[layevymed]

Simply put, it is hard for me to understand compassion. I understand on some basic level that it is good, but in my life, I have become rather paranoid, and see compassion as weakness. This coupled with my familiarity with anger has brought my practicing to a halt. While I can understand why anger is wrong, and why it causes suffering, I am so used to it, that it feels like home.

We all respond to goodwill and loving kindness (Metta)from others and it opens up the heart and lessens anger to practice it regularly ourselves. This is a 5 minute instruction for Metta practice and you can find more resources for metta in a meditation thread in our study links section.

If you want to start a separate thread, please feel free to do so, by the way.

[Alkassyinhisk]

I hope more of our new members will contribute to this thread, or start other ones perhaps with some questions in the Beginners forum.


Its always good to hear from you all, please keep sharing your thoughts and experiences.

[erelvenewmeva]

I suppose I'm getting along nicely. When I compare how I behave now to how I behaved several years ago, I definetly think there has been positive improvement. People who meet me seem to think I'm "calm" and "nice," which I think is a product of buddhist study. And I especially like it because it sets me up to be able to help them in the future. A self-fueling cycle of potential good deeds.

I do find letting go of anger to be especially difficult. Especially when it comes to sudden situations (traffic, for instance) or politics. But I'm hoping if I can remember to view the issues as impermanent, and with an unbiased mind, I might be able to slowly work on being more constructive than reactionary.

[furillo]

Simply put, it is hard for me to understand compassion. I understand on some basic level that it is good, but in my life, I have become rather paranoid, and see compassion as weakness. This coupled with my familiarity with anger has brought my practicing to a halt. While I can understand why anger is wrong, and why it causes suffering, I am so used to it, that it feels like home.

A very disconcerting thought.

Basically, I realize that I need to meditate on WHY anger and violence are bad, but its hard to come up with reasons as to why they are so, when I have been raised to believe that they are necessary in this rather dangerous world.

A few thoughts:

1. Maybe instead of meditating on why anger and violence are bad, you need to meditate on why you are angry and need to resort to violence in order to solve a problem. Many time, people resort to anger and violence because they have encounter a situation that they felt they are powerless to resolve. So the key, often, is to develop power (maybe in the form of knowledge and wisdom or even martial arts.) within you so that you can handle the situation without anger and violence.

2. If it is hard to understand compassion, then don't worry about it. You can start by understand greed, anger and ignorance and how to reduce them within you.

3. Some situation might require a projection of strength, but can you project strength without anger? (See point 1.) For example, if you are involved in an argument, can you extricate yourself from the argument without any negative consequences? People on the other side may not always let you walk away cleanly, so when this happens, can you be forceful without a tint of anger in your heart and mind?

4. In the West, many people think that Buddhism is all about meditation. It is not. When you found that you are stuck in your progress, it is a good idea to work on other aspects. For example, within the 6 paramitas, you can work on Dana, Sila, and Ksanti, if you are finding that you are not making progress in Jhana (Dhyana, which is meditation.)

[Encannavalf]

I was trucking along quite nicely, building up an almost-daily meditation routine then blam! I can't manage it. I went to my weekly vihara session and I spent most of it allowing my mind to be the master and brooding and getting in a right flap due to annoying myself with it.
I've just unintentionally really hurt someone, and perversely, only by trying to do the right thing and be compassionate and going out of my way to avoid creating hurt. I now face (for a simpleton like me) quite a dilemma, and I'm totally brooding about it and can't switch off. The knock-on effects of this are that I just can't 'get on the cushion' properly.
So it seems I can meditate when everything's hunky-dory but this just unravels when life goes a bit tits up and I just can't stop thinking about what an arse I've been without meaning to be.
Have any of you long-term meditators had this experience? Is there such a thing as a 'fair-weather meditator'.

[ligaliaCods]

Oh, and believe me- looking at quotes and texts do nothing but irritate my feeble mind even more! Well done me.

[Niiinioa]

Have any of you long-term meditators had this experience?

I've found that one of the best ways to let go of brooding and tension is to do some gentle exercise. Tai Chi is good . Also taking a walk and having a change of scenery. Breathing in the air and hearing outside sounds can sometimes bring on a little spontaneous walking meditation too....

[JeffStewart]

I've just unintentionally really hurt someone, and perversely, only by trying to do the right thing and be compassionate and going out of my way to avoid creating hurt. I now face (for a simpleton like me) quite a dilemma, and I'm totally brooding about it and can't switch off. The knock-on effects of this are that I just can't 'get on the cushion' properly.
So it seems I can meditate when everything's hunky-dory but this just unravels when life goes a bit tits up and I just can't stop thinking about what an arse I've been without meaning to be.
Have any of you long-term meditators had this experience? Is there such a thing as a 'fair-weather meditator'.

Have you ever try to make amend to the person that you have unintentionally hurt? Repent for your errors helps. The best way is to figure out how not to ever make the same mistake again.

[dxpfmP0l]

I agree with Yuan. I'm a complete idiot to people with alarming frequency, but when you explain that you're sorry it helps. Sometimes people don't buy it, but they often do.
And obviously being more aware in the future helps, but we're all human.

[Pheboasmabs]

Hello again!

Thank you for all of your kind replies! I just watched both of those videos, and Noah Levine was who I was talking about when I mentioned the speaker at USC. I had not seen that video, and I think it is excellent. If a bit off the mark. He talks about social change and his dissatisfaction with the status quo (sp?). My problem with anger stems from various influences. The first being defensive. Like most, I've been picked on a fair-share, and I react rather poorly, with lashing out, and putting others down as they do the same to me. I'm not sure how to apply Buddhist teachings in this regard. There will always be nasty people in the world. How to deal with them by 'turning the other cheek' (Sorry for the term, but I can't think of another way to put it. Mindfulness perhaps?) just doesn't work.

My second thing with anger goes back to self-defense. When we perceive that we are wronged, we act in such a way as to either correct this, or buckle. I back-talk. Alot. So the idea that I need to control my anger sounds a heck of a lot like bowing down to an outside influence. (So, as an example, lets say a mean boss who constantly belittles or what have you. One kind of man will talk back, and another will look away and mumble apologies.) The second man is seen as weak in modern society (at least where I live.) and weakness doesn't breed respect.

While I continue to study, actual practice is very hard.

Thanks again for the replies! I think that the question 'How am I getting on' can best be answered with one word.

Slowly.

[serius_06]

Bless you all. And didn't this Gotama chap know his onions and parsnips? Big brave me went back to his ABC Of Dhamma and through it got 'loving kindness' and understanding back from someone who thinks Buddhism is 'just more rules', simply by using painful, total honesty.

I'm sure you veteran meditators can get through the grim bits of reality and can manage to meditate but whilst in my own little world of pain, shame, stupidity and guilt I couldn't quite get down to it. Practice of Dhamma as a Living Philosophy certainly helped, but bloody hell, it's still some kind of magic trick to me to actually meditate when your mind is the conquereor.

aloka- mindfulness of walking 6 miles helped massively, although I've yet to come across any 'Mindfulness of Barbed Wire' and 'Mindfulness of Sliding Through Cow Plop'!

I'm aware my mind is still master of me.... but flipping heck, this Dhamma business helps. So does any form of Sangha. Thanks chaps.

Fellow newbies---- hope all good with you.

[N95FzmMw]

...although I've yet to come across any 'Mindfulness of Barbed Wire' and 'Mindfulness of Sliding Through Cow Plop'!

Ah, that brings back sweet memories in the midst of my city life!