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Evolving motherhood in Thailand
China Daily 2005-08-13 07:21

While Thai mothers are allowing their children more freedom, traditional values remain relevant. They grew up watching the film "La Boum", which no matter how subdued was the closest thing they could get in those days on teens' sexual awakening. Their daughters, if they haven't peeked at "### and the City" already, will probably be watching something even more raunchy in a couple of years' time.

This makes the results of a Mother's Day survey - showing that modern-day Thai mothers have become more and more liberal when it concerns teachings on ### and morality - anything but surprising.

Although the Assumption University poll of 1,540 teenage girls was designed to explore the present complexities of mother-daughter relations, it also provides good insight into society as a whole. Home is everyone's first orientation, so when mama relaxes her rules and embraces new principles, repercussions will be far-reaching.

The pollsters have found that although Thai mothers remain attached to their offspring, they are far more permissive than their mothers were. About half of the girls questioned across Bangkok from August 1 to 8 said their mothers were not very strict about matters such as premarital ### or sleepovers at the homes of friends of the opposite ###. The mothers are also said to be relatively lenient about smoking and drinking, and apparently no longer preach to them the virtue of being polite in public.

What's surprising are the comments from one of the pollsters. Noppadol Kannikar, a professor who oversaw the survey, said if the results reflect realities, our society could be losing its "sense of innocence and caring." The revelation that mothers today are less strict about issues of morality is worrying, he insisted, because it "indicates a general decline in our moral values as a society."

That is harshly unfair to women who have suffered for so long in this male-dominated society. Again, female behaviour is being used as barometer of the country's cultural and moral standing. Again, women are treated as subservient subjects on the one hand and standard bearers on the other. And again, nobody is trying to explain why, for example, a mother might want her daughter to try out a few boyfriends before deciding to tie the knot, rather than keeping her virginity for the husband who may not turn out to be Mr Right.

Not that there is anything wrong with traditional Thai motherhood, or valuing chastity.

It is amazing how our society is so rigid about what Thai women should, can, should not and cannot do, while male bad behaviour has been ignored, condoned or virtually promoted. And when it comes to preaching about culture and morality, sadly it is only children and women for whom standards are set.

Regarding drinking and smoking, can it simply be that today's mothers are more understanding and broadminded? If they could sneak out and have wild nights during their days, why can't their daughters?

Hypocrisy is one of those things that can seriously harm parent-child relations, and the survey results may tell us that modern-day mothers may realize this. They may not preach the same values that they were told as girls to live by, but if they can be their daughters' friends, and teach them with their own experiences, what is so wrong with that?

What people like Noppadol may not be aware of is that the life of today's mothers is not easier, and their responsibilities are not fewer. In this fast-changing world, mothers - with or without a spouse - have to juggle so many things to make sure that their children grow up to be decent human beings and smart enough to cope with all the challenges of a hectic life.

While one of the biggest tasks of our grandmothers might have been to make sure that our mothers remained virgins until they married, today's mothers may want to teach their young that marriage is not everything. Mother knows best, we all like to say. Friday's mothers may simply be telling their daughters exactly what they know - without being too judgmental - and that may not be a bad thing after all.