[blenIgnigeSef]

Hi There,

A Zen Buddhist friend once said that he was trying to rid himself of emotions and attachments. This confused me, and still confuses me.

He is married. Is this not an attachment. Is not love (as in a marriage), an attachment ?

Is there a right and wrong sort of attachment ?

I know this is very fundamental, but, I think in simple terms, I can't always communicate what I want to say.

Can anyone clarify, what, is a Buddhist concept of love ? Is it always unconditional (as in Metta) ? Is there a correct way to love a person for themselves ?

Confused,

Brickie

[Intory]

Hi Brickie,

Its fine for lay practitioners to be married and to love each other and their families.

Buddha said in AN 4.55 Samajivina Sutta :Living in Tune ....



Husband & wife, both of them
having conviction,
being responsive,
being restrained,
living by the Dhamma,
addressing each other
with loving words:
they benefit in manifold ways.
To them comes bliss.
Their enemies are dejected
when both are in tune in virtue.
Having followed the Dhamma here in this world,
both in tune in precepts & practices,
they delight in the world of the devas,
enjoying the pleasures they desire.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipit....055.than.html


Buddha's advice to laypeople can also be read in Sigalovada Sutta DN 31


http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.ksw0.html


My opinion is that instead of trying to get rid of one's emotions and attachments/clinging, one can begin to notice and understand them more through Dhamma practice. Gradually they might then become less intense when the mind is tranquil and has more wisdom.


with kind wishes,


Aloka

[dasneycomrov]

I agree with Aloka, Brickie.

We can have a partner and practice unconditional love toward him (or her).

Attachment happens when love is confused with possessive feelings; when the idea of ownership is there.

Love implies to take care of that loved person, to respect the loved person, to know him (or her) and to be responsible about our relationship not cheating, not being dishonest, etc.

About the feelings, it is very important to be mindful about them -watching them as impermanent- not trying to get ride of them. Attachment to them, getting ride of them or ignorance about them are conditions of stress and suffering.

[quorceopporce]

Thanks Aloka & Esho,

I think I get the distinction now. It still confuses me where the boundaries lie sometimes,

" About the feelings, it is very important to be mindful about them -watching them as impermanent- not trying to get ride of them. Attachment to them, getting ride of them or ignorance about them are conditions of stress and suffering". This has been causing me suffering for the last 20 years. I must practice to be aware / mindful ...

Thank you, I hope I can use your wise words to be less stressful in the future.

In Metta,

Brickie (Ken)

Easy really

[Fvmfrctt]

I must practice to be aware / mindful ...

This might be helpful ....




"When you learn to take time to be silent, listen to yourself. Just use the breathing and the body, just the natural rhythm, the feeling - the way your body feels now.

Put your attention onto the body, because the body is a condition in nature - it's not really you. It's not 'my' breathing any more, it's not personal. You breathe even if you're crazy, or sick - and if you're asleep you're still breathing. The body breathes. From birth to death it will be breathing.

So breath is something that we use as an object to focus on, to turn to. If we think too much, our thoughts get very convoluted and complicated, but if we bring attention just to the ordinary breathing of the body at this moment, at that moment you're actually not thinking - you're attentive to a natural rhythm"

http://dhammatalks.net/Books9/Ajahn_...ensitivity.htm