[PemiaGefe]

How does a peaceful person avoid other people wanting to argue? I go through life as peaceful as possible and avoid arguments, trying to just discuss peacefully instead. But it always seems like other people want to start an argument. My real question is, where does one get enough patients to go through life peacefully and happily without wanting to move into a cave somewhere?

My little world seems to be full of unhappy people. For example, my grandfather and uncles are always worried about things they have no control of. They become very upset about things and start yelling at me and putting me down. Actually, this is what I grew up with. You would think I would be used to it by now at 28. I don't argue back and I do everything they want me to do, but that seems to get everyone even more fixated on me. The more peaceful I try to be, the more angry everyone seems to get.

I know I shouldn't take things so personally, and that their aggression is really from their own problems. Needless to say, none of them are Buddhists! Actually, my grandfather is an insecure guy who at one time was a marine drill sergeant. It took me along time to figure this out, but I believe he carries around a lot of self-guilt because of the way his sons (including my dad) turned out. Actually he is the one who raised me, which is why I mention him.

To be honest, these past few years I have felt like life itself is fixated on bullying me the same way. Everywhere I go, in the work-place, around friends, or at home, people seem to just look at me and become angry. I even have a constant stream of bad luck, financially and with my health, that has all played havoc on my worldview.

I have just discovered Buddhism a couple years ago and was wondering how you guys would advise me on how to deal with people. Where do I get the patients to be endlessly bombarded?

[SmuffNuSMaxqh]

PreviousViking

Simple.

Live your life by the Dharma.

Peace

Gerry

[scoussysows]

Hi PreviousViking,

How about trying Metta practice? (5 minute instruction video)






You can find more resources for Metta (loving kindness) practice in the Meditation thread in our Study Links near the bottom of the main forums page.


http://www.buddhismwithoutboundaries...356-Meditation

[Immusaatmonna]

Hi PV,

Metta meditation is a good tool to overcome the anxiety you feel from those attitudes.

Also, I may ask if it helps you, PV, to realize the kind of hellish life they have not being at peace with life facts?

[ensuppono]

Impatience arises when we start having expectations about people, things and the future generally. If we stop judging people and try to focus on their positive qualities this helps us have less expectations and so our patience increases. Also try to rest in the present as much as possible. Focus on what you are doing moment to moment - like the Zen master Suzuki Roshi said, "When we eat we eat, when we sleep we sleep". I agree that metta meditation helps us to feel good about other people and therefore have less expectations of them.

[DownloadMan]

Impatience, along with depression and anger, are our own personal responses to how we think the world 'should' conform to our expectations.

[b91ZmxzX]

PV, I am sorry that you have struggled. It does seem like life is conspiring against us sometimes and it can be very hard to deal with people. One thing that helps me is to look at every experience as a learning experience. Angry people help you learn how not to be angry yourself. People who want to argue make you question your views and strengthen them with new reasoning. Challenges in life make you find new ways to meet them and grow stronger.

That being said, sometimes it just feels like too much and all you want to do is rest, for life to be easy. That is when I meditate and focus on my breath, and try to find my way back to myself. Of course, it is not that easy and it takes work, which is the last thing you usually want. But stick with your practice and will come. Come back here to read what others have to say, that always helps me as well.

As far as being arguing with you, challenging you, and feeling like people analyze you- this is what I have learned from my own journey and from a dear friend of mine who has been working on herself. People sometimes see the journey you are on, the steps you are taking, and the improvements you are making on yourself, and it makes them uncomfortable. It makes them aware of their own unhappiness, of things about themselves they wish were different, of changes they wish they could make. Dealing with your internal issues and making positive changes takes hard work, strength, and courage; many people do not have the courage to try and it makes them angry when they see someone who does. I don’t think there is any malice behind these feelings, just envy.

Best wishes for your journey to patience
~m

[maxsobq]

Thanks guys, I will try to get in to Metta meditation. Being positive is definitely something I could use practice with. I've learned a lot by watching my family members, and they have indirectly taught me a lot about why I should not be negative.

Thanks, Monkey. Your perspective has given me the puzzle piece I've been looking for for understanding a situation in question. What you are saying makes a lot of sense. I suspected envy, but I couldn't think of a single reason to be envious of me about. The power of understanding has always been a powerful tool for me.

Thanks all!