[LesLattis]

> Do parents hold, kiss, play with their children? Do they teach them things? What are their beliefs of what children can do at different ages? What is allowed? Not allowed? Do parents read to them when they are infants?

I think it is very difficult to generalise because there is a wide gap in the lifestyles of say urban middle-class families and traditional rural families.

many women need to go back to work very soon so toddlers are often left with grandparents or caregivers, for a start.
generally, parents do hold and kiss children. (in Taiwan, I never saw any affection between a parent and a child in a YEAR, working at a kindergarten.)
not holding might be a policy for caregivers - I've heard about this in my country.
some parents seem to think that free play is useless and they overdo teaching. some 3-year-olds come to school knowing Thai letters for example. very few of my kids in a middle-class urban school get storytime from their parents, which is a huge big mistake the school needs to address. they hardly know any Thai songs or children's rhymes because there is so much emphasis on English that Thai has barely any prestige.
as for what is allowed and not allowed, wide differences again. many children are spoiled, especially if they happen to have caregivers or maids at home, then they are very unhappy about picking up their toys for example. but on the other hand, they also need to work hard from age 3, when they go to kindergarten: handwriting, letters, maths. teaching seems to be very direct, so, for example, for developing fine motor skills, in my class we do lots of colouring, painting, cutting, pasting, stringing beads, play dough, etc. parents and many Thai teachers just make them practise their handwriting on pages and pages of worksheets. kids do get labelled as underachieving and slow and stupid and all sorts of things by the time they are 4.
this is only the environment I am familiar with, and I know you asked about birth to 3 years old, but anyway, this might help a little.

[Oswczrdz]

In the atmosphere of an extended family in Thailand, there is always someone to pay attention to a child, even if the parents are away from home, or busy with some other activity. They get much attention in the way of holding, 'kissing' in the traditional Thai way, and generally loved. An outsider may think that the Thai home is very strict, and it is in the sense that there are definite expectations of politeness; but correction is always given in the spirit of love and gentleness. Children are taught from the earliest age possible to wai, along with other social niceties. In my experience and opinion it is among the very best of ways to raise a child.

[retTreftowhexm]

Thank you Betti and Susana. So much to learn! Seems like there is a big difference based on socioeconomic status. I assume, Betti, that you are a teacher. Do kids really start kindegarten at 3?? In USA that is quite young. We start at 5. Seems like parents are very focused on their children's learning, but maybe they don't understand that lots can be learned through play - especially social and emotional things. Oh - Betti - you're right that the not holding has to do with the fear of the babies becoming attached, but it is important, especially for kids who have experienced loss and trauma, for them to be held, touched and attached to a primary caregiver or several primary caregivers. Sounds like parents have a greater opportunity to nurture their children. Also at the orphanage we did developmental screenings and many of the kids were delayed in speech, fine and gross motor skills and could not identify simple items in a storybook.

Anything else? Are there any early childhood workers out there, or mothers/fathers of young children? One more question - are men as free to be affectionate with their infants and toddlers as are the women?

Thanks again.

Andy

[retTreftowhexm]

Hi. I'm from the USA and have spent the last four years going to Thailand for a month each year to volunteer in an orphanage outside of Bangkok. I am going again this November. I have observed the way children are raised in the orphanages. I am now looking to speak with people who can tell me about how parents raise very young children at home... What do they believe in? Where do they learn about what babies and toddlers can do? Are there any books in Thai that I could get??? I could get someone here to translate for me.

If any parents of young children are out there --- please let me know.

If anyone has some suggestions on how I can get this information, I would be very grateful.. I love Thailand and I believe the Thai people are the nicest I've ever met!

Andy

[retTreftowhexm]

Good idea. First of all let me say that the children receive good care and I believe that the staff who watch them love them very much. What I did observe is that staff do no hold the children (birth to 3 years old) because they are afraid they will get attached to them. Also, they don't play with them or talk a great deal with them. We did developmental screenings on some of the kids (with a Thai translator) and found that many were delayed in language, motor skills and learning-such as being able to identify a picture in a book, point to their eyes, nose, etc.

Staff say it is not okay for kids to suck their thumbs. In USA it is normal and kids are usually not stopped from doing so.

Would these things occur in urban Thai families? Do parents hod, kiss, play with their children? Do they teach them things? What are their beliefs of what children can do at different ages? What is allowed? Not allowed? Do parents read to them when they are infants?

It's the day to day stuff.

Hope this is clearer.

Thanks.

Andy

[Oswczrdz]

My children are both grown now. When my son was very young we lived in Thailand with his father's Thai family. That is where my experience comes from. From my experience, men do not seem to be embarassed or think it unmanly to be affectionate with the children. There is much humor and love in Thai families.
My son also started kindergarden at 3 and enjoyed it very much. I think his school was more like what we would call pre-school kindergarden here in the states. I loved the little school which was attached to the home of the owner. W. went to school every morning prepared with a pair of pajamas which he would wear for nap time, after having a quick 'ob nam' (bath). The bathrooms were even equipped with tiny child size toilets and sinks! After nap time the children would all change into clean clothes. The owner's mother was always there and the children called her Khun Yai. (I think - I may not remember 'grandmother' correctly). He learned how to play with others as well as other socialization skills. He was very happy there, and his dad and I were pleased with the school, too. I really found it much superior to the day care he went to after we returned here.
I hope this helps you.

[BluewayAllere]

I have observed the way children are raised in the orphanages.

Maybe you can tell us first what your observations were. Then we can more easily tell you how similar that is to raising a child in a family environment.