[botagozzz]

Discover the funny stories of one American family who relocated in India! 

Nonverbal communication is important in every society. Problems arise when two cultures meet, and the physical nonverbal signal means one thing in one culture and has quite another meaning in the other culture. In India, shaking the head from side to side is a visual way to communicate to the speaker that you understand what they are saying and in many cases that you agree with them. On the other hand, in the American culture this is how disagreement and a definite "no" is conveyed. I have finally come to the conclusion that the Indian culture does not have a nonverbal way to express "no" because they are so kind that they have no verbal way of saying "no". 
For instance, if you ask someone for directions, whether they know the way or not, they do not want to disappoint you, so they go ahead and give you directions anyway. There is nothing in their demeanor or the way they respond to give you a clue that they have no idea where the place is that you want to go. Only as you progress along the way do you realize that they were clueless in how to get you to where you wanted to go. Now, you have the dilemma of asking another person for the same directions. Realizing that "no" is not in their vocabulary, this time you become more selective with whom you ask directions from by considering whether they will be a likely candidate to have the correct answer.

Another example of their inability to say "no" is during an exchange between a proprietor and his customer. First, take the woman who is shopping for a royal blue sari. She enters the shop and asks the clerk if he has any royal blue saris. The clerk pulls out a navy sari. The woman shakes her head. He pulls out other shades of blue, but none are really royal blue. She continues to shake her head. He then begins to pull out purples, reds, greens and blacks. She looks at him in bewilderment and says that she just wants royal blue. He tries to convince her that one of these lovely saris will be perfect for her rather than tell her that he just doesn't have any royal blue.

Second is the shopkeeper who responds in this way to the woman who wants only a royal blue sari. Rather than say "no", he says, " Just a minute". He turns and speaks to his helper and the helper goes dashing off. The shopkeeper turns to the woman and says "five minutes?" The woman waits and sure enough the helper dashes back into the store with several royal blue saris that he has gotten from other shops nearby. Thus, rather than say "no". He produces what she wants.

The third shopkeeper reacts to the woman who wants a blue sari in a totally different manner. He knows he doesn't have any royal blue saris, and that he is not getting any soon, but he says to the woman, "Tomorrow". She confirms with him that he will have royal blue saris tomorrow and he agrees. Tomorrow, the woman returns and he continues to tell her tomorrow. Finally, she realizes as I do that "tomorrow" is the closest thing to "no" that this shop owner will be able to say.

The previous examples have been with people face-to-face. This next example is one that is over the phone, so neither has any clue to the others nonverbal communication or anything that is going on in the shop. A man calls to have his cycle repaired. The shop owner says that he will send his boy right over. The man agrees, and sits down to wait. Thirty minutes later the man calls the shop owner back inquiring if the boy is coming. The shop owner assures the man that he will be there. The man waits 20 minutes more. The boy still hasn't arrived. Finally, the man is very angry and calls the shop owner questioning the whereabouts of the boy. The shop owner then explains that the boy hasn't come in to work yet, but he is expecting him any time. The owner's hopes were that they boy would arrive before the man lost patience, and he would not have to disappoint the man. He felt he was honest in saying that the boy was on his way because he expected him any time, and the boy would be on his way.

This final example is the most frustrating to each party. A man calls his usual taxi company for a vehicle with one of the drives that he is familiar with. The taxi company sends out his favorite driver. Along the way, the driver says that he needs to make a call. The man is concerned and inquires if there is a problem or emergency. The driver explains that everything will be fine. He just needs to call the people he had promised to drive for today and tell them another drive would pick them up. The man asks why they did not just give him the other driver and vehicle. The driver explains that they did not want to disappoint him, their good customer. The man feels bad that he was given a vehicle that was spoken for by another customer, and the other customer is upset because he didn't get the vehicle he asked for. The poor driver feels caught in between the customers and the boss who couldn't say "no".

As you can see, whether asking for directions, shopping for a sari or ordering a taxi, the dilemma of saying "no" arises. The motivation behind resisting answering "no" is varied, but I contend that the motivation does not matter. I believe that within the culture of the Indian people that telling someone "no" is just too unkind. They will go to great extremes to avoid saying "no". Sometimes it is detrimental to themselves and occasionally it is upsetting for the other person. So, as you can see, they don't need a nonverbal cue for "no" because they don't use it.

About.com: http://www.stylusinc.com/business/india/indian_cant_say_no.htm