[ROYMANgo]

Hopefully there is someone who can help me to answer my question. Two years ago I met a thai lady on Koh Samet. After we met I travelled two times back to Thailand to see her and spent the holiday together. I asked her if I could meet her family. I never did get a straight answer. Is there a problem for a thai lady to see a farang men and to tell it to her parents???

[kanchouska]

Ok, thank you, now i understand what's te problem. She is not from a village, she is from bkk, but that will make no difference i think. Well, I am very serious with her, but i maybe i need to have some more patience with her.

[BenBoobmers]

I met my former Thai girlfriend on an internet chat line 2 years ago, 3 month after my first chat, I went to Thailand to visit her for the first time. My girlfriend at the time met me at the airport, with her mother and auntie. I left the airport and went strait back to her house in Samrong Samut Prakan, 25 klm south of Bangkok, there I met her father and sister 90 minutes after landing in Thailand. Latter that night I traveled with my new Thai girlfriend to a resort in Pattaya. Her family had no hesitation, in me meeting her family and friends, over the 16 days I was in Thailand. This seems to be the opposite to your situation.
Ironically a few months after leaving Thailand for Australia, my former Thai girlfriend did not want to know me, but the rest of her family all wanted to see me again. When I visited Thailand in March this year, I went back to see my former girlfriends father, mother and sister. They made me feel very welcome, but I not want to see my former girlfriend, so I went there when she was at work.

[ROYMANgo]

Thank you Paul_Au for your reply. It is the opposite situation from my experience but it did make clear to me that I have to take in account the cultural diferences between my way of thinking about everything and the thai way. I think Thai parents have more influence on their sons(?) en daughters then parents have in my country (Holland). Even when their kids are grown-up.

[Allorneadesee]

Delawang's answer is the best answer and the one that is more correct or typical for Thailand. Follow this advice.

[Haftdrarp]

I do think my situation may have been a little different to the average Thai family, as my former girlfriend, her father and sister were all in a Rock Band with four other musicians. Her family was not conservative like most Thai families, her father had very long hair and was a colorful character. I think if the daughter came from a conservative family, the daughter would not want you to meet her family, unless you was serious about getting married soon, as she may be embarrassed if the relationship did not work out. I also think Thai culture is becoming more westernized, specially in the big cities and some families are ok with meeting many of the daughters boyfriends over the years but this would still be a minority.

[ROYMANgo]

Thank you all for your reply.

[kanchouska]

I think you are totally right. The family relationship is very strong in Thailand. In Holland you leave the house when you are ready for it en you will start a relationship. When your parents are getting older and they need nursing they go to rest homes. Normally they do not live with their children anymore after the children have left their parents house. The woman i met in bkk is 37 years old and the influance from her parents is still very strong. Sometimes it is difficult to understand whats going on. Last year I was with her in Phuket to spend our holiday together. We would stay there for 2 weeks. After 1 week her parents called from bkk. She had to come back at ones and .....she did go back to bkk. For me thats difficult to accept. I go for 3 weeks to Thailand to see her and here parents are spoiling everything. It was not because off healthy problems.

[trettegeani]

Quote[/b] ]In Asia, parents are responsible for their children forever and children are responsible for the parents forever.

The bonds of this most relationship can never be cut. The word for children in Thai is "luk", for child is "dek". In our spoken language, you are luk to any aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather or any elder you respect. Until the day your parents have both passed away and all your elders too, you can always hold the status as someone's luk! Same for being a dek, as long as there is someone older than you, you are always dek in relations with that person, even if you are 50 or 60. I think by the time you get to 70, you rightfully earn the status of an elder and can't be called dek anymore, but then sometimes by that age you regain all the joys and freedom of childhood, that it's okay to be lively and childlike.

Following DiChanMay's observations (in her topic "Moving to Thailand") about how stressful life is becoming for children in the US and relating her story to my own children's situation, I happened to come upon a book by Neil Postman "The Disappearance of Childhood" as well. This had me thinking about what childhood meant in Thailand. Tickles me that it is picked up here in an unrelated topic.

[ROYMANgo]

Thank you very much! I still do not understand something. When a Thai girl have an relationship with a men. Is she moving out off her parents home to life with her partner or do they stay all together in the same house. I ask this question because off my relationship with a thai lady. Is it ever possible for a thai lady (for example) to leave the country and live with someone abroad when her parents are still in Thailand and may need her???
Or are these relationships impossible?

[trettegeani]

Not impossible, just very, very tough on the girl. Depends how loyal to her parents she is. I have a few friends who are Thai diplomats and make a strong decision to not be posted abroad so that they could remain with their parents. Quite a paradox. One good friend even changed her job, just because in the end she didn't have the heart to leave her aging parents.

Just something to add so you understand the undercurrents: In the old days, when the son marries, he leaves the house and establish his own family away from the parents. When the daughter marries, the son-in-law is expected to come live with the girl's parents. If the family had many daughters, it was okay for the elder daughters to leave the family, but it would be better if they could all build houses on the land of her parents. The youngest daughter, however, is expected to remain with the parents. She usually is the one who inherits the house of her parents.

[Niobaralegra]

Hi DoubleQ
I don't claim to know a lot about the subject - I can only tell you about my experience. If I were you I would be relaxed and don't be too pushy. There could be any number of things going on between your girlfriend and her family. Be patient and trust her judgement when it comes to things Thai. If you stay together, you MIGHT get to the bottom of things later on

[ROYMANgo]

Hi Howerski, thanks, for your reply. I think thats just the way I want to do it, but sometimes you would like to have some more patience! The next step for me is to ask her for a short holiday in my country so she can meet with me en my culture in an other way. For her thats already a big step. She did never leave Thailand before. I have to realize for myself that it is just not the most easy relationship with someone from the other side off the world.

[kanchouska]

Thanks, Pudgimelon. I have had a lot off reply's on my topic and I can say I know understand a lot more about this issue. I think you are right about it. I have been three times in Thailand and I realize every time that I take my own culture as measure for other cultures and that's totally wrong!! But sometimes I still are amazed about the things I see and hear and sometimes you react in a wrong way. I this situation I need to have more patience with her and wait for her invitation to met her parents.

[eXC3Kvnn]

lol, i know what you're talking about when you're talking about meeting the parents and how difficult it is. my somewhat boyfriend is thai himself. i've met his relatives, like his aunt, but i have never met his parents yet. i doubt my relationship is that deep though. they're almost, but not quite cultured around family as the chinese, thank god, they're not, or i'd be living a nightmare. thank god, my bf grew up in the us. somehow the thai family culture is still strong, since alot of his relatives live around him and his mom and everyone else is from thailand. so even though, he was born here, and his mom and the rest of his family and relatives are still very traditional people.