the source that is the link to the original article you would be doing the right thing.

It would be far better to discuss (your opinion) about that article in your own words rather than copy and paste the whole article. Imagine what would happen if I copy "The Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens and post it here?

If you start using your own imagination I am certain you would come up with some original ideas which this forum sadly lacks. Mirroring "Times of India", "Deccan Chronicle", "Expressbuzz" is a thing no forum normally does.

Leave everything as it is for the moment and try to better with the new ones. Think about my points and I am sure you are capable of better things.

Rajpriya

[Vomekayafboke]

======================================

@hari chithra,

So now I see the bigger picture. You are male and claiming to have become parent at 19? At that time were you a father or mother? I took your name Chitra to be woman's name. I am now more confused than before. could you please clarify the confusion?

Rajpriya

I am surprised that no response has been forthcoming from the party concerned. I hope I did not miss the response if there was any.

The bigger picture is this:

My guess is that the forum membership, under the name saichithari, is shared by a husband-wife team, Hari and Chitra, devotees of Saibaba.
In the profile page, gender has been declared to be male, and one could deduce that to be the husband Hari. His wife Chithra is probably the prime posting person, as could be deduced from her own declaration in her earlier post in the introduction thread.
So, when a posting is made by one or the other, it would be nice if they could sign the post as one or the other, so that a member responding to their post can address them nicely and appropriately as sir or madam, or Mr or Mrs., or dear Hari or dear Chitra.

Do you agree?

[Dreaming]

I am surprised that no response has been forthcoming from the party concerned. I hope I did not miss the response if there was any.

The bigger picture is this:

My guess is that the forum membership, under the name saichithari, is shared by a husband-wife team, Hari and Chitra, devotees of Saibaba.
In the profile page, gender has been declared to be male, and one could deduce that to be the husband Hari. His wife Chithra is probably the prime posting person, as could be deduced from her own declaration in her earlier post in the introduction thread.
So, when a posting is made by one or the other, it would be nice if they could sign the post as one or the other, so that a member responding to their post can address them nicely and appropriately as sir or madam, or Mr or Mrs., or dear Hari or dear Chitra.

Do you agree?

==================================================

Yes I do agree with you. I think sometimes we come across Hermaphrodites
on this forum. If you look into “Fw : Nail in the fence” there has been a response to my comment about posting subjects on a forum.

I have seen other forums where the administrator would delete any article that infringes copyright laws of another author. But I have not seen Praveen do that
at any time so people go on doing that without knowing it’s wrong.

I have been commenting often on posting stories copied from the net with giving its source but it seems time and again I have to be commenting on this serious problem. I think people who continue to do so are hiding behind a false pretension of being educated.

If such people were to write anything in their own words they would fail a primary school examination. I am certain 95% of the people who post such material have not read and understood what they mean.

In spite of my addressing this person “Hi Lady” there has been no retort for not being a woman so I did not dig in to it any further. The person could well be Hermaphrodite.

[soonahonsefalh]

Mr praveen has thrown his own experiences well. But it is generally observed that the present day parents buy a lot to the kids out of love, but rarely find time to practically teach the idea behind, how to operate, how to keep it without breaking etc. Even food, bed times, rarely they share with kids. They simply give i pad or i phone for entertainment and to do their own job. It is doubt whether the kids really are getting the required proportion of love from the parents.

Govindan