[Dxwlxqvg]

If you've never had Curry, you may not be able to appreciate this, but for those of you who love curry as much as I do, you may find this a bit close to home.
Enjoy!

Also, If you like Curry, and make it at home, how do you make it?
Meat? No Meat? By itself or over rice?
Hot? Mild?
Give the details!

Anyhow,


From: http://humour.200ok.com.au/curry_taster.html

Inexperienced Curry Taster

Notes from an inexperienced curry taster named Frank, who was visiting Phoenix, Durban from the U.S.

"Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event."


Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These char o's are crazy.


Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.


Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac?


Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those char o's!


Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!


Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.


Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot curry?

FRANK: (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

[Talicoabilk]

I've seen this exact same joke using chili instead of curry...and the names were also changed to reflect that the contest was being held in Texas...and Frank was from the East Coast.

[Flikemommoilt]

Had an employee of mine who wanted to try sushi, and thought the green stuff was avocado. Promptly smeared the whole 1/2 golfball sized wad onto a single piece of California roll (he also had raw fish issues) and pop it into his mouth before we could stop him.

I've never seen anybody turn that shade of red before, eyes watering like he'd been pepper-sprayed, gasping like he'd been gassed.

Once we determined he was not going to go into respiratory arrest, it was funny.

[w3QHxwNb]

Had an employee of mine who wanted to try sushi, and thought the green stuff was avocado. Promptly smeared the whole 1/2 golfball sized wad onto a single piece of California roll (he also had raw fish issues) and pop it into his mouth before we could stop him.

I've never seen anybody turn that shade of red before, eyes watering like he'd been pepper-sprayed, gasping like he'd been gassed.

Once we determined he was not going to go into respiratory arrest, it was funny.

I have one for you Paikea, at an Obukan dojo party (at Banya) my father-in-law was at one end of the table and tiring of all the kendo talk. So in his bored lack of beer condition decided to investigate Japanese food on his own. Since this was his first time at a real Japanese restaurant, he was game.

When the Obukan dojo rats were in the middle of who knows what waza discussion, he eyes the ball of wasabi on the sushi try and just pops the whole thing into his mouth. Once we put out the fire, settled him down, and pried him off the ceiling, he was really mad. Seems that it was our fault for not warning him about what to do with the green ball on the plate.

[BoattyGonm]

I have one for you Paikea, at an Obukan dojo party (at Banya) my father-in-law was at one end of the table and tiring of all the kendo talk. So in his bored lack of beer condition decided to investigate Japanese food on his own. Since this was his first time at a real Japanese restaurant, he was game.

When the Obukan dojo rats were in the middle of who knows what waza discussion, he eyes the ball of wasabi on the sushi try and just pops the whole thing into his mouth. Once we put out the fire, settled him down, and pried him off the ceiling, he was really mad. Seems that it was our fault for not warning him about what to do with the green ball on the plate.

They should put a warning label on that little green ball...is he talking to you yet?

[Snuddyentaine]

I've seen this exact same joke using chili instead of curry...and the names were also changed to reflect that the contest was being held in Texas...and Frank was from the East Coast.

Are you putting down this prose? I was uncontrollably laughing. You can change it to chili, or whatever, but it is still SERIOUSLY funny....people walked by my office and thought i was crying. (i was)

[dmoiknlasd]

Had an employee of mine who wanted to try sushi, and thought the green stuff was avocado. Promptly smeared the whole 1/2 golfball sized wad onto a single piece of California roll (he also had raw fish issues) and pop it into his mouth before we could stop him.

I've never seen anybody turn that shade of red before, eyes watering like he'd been pepper-sprayed, gasping like he'd been gassed.

Once we determined he was not going to go into respiratory arrest, it was funny.

One of my european friends thought vegemite was like peanut butter and popped a whole tablespoon of it in his mouth before I could stop him. Not spicy, but the reaction was surprisingly similar...

[Nglvayhp]

Curry.. with meat, over rice..and HOT. Someone mentioned chili?? Oh yeah, homemade and bring on the habaneros!

[jenilopaz]

Had an employee of mine who wanted to try sushi, and thought the green stuff was avocado. Promptly smeared the whole 1/2 golfball sized wad onto a single piece of California roll (he also had raw fish issues) and pop it into his mouth before we could stop him.

I've never seen anybody turn that shade of red before, eyes watering like he'd been pepper-sprayed, gasping like he'd been gassed.

Once we determined he was not going to go into respiratory arrest, it was funny.

I saw a similar thing happen in London, except the unfortunate victim was an American. He bought a hotdog and asked for mustard, the guy said 'we only have English mustard', no problem. Proceeds to smear mustard ALL over the hotdog. His reaction to the first bite was similar to the one described above.

"Unlike the namby-pamby continental mustards that delicately bring out the flavour of food... English mustard gives you a nose bleed" - Jack Dee

Mike

[QHdy5Z3A]

At a competition in sweden a few years ago we watched young german (I think) guy pop a massive ball of wasabi in his mouth. After about 3 seconds he screamed "its coming back up!" and the bird next to him paniced and started screaming at hitting him as he tried to scrabble past to a toilet.

Then we got Ralf Lemen to do the same. He popped it in his gob and was ok for longer than the kid, but then his face went a fantastic tomato red and he started coughing through his nose. Topper!

[Laqswrnm]

love curry. don't know how to make the real thing. i stick to japanese curry at home, and since the kids.. not even that.

we took my 5 yr old to curry house when he was around 2. he wanted to try some. so we gave him a little. he loved it, and he wanted more.. and more.. after 10 min later, he puked all over the table. we left big tip and got the hell out of that place with large number of 'we are soooooooooo sorry!'.

lot of curry house around this area is toning down on their spice. i think they are going in the direction chinese food has gone down.. to fit the taste of the locals. i have to tell them to make it spicy every time.

pete

[PareKeect]

you know its a good curry/beer night when you sit there next morning and think "i wanna fart but i will drown"

[DoctorDulitlBest]

you know its a good curry/beer night when you sit there next morning and think "i wanna fart but i will drown"

make sure to have ice cream after the said dinner.. so you can sit on the can and screan 'come on ice cream!'.

pete

[itsmycock]

Back when I was visiting a friend in college, he told me and our other friends that he learned to make wasabi as well as sushi. He made a batch of wasabi in the typical wasabi ball size, only a little larger. He then told us that he thought that he might have made the batch a little too strong. His place had a spiral staircase that he somehow decided to sit at the top of after he had gone upstairs to show the wasabi ball to his roommate. He then asked if we dared him to eat the wasabi ball. We jokingly said yes. He said that he needed a couple of seconds and the next thing we knew there was a loud THUMP!! at the top of the stairs. We ran to the top of the staircase and it took around 3 minutes to wake him.

What an idiot!

[DoctorBeny]

What is Japanese curry like, compared to Thai curry?

[TOOGUEITEME]

What is Japanese curry like, compared to Thai curry?

i consider indian curry the real thing.. not that i don't like thai curry or anything. japanese curry is thick. starchy. it tastes more like indian curry, just thick.

pete

[fgjhfgjh]

i consider indian curry the real thing.. not that i don't like thai curry or anything. japanese curry is thick. starchy. it tastes more like indian curry, just thick.

pete

Sounds good. I had assumed it was like Thai curry. Indian remains my #1 favorite. Looks like I've been missing out ...