[GAGNAPPEAPH]

I have read several times over about the aleviating of personal suffering through releasing emotion, This confuses me, what about emotions that make you happy, such as love and respect, I know both can lead down a darker path but if true love makes you happy and you are strong enoug to not be saddened do you still have to accept that you can not love another human, I have always desired a family and a loving wife, is this allowed in budhism because there is allot of emotion there, love and desire being the obvious ones.

I am, as some of you may have seen, very new to this, and before I commit myself i need to know its the right path for me otherwise inner peace will be unachievable.

For example, my job, i work onboard a train, every now and again I have to report someone for not having a ticket, causing them a day full of suffering perhaps longer, how can i get around this as not reporting this could loose me my job, I try my best to alleviate hte problem and only have them removed in the dead end scenario but in that case im still causing them to suffer, although, looking at that im not causing them to suffer am i, De personalising it, looking at the whole picture, the person in question has caused there own suffering when they made the concious decision to board without a ticket, so if I try to help and within my mind wish them the best in the future is that enough, by making the transisiI on from their mistake to their punishment as easy on them as possible, by being friendly to the ner do well, whilst security are angry with them am I full filling my vow as a budhist.

Back on to love, are budhists allowed to pro create, also for the, how can i put it, ummm bonding withing a relationship without the intent of pre creating, is that allowed.

sorry to say, I have so many questions, so many things about budhism that I dont full understand but I want to learn to understand as all I desire is inner peace and an end to my suffering and to the suffering of those whom I come into contact with.

Regards Justen Smith, Peace be with you.

[QzVyZbTg]

Your understanding of what it means to be a Buddhist appears quite advanced for a beginner - you have definitely been thinking about the path of Buddhism very seriously.

What is right or wrong for a Buddhist is just as you have found out - an action should be judged on whether or not it does any harm, that is produce suffering. When he/she feels ready for it, lay Buddhists, as opposed to monks or nuns, generally commit themselves to 5 precepts, which are 1. to try and refrain from killing, 2. to try and refrain from stealing, 3. to try and refrain from harmful speech such as lying or gossip, 4. to try and refrain from sexual misconduct such as sex with minors or forced on someone against their will or adultery, 5. to try and refrain from taking intoxicants, that is alcohol or drugs.

Anyway to start with just continue to read up on Buddhism in general and post your questions on the forum here then when you think you are ready you might like to look for an offline group or Buddhist centre or temple you could visit to hear teachings from an authentic teacher and mix and get support from his/her students.

[orillaVar]

I have read several times over about the aleviating of personal suffering through releasing emotion, This confuses me, what about emotions that make you happy, such as love and respect, I know both can lead down a darker path but if true love makes you happy and you are strong enoug to not be saddened do you still have to accept that you can not love another human, I have always desired a family and a loving wife, is this allowed in budhism because there is allot of emotion there, love and desire being the obvious ones. See This & that

For example, my job, i work onboard a train, every now and again I have to report someone for not having a ticket, causing them a day full of suffering perhaps longer, how can i get around this as not reporting this could loose me my job, I try my best to alleviate hte problem and only have them removed in the dead end scenario but in that case im still causing them to suffer, although, looking at that im not causing them to suffer am i, De personalising it, looking at the whole picture, the person in question has caused there own suffering when they made the concious decision to board without a ticket, so if I try to help and within my mind wish them the best in the future is that enough, by making the transisiI on from their mistake to their punishment as easy on them as possible, by being friendly to the ner do well, whilst security are angry with them am I full filling my vow as a budhist. From Tsai Chih Chung's 'The Book of Zen: Freedom of the Mind' (Asiapac Comic)
Coming to Terms with Oneself (Pages 38-9)

There was an army physician who followed the troops as they went into battle. He tended to wounded soldiers in the battlefield.

Whenever his patients had recovered from their injuries, they were once again sent to continue fighting. As a result, they were wounded once again or killed.

After seeing this scenario again and again, he eventually suffered a mental breakdown. 'If he is fated to die, why should I save him?
If my medical knowledge has any meaning, why must he go into battle and lose his life?'

He did not understand whether there was any meaning in his being an army physician and he was so troubled that he could not continue healing others.

As a result, he went up a mountain to seek out a Zen Master. After being with a Zen Master for a few months, finally he understood his problem completely.

He descended the mountain to continue practising as a physician. He said, 'It is because I am a physician!'.

