[feroiodpiop]

Hi Everyone,

I am wanting to know what the attitude is to divorce in Thailand. How do family members and friends react to divorce? Is it common?

Many thanks,

[Inenuedbabnor]

Hi Thailotus

An interesting and rather tricky/complex question to answer.

Certainly, divorce here in Thailand has become a much more accepted part of society and the outcome has grown more positive for the women involved. I think the current divorce rate is around 30%.
As with getting married, getting a divorce is a family affair and there will have to be negotiation between the two parties.
It very much depends however on the families how seriously they take the matter. Some will just let their sons/daughters decide as they choose and others will try to resolve their differences to bring them back together.
In Thailand couples have either a 'registered marriage'(legal) or an 'unregistered marriage'. If the marriage is the latter then it is very easy to get out of. Just like being boy/girlfriend living together in Europe and there wont be much for the families to discuss. A 'registered marriage' is by the law.

As for friends' reaction, just like in Europe i would say.

As for the reasons behind wanting a divorce the law certainly sways in the advantage of the male. One example is of divorce law is that 'The woman can not divorce the man in the event that he has commited adultery or has a Minor Wife (Mia Noi)' However, 'The man has the right to divorce his wife in the event that she has commited adultery or has a Lover (Choo). That means he has every right to kick her out the door leaving her only in her clothes.

I'll tell you about one of my close friends, i'll call her Pui and she is a daughter of quite a well-known successful family in Bkk.
She was married a few years ago to the son of another very wealthy family. Almost immediately after getting married he started coming home very late virtually every night claiming he had been out playing snooker all night with his friends. If this wasnt a bad a start enough to the marriage Pui started to find SMSs on his mobile from a variety of girls. Poor Pui being in an emotional state began visiting a psychiatrist and he advised her to tell the families she wanted a divorce. She didnt care about his wealth. The families then sat down with one family at each side of the living room and Pui had to state the reasons why she wanted a divorce and her husband had to explain his innocence. It was judged by the families that his behaviour was unnacceptable but was asked by Pui that he be allowed to 'prap tua' (become like a better guy) and if he couldnt then that was it, there would be no more family discussion and the marriage would end.
And so her husband did start coming home on time, but just for a few months before he started his unruly behaviour again. Then Pui one day left a note on the table reading 'we're finished' and packed her bags and flew to London for a vacation. By the time she came back he was gone and left their new house to her. There was no more family discussion.
Pui soon found a new guy as all her friends realised she had made an innocent mistake marrying him and supported her all the way. She was a divorcee now but found it no problem finding a new guy, for one she was pretty, wealthy and had divorced the guy for the right reasons.

Pui told me a few weeks ago that she is getting married again this year. No problems involved.
Ironically he's been divorced too.

[Inenuedbabnor]

Hi Thailotus

Sadly the Thai attitude towards divorce is a sorry one for the women and perfectly all right for the men.

In the rural areas 'divorced' women are usually only good for one thing and thats a quick time in bed with no commitment attached. And if she has a kid too, well, shes at the bottom of the ladder.
Thats why you find so many of the rural divorced women with a kid or two working at bars for foreign guys. As in their eyes thats about all she is good for, a big slobbery drunk farang guy.

There are lots of jokes in Thai about 'Mae Mai' (divorced women) and they suggest what i just wrote.
For a son who has never married, to marry a 'mae mai' would probably be very difficult to take for the family as they want their beloved son to marry a so-called clean virgin!
But a divorced man to marry a divorced woman is much more accepted.
And for a clean virgin daughter to marry a divorced man? well, theres absolutely no problem with that, even if he has a couple of kids too!!

Sadly, Thais view divorced women as having been 'poor wives'.

In the big city however, education has improved the Thai attitude towards divorce. And divorced women are in a much brighter light.
But again since the big city people are mostly of Thai-Chinese desent, most Chinese parents would themselves too find it intolerable for their beloved son to marry a 'Mae Mai'.

If u are a divorced caucasian girl just tell your new partner but make sure his family dont find out, not unless he comes from a seriously open-minded Thai family.

[feroiodpiop]

Thank you for your reply sanyawadee. My parents were divorced as well and coming from an Asian background, it definitely was not easy (not that it's easy for anyone).

Thanks again.

Thailotus

[feroiodpiop]

Thank you so much for the response.

The situation I'm referring to however, is the reaction of family members/friends to the announcement of divorce. So for example, if a husband wants to divorce his wife, what is the likely reaction of relatives involved? Is it more accepted nowadays or would the couple (especially the spouse wanting divorce) face a lot of stigma?

[joOEMcheapSOFTWARE]

My girlfriend is a divorcee with 3 kids (they live with her ex-husband). She is the most wonderful woman I have ever met and to be honest I think he is real stupid not to treasure a woman like her. She is intelligent, beautiful and a really good woman and yet he had flirted around. Finally she divorced him when she could not take his nonsense anyone. As she was financially independent of him, she had her options I guess.

