[tinetttstation]

Please could anyone point me in the direction of anything that could assist me
in my quest to be more mindful when I am talking?

Rightly or wrongly I picked right speech as a starting point for my personal development. I've taken small steps towards this, but normally I only realise I have lost all sense of mindfulness after I have finished a conversation.

Does anyone have and personal experience of changing their communication style?

I know that I am heading in the right direction as I now have an awareness of the issue and I am attempting to work towards a solution. I don't wish to be silent, just more controlled and careful when I speak.

Thanks for any advice you may have!
Fee

[rorsvierwelia]

Hi Fee,

I have found that remembering to listen with full attention to the other person and saying a lot less myself can be helpful. Talking 'at' someone rather than 'to' them and ending up with verbal diarrohea doesn't give much benefit to others, or to myself !

with kind wishes,

Aloka

[sisimelanyk]

Hello Fee,

I experienced the same problem when i started practicing mindfulness. As you know our speech and actions are manifestations of our thoughts. It can be quite hard to be mindful of your thoughts (without trying to adjust them) and at the same time following the precepts by controling your speech and your actions.

Personally, what i try to do is to observe my mind without following it. I also try to pause for one or two seconds before i speak or act!! I believe that the more you become mindful/aware, the more you will be in control and wont get lost in dreaming for so long. Also right speech is somehow linked to right listening, so being mindful of what you listen to and the way your mind interpret it will help you achieve right speech.

Regards,
Bundokji

[dubGucKcolo]

Hello Fee,

Speech has been an issue for me too. Experience has made me reflect about this:

Most of the time, people wants be be heard... hear without giving advice or making judgements around can be relieving.

But when an advice is asked, it is better to make clear that is just our very personal opinion trying to make it as an open suggestion and not as an absolute statement. To reflect over the given opinion, can be helpful.

If it is about a needed discussion or a debate it is better not to make personal remarks as "you have said such and such" or "you are such and such". That only harms the aim of an insightful debate.

During a debate, it is always better to keep it focused in hard and tangible facts, than in people traits, believes or assumptions.

Maybe this can bring better results Fee...

[Ngwkgczx]

Maybe this can be of some help too:

The Buddha taught:

"In the same way, prince:

[1] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial (or: not connected with the goal), unendearing & disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

[2] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, unendearing & disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

[3] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, but unendearing & disagreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them.

[4] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, but endearing & agreeable to others, he does not say them.

[5] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, but endearing & agreeable to others, he does not say them.

[6] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, and endearing & agreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them. Why is that? Because the Tathagata has sympathy for living beings."

"Abhaya Sutta"

[ancexiaepidge]

I think developing awareness of one's body may also be helpful, especially one's hands.

So keeping one's hands grounded, such as together or on one's knees or lower thighs may help.

Kind regards

[GECEDEANY]

Not sure whether below is understandable.

When we think, we lose awareness.
When we have awareness, we do not think.
However, before we speak, we need to think. So, we have to lose awareness by doing this.
But if we do not think, we cannot speak. What should we do?

Someone tries to slow speaking and slow thinking so that his/her awareness is able to catch them on time. However, it is not the correct way. The correct way is that we practice our awareness to be faster so that our awareness will sufficliently fast to catch our thinking and speaking.

You will understand my comments by practice only. If your awareness (Sati) is sufficiently fast, you will be aware for each sentence you say, and you will be aware of each thinking for each sentence before you say.

[mtautomoscow]

Hi Fee

One way of improving awareness in speech starting with the phone. When the phone starts ringing, pause for a couple of seconds before answering. This helps to focus the mind and reduces reaction. Just as a suggestion



DD

[BritneySpearsFun@@@]

Hello

This is such a worthy practice. Recently I have made the odd snappy comment to my husband and I really regret it.

I do not have much practical advice for you. However I think it is always worth remembering that you don't have to speak. I find in our modern society there is such pressure to speak and to offer your opinion. Sometimes pride stops us from admitting we don't have the answer.

In these cases I think it's helpful to not be afraid to say 'I don't know' or 'I don't have an opinion on that'. When we use that we can avoid certain errors.

Hope you get on really well with your practice, let us know how its going.

[Q0KmoR8K]

I suppose I fall under the same realm as all the previous posters when I admit I've had difficulty with this as well. The easiest way for me was to simply quit talking, yes this might seem a little on the extreme end. However, what I discovered was how much easier it is to simply listen to others conversation, and once I'd listened to those conversations I realized how futile some of not many of them were. When I realized that, I realized how little I really "needed" to talk or add my opinion to them, furthermore it made it infinitely easier to practice right speech.

However I too still struggle with it, it's so easy to let yourself get caught up in speaking.

[JonDopl]

Thanks for all the great advice and tips. This is going to to take lots of practice and patience!

[BadbarmrapBef]

Fee, I go by the following when applying right speech..."does it improve on the silence?" (Though not so easy putting into practice, but that's what it's all about - practice!)

[Keyblctt]

Moonfeet, I love that sentiment! I really will remember to apply it in my daily life! Thank you...