Commentary:
Not to identify oneself with something or to associate things with 'me' and to see the idea that there is a 'me' which is distinct from things is a delusion - that is true wisdom See also Liberating Emotions

Back on to love, are budhists allowed to pro create, also for the, how can i put it, ummm bonding withing a relationship without the intent of pre creating, is that allowed. See 1 2 3: (Look for 'Right Action (samma kammanta): (3) Abstaining from sexual misconduct (kamesu miccha-cara veramani)' 4 5 6 7

General links on Buddhism: 1 2 3 4 5 6

[9mm_fan]

I have read several times over about the aleviating of personal suffering through releasing emotion, This confuses me, what about emotions that make you happy, such as love and respect, I know both can lead down a darker path but if true love makes you happy and you are strong enoug to not be saddened do you still have to accept that you can not love another human, I have always desired a family and a loving wife, is this allowed in budhism because there is allot of emotion there, love and desire being the obvious ones.

Hi Justen,

Learning to recognise our emotions and understanding why we have them doesn't mean that we don't love or respect other human beings.

The Buddha didn't discourage lay people to marry and he gave advice for harmonious relationships between couples.


i work onboard a train, every now and again I have to report someone for not having a ticket, causing them a day full of suffering perhaps longer, how can i get around this as not reporting this could loose me my job, I try my best to alleviate hte problem and only have them removed in the dead end scenario but in that case im still causing them to suffer, although, looking at that im not causing them to suffer am i, De personalising it, looking at the whole picture, the person in question has caused there own suffering when they made the concious decision to board without a ticket, so if I try to help and within my mind wish them the best in the future is that enough, by making the transisiI on from their mistake to their punishment as easy on them as possible, by being friendly to the ner do well, whilst security are angry with them am I full filling my vow as a budhist. If people get on a train without a ticket they are knowingly trying to cheat the system, or else they are forgetful. Either way, just be kind and do your job - and yes, mentally have goodwill towards everyone.


Back on to love, are budhists allowed to pro create, also for the, how can i put it, ummm bonding withing a relationship without the intent of pre creating, is that allowed.
Lay people are free to have families,Buddhist monks and nuns remain celibate.

There are no rules about having to have children within a loving relationship, its up to the couple to decide.

with kind wishes

Aloka

[chuecafressds]

I do apologise for all the questions, Its so confusing but at the same time your answers on all fronts have definately given me food for thought, Its all the more confusing because im yet to tell my family about the choice I have made.. if its ok me asking, how did the guys and girls here go about telling their loved ones about the choices they had made.

[icedrakona]

if its ok me asking, how did the guys and girls here go about telling their loved ones about the choices they had made.

Hi Justen,

As this is a different subject from the topic ''emotions,'' I have started another thread for you in the Buddhism for Beginners forum called "How did you tell your loved ones you'd become a Buddhist ?"

[Misespimb]

Dear Justen,

If one chooses to form a family,he surely knows that there will be attachmment,cravings,fetters. These 3 mean Dhukka .If you beleive you have the strength to rid yourself of these 3 , go ahead ,have children,but remember,
these choices will definitly affect your Path.
I have chosen to become a monk with the 10 precepts,while not ordained,I live my life like a monk,that including celibacy.
.So choose what will make you happier,the path to enlightenment,or a full relation that will eventually bring Dhukka.
You are already suffering ,by not knowing your choice.

May you find the Path /decision desired.

a simple buddhist named
loong

[DevaRextusidis]

You say that you must choose enlightenment or Dhuka (that is the translation of suffering isn't it) but how can you not have both, my nan was happily married untill the day she died, and besides a brief spell of hurt everyone new to celebrate her life not mourn her death.

I tottaly agree with you that the mind suffers allot by not knowing your choice but im 21, i didnt grow up in a monastry and so how do i know that after declaring myself a lay monk so to speak that i dont find someone who encompasses my souls desires, desires that i believe no one can get rid of as there not there untill you meet the one. For example right now i do not desire anyything but tomorow a girl drop her keys while im walking behind her and i meet her eyes as i pass them back how can i tell my heart no.....i mean 21 is a young age to say i dont want to have a family, does this make sense.

