[plaiskegizils]

http://aijeetkwonkaratedo.com/OARONE.gif

[HakSpeame]

OMFG! That website is so hilarious. The picture on the front page is so funny. I love the abundance of mullets and 70s porn star moustaches!

[Hixinfineedom]

More "Rules"

36. Students should develop their techniques into a smooth free flowing form of bodily movement.

I.E. (Start making up your own stuff like I did! Hey, if it looks menacing, Why, it MUST BE!
)


37. Do not use strength where techinque is required.

(Or were applicable, use your gelatinous, walrus-like flab to bludgeon your opponent to death!)

38. Students should not start a practice session without a ranking officer present.

(Yes...I am sure that they are rank alright....)

39. Do not stand around and watch others practice. Get
in there and practice yourself.

(Get your butt on the dance floor and get your freak on, Homeslice!)

41. Do not be afraid to fall or get hurt. Those who usually are, usually do.

(But do be afraid if the Master falls on you..be VERY afraid.)

42. Do not neglect to develop your mind as well as your body.

(Try my Developing ESP and a 600 IQ course! Only $29.99! )

43. Most important, do not give up, for weak men are losers.

(What about vastly and grotesquely obese men who make up a fake style and pass it off as legitimate instruction?)

44. When entering the dojo, a student should do the following: FIRST, bow to the flags and to the Master or teacher. This must be done without exception.
SECOND, students do not have to wait for acknowledgement if the Master or teacher is busy.
(
Apparently, he's not a Master of spelling either. It's spelled "acknowledgment" dude.
But the Master will always make the students wait, because he will be "busy" until he finishes his third bucket of KFC gravy.
-Then bow to your partner and Do-see-Do.)

46. Students shall line up according to their rank or seniority. The highest ranking member will be to the left of the Master.

(Dude, you guys suck so much that If a homeless man walked in off the street, you'd all have to file in to the left on him.)

All ranks shall stand
3 ft from the Master or teacher while in line.
Students should stand elbow length apart. This is done by placing your hands on your hips. The Master or teacher gives all commaneds unless the Master or teacher states otherwise.

(I love it when the Master or teacher gives "commaneds."(Whatever they are))


48. Never say, "I don't think it should be done this way," pertaining to techniques or any other matter the Master or teacher is discussing at that point. The Master knows what he is doing, not you. You the student do not have the experience and surely not the knowledge to make such a statement.

Student: "But Master! I just wanted to know*exactly* how the mechanics involved are in that just standing there, making claw motions with my hands, screaming and flailing am I supposed to be defending myself??"

Master:SILENCE! To you, mere mortal, they may look like flailings, but once you have reached the level of 666 (Burp) Grand Master of Buotude, all will become clear to you my son. Now (*cough*) fetch me a gallon of Rocky Road Ice Cream at once! You have (ulp) offended the honor of this....this...this..(psst, what do we call this place?)
Senpai: (Dojo, sir)
Master: .....DOJO SIR! Now Begone from my sight!




49. Students should never say, "we haven't been taught
this." If the teacher says so, it has been taught.

(Taught in the school in your mind...the school in your mind.)


-If you,
as the student were paying attention and practicing, you
should know what the teacher is saying at all times.
(
Yeah, Um...that's just spiffy. If the student can't catch on to your ill-conceived, hairbrained, "katas", the of course it's entirely their fault.
Why, the Master is infallible!.)

50. Students should nevery say, "in other schools they
do this and they do that." It makes no difference what
other schools do. You are learning the style of Ai Jeet
Kwon and no other.

(Nay, I say! Nevery do I say unto thee Nay!)

Student: But Master! In other schools, we actually learn something!
Master: SILENCE! ..And WHERE IS MY GALLON OF ROCKY ROAD???!!!!

52. When the Master calls "line up", do so quickly. The
Master will do warm up exercies

(Exercies? Wasn't he the last King of Persia? WTF?)

-with the class unless he
allocates the responsiblity of exercises to a lower
ranking person.

(Yes, by all means, give the "responsibility" (spelled correctly) to a lower ranking peon, er..I mean student..so that the Master may go upstairs, finish guzzling 3 dozen triple cheeseburgers and surf porn on the internet.)

[xanaxonlinexanax]

that was too hilarious!!
and what is the the gifs, this fat dude is wack..i shall NEVERY take this course!! LOL

[WUlcN1Rz]

this is the...twos-ba???

[Rqqneujr]

This is a graduate from his Dojo:

http://darkmonkey.org.uk/4/Main/988

[chootsonege]

this is the...twos-ba??? Didn't have the sound on, so I missed this. It's even funnier with the sound turned on!

[Tribas4u]

where's that Darwin-theory when we need it?
I cant see why being a dumb fuck shouldnt be criminal...(?) I mean, hell, every year dumb people cause way more trouble in the world than the heavy criminal ones ever did. And the worst case scenario is a complete wacko with some kind of object which could cause harm, that person could be up to no good, no matter how hard he/she tries.

In a dark alley on a dark evening, Id rather face a long-term criminal than a plain stupid person. I would feel slightly more safe because he would at least be knowing what he's doing. A fucktard wouldnt.

[ButKnillinoi]

obviously this sensei has mastered the gravitational pull waza, which may i add, has been passed down to such giants as the sun, Jupiter, and Andre the giant.
we must respect his skill!
Its not his seme that's drawing you in, its his gravitational pull.
like hokuto no ken, we are already dead

[HedgeYourBets]

Actually, the oar's a weapon taught in kobudo, called the eku. But that doesn't mean what this guy's doing is right...

I'm just defending the oar.

[duceswild]

actually that oar doubles as his spoon, for spoon waza, which can shovel 10pizzas in his mouth before you can hit a men.

[prmnwoks]

is it just me or did he call the tsuba a toosba?

[Adfcvkdg]

obviously this sensei has mastered the gravitational pull waza, which may i add, has been passed down to such giants as the sun, Jupiter, and Andre the giant.

As Dervish would say:
"Ba-ZIIINNG!"

[Nifoziyfar]

the video title got me...
Pulling the sword. More like pulling my plonker

The 'scalextric crash barrier' belt gave the game away though...

[Sukadrukanga]

Cthulhu has invited the master to view this thread.

Not even Cthulhu could eat his soul.

[TSVIDeo]

http://aijeetkwonkaratedo.com/PAGE3.HTM

[cucceevevaind]

HAHAHA!! I love the part where he says that you arent allowed to use "voice-stress mannerisms" in the dojo - what in the who now? Anyone have any idea what that means?


Oh, and us girls have to act like ladies. No hitting I guess. And as for knowing and obeying my country's oath/creed whatever, I dont think australia even has one....

oooh!! Guess what?!? "Master Medelwhatsee began his study of martial arts with the purchase of an instruction manual titled 'karate'" Who would have guessed, eh?

[ElcinBoris]

Hey Kaplow, you should've named this thread Clown budo

[lomonel]

Hey Kaplow, you should've named this thread Clown budo I bet that if you dug deep enough into his web site, you would eventually uncover the mystic "pie in face" kata.

[casinobonuscxz]

Indeedy!
"Master Medelwhatsee began his study of martial arts with the purchase of an instruction manual titled 'karate'".

So from now on we can point to this guy if someone asks about learning some budo art thing from a book!
-"Wanna end up like him? Then by all means, go ahead and study from a book! you'll be 7-dan soke-tumi in no time! no really... no time at all!"