[12Jasoumemoobia]

Hi all,

Any advice would be much appreciated.
To cut a very long story short, I have for many years now 'picked up' and then 'put down' Buddhism! My sticking point with it has always been the concept of non-attachment, which I can't help but interpret as somehow becoming cold and un-feeling. Am I wrong? (for once I hope I am!)

Also, another question of a similar notion - Neurotic thoughts and behaviours! The Psychoanalyst Carl Young, once described a neuroses as "A substitute for legitimate suffering". I have a number of neuroses which sadly control my life to a large extent. I know from counselling that the basis of any Neuroses is a sort of coping mechanism. The Neuroses itself is a totally illogical way of coping with something, because you find it less painful than facing the real issue. So back to non-attatchment. Do Buddhist teachings have much to say on such subjects?

Many Thanks.

[Maryjasmine]

Hi EG,

Attachment is the big issue of Gotama's teaching. It has an intimate relation with anatta or the doctrine of Non Self.

From there is that it is the hardest aspect of Buddhist practice.

We can understand attachment as the outcome of a deluded mind; of an untamed mind. A mind that craves for more and clings to things.

One of the ways to conquer attachment is meditation which can help any time we watch carefully how thought arise and fade constantly in the mind not clinging to them; not giving them the property of ownership.

Other of the ways to to conquer attachment is letting go. As when we lose the strength of a tight fist.

Other way is to contemplate the ultimate unsatisfactory nature of things as they are impermanent. So to be attached is useless and will end, eventualy, in dukkha.

Generally attachment is because we crave for sensual gratification. Being this, ideas -wrong views-, people, things, pleasures, sensations, etc.

Attachment has the face of running away, too, from what we dislike or from what we think avoids getting those gratifications.

[Lipitorseffec]

Hi EG,

It's good to see you posting again.

Understanding attachment doesn't mean one becomes like a cold-hearted Zombie ! When one has attachment/clinging to other people, or to objects, it can result in negative emotions such as anger. If, for example I cling to expectations about how others should behave and they don't live up to those expectations, then I might become angry and disappointed. Similarly if I have an expensive car and it breaks down, then I may become very upset and wonder how I will manage without it.

Understanding and gradually letting go of clinging helps the mind to eventually become more peaceful and understanding.

Regarding neurotic thoughts and behaviours -- regular meditation may help. I recommend Ajahn Jayasaro's Buddhist meditation video series in the Meditation thread in our Study Links. Also you might like to try regular walking meditation too - and you can find out more about that in Element's walking meditation thread in our Buddhist Meditation sub-forum.

with kind wishes

Aloka

[Kissntell]

Hope this resources can bring some help:

The Problem of Personality

Self View, Personality and Awareness

[bahrains27]

Detaching yourself doesn't cause you to no longer care. For example Buddha detached himself from everything because he realized unsatisfactoriness and impermanence. However, he decided to teach and help others because he still cared. He realized he shouldn't attach to them because of impermanence but he also realized that they were suffering and needed help.

[Axxflcaj]

Thank you for the question EG, this is something I have pondered and struggled with as well. I have recently been trying to let go of some of my attachments, and am finding it very difficult. After reading these replies, I think it seems like a difference between attachment (holding on to feelings, which leads to negative emotions) and being aware (appreciating things in the moment, but not clinging to the memory of them). Good luck with your practice.

[HelenTay]

Many, many thanks to all above for your kind responses. They have helped and I will study the suggested links/threads.

EG

[BoomBully]

I really see any obsession with being detached rapidly as a quite dangerous attachement.

To me the whole scenario involves a kindness to self and others, a slow evolving thing that takes
well considered time, patience, contemplation and sincerity.

[poRmawayncmop]

The highest and most difficult knowledge in Buddhism is the Four Noble Truths.
So, as a Buddhist, we study and practice to know the truth.
If we know the truth that a thing (which we are holding now) is not good, no value, and brings only suffered,
then we will put it down automatically without any concern.

Consequently, you do not need to set a goal to detach any thing, but just set a goal to know the truth.

[Kayakeenemeds]

I've had it explained to me that non-attachment doesn't mean the end of emotions, but rather the end of this possessiveness we all seem to have over other people and things. I.E. That's MY best friend, that's MY car, MY family.

However, that attachment, at least in regards to people, is actually rather selfish. We don't own them, it isn't up to us to get angry if they do something we don't approve of. Being non-attached doesn't mean non-caring, it means acceptance of change and impermanence, we can still care, but we have to realize the things we care about exist independent of us.

Someone here told me that clinging is a better word to use than attachment, because it better captures the message.

[Yessaniloas]

I've had it explained to me that non-attachment doesn't mean the end of emotions, but rather the end of this possessiveness we all seem to have over other people and things. I.E. That's MY best friend, that's MY car, MY family.

However, that attachment, at least in regards to people, is actually rather selfish. We don't own them, it isn't up to us to get angry if they do something we don't approve of. Being non-attached doesn't mean non-caring, it means acceptance of change and impermanence, we can still care, but we have to realize the things we care about exist independent of us.

Someone here told me that clinging is a better word to use than attachment, because it better captures the message.

This is accurate.

[Loxaeed]

hi there EG and all,

Really good question EG.
I ereally think that TYING to detach is impossible. We have been so conditioned by our past experiences or people etc, I think trying to actively detach from people places and things is a recipe for neurosis and ultimately suffering. Happy detachment is a by product. It happens through right mindfulness. Using detachment as a goal, we will feel the cold heartedness EG describes. When true detachment happens it is an act of pure loving kindness.

In metta,

JM

[cingularring]

Hi, all Dharma friends.
There is a book by Jeffery Hopkins, "Meditation on Emptiness", which was translated from Vajrayana teaching course in Tibetan. This book explains all of what was taught by the Buddha.
For example, there is exhaustive explanation of the non-self, existent of a God or a non-God, etc.
Many of the beginners' doubt will be made clear if one read the sentences carefully.
This book is part of the course conducted by the Tibetan Gelupa sect.
Enjoy your reading.

[mikeyyuiok]

This book is part of the course conducted by the Tibetan Gelupa sect.

Hi tslim,


Please read the Admin and Moderator guidelines for the Beginners forum.

Posts relating to Tibetan Buddhist courses should be posted in the threads in the Mahayana/Vajrayana forum.

Thanks.