[JoZertekAdv]

I have always desired a family and a loving wife, is this allowed in budhism because there is allot of emotion there, love and desire being the obvious ones.

hi Justen

when taking an interest in Buddhism, it is very important to distinguish between the life of a monk and the life of a lay person

Buddha taught teachings for both monks and lay people

today, as Westerners, we learn Buddhism is the Four Noble Truths. but when the Buddha was alive, he generally only taught the Four Noble Truths to monks

in his 1st sermon, on the Four Noble Truths, the Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths were for those who had left the household life:

Monks, these two extremes ought not to be practiced by one who has gone forth from the household life. (What are the two?) There is addiction to indulgence of sense-pleasures, which is low, coarse, the way of ordinary people, unworthy and unprofitable; and there is addiction to self-mortification, which is painful, unworthy and unprofitable.

Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta about marriage, the Buddha offered many teachings and encouraged marriage for people who wished for it, as follows:

To support one's father & mother; to cherish one's wife & children and to be engaged in peaceful occupations — this is the highest blessing.

Liberality, righteous conduct, rendering assistance to relatives and performance of blameless deeds — this is the highest blessing.

Maha-mangala Sutta: Blessings [the Buddha said:]

If both husband & wife want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come, they should be in tune [with each other] in conviction, in tune in virtue, in tune in generosity and in tune in wisdom. Then they will see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come.

Husband & wife, both of them
having conviction,
being responsive,
being restrained,
living by the Dhamma,
addressing each other
with loving words:
they benefit in manifold ways.
To them comes bliss.

When both are in tune in virtue.
Having followed the Dhamma here in this world,
both in tune in precepts & practices,
they delight in the world of the devas (gods),
enjoying the pleasures they desire.

Samajivina Sutta: Living in Tune In five ways, young householder, should a wife as the West be ministered to by a husband:

(i) by being courteous to her,
(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.

The wife thus ministered to as the West by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five ways:

(i) she performs her duties well,
(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants
(iii) she is faithful,
(iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.

In these five ways does the wife show her compassion to her husband who ministers to her as the West. Thus is the West covered by him and made safe and secure.

Sigalovada Sutta: The Layperson's Code of Discipline
kind regards

element

[larentont]

For example, my job, i work onboard a train, every now and again I have to report someone for not having a ticket, causing them a day full of suffering perhaps longer, how can i get around this as not reporting this could loose me my job... am I full filling my vow as a budhist.

hi Justen

Buddhism recommends our first duty is to do our job well & maintain our livelihood. the Buddha taught:

The employees show their compassion to their employer in five ways:

(i) they rise before him,
(ii) they go to sleep after him,
(iii) they take only what is given,
(iv) they perform their duties well,
(v) they uphold his good name and fame.

The employees thus showing their compassion towards him in these five ways...is made safe and secure.

Sigalovada Sutta: The Layperson's Code of Discipline as a Buddhist, if we are practising the Four Divine Dwellings, of universal love, compassion, appreciation & equinimity, then the practise of equinimity is also included

equinimity means to think: "the person that does not have a ticket is suffering due to their own karma (actions). this is a lesson they can learn from"

if you let them have a free ride, then you are encouraging them to be dishonest, which is not good karma

if the person is very poor & cannot afford a ticket then the law will treat them lightly therefore you do not need to worry too much

it is certainly compassionate to not want to cause others suffering but we can also trust more in the Dhamma

as i said, if the person without a ticket is very poor then the Dhamma should look after them, after you report them

kind regards

Element

[MidwestMadman]

I tottaly agree with you that the mind suffers allot by not knowing your choice but im 21, i didnt grow up in a monastry and so how do i know that after declaring myself a lay monk so to speak that i dont find someone who encompasses my souls desires, desires that i believe no one can get rid of as there not there untill you meet the one. For example right now i do not desire anyything but tomorow a girl drop her keys while im walking behind her and i meet her eyes as i pass them back how can i tell my heart no.....i mean 21 is a young age to say i dont want to have a family, does this make sense.

hi again, Justen

without reading the whole thread, i noticed it is about emotion

in Buddhism there are two kinds of emotions:

(1) selfish (defiled) emotions, such as greed, hatred, delusion, jealousy, etc

(2) mature emotions, such as universal love & respect (loving-kindness), compassion, appreciation, equinimity, patience, generosity, trustworthiness, loyalty, etc

Buddha taught if two people wish to have a good marriage, they must develop mature emotions. in today's world, there are many temptations & pressures and two people without virtue may struggle in marriage

so, as a young man interested in Buddhism, you can set your heart on developing these mature emotions (that will serve you well for the rest of your life, whether you get married or not)

kind regards