Irony of it all is that she is helping with the upbringing of her kids and still pays for 50% of their maintainance, cos she loves her children. It was these little things that attracted me to her in the first place.

I too made a mistake and married a woman who is never contented no matter how much I loved her and tried to meet her needs/wants. Took me 10 years to come to the conclusion that I can never satisfy her and gave up. Told her she is free to go look for the guy whom she can be contented with. And after a few months of solitude I opened my heart to look for the vision of the woman I have always wanted since I was 21. Never had the confidence that it is possible for any one person to match that vision until one day I met my Rida quite by accident. Wham, we literally swept each other off our feet, and it was love at first sight. haha, to think I was a skeptic of such an idea.

I am so glad I met her (the cousin of my buddy's girlfriend) when I visited my buddy's girlfriend and her parents, since her dad was going to have a major surgery. Now I have not only a woman whom I hope will be my soul-mate, she is also a more than capable help-mate in business as well. Plus her drilling me in speaking, reading and writing the thai language in her wanting to protect me from getting cheated in Thailand just because I dont know the language well. We tend to use formal thai because that is how she speaks on daily basis.

Yes, I do agree today (inspite of the many bad stories I see and hear), that a good thai woman will choose & treasure a loving and faithful man over a rich guy who flirts and has no real love for her.

Hoping that these 2 romantic lovebirds can get engaged this year and marry in about 2-3 years.

[Inenuedbabnor]

Nice story.

Good for you. It took me a first rough relationship too before i struck lucky.

Steve

[feroiodpiop]

It has been a while since I've posted but I'm hoping for some answers if anyone can help.

If a Thai man is in an "unregistered" union with a Thai woman, & the wife finds out he is having an affair, what is the likelihood of her staying with him? I know this is not a cut and dry question and each person is different but are Thai women nowadays still willing to put up with such a situation - especially if the affair had been in front of many of her business associates?

[Inenuedbabnor]

It very much depends on the woman.

If the situation involves children etc.. most women would still try tolerate any affairs just for the sakes of the kids. If she's financially independent with money of her own though she'll probably be giving him the boot.

If the relationship is an unregistered one and without any children most Thai women would be giving the guy his marching orders.

If however they have kids she's in trouble as there's very little she can do if they split-up, in terms of suckering money out of him.

Most of the career women in Bangkok these days don't tolerate this kind of wayward behaviour anymore. having money of their own very much counts.

[feroiodpiop]

Thank you stevesuphan.

There are no children involved and as far as I know, the husband has never cheated before. However, his wife found out about the affair and about all the very mean things he's been saying about her. She's financially independant.

I guess time will tell.

[Inenuedbabnor]

Dear Prajantr

Quite simply yes, yes yes. And again quite simply yes, she will become part of his household census IF she has taken his surname.

Last year, (a positive for womans rights) the law was changed and it is now NOT mandatory for the woman to take the man's name. He may now take her's if he wishes, im sure if that's the case the opposite to the above would happen.

Unfortunately, after divorce the title of 'Nang' (Mrs) is still bestowed upon the spouse although she reclaims her family surname.

Thus i man can marry many times and his new wife each time, wouldnt know a thing. But for the women its a no no.

[feroiodpiop]

Thank you for your thoughtful response Jerome.

I think being registered gives far more protection. I wonder if younger couples might take this into consideration given the rising divorce rates nowadays...

It would be interesting to know how non-registered couples divvy their assets in the face of a relationship breakdown.

[feroiodpiop]

Hello again! And thank you for all your responses.

I have another question that I hope someone may be able to answer.

If a marriage was not registered, what is the division of assets if the couple decide to break up? Is a non-registered marriage considered a common law (defacto) marriage in Thailand?

Why do so many Thai couples not register their marriages?

[Redys]

As I was given to understand, when a man and woman are married - the woman is considered now a part of the man's family. She is counted as part of his household in census.

If the man divorces the woman - how is this accounted for in the census and in legal papers? Does she go back to being counted as part of her parents' household?

[DumbNelmcrece]

it is more and more acceptable and it's very common in big cities.
thai laws are still on men's side..very bad.

my parents broke up when i was very little and i was brought up in upcountry, it was very shameful at that time but right now nobody will care.

[Avaboormavoro]

I believe that if the marriage is not registered then there are no legal guidelines for the division of assets because as far as the law and/or government is concerned the couple was never married.

Also, I'd like to take the liberty of trying to answer your second question, however not being a Thai myself, my answer can only be taken as observation or speculation.
Perhaps they feel that a marriage has nothing to do with the authorities and everything to do with themselves, their families and Buddha. Even though many couples choose to have the ceremony without going down to the ampur, in their eyes and in the eyes of their families and all the people in their village, they are certainly married. I think that people may think that registering the marriage is just a lot of meaningless red-tape.

In fact, my wife and I registered our marriage 18 months before we had the ceremony and in the eyes of her family we were not married until we had the ceremony. Actually my wife also thinks that as well. So while I like to think that we have been married for 2 years, she considers us married for only 6 months